Fools for Life
by The Cellar Dweller
Summary: Spuffy at the center and set right after Entropy this has Buffy, Spike, Anya, Halfrek/Cecily and the rest dealing with things. Lighter and Funnier than you'll think. FINISHED!
1. Bar Fly

When: This takes place right after "Entropy". You know the drill, Spike and Anya did it on the table and everyone saw it. (The nerd trio probably managed to taped it)  
  
Characters featured: Spike, Buffy, Halfrek, Anya, Clem, Willow, Tara, etc.  
  
Okay, after writing that "Chosen" story (and receiving the Season 6 DVD set) I decided to write a story around Spike that was a little more... well, fun and a little further back. I know some of you are now scratching your heads that I pick last quarter-season 6 of the timeline, and right after 'Entropy' no less, to do a more FUN story, but really, I mean it. As ever, do let me know what you think.  
  
Oh and before I forget: I own nothing, created none of these, getting no money, Joss is the man, etc etc. I tried to pretend once it was the other way around but no one believed me. Bugger.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
FOOLS FOR LIFE CHAPTER ONE: BAR FLY  
  
"Yeh, you heard me!"  
  
Willie's bar had fallen silent. All occupants stared at the same spot at the bar, where two figures stood facing each other like they had seen a western or two too many.  
  
"I said you look like yer mum had a thing for Gnarl demons! Maybe had a thing for those big noses eh?"  
  
The blond vampire grinned and swayed a little on his feet, like he was drunk. The tall, horned figure in front of him bristled, and breathed deep like a bull about to charge.  
  
"Are you insulting my progenitor, you leech? She who breathed life into my warrior's soul??"  
  
Spike pulled a face of mock astonishment and lay his hand on his chest.  
  
"Would I do that mate? Nnnooooh *HIC*. Wouldn't do that to yer dear ol'mum.  
  
Well...actually yeah I would of course, but only because didn't want to start about your WIFE!"  
  
"You have something amusing to say about my soul-other??"  
  
Spike shook his head like a little kid trying to deny he would ever take those cookies. He raised his finger and waved it sideways.  
  
"No mate. No. Wouldn't do that, she got problems enough as it is. Wouldn't kick a lady when she's down. An' yer wife neither." At this he started giggling and had to lean on the bar to prevent himself from falling over.  
  
The demon fumed. It's 'r's rolled like an engine when it spoke. "And, pray tell, leech.." The demon bend forward and glared into Spike's eyes. "..what exactly would those problems be??"  
  
Spike beckoned him closer like he was about to tell him a secret.  
  
"Well you see mate, I met her...and if the story of her honeymoon was even half true I'd say maybe she SHOULD go looking for some big-nosed Gnarls!!"  
  
Then he burst out laughing and practically fell over. The demon in front him bared his teeth and some actual smoke came from his nostrils as he started to advance on Spike.  
  
"O'course, I offered my services immediately, hehe, but I think I'll leave that to the Gnarls next time cuz she was hardly worth-"  
  
The demon's fist flew and hit him straight in his face. Spike got launched through the air and landed on a table, shattering it.  
  
"YOU WILL DIE, LEECH!! AND YOUR HEAD WILL ORNAMENT MY WALL!" the demon thundered.  
  
The other occupants of the bar had spread out and were watching with the usual variety of responses. Some made bets, some looked fearful that the fight might spread and include them, some looked hopeful there may be something dead to eat afterward, and there were the usual shouts of encouragement. Most not in favor of Spike.  
  
"GET HIM!" "GET THAT TRAITOR!" "KILL THE SLAYER'S FLUNKY!"  
  
At one table at least though, someone wasn't shouting. He was leaning on his flabby-skinned elbow and sadly shook his head with a sigh. "Spike, Spike..." He scratched behind on of his long, hanging ears with his other hand. "What are you doing pal? Trying to get yourself killed?" Clem shook his head again and wished they had just hung out at Spike's crypt as he suggested, and watched the Gilmore Girls season finale.  
  
Spike in the meantime had gotten to his feet. He staggered, wiped some blood off that was running down his nose and laughed. "THAT's the spirit, horn-face!" The demon in front of him roared and charged him. Spike sidestepped and tripped the demons leg with his foot while striking him hard against the back of the head. The demon crashed into the wall head- first and in the background you could tell by the shouts that the betting odds on the outcome had changed on the spot.  
  
As the demon turned with a growl and Spike braced himself for the coming attack, no one noticed a woman entering the bar. She was dark haired, pretty and very well dressed. She looked self assured and her entire appearance just oozed upper class. The high heels of her expensive-looking boots clicked on the floor as she walked past the crowd that circled the fight. You could barely tell she even noticed it if you didn't pay attention. But it was clear that from the corner of her eyes she picked up every detail of the violent proceedings.  
  
She sat down at Clem's table who cringed at the sight of the demon tossing Spike against a wall where he left a deep impression. The woman turned to Willie who stood close to their table and was biting on a washcloth with a pained expression every time the furniture got smashed. "Excuse me, could I have some Bourbon please?"  
  
"W-what?" Willie stammered.  
  
"Bourbon, no ice." She looked at him with a raised eye brow. "You do have bourbon I take it?"  
  
"Uh, yes, but..."  
  
"And this establishment is a bar? True, I'm certain it's picture can be found in the dictionary next to the term 'rat-infested watering hole' but I assume you still manage to serve drinks?" Her look made Willie feel like something she scratched of the sole of her boot, but he managed to process her request. He could tell that, like most of his clientele, she was more than she appeared to be. And in his experience, it was the ones that looked the most normal that you had to be the most careful with.  
  
"Bourbon.r-right."  
  
She turned to Clem who had been watching with some surprise from the moment she spoke to Willie. With the friendly tone of a Tupperware party hostess she asked "Would you like something?"  
  
"Uhm, no...no thanks."  
  
She turned back to Willie. "Alrighty. One bourbon, no ice. I'd request a brand but you probably wouldn't know it. Just get me something that looks expensive to you."  
  
As Willie nodded and turned to the bar, he flinched as the sound of Spike crashing a table on the demon's head reached him. The woman turned back to Clem who was eyeing her suspiciously. She smiled sweetly at him.  
  
"Well, hello there. I hope you don't mind if I sit here? I just wondered if we could have a little chat."  
  
Clem's eyes narrowed and he breathed deeply through his nose a couple of times. "You're a vengeance demon." he said. "What do you want with me? I don't want revenge on anyone. Unless this is about Raknor who cheated me out of 6 tabbies, but I really don't want to give him boils or anything." He scratched behind his head and looked uncomfortable "I uh, I was kinda cheating too to be honest and I hear he had some really bad indigestion from the flee collars anyway. He always is too hasty when he eats, and he doesn't chew properly.."  
  
"Ah, ahem, no, no, dear, this isn't about that. But impressive how you spotted me. My name is Halfrek and I actually prefer Justice Demon by the way. Many people get that wrong. You can call me Hallie. You know, I thought my nature was better hidden than that. You've got a good, uhm..nose I guess."  
  
Clem grinned in a shy 'aw-shucks' way. "Oh, it runs in the family. My dad could smell a Siamese from three blocks down. Five if it was in hea-"  
  
"Yes! Uhm, yes I'm sure he could. But what I wanted to ask you about is.." She looked at the fight again. The demon had Spike in a bear hold, squeezing his rib cage, and Spike slammed down his hands on both sides of the demon's head. His palms smacking down on the openings of the demon's pointy ears at the same time, nearly rupturing his eardrums. The demon howled and dropped him.  
  
"...is that feisty gentleman over there. You are his friend, aren't you?"  
  
Willie brought the requested Bourbon, smiled nervously and left quickly. That woman just unnerved him more than his horned and slimy regulars.  
  
"Spike?" Clem looked at the fight. "Yeah we're buds, we hang out. We met at poker games. He's a decent fella, especially for a vampire. They can be a bit nasty sometimes."  
  
She sipped her bourbon and looked at Spike just as he kicked the demon between its legs and it doubled over. "Indeed. He seems in a rather bad mood tonight though."  
  
Clem sighed. "Yes, something happened tonight.." Then he looked at her suspiciously again. "Heey, wait a minute, is someone trying to get you to hurt Spike? Because I know a lot of people don't like him, but if that's why you're here you can just...."  
  
"Oh, please!" She waved her hand in an dismissing manner. "As if I would ever lower myself to settle scores between brawling, drunken lowlifes like these." She glanced at Clem. "Uhm, present company excepted of course. You are obviously a...gentleman." Clem modestly smiled and nodded like there is no denying simple truths.  
  
She continued. "No, I am a friend of one of Spike's..friends. And actually he and I go back as well. Way back...." She looked at a spot in the distance for a second, then snapped out of it and smiled her smile again. "And I was just wondering if I could help anybody out, so to speak. Now, something happened tonight, you say? To put him in this awful mood?"  
  
She gestured at the fight where Spike and the demon were now just slugging it out blow for blow.  
  
Clem looked at her for a second more with suspicion in his eyes. Then he saw Spike take a good one to the chin and sighed again. "Yeah, something bad happened tonight, and he's been picking fights everywhere. But ever since he fell in love with the Slayer things have been kind of messy for him."  
  
Halfrek smiled elegantly and tapped her glass with her long, dark red nails. "I can imagine. A vampire and a Slayer. There's something you don't see everyday."  
  
"No, you don't." Clem replied shaking his head. "And I keep telling him, it's a bad idea, but he'll just look sad and say he knows. He's just such an emotional guy, you know?"  
  
"Yes." Halfrek said softly as she sipped her bourbon again. "I know."  
  
Spike flew back into the crowd. He landed on some hairy demons and they tumbled to the ground in a cluttering mess. "Get the traitor!" one of them shouted as they stumbled to his feet. Spike growled, turned and broke the demon's jaw with one fast punch. Then a group of spectators that wanted to collect on their bets pushed him back towards his opponent again.  
  
The demon was bruised, bleeding and panting, but still pretty much as large and fearsome as before. Spike was pretty much in the same state, just a few feet shorter. "Come on then, ya wanker. Tha' the best you got? Even yer missus packed more punch in the sack." And swaying on his feet he beckoned the demon to charge him again. He wasn't disappointed. The demon roared and swung at him. Spike dodged and slugged him in the stomach. The demon doubled over and Spike followed through with a hard downward punch to his face. The demon lost his footing and went down. Spike grabbed his horns and started smashing his face into the ground.  
  
"Yeah that's what I said. Yer old lady! Who needed SERVICING! Cuz' that's what Spike's good for don't you know?? Servicing the LADIES! And after he's done that he can bloody well SOD OFF!"  
  
Spike smashed the demons head downward again and again, until he caught a glimpse of Clem at his table. And he saw the woman sitting next to him. Wasn't that...?  
  
For a moment he froze and lost his grip on the demon's horns. It spat blood and with a fast twist of it's body it lashed out with it's tail. Spike got swept off his feet. And crashed into a fallen chair behind him.  
  
The demon got to it's feet, still spitting blood. "I WILL *COUGH* F-FEAST ON YOUR ENTRAILS, LEECH!"  
  
Spike, still on the ground tried to get his wits back while cursing to himself. "Bloody women!" The demon grabbed his coat and yanked him up. "By my honor, you bloodsucking vermin!" He started smashing his fist into Spike's face as he spoke. "I will offer my mate your manhood!!" Spike just hung there and took it. "I will show you what it means to insult the honor of the soul-other of Vraak I'Lek of the Shybarii!" "Y-you know mate," Spike spoke through a bloodied mouth. "Ya got two problems."  
  
"Indeed?" The demon grinned as he pulled Spike closer. "First my mate, and now me. Enlighten me leech. What amusing observations have you left in you before I rip out your heart?"  
  
"Well now," Spike grinned. "First, you talk too much."  
  
Faster than anyone could see, Spike's right arm shot up and smashed a bottle in the demons face. He had gripped it on the floor just as the demon had pulled him up. The demon roared at the glass shards tearing his skin and released Spike as he gripped his bleeding face. Spike quickly grabbed a wooden beam off the ground that had fallen down from the ceiling during the fight. It was about 6 feet in length, as thick as his leg and he swung it with all his strength into the staggering figure's face. Vraak I'Lek flew back into the bar, smashing two barstools and practically broke the bar itself in half as he landed. And while Willie's shouts of anguish echoed in the background it slowly tried to get up.  
  
It's claws scraped the ground to find footing, then its head swayed and he fell back, unconscious in a puddle of alcohol, blood and wooden debris. A silence fell over the bar.  
  
Spike managed to stay on his feet. He adjusted his coat with a drunken shrug-like gesture that was all attitude and smiled.  
  
"And yer second problem is you're whipped" He laughed at his own joke.  
  
"Don't mind the ladies so much mate. That way you end up buggered. Believe me, I know what I'm ta-"  
  
Then a hand on his shoulder turned him around, and before he could see who it was, he got hit in the face so hard he crossed half the room by air before landing close to where Clem and Halfrek were sitting. Disoriented he looked up and he caught a glimpse of Halfrek looking at him. She smiled and raised her glass as if to say hello. His head swirled and he looked round and up to see who it was that had attacked him.  
  
He saw a demon, almost looking exactly the same as Vraak. Except it was easily 4 feet taller and about 300 pounds heavier. It grinned when it spoke.  
  
"You have hurt my soul-other, leech!" Spike raised his eyebrows when he heard the voice. "And in spite of your earlier claims I don't believe I've had the pleasure."  
  
The demon cracked it's knuckles as it slowly walked towards him. It's voice was unmistakably ....female.  
  
"Now, leech I believe you said something about being whipped?"  
  
Spike's head fell back against the wall.  
  
"Oh bollocks..." he muttered.  
  
END OF PART ONE 


	2. Morning Regrets

FOOLS FOR LIFE  
  
CHAPTER 2: MORNING REGRETS  
  
"Wzznhppenglmf?"  
  
This had been the most coherent word out of Spike's mouth since they had arrived back at his crypt. He was lying on his bed looking not unlike a bruised pear that kids had kicked around the playground a little too much. Or Wile E. Coyote at the end of the cartoon, Clem thought. He envisioned Spike walking off a cliff, and not noticing until a few steps later, and then looking down and holding up a sign that said, 'bye bye' before he fell in to the ravine.that was kinda funny. Which reminded him to check if Spike's TV had Cartoon Network here.  
  
"Blahbrmgfingnotsotuff.."  
  
Clem shook out of his thoughts and brought Spike a cup of warm blood. He had put it in the microwave and was still wondering how his friend had managed to get electricity into the crypt. Comfy little place this had become, even though he'd said he had to redecorate after some explosion a few weeks ago.  
  
"Here ya go pal, this will make you feel better."  
  
"Wzzut?" Spike tried to look up but his eyes were pretty swollen. As was his mouth, which didn't help with the speech coherency. "Clm? Zzatyoo?"  
  
"Yeah, pal it's me. We managed to drag you back here. Gonna take a day or two to heal from this one I think. So the more blood, the faster that'll go. Man, you're looking..." Spike raised one eyebrow and looked at him through what little space he had between his eyelids.  
  
"Uhm, you look fine, really. Just a little...ruffled. Yeah, ruffled's good. Here, drink up now."  
  
Spike tried to sit up and took a few sips. "Pffff...whuhappend ?" he asked. "I rmember fighting."  
  
"Yeah, and quite a lot of it too. You remember the Shybarii demon you beat?" Spike searched for a moment, then nodded. Clem patted him on the shoulder. "Well, his wife was there too."  
  
Spike grimaced at the word then looked up again. "D' I win?" he asked sincerely. Then looked at himself lying on the bed and already figured the answer.  
  
"Uhm....not so much." Clem said. Spike looked gave a low growl and sipped some more blood.  
  
"But you uh, lasted a while. Really, it took at least 5 minutes of bouncing you off the walls before she was satisfie-" Spike glared at Clem before he could finish that particular word. Clem stopped and tried to smile.  
  
"Oh pal, don't take it so hard. You won your earlier fights. And you know the female Shybarii are even bigger and badder than the males."  
  
Spike grunted into his cup. "Yeah..sure 'nuff. If Spike gets trounced good an' proper it'll be a woman doin' the trouncin'. Story of my bloody life."  
  
Clem frowned. "Oh come on now, there you go again, getting all bummed. I still say it wasn't that awful a thing what happened earlier tonight. Buffy DID tell you to move on. So maybe this Anya is not the most perfect choice being the Slayer's friend....and ex fiancée to the Slayer's OTHER friend...and then there was that camera thing, who'd have figured that one, which gave everyone a front row seat...and...."  
  
Spike looked up at him. "Is the cheerful bit still comin' then?"  
  
"All I'm saying is, looking at another girl could be a good idea. And ok, you did a little more than looking, but you know, you were both on the rebound. First step to moving on they say: rebound-sex." He nodded seriously.  
  
Spike laughed wryly. "Movin' on...not movin' anywhere. Still right where I've been for a while now..on the ground, holding on to her ankle, getting dragged across the ground as she just strides on and barely knows I'm there. And the happiest moments in my p'thetic life are when she momentarily looks down and says 'oh there's something stuck to my boot, how bloody quaint'!"  
  
Clem scratched his head as he didn't think he'd heard the Slayer use the word 'bloody' all that often but decided not to say anything.  
  
"Oh you just drink that blood and have a good rest, and things will look better tomorrow. I'm just glad we got you out of there. I thought that Shybarii was going to kill you, or that, after she was done, some of the other demons maybe would. Fortunately there were those who felt they won their bets because you'd beaten her husband, and there were those who felt the fight with his wife should be included, in which case you lost and THEY won their bet....well, long story short everyone started hitting each other and in the confusion we managed to drag you out and get you back here. Well, you just have a yourself good rest. I gotta go, catch ya later pal."  
  
Spike nodded. "Well thanks for that mate, an'....wait, did you say 'we'?"  
  
"Oh, sorry, I thought you'd remember. Me and that friend of yours, Halfrek. The Vengeance demon."  
  
Spike's mouth fell open. "Whu...."  
  
"Yeah we talked a lot about you. She's pretty nice. And she was pretty interested in it all. Maybe you should consider dating HER eh?" Clem winked and chuckled as he walked out the door.  
  
Spike stared at the wall with his mouth open for half a minute before snapping out of it.  
  
"Bloody hell. I'm cursed. That's it, I'm just soddin' cursed."  
  
** **  
  
Anya didn't even hear the bell as the door to the Magic Shop opened. She was doing inventory and had gotten more and more annoyed at how little pleasure it brought her. If her financial success with the shop didn't lift her spirits, what was left? Sex? Almost funny, she thought.  
  
"Anyanka?"  
  
Anya put the books and the jar of toad livers down as she recognized the voice. She walked to the counter where Halfrek was smiling broadly at her.  
  
"Hi Hallie." she said with little enthusiasm. She didn't exactly have any successful vengeance stories for her coworker.  
  
"You naughty, naughty girl!" Halfrek said as she gave Anya's shoulder a little nudge. "It certainly WAS my cue to leave yesterday wasn't it? Niece work! Granted, this was not exactly according to the book, and there were no entrails involved, but as vengeance goes, you certainly still know to be creative!"  
  
"What?" Anya tried to look confused although she already got what Halfrek was referring to.  
  
"Oh now don't play coy with me. I'm talking about a certain activity with a certain blond vampiric gentleman last night? I didn't know you planned to 'use' him THAT way." Halfrek raised her eyebrows and grinned. "And to arrange for your ex-lover to see it...I have to tell you I'm a little in awe of you again. I see I'm going to have to work hard to keep up with you, if I want D'Hoffryn to even notice me."  
  
Anya was flustered. "How did you..?"  
  
"Oh, I had a little chat with one of said vampiric gentleman's friends. I know all about it. Veeery creative."  
  
Anya hesitated. "Yes well....I thought it would be....and with the camera..." Then she shook her head. "Owww, no stop it! It was just spur of the moment! I didn't even know that stupid camera was there! And if I find those nerds who put it in that skull, I'm going to shove it up their geeky little butts!"  
  
"You didn't know? Well, nice bonus then. Saved you the trouble of having Xander find out. Unless it ruined the moment you wanted to tell him yourself."  
  
Anya sank onto the counter, leaning on her elbows. "Ahh it's just a big mess. I hurt Xander enormously, and after our confrontation I didn't feel any better at all."  
  
Halfrek cleared her throat. "Well I'm assuming last night had you feeling a LITTLE better, hmmm?"  
  
Anya looked at her. "What? Oh, you mean the sex with Spike. Well, it had it's...charm. I mean, he was pretty virile. And he did that manly thing where he wipes everything off the table before placing you on it, which really kind of worked for him. And did you know he smells really good?"  
  
Halfrek shrugged in a non-committal way as she smiled and played with one of her curls.  
  
Then Anya shook her head. "But, but afterwards nothing was better or changed, and then Xander came and we argued and I was so mad and he was so hurt and now I STILL don't feel better! I even stopped Spike from ." She stopped.  
  
"Yes?" Halfrek asked, curious.  
  
"Nothing, nothing. Everything's just a big mess. I still feel awful and I can't even imagine the amounts of cash I need to earn to make me feel better. And making big amounts of cash takes time! One of the few faults of capitalism!" She dropped her head in to her folded arms. Halfrek petted her on the head and smiled a knowing smile.  
  
"There, there dear, don't worry. After all, you never know what the future might bring."  
  
END OF PART TWO  
  
TBC  
  
R&R me up. Let's R&R. 


	3. Late Night Talks

FOOLS FOR LIFE  
  
CHAPTER 3: LATE NIGHT TALKS  
  
"Guys, I'm home" Buffy said as she walked in the door and crashed on the couch. No answer. Great, everyone gone to bed already? No one here to listen to her tale of victory? No one worried about her?  
  
"That's what you get when your arch-nemesisses-ese-is, whatever, are a bunch of nerds." she mumbled to herself. Still, Warren had given her a run for her money, with his magically-induced strength. And she did owe Jonathon for the tip to smash his balls. She chuckled to herself and tried to list in how many ways you could make jokes about that one.  
  
Ah well, things went well. All three members of the geek-squad were in custody. They'd almost escaped, with *rocket packs* no less. Lame? No thanks, got plenty already. Fortunately, Warren's had gotten damaged during their fight. The look on his face as he gave his exit line and expected to fly had been more than worth the bruises he managed to give her during the fight. Of course that other guy...what's his name, had topped that by flying straight into that overhanging roof. Jonathon didn't seem to have a rocket pack. And he seemed surprised the others did.  
  
"Looks like they were dumping you, pal," she said to no one in particular. Dissention in the ranks, fits with him tipping her off to Warren's weakness. Maybe hope for the little gnome yet.  
  
Under different circumstances, she might have felt more sorry for him, but after everything they put her through the past few months, after their little voyeur-trip on her, with cameras placed in every aspect of her life....  
  
Cameras. Her face dropped and her hand tightened on the couch's armrest. Her mind had nowhere to go but to the moment she saw Spike on top of Anya. The first split second, before the rational brain took over, all she felt was...wrong. And not her this time. Him. And Anya. Wrong, together, on top of each other. What was he doing on top of HER, he wasn't supposed to do that! She knew what Anya was feeling, the smell of him, his touch, his lips, his hunger and strength. She had felt it a lot in the not so recent past, and in spite of all the lists of reasons why she would never again, and why it had never been a good idea in the first place, for anyone.....it had felt good. So good.  
  
And after all her speeches to Spike about moving on with his life, forgetting about his feelings for her, her first impulse when she saw him with her, was to yell at the computer screen, "You're only supposed to want ME!"  
  
God, what a hypocrite she was. He should move on, but only if that meant he would pine for her for all eternity. There's a good little boy. But then again after all his speeches and declarations of eternal devotion, he had managed to jump Anya's bones pretty quickly.  
  
"Owww I'm so messed up." She yawned, stretched and got up to go to the kitchen. As she opened the fridge, she glanced at the kitchen counter from the corner of her eyes. She remembered him rubbing up to her there. She said 'no', and 'stop', as she did often. She didn't THINK 'no' or 'stop', which was about just as often. It was probably there that he felt his lighter in her pocket. And then later, when he pulled it out, showing her big attitude up for what it was....ouchie, not her proudest moment.  
  
She sighed and poured herself a soda. Rationally she understood what had happened between him and Anya. They were both hurting, both rejected by their loves, both ex-evils, sort of, both trying to make their way around the Scooby circle, neither being the greatest fits for it, you could imagine.  
  
And they had both been plastered, presumably on Giles' scotch. She knew that. They had both been reeking of booze. And she knew her own affair with Spike had been wrong, and breaking it off was the first right thing she had done in a while, but....  
  
But he wasn't supposed to do that to Anya. Only to her. To touch her...and do those things...  
  
"Buffy, hey, you're home!"  
  
Willow's voice startled Buffy out of her stream of thoughts and as she turned she managed to pour a splash of soda over the counter.  
  
"Oww! Darn! Willow, hi, yeah I'm home. That's me. All home. Homey Buffy!"  
  
She cleared her throat and grabbed some paper towels, reminding herself there had been nothing to SEE of what she was thinking so intensely about.  
  
She started to wipe the counter. "I uh, thought you guys had turned in."  
  
She looked at Willow, who was wearing a big jammie shirt, no pants and only one sock. She ran her hand through her tussled hair and smiled sheepishly.  
  
"Uh, no. I mean, yes. I mean Tara and I were doing some more research....and uhm...."  
  
Buffy lifted one eyebrow and grinned. "About what, the touchy-feely needs of reconciled Wiccas??"  
  
Willow blushed, looked at her toes and mumbled: "No, levitation actually..... But ANYway...." She grabbed the Sprite bottle and tried to pull a more dignified and serious face while she poured herself a glass ". ..how did it go with the geek-trio?"  
  
Buffy smiled and tossed the paper towels in the trash. "Just peachy! Let's go into the living room and I'll tell you all about how I beat Warren by crushing his balls on the concrete."  
  
Willow's eyes grew big and Buffy had to laugh out loud. She put her arm around her friend's shoulder as they left the kitchen. "Come on Will, and brace yourself. I got a million of them!"  
  
** **  
  
"I mean, it's just not fair! How can he do this to me?"  
  
The girl in the Bronze had been bewailing her fate like that for quite a while now. And unfortunately for bystanders with short attention spans, there was little variety in her choice of words. After about the twelfth time the bartender had tried to kindly answer that very same question on the fairness of things, in the typically non-committal way that bartenders use all over the world, he had actually given up.  
  
She was pretty, and never is there a better time for a bar-wise Don Juan to try and woo a girl than when she needs comforting and feels there's no one to do it. However, the thought of meaningless, no-strings-attached sex got less and less attractive as he listened to her repeat her lament over and over.  
  
So he had helped the few other customers that were there in between her tirades and slowly managed to work himself out of here area altogether. Had she noticed it would have made her undoubtedly even more depressed, but she had been too caught up in herself for that.  
  
Also there was the dark haired lady who had sat down next to her and taken over from the bartender as available shoulder and listening ear.  
  
"I know dear, I know it isn't." she said. A lot.  
  
"I mean he cut me off. He cancelled my credit cards! What am I going to do? Find a job? And do what? Wait tables? I can't work in a place like this, I can't!"  
  
In the background you could hear the rather insulted bartender mumble: "And on behalf of all the places 'like this' a big thank-you goes to..."  
  
The girl never heard it and just went on. "And all because I want to follow MY dream instead of his! It's my life isn't it?" Looking for confirmation she turned to the woman next to her.  
  
"Of course it is, dear. And yours to live like you want to. He's just another control freak. I've seen it a million times: they're just trying to live their own failed dreams through their children."  
  
The girl sipped her drink and her eyebrows went up as she heard these words. She swallowed quickly to voice her agreement. "Exactly! Exactly. Just because HE never went to medical school and became a doctor, doesn't mean I should! My dream matters!"  
  
"Of course it does dear, and er....what is your dream exactly?"  
  
The girl's eyes turned upward and went dreamy. "I'm going to be a ventriloquist!"  
  
For the first time the dark haired woman's knowing smile disappeared. "Ah. Of course...."  
  
"Yes, it's almost always men, but why couldn't a woman do it? Huh? I could have my own TV show...I can see it now." Then her face turned to a mask of tears again. "And I just asked him to finance it, and he wouldn't, just like the time when I wanted to start my own girl band, or-or publish my own magazine. He's just so cruel and uncaring!"  
  
The woman had just started some intense rubbing of her temples but at those last words, her eyes brightened up,. "Ah yes, he is, and don't you wish that..."  
  
"My own father!" The girl finished her last glass and started wailing again, interrupting yet another attempt to get the wish-making started.  
  
Halfrek sighed and signaled the barkeep for another round. This was going to be a long one.  
  
It was such an effort to keep her game up, she never noticed that from a dark corner of the club, two cold-blue, undead eyes had been watching her intently for a while now.  
  
** **  
  
TBC  
  
R&R me ;-) 


	4. Remembrance

FOOLS FOR LIFE  
  
CHAPTER 4: REMEMBRANCE  
  
** **  
  
He knew it was only a matter of time.  
  
He just hit the bars and the clubs. The Bronze especially. Late teens and early twenties. The crowd with all the drama and heartache, irresistible for a vengeance demon. She was in town, she was hanging around. She'd pop up sooner or later, trying to get some poor gits to curse their lovers with eternal crotch-itch or something.  
  
Or, in her case, not lovers so much as mistreated children, or so Anya had said. Halfrek had a thing for children-parents revenge. And Buffy's birthday party had proven that pretty effectively with the niblet's little wish-come-true.  
  
Spike shifted in his seat in the dark little corner he was occupying. The birthday party. Dawn had made her wish of wanting no one to leave her, and everyone was stuck at the Summers' residence. He had wondered later if they would have died from hunger, or if they magically would just live forever, eternally hanging out in Buffy's house, playing card games, bickering, fighting and...most likely in some cases, shagging. Eventually. One would hope.  
  
He snickered to himself, without much humor. One track mind, that's him. Especially where the Slayer was concerned. But it wasn't her that had brought him to the Bronze tonight.  
  
Halfrek had. Hallie to her friends. Vengeance demon. Oopsie, justice demon...'FYI'.  
  
None of those names and terms were what came to his mind when he saw her face. It has been a hundred years, give or take. Several lifetimes. He hadn't even recognized her when she had appeared at Buffy's party when Anya called her out. Some ex-coworker in the vengeance business. They all look alike with those faces, like they're flayed. Yuck, not his taste. But there had been something familiar about her voice, and manner. And then she had looked at him and there was recognition in her eyes. And then she said his name. His old name. "William??"  
  
And that did it. That voice saying that name. There was no mistaking it. Some things don't leave you, ever. This was one. 'William'.....His name. And he knew hers. 'Halfrek' meant nothing to him. He knew who she was....  
  
Cecily. There, say it out loud. Or think it out loud, at least, he corrected himself. It's been a century, but the memories were clear as day. He didn't think of the past much. Hadn't been since he became a vamp, he'd learned to live for the moment, one day at a time. Look ahead, if anywhere, not back.  
  
Which had been easy in the little 'family' he had entered into. Angelus and Darla certainly were not the types to dwell on things. And Dru...ah Dru, was off in her own universe.  
  
But another element had been that he didn't want to look back. He hated remembering "William". The idea that he'd ever been that weak sniveling twit. And not because he'd been spouting poetry all the time, or that he had sucked at writing it and knew it. No it was because of the groveling, the desperate desire to be accepted and admired and loved by people he would later barely consider worth being his dinner!  
  
Whatever had happened since, Dru had set him free. Being a vampire had released things in him. And given him options. Instead of dreaming about traveling and adventures, he went out and actually lived it all out. Instead of pining for what he wanted, he simply took it!  
  
Funny thing was, in a way, it was also thanks to Cecily that it had happened. In spite of himself, he could remember it so clearly. They'd read his poetry aloud at that party and laughed at him.  
  
It annoyed him to notice that after all this time, it still pissed him off. He knew he'd been crap at it but still. So what if "effulgent" wasn't a word?? Never heard of artistic license? Poncy bastards!  
  
They had laughed at him in front of her. Laughed at his pathetic attempts at wooing-from a distance, laughed at his transparency. They knew his poems were about her. She knew too. But she wanted to know for sure. So she had asked. "They're...they're not about me, are they??" His heart had skipped a beat. Such fear of this confrontation, but much worse, such happiness at it too. Not even noticing that whatever answers he wanted, they were right there in her face and voice, even when she had asked her question.  
  
"They're about how I feel," he had tried to dodge things with. Hoping she would 'get' it anyway and declare her undying love without him having to say it first. "Yes, but are they about ME?" No dodging left. He knew it, and he had felt a sudden surge of courage as he bit the bullet: "Every syllable."  
  
"Oh God!!" she'd said and turned away in disgust. And STILL he wouldn't see it. He DID see it on some level but he still didn't want to. "I know, it's sudden...please, if they're no good, they're only words. But the feeling behind them....I love you Cecily." She turned her head around looking no less than horrified. "Please stop!"  
  
But the lovesick fool wouldn't get it until the very last ounce of his hope was ground to dust. And she wouldn't disappoint in that regard. He'd scraped his last bit of dignity and courage and said: "I'm a bad poet, but I'm a good man." Which was the most truthful line he had ever spoken to her. He didn't even know he was going to say it until it came out of his mouth. "All I ask is that you try to see me...."  
  
And there it came. The look in her eyes unmistakable, even for his rose- colored delusions. "I DO see you. That's the problem." She paused a moment as if to be sure he got it. "You're nothing to me William." She rose to her feet, looking down on him. How fitting for what she was about to say. "You're beneath me."  
  
'Beneath me'...how such simple words can render a man to absolute nothingness. His world had shattered. All his hopes and dreams had been projected onto her and he was a bloody mess. Women. Maybe with the next guy she'd been kinder and chopped his head straight off on the spot.  
  
But then, had she never said it, he would never have left the party, in tears. Ripping up his useless, worthless poems. Never would have run into Drusila, who looked in his heart and saw a passionate powerful warrior. And drew him out. Like she drew out the word....'effulgent'. She'd gotten it. She was scary and strange and as it turned out, a vampire, and...well, insane, but she'd gotten it. Had gotten him.  
  
Life is so strange.  
  
He had actually wanted to go and visit Cecily as the 'new' him. He didn't even know what he planned to do...to just kill her or turn her or take her and dump her on her father's doorstep, dishonored for ever...or what. And he would never know.  
  
She and her father had left for a trip to France 2 days after he'd last seen her. By that time Angelus and Darla had decided to move on. And he had moved on with them, moved on in many ways. On to his new and exciting life. He had never seen her again, and Dru had quickly taken her place in his now un-beating heart.  
  
And now, all these years later, he just runs into her. Or she into him. Didn't matter. He took a gulp from his drink and watched her try and coax some whiney girl into making a wish. He wondered what she wanted from him. Their run-in had been accidental. She'd recognized him, which made him recognize her. Then they both sort of swept it under the carpet. Yet he couldn't help but remember she had sort of adjusted her hair, the way women do, just after she had realized who he was. Such a strange thing to see after all this time.  
  
It was like there'd been a silent pact not to dig up the past. He'd seen her around Anya, like right before..that night, in the Magic Shop. And they'd just sort of acknowledged each other. It was stranger though to see her human face. In such modern dress and clothes. He could only imagine what it was like for her to see him as he was today. Not much left of William here, luv.  
  
She'd waved goodbye to him as she left the Magic Shop, in that 'trendy- girl' way. Like they were of the same 'social circle'. Huh, guess some things do change then. He couldn't help but glance at her as she walked out. But they could let things lie. They could pretend they didn't know each other.  
  
But now she had sought him out. Or at least circled him. Questioning Clem about him, helping to drag him home.  
  
He had to know why. Was she gunning for him? Some enemy wanted revenge? Was she just playing with him? Just curious? Her earlier stint at Buffy's had proved her to be a potential danger to the Buffy clan too, which was reason enough to check things out. Plus, he was at least slightly curious how she'd become a vengeance demon. He was pretty certain she hadn't been one when they'd known each other when he was still human. Or could it be...had she broken his heart on a vengeance scheme? Doubtful, usually not how it works and her family had been real and well known.  
  
He ordered another drink and leaned back in his seat. He looked at her face and remembered worshipping it. He didn't feel it, but he remembered it. Sorry pet, that ship has sailed, sunk and rotted away at the bottom of the ocean. Different 'William the Bloody' we're talking about here. Not some mopey, pining, lovesick dope.  
  
It was actually a welcome distraction, after months of having nothing but Buffy and all the related aches and desires on his mind....  
  
He paused in his thoughts as the realization hit him.  
  
"Damn." He looked at Halfrek again. "Well this lovesick dope's not moping or pining over YOU anymore at least then." he grumbled and finished his drink in one gulp.  
  
** **  
  
In the graveyard, Buffy patrolled as usual. Checking for fresh graves. Dusting the odd vamp. Scaring off demonic looking types that were hanging around with booze bottles. Well the ones that look like pathetic whinos are not that slayable. It'd feel like picking on bag ladies or something.  
  
She had learned a while ago that not necessarily everything with horns or a tail...or horns AND a tail, needed killing on sight. Some demons were not that different from people in how they lived. Their appearances were, and usually their diet. But unless they ate people it wasn't always necessary to butcher them all on the spot. Still she would often let them know she was around, and vigilant. Just in case.  
  
And there were plenty of demons that didn't eat people. Some for instance..  
  
"Hi Buffy."  
  
She turned around and there was a very good example. "Hi Clem." she said, smiling. There was something about Clem. She had been kind of shocked when Spike took him along to her birthday party, but it was clear pretty soon he was such a sweet polite doofus. About as threatening as a puppy. A..hairless, kind of really ugly puppy, but all the same... Of course his tendency to eat kittens was less than appealing but it was actually cute how he tried to hide it from her. She'd run into him sometimes while patrolling and he made her feel like she was a school teacher who needed to remind Timmy he shouldn't chew gum. That was certainly how he looked at her sometimes, like she was going to scold him for a naughty habit.  
  
"How's it going? With the....slaying and all."  
  
"Oh, same old, same old. You out for a stroll?" She thought of asking him if he was scrounging for kittens but teasing Clem felt worse somehow than picking on a bag lady.  
  
"Actually, I just went out for some Doritos. They're showing a full Buck Rogers season tonight on the Sci Fi channel. I'm gonna watch it at Spike's. He has a great reception in that crypt. I'll never know how he managed to get that cable hook up, but it's better than that old antenna." Clem's face suddenly changed as he realized the topic of Spike was perhaps not the best one to touch upon right now.  
  
Buffy saw it and forced a smile. Clem stuttered: "Uh, I mean, not at Spike's. Did I say Spike's? I meant Tike's. Yeah, Tike's a ..demon..he.."  
  
Buffy raised her eyebrows and folded her arms. "A tiny cartoon bulldog- demon?? His dad beats up this blue cat a lot?"  
  
"Oww I'm terrible at this. It's just...I know what happened a few nights ago, and I know you and Spike have been having...issues, and it's not my place, so forget I said anything, and I'm not even here."  
  
"It's..okay Clem. No harm done. Spike and I..we had a...well, a thing, yes. But it's over. It was a bit of a shake up in my little circle of loved ones to see him and Anya, but, really, no biggie..."  
  
Clem gave her a look. Buffy stopped talking.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nothing, nothing, it's just...not my place and all, it's just....well, don't kill me or something but you seem to be trying a little hard to be all..cool about it and stuff. I mean you and Spike had a thing, you say so yourself, and well, you just don't strike me as a girl who can have a 'thing' with a guy and then be so totally fine with seeing him...well...with ...you know."  
  
Clem looked uncertain, and scratched behind his ear. Buffy, looked at him, searching for a proper answer. She didn't know Clem that well and she had no wish to discuss such private and rather embarrassing things with him. But it was kind of hard now, with the guy knowing so much, looking at her all honest and earnest and with the easy casual-acquaintance way they had rolled into their conversation.  
  
She sighed and sat down on a tombstone with a tired deflating movement.  
  
"You're right, it was...weird to see that. And it did..affect me. It's just a mess Clem. Spike and me, it was a mistake. I thought I had wrapped it up by ending it, but things still find ways to get messier and messier..."  
  
Clem nodded, his face all sympathy and skin folds. Buffy looked at him and hesitated before she continued. "So...Spike's doing okay? You two are watching TV and stuff?"  
  
"Oh no, just me. He said I could watch it at his pad, he had things to do, and I think I know what."  
  
"What?" Buffy asked, curious, and hoping there was no reason to dread the answer in any kind of way.  
  
"Uh, well I guess it's okay since you all know each other. Remember Halfrek? The vengeance demon from your birthday party? Well she's been taking an interest in Spike. My guess is he's trying to find her."  
  
Buffy's eyes grew a little bigger. This had not been on the list of possibilities.  
  
Clem saw it and tried to cover. "Uh they're just, you know old friends or something."  
  
Old friends? Buffy frowned. Yes, hadn't there been a moment at the party? Halfrek had recognized Spike, called him William. Then in turn, he seemed to have recognized her as well. Some awkward looks were exchanged and they both downplayed it when Buffy asked if they knew each other. It hadn't been that important with the whole situation going on, but now....  
  
"I guess they're catching up, chatting about old times." Clem smiled uneasily. He wished he hadn't brought it up, since the Slayer was clearly not as indifferent to the whole Spike situation as she tried to appear. "Well anyhoo... should be getting along, hehe. Don't want to miss the episode Gary Coleman guest starred."  
  
Buffy nodded, rather absent-minded. "Yeah sure, bye Clem."  
  
As Clem hurried off with his Doritos, Buffy continued her patrol, but her mind was elsewhere now. Spike and Halfrek. That's odd....and disturbing, and....actually rather fitting. Both demons heavily at work in the human world. And they knew each other. How? What were they to each other?  
  
It was probably not a bad idea, she told herself. It would solve her 'Spike situation' wouldn't it? Yeah.....  
  
But in the back of her head, worming it's way slowly but surely to the front, was that voice, that nagging little voice:  
  
"But he's only supposed to want ME.."  
  
END OF PART 4 TBC, R&R! 


	5. Failed attempts

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 5: FAILED ATTEMPTS  
  
"I wish, I-I just wish he..."  
  
"Yes? Yes?" Halfrek's voice had a slight tremble with anticipation. In 3 days she'd gotten little work done. Ventriloquist girl had been a bust. And at the Sunnydale high school pickings were slim. Everyone was way too happy lately.  
  
"I just wish that, that...."  
  
"What? What??" Halfrek's fists clenched together, she really needed to make her quota.  
  
"That his-his precious toupee would just, just BLOW OFF. Right in the street!"  
  
Fists relaxed as Halfrek's entire body deflated. "Toupee? That's it? He gets your boyfriend's dad fired, so they move to another state just to break you up and this is the worst you can wish on him??"  
  
They girl looked at her, a little confused.  
  
"Fine! Done! Why do I even bother! Couldn't get a decent 'feed him to the worms' wish out of you people if I spelled it out on a chalk board. Not even a simple 'off with his head", and not that THAT would score me any major points mind you, but at least it would RESEMBLE revenge. But no, fine, his toupee it is! Hope you're happy!"  
  
The girl looked at her with more than a little worry and fear now. She got up from their table and backed away. "You're freaky , lady. You in some kind of cult or something?"  
  
Halfrek looked at her, rather indignantly. She gave a fake smile. "Yes, that's right. The cult of toupee-blowing actually. Care to join?" Then her demonic face shimmered through for a split second as she snarled. "I'm sure you'd make an EXCELLENT member!"  
  
The girl looked at her in astonishment, gave a sound that was not unlike 'eep!' and ran to the door.  
  
"That's right, run off to daddy!" Halfrek called after her. She leaned on the table and gave a sigh of frustration. This was not going well. And Anyanka had gotten a major revenge moment without even half-trying. Wasn't fair. Soon it would be like the old days, with her slaving to get any attention from D'Hoffryn, while to Anyanka it was always so easy. They were friends, but still...  
  
"Look like you need a drink, luv." She heard through the sound of wood scraping the floor as a chair was pulled up. Spike sat down and signaled a waitress.  
  
** **  
  
"I can do this, I can do this...."  
  
Willow strained as she struggled with her task. Timing was essential. Precision and balance needed to be perfect or all would be lost. If her concentration wasn't a full 100%.........  
  
"Hi Willow, whachoo doing?" Dawn said behind her.  
  
Willow gave a tiny yelp as the voice startled her, and a good extra dose of oregano went into the sauce as her hand jerked.  
  
"Ahhhh nooo."  
  
"Something wrong?" Dawn looked over her shoulder into the pan.  
  
"Ah nothing Dawnie, nothing. I'm.....I'm trying to cook. It's this really special sauce that Tara likes at our favorite restaurant and that's really hard to make, and...well I wanted to surprise her with it. In the sense that it's also a bit of therapy for me, doing this like a normal person. You know, while suppressing all my urges to...."  
  
She hesitated. Dawn smiled and finished Willow's line. "To just wave your hand and have the whole restaurant appear in our living room?"  
  
Willow pulled her lip in. "Something like that."  
  
"So how's that working out for ya?"  
  
Willow stared at the dubious looking gob in the pan that already had a color it wasn't supposed to have even before the oregano measuring went awry.  
  
"Oh fine.....Like I'm trying to paint a Rembrandt by dipping my butt in paint and rubbing it on the canvas!"  
  
Dawn giggled. "Maybe you should try it with your left foot. Get it? 'Left foot'!"  
  
Willow looked at her with a sad droopy face. "I get it."  
  
Dawn sighed and gave her a hug. "Oww it's not so bad. You know Tara would love you for just making her a peanut butter sandwich!"  
  
"Yeah but it's not the same. I wanted to surprise her. Which I still can I suppose..." She looked at the contents of the pan again. "Next time her car needs an oil change or something."  
  
Dawn giggled again. "So, surprise her with heart-shaped peanut butter sandwiches! With jelly!"  
  
Willow looked at Dawn and raised her eyebrows.  
  
"AND chocolate syrup! Dawn added.  
  
A smile slowly broke on Willow's face.  
  
"Alright, AND pickles on top, but I really think you should stop there!" Dawn mock-seriously added.  
  
Willow was laughing now. "Okay, okay, I got it, I got it. What are you being so happy about anyway?"  
  
Dawn pulled her shoulders up and smiled widely. "I'm just so happy you guys are back together again!!" And she added a little jump for emphasis. "Anyway, let me know how that works out. I gotta go now. Janice called, we're going to hang out. I'm meeting her at the mall."  
  
Willow hesitated. "Ah, the....mall?"  
  
Dawn pulled a face. "Yes, the mall. Not my idea. I wanted to pull a bank job, but Janice opted for the jewelry heist."  
  
Willow sighed. "Sorry, didn't mean to sound like that....it's just......you know....."  
  
"Yeah I know. I'll be fine. I have my own 'therapy' things to work through. Like picking out a lipstick I intend to pay for."  
  
For a moment they looked at each other. "You know?"  
  
Willow nodded. "I know."  
  
Dawn grinned. "I know you know."  
  
"And I know you know I know." Willow upped, grinning wider.  
  
"And I know you know I know-"  
  
Then Willow's sauce started smoking a bit and she quickly got the pan off the stove. "Oww yuck, scratch even the oil change plan." She looked at Dawn again still slightly grinning. "Ok I'll tell Buffy where you went. Now off with you, ya thieving wench!" Dawn laughed and walked out the door. Just as she closed it she called back: "Thanks, ya wicked witch!"  
  
Willow filled the pan with water in the sink, smiling and shaking her head. 'Well at least we can laugh and make bad jokes about our problems again. A good sign.' Of course it had been easy for her to laugh now that she and Tara had made up. It was like she had the other half of her whole being back. She still had the shakes at night, every now and then, but now Tara was there to hold her and it made all the difference. It had been so bad without her, even though she'd still seen her around and Willow had always had some hope she'd somehow get her back. She didn't know what she'd do if she'd ever think she'd lost her forever...go off the deep end probably.  
  
"Hey Will, wachoo doing?" Buffy said behind her as she entered the kitchen.  
  
Willow looked in the pot, the goo now mixed with water and detergent, and smiled. "Well last time someone asked that question, I could still pretend I was making an haute cuisine sauce, but now....."  
  
Like Dawn had before, Buffy looked over her shoulder. "Ew, what kind of sauce? Evil and demonic?"  
  
Willow sighed again. "Something like that. It had to be destroyed."  
  
Buffy patted her on the back and walked to the fridge. "Darn Hellmouth. Won't even stay out of our kitchen. Or our streets, I just saw the weirdest and funniest thing: there was this guy chasing his toupee, and he just couldn't get it. It just kept going, right out of his reach. But the weird thing was, there was no wind or anything. Oh well as long as it doesn't turn around and try to eat him, I'm staying out of it." She chuckled.  
  
"By the way, where's Dawn?"  
  
"Oh, at the mall with some friends."  
  
Buffy paused with the fridge door open. "Oh. The .....mall?"  
  
Willow gave her a crooked smile. "We've already covered that. She's not pulling a bank job, just a jewelry heist."  
  
Buffy scratched her head. "Ah.....I see. Well that's a relief." She paused. "Ooh fine, I'm being too careful. But all this happened because I wasn't paying enough attention. It's hard to figure out what the correct amount is."  
  
Willow scrubbed hard in the pan. "Yeah, welcome to parenthood 101. No tests will be given, just start in the field."  
  
Buffy paused again and her face took on a serious look. "Well, I didn't.....just mean Dawn."  
  
Willow stopped scrubbing and turned around. "Buffy, don't be silly. I'm an adult, I'm responsible for my own actions. No one told me to turn all junkie and make a mess of things, and it didn't happen because you weren't busy being my mom." "No," Buffy answered, "but I could have seen what was happening, with you, between you and Tara, and perhaps made a difference as a caring friend before things got so ugly, if I hadn't....if I hadn't..."  
  
Willow looked in her eyes and gave a thin smile. "If you hadn't been caught up in your own guilty little secret?"  
  
Buffy stared at the ceiling for a moment. "I was going to say if I hadn't had my head so far up my own butt actually, but...yeah...."  
  
An uncomfortable silence fell.  
  
The Talk of the Sex with Spike...it was overdue.  
  
TBC!  
  
Arright..R&R me... 


	6. The Facts of Life

FOOLS FOR LIFE  
  
CHAPTER 6: THE FACTS OF LIFE  
  
Willow looked at Buffy and decided it to break the silence that had fallen over the kitchen. If they were going to have this talk, they better get it all out now.  
  
"Look, Buffy, I understand. I do. We were all at a strange point of our lives here. You, me, Dawn, Xander....I just, well it makes me sad to know we keep these secrets from each other. A year ago I think I would have been the first to know...you know?"  
  
"Yeah...." Buffy pulled up a chair and sat down at the kitchen table.  
  
"I take it you guessed after what we saw...on the computer screen..."  
  
"Uhm well, I noticed how you looked at Spike on top of Anya, and I knew something was up between you two. Then I talked to Tara about it the other morning, and well....I'm sorry if she still wasn't supposed to tell me."  
  
Buffy folded her arms on the table. "No that's fine. The secret was out after that night anyway. Xander heard it at the big confrontation between the four of us outside the Magic Shop."  
  
Willow pulled a painful face as she sat down too. "Ouch, I have a feeling he didn't take it well? Right after knowing Anya had....."  
  
"Yeah. That is, no. He didn't take it well. I haven't seen him since. Spike and his big British mouth. Although Xander had been really heavy on the name calling...you know, the usual, 'undead evil thing' etc. I guess I can see how Spike couldn't resist throwing this back at him."  
  
"Yeah, kind of a mess huh? And you told Dawn then?"  
  
Buffy hesitated. "Uh, no she figured it out even before Xander left the house. She said she saw my face and knew what the deal was."  
  
Willow raised her eyebrows at those words, then sank her head on the table and pouted. "So much for Willow Rosenberg, the genius...."  
  
Buffy smiled and put her head on the table too, facing her friend's face. "Oh, come on, you're still our resident genius. Like you said we were all one big messy bunch." Her smiled faded. "Especially me."  
  
They both sat up again. "Buffy..Tara told me about Spike's chip not working on you and how you were worried what that meant about you. And I understand you left me out of that because of my..magic problems. I do. But she also said you didn't tell me because you thought I'd freak out. Or give you a 'look'. Is that why you didn't?"  
  
Buffy rested her chin on her hand. "Ah, yeah....I guess. I..I didn't even meant to tell Tara. It's just....what she found out...that there was nothing wrong with me, it was such a shock. Up until then I hadn't even realized how much I had done, with that excuse in the back of my head...the things I did, and ..had done to me. I was ashamed of myself. I did it all, again and again but didn't want to acknowledge that I did. And as long as you guys didn't know I could make that work..some of the times.."  
  
Willow frowned. "The 'things' you did? Buffy, I am an adult, I know about the 'things' you.."  
  
Buffy pulled an involuntary awkward face.  
  
"I...don't know the things you did??" Willow asked, confused.  
  
Buffy buried her head in her arms.  
  
"I...could I imagine the things you did??" Willow added, confused but getting curious now.  
  
Buffy moaned and mumbled: "The....first time...we demolished a house."  
  
Willow's eyes grew. "A house?? With fighting?"  
  
"Sorta..." Buffy answered, with her head still in her arms. "And with our.."  
  
Willow tried not to smile and finished Buffy's line. "Throes of passion??"  
  
Buffy groaned. "And that's the least of it."  
  
Willow contemplated this. "Wow, a building. And I though we were impressive with our levitation spells."  
  
"Your what?" Buffy raised her head up.  
  
"Nothing! Nothing. Anyway, Buffy, it's still okay. I mean..it's a little...surprising, but did you really think I'd turn away in disgust or something?"  
  
"Oww it's not just..that. I mean..we did some things.." Willow looked up, kind of eager to hear more now. Buffy caught it and added: "..that you'll hear the details of when you pry them out of my cold dead brain..." Willow deflated, disappointed.  
  
"Anyway it's also... ..I was horrible, Willow. I used him. He loves me, or thinks he does, which in the end makes little difference, and I used that for my own ends. As a band aid, a distraction, a way to feel...And I just excused everything with the idea that it wasn't my fault. That I'd come back 'wrong'. When I realized that after Tara's findings, and seeing Riley again...well I told Spike I was sorry and that it had to end."  
  
Willow nodded, taking it all in. "The only thing to do really. I do feel a bit sorry for Spike though. And it changes a bit what I saw on the computer... I mean I just worried about Xander. I should have turned it off on the spot, but I was so shocked, and before I knew it everyone was looking. And I then thought Spike had just...well you know, charmed Anya into some...ahem, nooky, cause he's a guy, and....well..." She looked at Buffy....  
  
"Well, I thought he probably hadn't gotten..much. In his life. Lately. You know, since Harmony left." She laughed nervously. "Guess I was kinda..off there." She cleared her throat as Buffy plunged her head back into her folded arms. "But now...was he trying to get back at you? I mean after everything I've seen of him. He was crazy about you Buffy. Even after you died, he...stuck around, helping us out, looking after Dawn. Even though he knew Xander and Giles weren't crazy about his company. Though Giles seemed to accept it near the end and at least was never so..vocal about his doubts. It's just weird to think Spike'd just move on to Anya. Was it a revenge thing?"  
  
Buffy looked up so you could just see her eyes over her arms. "I don't think so. He didn't even try to fight Xander. He said it was the chip but when your life's in danger I think you could manage to risk a headache or at least shove him away and then jump up a roof or something. It was like he was embarrassed, even about facing Xander. And he and Anya.....through it all there was something..regretful and sad about them both. And it felt like.....they already were before we showed up. I don't know, maybe I'm blabbing."  
  
She sat up straight. "Plus, they both smelled of booze like you wouldn't believe."  
  
Willow went 'ahh'.  
  
"No I think they were both people with a major case of the blues and booze and......well, they were...."  
  
Willow finished: "Sorta at the same place? Xander dumped Anya.."  
  
Buffy on her turn finished: "And I dumped Spike." She sighed. "And it was...more upsetting to see him on Anya than I would have thought possible. When he brought that scary spider-chick to the wedding, it was so obviously an attempt to ruffle my feathers, it didn't get to me that much" She thought for a second. "Well a little, but still, it was so obvious. But to see that...I don't know. It's all a mess. And time will tell how it will all go, for all of us. I don't see Xander and Anya pulling a 'Willow-Tara' anytime soon."  
  
Willow grinned at that with a sweet, goofy look.  
  
"And Spike....well there's something weird there." Buffy frowned as she remembered. "Remember my birthday party?"  
  
Willow pulled a face. "Kinda hard to forget. It's not every day you almost get locked in a house for all eternity." She thought for a moment. "Well....living here, something like that is more every OTHER day, but....oh and of course your birthdays have known to be especially risky..."  
  
Buffy punched her lightly on the shoulder. "That'll do, miss smarty pants! No, I mean the one responsible, that vengeance demon friend of Anya. Halfrek."  
  
"Yeah once again, memory in full working order here. People with flayed faces also not an everyday thing." She thought again and nodded. "No, once again it actually is."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, it's just..do you remember her reaction to seeing Spike?"  
  
"Oh that, yeah, I just figured they'd run into each other before, as demons among demons.. You know, I'm sure they mingle too."  
  
Buffy frowned again. "Yeah, but..I don't know, they both seemed surprised, and kinda awkward. And I heard from Clem, the skinny-flabby guy, when I ran into him on patrol, that she's ...'taken an interest' in Spike."  
  
Willow's turn to frown. "Hm. Okay. And....well, I'm not sure exactly what my reaction to that is supposed to be. Still could be they just used to know each other, and.....wanna catch up or.....youuuu don't.....like that, do you?" Willow bit on her lip and looked at Buffy with uncertainty.  
  
Buffy gave a desperate look then banged her head on the table. "Oww I don't know! Don't you know I'm a basket case and need you to tell me what to think!! If you leave it up to me, it's gonna be a mess! That's me! Messy the Vampire Slayer! Queen of messes everywhere!!  
  
Willow got up, knelt down next to Buffy and put her arm around her shoulder. "There, there, your majesty, we'll find a way to de-mess you. I know: let's make some hot cocoa and play 'My-mess-can-beat-yours-any-day-of- the-week'!"  
  
Buffy smiled. "You're on, lowly peasant."  
  
As they got up, Willow suddenly started to giggle. Buffy frowned. "What?"  
  
"Nothing, it's just....well, it's sort of the second time that I hear you tell me you've been having sex with Spike!"  
  
Buffy thought for a moment. "No, it's not....I don't..oohhhhh wait a minute!"  
  
Willow laughed even harder.  
  
Buffy bend forward a little. "You're not talking about that sex-bot are you?"  
  
"Hehe, well, I can't help it. At the time I THOUGHT it was you."  
  
Buffy grinned and gave her friend a quasi-threatening look. "Yes and DO keep reminding me of that fact. That none of you could tell me apart from a stupid Stepford-sexbot!"  
  
"Well after this I certainly see the differences."  
  
"Really now?" Buffy slowly advanced on Willow who really couldn't stop laughing now.  
  
"Yeah, the bot handled this topic far better!"  
  
"Better sto-op Ms. Rosenberg." Buffy warned as she kept inching towards Willow.  
  
"Yeah and she was far more forthcoming with the details too! She offered to make sketches. Wish I had some of those now!"  
  
"THAT'S it! You are SO dead!" Buffy jumped Willow who dodged and, still laughing, ran to the living room, Buffy right on her heels.  
  
TBC!  
  
(you KNOW we're going to get to Spike and Halfrek now doncha?)  
  
R&R for president! Uhm, wait... 


	7. Should Old Acquaintance Be Forgot

FOOLS FOR LIFE  
  
CHAPTER 7: SHOULD OLD ACQUAINTANCE BE FORGOT...  
  
"So..."  
  
"So."  
  
Spike crossed his legs down at the ankles and looked casual as he hung back in his chair. Halfrek leant on her elbows with her fingers entwined under her face.  
  
"So, to what do I owe this pleasure?" Her sweetly-polite tone was in full working mode.  
  
"'s Funny, I was about to ask you the same thing. You often hang around Willie's to catch the brawl of the evening? Don't seem like a proper hobby for a lady."  
  
Halfrek smiled and puckered her lips ever so slightly.  
  
"No can't say that I do. Awful place, and that Willie person wouldn't know what a clean glass was if he tripped over it."  
  
Spike gave a little sarcastic smirk. Sounded like Cecily alright. "Yeah, 's just my complaint of the place too. So why you hanging around then?"  
  
"Perhaps I was just....curious. Maybe I wanted to see if it was really you. I almost hadn't recognized you." She paused and then added. "William."  
  
Spike shifted in his seat. This made him more uncomfortable than he thought. No, don't give her the satisfaction.  
  
"'William' was a long time ago, pet. Name's Spike. I'm sure you know what I mean, seeing how you're not going through life as 'Cecily the Vengeance Demon'." He grinned mischievously. "Does Anya know that's your real name? Just wondering."  
  
Halfrek's turn to shift in her seat. She adjusted her hair for a moment and forced her smile again. "For your information, Cecily is a perfectly fine name of class and high standard. And if you tell Anyanka, I'll curse you with a Gnarl demon's nose!"  
  
Spike grinned widely now. "Well, luv we both know you need someone to WISH that on me, and judging from this sad bunch here, I don't think your chances are too great."  
  
"Besides," he added "I'm told the ladies seem to fancy those noses for some reason..."  
  
Halfrek was taken aback by that for a moment and almost blushed. She composed herself and sipped her drink.  
  
"Well, you certainly have changed. I know it's been a long time, so it's to be expected but still...the man I knew didn't exactly talk like that."  
  
"Man you knew's long gone, luv. Found a better life. A better way to be. It's all been a gas since." He leant back even further and put his hands behind his head.  
  
"Yes, how did that come about? I mean with what I've learned it didn't take a genius to figure out that the infamous vampire 'William the Bloody' who killed two slayers, was the same as....an old friend."  
  
'That what we were then?' Spike thought to himself, but said nothing.  
  
"Tell me, do your friends know the truth about that name?" she coyly added.  
  
Spike's jaws clenched for a moment as the memory of 'William the Bloody Awful Poet' floated up and he just grunted. "What, the Slayer's bunch? No friends of mine luv."  
  
She smiled. "Well, you keep MY secret....."  
  
Spike wondered for a second what Buffy would think about that if she knew.  
  
"Anyway," Halfrek went on, "what I'm really wondering about....well, you remember, around the time we.....last saw each other, there had been disappearances all over town? Everyone was talking about it.  
  
"Yeah, I remember. Ran into the 'disappearers'. Joined up actually." he said almost proudly.  
  
Halfrek nodded. "Yes, so it was a band of vampires then. You disappeared too. And then I left for France and when I got back, Clancy was gone as well, except...."  
  
Spike couldn't help but grin with deep satisfaction at the sound of that name. "Except he didn't disappear for too long?"  
  
She gave him a meaningful look. "No. He didn't. He was found at the railroad tracks....."  
  
Spike interrupted again. "Yeah I heard that too. Oddest thing, he seemed to've gotten kind of...attached to the place. Wouldn't have figured him for that, what with him being so upper class an'all. Maybe he was looking to meet some strapping lads from the rail road work crew. Always did strike me as a bit of a poofter."  
  
Halfrek rested her chin on the back of her hand. "Yes, or perhaps it was because he was attached to the place with a rail road spike through his head."  
  
Spike leant back again, oozing glee and satisfaction.  
  
"Of course," she continued, "everyone assumed he'd been the victim of the same thing as the other disappearances. But I remembered he had said something, the last time I saw him...and you, at the party. Something about your poetry, how he'd rather have a railroad spike through his head than listen to it."  
  
Spike shrugged. "Yeah well, let's just say that he changed his mind later on. Believe he was actually begging to hear 'couple more verses. Fickle fella as an art critic."  
  
Halfrek smiled. Genuinely smiled. Like they were on a date and he'd just told her how he'd earned his first million. She seemed to actually appreciate that one. Of course she WAS a vengeance demon now. Would be the kind of thing she would like.  
  
She continued. "You know, after he was found and I remembered him saying that at the party. And well, with your disappearance after that... I...well, no one else did, but I wondered if you hadn't been killed, but rather..."  
  
"Turned killer?" He gave a little scoff. "Sure, poor little William gets a boo boo cuz little Cecily didn't want to hold hands, so he probably went nuts and turned into Jack the Bloody Ripper. That it? You think a little too much of yerself, luv."  
  
It was the first time her rejection of him had come up. Her eyes changed slightly but her smile stayed on as Spike continued.  
  
"I turned VAMPIRE, is what I did. No choice of my own, could have happened any other bloody day of the week. Had nothing to do with you or the rest of that bunch of."  
  
"And yet," she interrupted softly "the first thing you did, after you became a vampire...."  
  
Spike paused momentarily...and took a gulp from his drink. "Was visit 'ole Clancy. Yeah, well.....I was a fledgling. Don't apologize for that. Can't begrudge a fella a first kill that has a little extra spice to it."  
  
"And did it?" She asked.  
  
"What?"  
  
She smiled a sardonic smile that got to Spike a little in spite of himself. "Did it have the little extra spice to it?"  
  
Spike's only answer was a grin that made hers look like a girl scout's.  
  
Halfrek signaled the waitress for more drinks and Spike noticed how that had actually felt good. To discuss that with her. He'd never been able to tell anyone about that kill. Well, no one that it would have meant anything to. For Dru or Angelus, it was just another night, another kill. Although Dru had been very sweet in appreciating his fledgling attempt. One of her clearer moments. But Cecily had known the bugger. It had context. And her being a demon spending her days filling the world with revenge kinda helped make her an appreciative audience.  
  
The waitress brought new drinks, and Halfrek picked up her glass and took a sip. She held it up and tapped it with her fingernails. "You know," she said, "I always hated that stupid twit."  
  
At that, Spike couldn't suppress a chuckle. He leant forward on the table and spoke in a low voice. "Yeah well, I suppose I gotta admit I DID plan to pay you a little visit as well, luv."  
  
When he spoke her eyes actually lit up as she held her glass with both hands.  
  
"Really." She said.  
  
"Oh yeah, probably would have too, if you hadn't been so inconveniently out of the country."  
  
"And what would you have done with me then, William the Bloody?"  
  
No mistaking it now, she actually sounded excited at the notion of a vampire seeking revenge knocking on her old self's door.  
  
"Would it have been... spicy?"  
  
Bloody hell.  
  
Looks like he hadn't been the only one with unexplored depths back then.  
  
TBC!  
  
Now, do your R&R duty... 


	8. Discoveries

FOOLS FOR LIFE  
  
CHAPTER 8: DISCOVERIES  
  
Another night, another patrol.  
  
Buffy strolled along as usual. The time had long passed that average patrols were something scary. Perhaps not even such a good thing, she reminded herself. Might dull her alertness. It takes just one second of not paying attention, and....poof, next slayer please. Or maybe not. There hadn't been a new Slayer after she died. Her friends had kept the pretense up with the bot that Sunnydale still had a slayer.  
  
Perhaps her death wouldn't produce a new Slayer. Maybe her death called Kendra, whose death called Faith and that was it as far as her death goes. Or deaths go.or whatever. Technically, Faith was now the end of the line. Her death probably would cause a new Slayer to come. Still, somehow Buffy didn't see Faith taking over protecting Sunnydale if she died now. Well, maybe if they paid her, or had and endless supply of free vinyl and leather pants, along with too-dark lipsticks!  
  
Ok still not quite over the Faith thing, she thought. Ah well better stay alert then, even though it's hard to do over something that you do daily and has become so easy.  
  
And there was a vamp crawling out of his grave now. Looked like a crew-cut high school jock. Big and brawny in that 'look-at-me-I-was-the-captain-of- the-football-team' kinda way. Too bad, they're usually not the brightest. Not much of a challenge. Oh well, now for a quip and some dusting.  
  
"Hi there. Lemme guess, she was a cheerleader."  
  
The fledgling vampire looked up. "Huh? What? Who?"  
  
"The vamp that bit you. Probably blond, short-skirted and she promised to listen to your touch-down stories? Should've been a dead giveaway pal."  
  
The vampire bared his teeth and charged her. Buffy dodged him and kicked him in the stomach. He doubled over and she went for the kill. He managed to block it and knocked her over by ramming into her.  
  
"OOF! Nice one, guess that's what I get for mocking the quarterbacks of the world."  
  
She twisted around and planted an elbow in his face. Then she threw him off and rolled to her feet. "Still, not gonna help you pal. I know you're probably just used to wrestling big sweaty guys, but.."  
  
The vampire stopped in his tracks and gave a hurtful expression. "What are you TALKING about? Why does everyone always do that? I sucked at sports! I was on the debate team!"  
  
Buffy raised her eyebrows. "Oops."  
  
The vampire put his hands on his hips in a pose of indignation. Before he could continue however, a wooden stake, thrown with superhuman strength and speed went straight through him, his dust swirling in the air before the weapon even hit the ground several feet behind him.  
  
Buffy gave a little apologetic shrug as she walked through his still dissipating dust cloud. "Sorry about that." She picked up the stake and went on her way. Well, that had been a little embarrassing, quip-wise. And frankly, she chided herself, even if he had been a jock it would hardly have been her best ever. She sighed. She was just a little off. Everything was still off.  
  
Well, Dawn was doing fine, Willow and Tara were doing great even, Xander and Anya...not so much. She still hadn't talked to Xander about the whole thing and Anya...well that was extra hard.  
  
She was one of the scoobies, without a doubt, had proven herself over and over. But when push came to shove, Buffy and Willow and the others..they were Xander's friends first. And even though everyone tried to not take sides, Anya felt it and it hurt her. And she had a point.  
  
That, combined with Willow's magic problem, had made the Magic Shop slightly less the place to be. Especially after..after......argh! Why was it still so hard to think about? After Spike and Anya had had porn-sex on the table there. Hard to do research where Anya's BUTT had been when...  
  
Buffy gritted her teeth. Stop it, she told herself. Stop it. You're not with Spike. You're not even having former-enemies-with-benefits sex with him anymore. All over.  
  
Still, it got to her. And it made her sad in a whole different way as well. In the beginning, after her resurrection, Spike and she had been, well, hanging out together, and it had been nice. Ever since he'd been tortured and nearly gotten killed to protect her and Dawn, she'd accepted him and his feelings. And he'd seemed to've gotten that he'd just have to live with them being unanswered. And then, after she'd returned from the dead she'd actually sought him out. It had been nice to hang with him. It was hard for her in the beginning, being alive again and he had made no demands of her, she didn't need to pretend or act a certain way. Whatever she'd been like, he accepted it and didn't pressure her.  
  
"Friends" may have been a big word but,...still...whatever it had been, the start of the kissing-hitting-turning-into-sex-stuff had destroyed that. And she had been horrible. She used him. She told him as much when she broke it off. It was time to stop.  
  
But he loved her. It was so strange to hang out with someone who wants you so much and act like it's just a funny aspect of their company. And now....after seeing him with Anya....what did that do to her? She did have feelings for him, she couldn't deny that. She...liked him on occasion. She felt FOR him, she'd gotten used to him, she'd wanted him sexually...god, the sex had been great. Down and dirty and kinky and....great....ahhh! It was like it was fine, being with Spike was fine, hanging with him, even having wild-jungle-monkey sex with him was okay...as long as she never had to THINK about it.  
  
Think about what it was, what he was, what it meant, what name tag should be put on it all, where it was going... But life demands those things in the long run.  
  
"Stupid life," she muttered. Hah, that was funny. 'Life is stoopid' says ex- dead person.  
  
When push came to shove, it just came down to this: he had no soul. He was apparently capable of a type of loving, as much as a soulless vamp can, and he cared for her and Dawn, and well, could get a long with the scoobies to some extent, but..in the end he didn't much care in general for the world. He said once he had changed, and he had. Up to a point. But he still had not that much a of a problem with demons or evils. He mainly killed them because he enjoyed to fight. And more importantly, he had no problem watching people die. Watching strangers get hurt. He just didn't. Probably couldn't.  
  
In a sense that wasn't even his fault, she supposed. He had no soul. It was that simple.  
  
Still one thing turned out to be true. He had said it right after the first time they....when they demolished that building. "I'm in your system now." he'd said. And he wasn't wrong.  
  
He was still in there  
  
She walked along the graveyard, brooding. She came to a familiar point. If she continued in this direction it would take her right to Spike's crypt. She'd walked that path a lot in the last few months. But no more. It had been a bad habit, bad for both of them. She was curious though. Curious if he was home watching the tube, alone or with Clem.  
  
Or with...someone else. Maybe not watching the tube.  
  
She shook her head. Cut it out! Stop acting like you're in high school and he's asking another girl to the prom! Hellhounds would probably show up anyway if he was. That's good. Focus on hellhounds and killing them. Not on Spike with...or Spike in a tux. On a prom night! Hah, how would THAT look...not too bad probably. He dressed up kinda nice from what she'd seen. Spike in a tux. She snickered. With a corsage...after the prom...in the backseat of a car, with.....Halfrek!?  
  
ARGH! She couldn't stand it. It kept popping in her head. The whole Anya thing had shown her Spike was capable of shall we call it 'connecting' with other women, and it had shown her own reaction to it. And now this. Halfrek and Spike. They knew each other and there had been some...tension there. And now she was sort of taking an interest.  
  
She COULD swing by the crypt. Kinda quiet-like. After all, maybe for all she knew they were together and plotting...evil things. "Maybe Spike has gone evil again." She said to herself. "And Halfrek's telling him to start wishing mean things to me and ..and the scoobies, and the rest of Sunnydale! They could be there right now, going all out with the love-maki- .. I mean WISH-making!"  
  
She kicked a pebble. "Damn!" Don't you hate Freudian slips.  
  
In her head she still tried to rate this sort of thing by how well she'd have been able to 'sell' it to Giles. Even though he was gone, she still did it, and felt justified if she was able to come up with something suitable...silly really.  
  
Still it could happen, she decided. And besides, Giles was gone and she answered to no one did she? She was the Slayer, and if she decided to investigate something, that was her call to make!  
  
"And a little peek won't hurt. Just to be..prudent." She veered off to the left and started to walk to Spike's crypt. "So there!" she said to no one in particular, except maybe herself.  
  
Hopefully she could manage to not be spotted if Spike was there. Those damn sharp vampire senses. "Where's invisibility when you need it?" she sighed.  
  
She hadn't walked for more than a minute when she suddenly heard voices not too far behind her, a bit to the right. She could see Spike's crypt, not too far off. She ducked behind a particularly large tombstone and held her stake ready as the voices came close enough to understand...and recognize.  
  
"....so that's when I grabbed the annoying little bugger, chucked him in that hanging cage and pulled him up through the roof, into the sunlight. Burned up real quick he did. Wasn't that big mind you."  
  
"And you took over his flock then? Pretty bold, I must say."  
  
"Yeah well, could use a gang. Had some plans. And really I'd had all the bloody chanting I could stand! One more hymn or vampire mass and I'd have chopped my own head off! What a bunch of wankers. Gotta say they didn't seem too disappointed when I got rid of all that stuff."  
  
"Ah, I know the kind. When it's the holidays like the birthday of Frelansha the Snake-Goddess of Revenge, they're all singing and praising, in case something happens, and give YOU a hard time if you don't, but the rest of the year? They'd all just as soon hang in front of the TV while you do all the work."  
  
That woman's voice. That was her!  
  
"Exactly! I freed them of all that crap, gave them some good times and happy dinners, and what do I get? A bunch of wankers that couldn't keep the perimeter guarded if their lives depended on it!"  
  
Spike took a drag from his cigarette and added "Which it usually did. Lazy gits!"  
  
Buffy stayed knelt down behind the tombstone and frowned. They WERE together. Didn't sound like they were planning the end of the world, but then she hadn't really expected them to. She hadn't really expected to actually find them together at all. But here they were. And they sounded ...what, chit-chatty? Like they were on a date?  
  
"They're on a date?!" Buffy said out loud to herself before she knew it. And immediately shut her mouth. THAT was smart. It had been a mumble but still....She listened but there was no sign they'd heard her.  
  
"So is there any truth to that whole St Vigius deal? I mean I know you didn't wait for it, but if you had would you have been stronger? I always wondered about that."  
  
"Well, on the day itself I didn't feel any different. Ah that stuff is usually so much bollucks if you ask me. All dainty talk and religious blabbing to get people to toe the line and follow your lead. And fetch your snacks for you. Me, I always felt killing a few of them and a few whacks around the head will get you the same results, without the Annoying Ones of the world."  
  
Halfrek giggled. Now he's got her giggling, Buffy thought. And he's telling her tall tales! God, they ARE on a date!  
  
"Oh it's the same with us over in the Vengeance Demon camp. The ones with the biggest mouths are usually the ones with the smallest input. I'm just happy D'Hoffryn is not all that into the old ritual stuff. He's very to the point, you know? Results are what matters. He appreciates high quotas and creativity. And he encourages us being competitive about it. Keeps everyone on their toes, he always says. And boy, does it ever, I mean, some people are just so tense about it you know? Just the other day, this young one comes up to me, hasn't been dealing out vengeance for more than 20 years or something and she has the nerve..."  
  
Yap, yap, yap, yap, Buffy thought. God she was irritating. And that voice, that sweet, kindergarten teacher voice! That Spike's idea of a good time? And she's talking louder too, it seems..  
  
Suddenly she heard a sound next to her! Her head turned up to her left with lightning speed.  
  
For a moment she just sat there, still lurched on the ground, knees up under her chin, with her stake in her hand as she stared into Spike's face. He was leaning on the tombstone in a casual manner, looking down on her with one eyebrow raised.  
  
"Uhm, Slayer," he said calmly. "What are you doing?"  
  
TBC!  
  
R&R time....hit me! 


	9. Struggling

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 9: STRUGGLING  
  
"What am I doing?" Buffy dully repeated as she started to get up from her lurched position, struggling to find the right body language that would allow her to keep some dignity while doing so.  
  
Spike still leaned on the corner of the stone. "Well, yeah."  
  
"Well, what do you think?" Buffy tried to make it sound indignant and wasn't convinced by her own attempt. "I'm the Slayer. Hello! I'm on patrol here!"  
  
Spike gave her a skeptic look. "Yeah, and patrolling means you sit hunched down, hidden behind a tombstone right near my crypt. Silly me."  
  
Buffy stood straight and brushed some dirt off her clothes with a very offended an annoyed look. She saw Halfrek stand a few feet away who looked back at Buffy and gave a little wave with the tickling finger motion. Buffy's mouth turned into a straight line and she looked at Spike again.  
  
"*Hiding*?" She gave a few loud scoffing sounds. "I wasn't 'hiding'! I was..." She gestured with her arm to the spot she had been sitting, like the obvious answer was right there. If only it was. Spike looked at her expectantly, not even half convinced.  
  
"....waiting for a vampire to rise! From...this grave. You know, catch'em as they hatch. Nothing new about that, is there!"  
  
"That a fact." Spike said and tilted his head as he looked at the tombstone's inscription. "Well luv, that's usually a good way to get the slaying done, but it looks like poor old Mrs. Miggins here's been napping in her hole since 1943. Now unless she's a really late sleeper as vamps go, I'd wager if she hasn't popped up by now, chances are she's not going to tonight."  
  
He looked at Buffy's clenched jaw and couldn't help but smile. "Maybe the old bird just likes to stay in at her age, eh?"  
  
Halfrek suppressed a chuckle and Buffy shot her a look that could have made flies drop dead out of the air. Halfrek smiled and shrugged, then raised her hand as if to say 'don't mind me'.  
  
"So...it's the wrong grave..didn't mean..that one." Buffy muttered. "And, and what business is it of yours anyway? I don't have to explain my patrolling to you I believe. I'm the Slayer, you're the vampire! You-you just mind your own business!"  
  
Spike shrugged. "Fair enough pet, though I really think that as looking for fresh vamps on my doorstep goes, Mrs. Miggins here was kind of a piss-poor choice."  
  
Buffy's knuckles turned white as she gripped her stakes tighter. Ohhh, how she hated every second of this. Probably as much as he was loving it.  
  
Halfrek still stood in the background, arms crossed, smiling her sweet damn smile.  
  
Spike gave a little sigh. "Look. No need to get all bent out of shape love, all I'm saying is you have to admit it's kinda..."  
  
"I don't care what you're saying! And I don't have to admit anything! If I wanted to hear evil dead things' opinions I would ask for it. I'm on patrol here and you're just, just bothering me." Now it was Spike's turn to clench his jaw in anger. She tried to continue.  
  
"And, and you two should just be careful while I'm around here! I do kill demons for a living you know. Well, not a living, but you know what I mean, so..."  
  
"What," Spike interrupted her, "were you just about to tell us to mind our step, cause you'll be watching us, 'officer'? Well sorry, 'sir' don't give me a ticket for walking up to my own bloody front door!"  
  
Buffy's mouth clenched as she searched her brain for a fitting reply that would let her make an exit while having the upper hand. She couldn't think of much. Then, about 20 feet away, a clanking noise sounded and all looked around to see the door to Spike's crypt open. Clem looked around. "What's with all the shouting?" He saw the three of them standing there and it startled him a little.  
  
"Oh, uhm, hello guys." Spike sighed and gave a little nod, Halfrek mouthed a silent "hi, Clem" and Buffy just stood there. Feeling the awkward silence fall, Clem shifted with his feet and added, kind of hesitantly: "Uhm, wow. Hehe. I don't know if I made enough dip for everyone..ahem.."  
  
Halfrek suppressed another giggle by placing two fingers on her lips. Buffy turned without another word and walked away with a thrifty stride. Spike turned to her as she went, drew breath to say something but was interrupted by Halfrek laying her hand on his arm.  
  
"My, I had no idea she was so....hot headed. She always like that?."  
  
Spike sighed. "Kinda, yeah." He was still watching Buffy getting smaller as she went. Halfrek took his arm as she walked towards the door where Clem was still wondering what was going on. "Come on now, let's not waste that dip." she said.  
  
"Yeah.." Spike said, absent minded. He looked back once for a last look at Buffy but she was already gone.  
  
Had he still been close enough he would have been able to hear her mumble, in the distance: "Stupid Mrs. Miggins!"  
  
** **  
  
"Excuse me miss, could you help me?"  
  
Anya looked up from the counter where she'd been staring at some overdue shipping orders. She hadn't even noticed the girl was in her shop until she spoke. She was young, dressed slightly gothic and looked kind of uncertain. Anya sighed. Another wanna-be-witch. She was SO not in the mood.  
  
"Well, what are you looking for?" She managed to get out with some semblance of customer service in the tone.  
  
"Something in the ways of ehm, a love spell?"  
  
Anya dropped her head in her hands. "*Groan*...of course you do." She looked up in the girl's face who was a little bewildered by her reaction. "What else would it be, right?? Can't live without the men!" Anya added with a wry smile.  
  
"Uhm, I don't know....I just..."  
  
"No! Fine, let's get you your love spell." She said while waving her arms in the air as she walked our from behind the counter. She went to some shelves and picked out some clear plastic bags with labels that held some manuscripts and ingredients. "What are we looking for here, just "Get-him- to-notice-you"? No of course not, nobody ever wants those. Or even the "Just-get-him-to-get-a-little-crush-on-you" ones. I don't know why I even keep them in stock. No you want more of a "Get-him-to-fall-MADLY-in-love- with-you" thing, am I right?"  
  
The girl was trying to keep up with Anya in terms of shaking her head and nodding, and attempted a smile that didn't really work out. "Well, I.."  
  
"Not good enough! Of course not. Let's go for the "He'll-go-mad-with- desperation-every-5-minutes-he's-not-in-your-presence" spell here. That oughtta do it!"  
  
"Well maybe that's a bit much." the girl tried. But Anya was on a roll now. "No, no, let's add a little to that. Let's just go straight for the "He'll- throw-himself-in-front-of-a-bus-if-he's-5-minutes-without-you" spell. Believe me, you'll thank me for it."  
  
The girl looked shocked at that last one. "Oh my..!" Then she looked thoughtful. "You can do that??"  
  
Anya rolled her eyes. She grabbed a package from the shelf below. "Here. Take that. It's a 'When-he-sees-you-he'll-go-mad-with-lust-but-will-shove- off-when-you-tell-him-to-afterwards' kinda thing." The girl stared at the package, then at Anya.  
  
"And you have NO idea how much I wish I had gone for it." Anya added in a mumble.  
  
The girl looked at the package again. "Huh. Well..it's not what I was looking for, but..'mad with lust' huh?"  
  
Anya walked back to the counter. "Won't be able to stop until you tell him to. Which is really useful with most men."  
  
The girl made a little 'ooo' sound and started to smile. "And leave when I want him to..Well, ........it would be kinda cool if he wasn't around trying to watch sports or something when I just wanna hang with my girlfriends..."  
  
"There ya go." Anya said as she hit the register to enter the price. Wasn't such a bad girl after all. Had some good common sense. More than she herself had shown, actually.  
  
After she got her change and said a little thank you, the girl walked to the door. As she did, Anya called after her. "Have a nice day. And if he pisses you off after all and you want his genitals to fall off or something, do come back. We do that too."  
  
The girl had turned to nod and wave but as that last part reached her, her smile faded a little again and she made a hasty exit.  
  
Anya smiled and actually felt a little better. And if she finished the shipping orders quickly, she could get started on the bookkeeping before noon. And the bookkeeping was the best part.  
  
She hadn't gotten through a new list yet when she heard the little bell that rang as the door opened again. My, busy for a weekday morning. She looked up and said "Hello, welcome to the Magic Sho-" She stopped as she saw who it was.  
  
Buffy smiled thinly. "Hi."  
  
** **  
  
TBC!  
  
Now R&R me. Be merciless. Well, not merciless, just honest. Or..well, just be nice then, hehe. 


	10. Inquiries made

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 10: INQUIRIES MADE  
  
Anya's smile faded. "Oh. It's you. What do you want?"  
  
Buffy puckered her lips slightly and said "Oh I'm doing fine, thanks for asking. How are you?"  
  
Anya pulled a face. "Yes well, I'll have you know I've learned perfectly well how to do fake polite conversation by now. Except I save that for paying customers. Which you are not." She hesitated for a moment and her face lit up a bit. "Are you?"  
  
Buffy shook her head. "No, sorry, not today." Anya's face fell again. "Well if you need to do some research, you know where the books are, just.....be quick okay? And don't bother the customers."  
  
"No it's not that either, I just need to talk to you about something."  
  
"Ah." Anya said. "Look if this is about that whole thing with Spike, it was just meaningless, spur-of-the-moment sex, okay? I haven't 'claimed' him in any way and you're free to continue your raw, sexual adventures with him."  
  
"No, that's not what this is....'raw'? Wha-what do you mean 'raw'? Why do you say 'raw'?"  
  
Anya fiddled with the cash register and shrugged a little. "That's what he said, that you were so 'raw'. He sounded pretty impressed. If I hadn't been so caught up in my own little rant I would've guessed sooner it was you he was talking about. I mean, who else has he been obsessing over the past two years."  
  
Buffy blushed slightly and cleared her throat, but before she could reply Anya looked her up and down and continued. "I was a little surprised though, you never struck me as the 'raw' type with sex. More the sweety- sappy type of lover that you see on those afternoon TV shows with the sheet pulled up all the way and the heavy filters that make everything fuzzy, and.."  
  
"YES! Yes, well. Ahem, let's not go into our views on each other's....nature. I just wanted to..."  
  
"Hey I don't care what your view on me is. It's you people who always tell me things like "Shut up Anya, it's not proper to describe the details of how you like to play games like 'The Little Mermaid That Could' or 'Big Man Off Campus'" or ..."  
  
"OKAY, Anya, I got it! It's not what I'm here for. And I'm not here to discuss you and Spike. I got what happened, I do. That night.....that whole confrontation with Xander... wasn't fun for any of us."  
  
Anya sort of shook her head and shrugged at the same time. "Well certainly not at the end. The first half was a kinda fun at least..." Buffy looked at the ceiling for a moment as her mouth tightened a little. Anya didn't notice and continued.  
  
"But eh, have you....seen Xander since then?" For a moment she looked sad and vulnerable.  
  
Buffy shook her head. "No, I hear he's working though. I guess he's dealing."  
  
Anya's face hardened again. "Well, isn't that great. Yeah I'm sure he's dealing. Men always 'deal' just fine with the messes they make of your life! Well anyway, what DO you want? I'm very busy."  
  
"I wanted to ask you about your friend. The other vengeance demon that was at my house, on my birthday."  
  
Anya frowned. "Halfrek? What do you want with her?"  
  
"Well, it's....come to my attention that she's been having...contact with Spike. And they seemed to know each other that day, and I can't figure what the deal is and I thought you might know something."  
  
Anya shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I noticed they knew each other but I didn't think much of it. As immortal demons, you run into people every now and then, you know?"  
  
"I really don't." Buffy said with a smile. "But I get what you mean. So she's never mentioned him? I mean I take it you've known her for a while."  
  
Anya looked thoughtful. "Oh, only about a 100 years. A little more maybe. She's not been at it nearly as long as I am, you know. I mean, as I ...was. She took some revenge on her father in the late 19th century. D'Hoffryn saw talent and recruited her. She went along with me on more than a few trips seeing how I was, you know, pretty seasoned." The tone of pride was unmistakable. "Taught her a trick or two. She was a quick study though, pretty competitive."  
  
"A hundred years?" Buffy thought for a moment. Spike had been turned into a vampire about a 100 years ago. Probably a coincidence, but still, as demons went, they were sort of the same 'generation' then weren't they?  
  
"So, in the times that you were both vengeance demons, you never saw Spike, or heard about her and him?"  
  
"No, but she could have met him along the way. A 100 years is plenty of time to meet people in. But on the other hand, not even all that likely. Vengeance demons and vampires rarely mingle really."  
  
"Really, how come?"  
  
"Well now," Anya said as if that should be obvious. "Vampires are a bit...well you know...simple really. They just follow their instincts and satisfy their needs and wants. Us Vengeance Demons, we have a job. A mission to fulfill." She gave a tired sigh. "Not to mention quotas to keep. Anyway, we just move in different circles and have a different lifestyle and...attitude to the whole demon thing."  
  
She grabbed some of the papers on the counter and began to pile them up. "Sometimes I think vampires have the better idea, but then again, we are usually the enterprising types. D'Hoffryn doesn't recruit the lazy and forgiving, you know."  
  
She put the shipping lists away and walked out from behind the counter as she started to go over the shelves. Buffy followed her at a slow pace. "No I don't imagine he does. But....does that mean...do you think it's possible they knew each other BEFORE they were demons then?"  
  
Anya stopped and thought for a second. "It's..possible. I mean anything's possible."  
  
"You don't know much of her life as a human?"  
  
"We...tend to not talk about the past much. I mean we usually were hurt in some bad way you know. And the story of how we were recruited and what special vengeance we took that made D'Hoffryn notice us is usually the only thing we care to talk about. At least you can brag about that a little. You know 'Oh I turned this guy into a dung beetle and fed him to the cat.' Stuff like that, but not much else. It's just a thing."  
  
Buffy nodded and brooded for a moment. Then she thought of something. "Do you know what nationality she had before she became a demon? Where she lived, what country?"  
  
Anya stopped again and thought. Then she turned to Buffy and nodded. "Now that you mention it, yes.....England."  
  
Buffy nodded back. Again, nothing big. And far from conclusive, but still....some little things started to click, and fall into place.  
  
TBC  
  
It is the time...of R&R ;-) 


	11. Things Looked Upon

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 11: THINGS LOOKED UPON  
  
Spike lay on his bed and stared at the ceiling of his crypt. He'd done so for most of the day. Hadn't slept much. Not that vampires really needed sleep, unless they were wounded or underfed, but it was a habit.  
  
Not now though. He had a lot to think about.  
  
She'd come to him.  
  
She'd been right outside his crypt, checking things out. Checking him out. Why? He'd love to answer that question in a certain way. His tired, lovesick mind knew exactly how to interpret all her actions as proof of affection. "Oh she cocked her head to the left today right before she punched me in the nose and told me to bugger off! That means she really wants me!!" had been an old favorite in the beginning. Before she even knew of his..feelings.  
  
Yeah the desperate mind will find clues and evidence in anything. But it rarely had so much to work with as this time! She had told him it was over. And he had felt the truth in it. And she hadn't come to him once after that. Then the thing with Anya, not his brightest move. Well he was drunk and...she had told him to move on. But he really hadn't and really couldn't.  
  
He had contemplated going to her, just to tell her he was sorry for that thing with Anya, and that he was going to leave town or something. But he really couldn't do that either. Well, going to her and telling her sorry was definitely in the cards. And the "I'll just go now" SOUNDED nice and dramatic in his head, but only because in his head there'd be scenarios where she'd somehow go 'Spike, no, don't go!' or something.  
  
Whereas in real life she'd most likely go: "Ok, don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out." Ok probably not. Probably more something like a sad sigh, a non-committal impossible to read-look, and a 'I understand, I think it's for the best." Or something.  
  
Which wasn't really the idea. Because he then wouldn't leave town and he'd look even more stupid. If that was possible.  
  
But then there was last night. Definitely something to work with for the desperate lovesick mind. She had come to him. Hid out on his doorstep. Could be any number of reasons, but...he was pretty sure that when he'd heard her voice and discovered she was there, she'd said 'they're on a date' or something. And she didn't seem all that surprised to see Halfrek. And even better, she seemed annoyed by her presence.  
  
Of course that could just be having a witness to an embarrassing moment, but still....his mind had certainly had less to work with in the past.  
  
And Halfrek. Cecily. There was something he'd never figure would happen. What a small world. And it had been nice actually. Just hanging with her, and her clearly enjoying the tales of his exploits was, if nothing else, at least a nice way to eradicate that old, old humiliation. He felt a little vindicated. He knew it was silly after so long but still. And she'd become quite the demon lady he had to say. Still a little uppity, and he still didn't care for that 'flayed-face' look that vengeance demons sported sometimes but, otherwise, quite a lady.....  
  
And of course the things he'd talked to her about he could never tell Buffy. Even if she decided he was a thing in her life that she liked to keep around these were the things he'd keep his mouth shut about. Had felt good to just talk about it and get a pretty smile instead of a disgusted look.  
  
"Well, I was due," he mumbled to himself and lit a cigarette. "Already had Ms. Halfrek's most disgusted look once." Still, life was strange. He'd had two women whom he'd worshipped and had been rejected by, come to him. Practically at the same time. What a week!  
  
He chuckled to himself. Things were looking up a bit.  
  
Well, in the long run things hadn't changed that much. He was still in love with Buffy and the things of the recent past weren't going anywhere.  
  
But still....she had come to him.  
  
He took another drag from his cigarette and put his hands behind his head. Harsh reality would inevitably butt in again, but for now he let his desperate, lovesick mind wander freely....  
  
** **  
  
Halfrek looked at the people walking past her in the mall. Who to pick? Who to pick...there was a child crying. But no, no good. It was only because he didn't get the ice cream he wanted. No good, she'd been there. It was actually pretty easy to make him wish mommy was buried under a ton of ice cream or something, kids hardly knew what they were saying anyway at that age. But it had been....pointed out to her that as vengeance goes, this was pretty sad. "Not true vengeance. Not worthy of our effort. Not even to up our quotas a bit." D'Hoffryn had said. Giving her a look with that last line.  
  
So she was a little competitive. And she sneaked a few of those kind of wishes in every now and then. Well, not anymore. And it was true, it was a bit pathetic. She was a talented, experienced Vengeance demon in the prime of her life! She could do better. And would, too.  
  
"But mom!" it sounded from a clothing store. Well, couldn't harm to check it out. She could assume the guise of a sales woman or something. Maybe there was some deeper trauma than her not getting the jeans she wanted.  
  
Before she could move, however...  
  
'HALFREK'  
  
It startled her, as ever. She was uneasy on her feet for a moment. A passerby asked her if she was alright. "Oh fine thanks." She said in her sweet voice. Then walked on and sighed. Oh dear. Better find a nice quiet spot. And she'd better hurry, he didn't like it when he had to send a second call.  
  
She walked into the ladies toilet and went into a booth. She sat down and closed her eyes as she started the incantation. "Blessed be, in the name of D'Hoffryn. Let this space be now a gateway ..."  
  
Before she was finished, the world around her had gone dark, and then into pitch black, and she felt the void. She opened her eyes and before her stood the Lord of Vengeance in his robe. His white beard and calm ancient face gave him the look of a wise teacher, but the darkness of his eyes and the horns on his head reminded any who saw him his teachings could only be of the darkest kind.  
  
"You called me D'Hoffryn?" she said, hesitantly.  
  
"Yes, Halfrek, I'd like to have a word with you, if you're not too busy."  
  
"No, no, of course not. Is it...is it about my quota? I know it's not what it should be. This town is just so..happy. And far less creative in their thoughts of revenge than you would hope considering it was built on a Hellmouth." She swallowed.  
  
"I know, Halfrek I know. And I believe I warned you about it when you said you wanted to visit Anyanka and do some work around here at the same time. And that you would have no problem meeting your quotas. Are you telling me you are having problems after all?"  
  
She hesitated. "Well...maybe.."  
  
He sighed. "Halfrek, I always tell all of you, once you pick a spot, go for it. But don't give up so easily when it's not working out, and the pastures weren't as green as you hoped. I appreciate self-confidence but when you commit yourself to a choice I expect you to see it through."  
  
"Yes, I know."  
  
"And I had warned Anyanka when she came here. People living on a Hellmouth are just of a certain breed. Either they like it there, in which case they're not so easily coaxed into something or they're so capable of not seeing the things around them you can barely reach them. And things are fickle and unpredictable in such a place. But no, she knew better, and it cost her all her power. And we lost her for a few years." He sighed. "Well thankfully she rejoined our fold, even though she's still living there." He looked at Halfrek again.  
  
"And now you seem to join her. And I have two of my demons trying their luck there. I wonder sometimes if anyone ever listens to me."  
  
"We listen. And..we're fine. I mean, Anyanka is back on track, and I've just...hit a bit of a snag. It will be fine, I promise."  
  
D'Hoffryn just gave a little 'hm' to that. "Well, we'll see. But that's not even what I wanted to talk to you about, though it is part of it, in a way."  
  
"Oh? What..what is it then?"  
  
"Well now, Anyanka is still in a bit of an 'off-state'. Her failed attempts to get anyone to curse Xander Harris frustrated her only further, and then I see her have a liaison with a vampire!" He looked at Halfrek. "And then I see you seek out that same vampire not a day later. What are you doing Halfrek?"  
  
"D-doing? Nothing, really, I-I just...."  
  
"I appreciate competition between my demons Halfrek, but only to a certain extent. I know you and Anyanka are friends but I also know you two have been trying to outdo each other on more than a few occasions. For a recent example, a certain Slayer's birthday party comes to mind."  
  
Halfrek fiddled with her hair and looked like a little girl. "I-I.."  
  
"Now I sincerely hope you two are not playing some game which has you both involved with the vampire and dragging the Slayer and who knows what else into it. These things get messy. Just seek out people in need of vengeance and give it to them. And stay uninvolved with those people."  
  
"No, really D'Hoffryn! I, I have plans. There is vengeance here. Really. And Spike is the key. That's the only reason I sought him out!"  
  
D'Hoffryn raised one eyebrow. "Really, Halfrek? No other reasons?"  
  
She shuffled her feet, fiddled with her hair again and avoided his eyes. "No, 'course not." she said quietly. "What other reason could there be?"  
  
D'Hoffryn looked on her sternly.  
  
"The fact that he once loved you perhaps?"  
  
She looked up at him as her eyes grew big and she bit her lip. She drew breath to say something but nothing came out. D'Hoffryn folded his arms inside his sleeves as he looked at her.  
  
"Did you really think I wouldn't know?"  
  
** **  
  
TBC!  
  
Now do that R&R thang... 


	12. Cutting to the chase

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 12: CUTTING TO THE CHASE  
  
"Ok now try this one."  
  
"Isn't that one the same?" Tara asked when Willow handed her the sandwich. "Just taste it!" Willow added enthusiastically.  
  
Tara took a bite and chewed. "Ahh, this one is *crunchy* peanut butter." Willow nodded with a big smile. Tara giggled and took another bite.  
  
They were sitting at the dinner table in the Summers house, with an array of sandwiches spread out. Some had heart shapes, some stars, some kind of unidentifiable since some wiccan symbols are really hard to carve out of bread.  
  
They just refilled their glasses with milk when they heard the front door. "Hey guys, it's me." Buffy called out. They got up and went to meet her.  
  
Buffy turned to them and then frowned. "I smell peanut butter. Magic books smell of peanut butter now?"  
  
The girls looked at each other. "Ah no, we went through all the info we had on D'Hoffryn and his vengeance demons. Couldn't find anything on Halfrek. So we got hungry, and...I cooked." Willow looked at Tara and they both sort of giggled and held hands.  
  
Buffy pulled up one eyebrow. "Uh huh, nothing evil and demonic this time?"  
  
"What?" Tara asked.  
  
"NO, no, just some peanut butter combos..and stuff." Willow added hastily.  
  
"Uh huh." Buffy grinned. "So no go on the books huh?"  
  
"Not really. There's not that much on the Vengeance Demons as individuals. Since they manage to appear in all kinds of guises and personalities and professions they're hard to peg down. Mostly stuff about D'Hoffryn, Lord of the Vengeance Demons, Master of Arash Ma'har, etc. etc. All stuff we basically knew already. Nothing on Halfrek." Willow shrugged.  
  
"So how did it go with you?" Tara asked. "How was Anya?"  
  
Buffy hung up her coat. "Oh pretty good. Anya is...well, still Anya, and she's still hurting and trying to cope with it all, but she helped me out with some things."  
  
Tara nodded. "I guess the Magic Shop stopped being our meeting place with Willow's problems and Xander and Anya's break up. I try to pop by every now and then...you know. I hope she's doing okay. So, did she know anything specific?"  
  
"Yeah, some.." Buffy said as they all walked to the living room. Buffy crashed on the couch with Willow and Anya following suit.  
  
"Well turns out it's possible and maybe even likely that Spike and Halfrek knew each other before they got all demoned-up. Apparently, vampires and Vengeance Demons don't generally move in the same social circles and are not known to mingle. And at the same time these two happen to be pretty much from the same time period. They both got their evil on around the last two decades of the 19th century, were about the same age when they did and both of them were living in England at the time."  
  
Willow thought for a moment. "Wow, I wonder what they were like. As humans I mean? It's so hard to imagine Spike as any different from his leather- duster-cocky-vampire self."  
  
Buffy shrugged. "Yeah......I don't know, he could have been pretty much the same type of guy I guess."  
  
"Well now, maybe not." Tara added. "I mean, from what you guys told me, Angel is nothing like Angelus for instance."  
  
"Yeah," said Willow, "and erm, well...even YOU are not exactly the same now as you were before you became the Slayer. Not just lifestyle wise, but...you know."  
  
Buffy thought about that. "If you mean to say I used to be the legally blond version of Cordelia and now I'm not, well, yeah if you put it like that.. I guess... Well, there's no way of knowing. And I'm more interested in what they're planning."  
  
Willow and Tara exchanged a look. "Well, ehm..." Tara started. "You don't actually KNOW they're planning anything do you? I mean...."  
  
"Yeah" Willow said in hesitating support. "All you know is that they're hanging and...well, chatting apparently. Doesn't really seem like they're plotting to blow up Sunnydale. Besides, I don't think Spike would ever hurt you. I mean, I know he tried plenty of times in the past, but Buffy, after everything we've seen....we worked with him all summer and...I don't know, just the memory of you kept him on the straight and narrow."  
  
Tara nodded in agreement. "U-unless you think he has this spurned lover thing going. I mean like a crime of passion or something but..I don't know it doesn't....seem his style...."  
  
They both looked at her awkwardly. Buffy looked back.  
  
"What. You two trying to tell me something?"  
  
They exchanged that look again. "No, it's just...I mean.." Willow tried again.  
  
"Well ever since...the Anya thing, and you heard he's got some connection to Halfrek..." Tara tried to continue.  
  
"You've been...."  
  
"You've....."  
  
"Kinda..."  
  
"Sort of...."  
  
Buffy looked back and forth between the two girls until she got dizzy.  
  
"Stop it! Out with it already! You're making me queasy!"  
  
"Well," Willow said. "sorry Buff, but we saw how you looked when you say Spike with Anya. And now that he's making time with another girl you're kinda..all obsessie about it. Aren't you just...."  
  
Buffy leant her head forward a little. "What, jealous? Is that what you're saying?"  
  
Willow and Tara started shaking their heads. "No! No, no, we never said that."  
  
"Never used the 'j' word."  
  
"Not us."  
  
"No, no it's just...."  
  
"Yeah, just.."  
  
Buffy shook her head. "GUYS! Really, look I know what you're saying. And yes, I already said, it..affected me to see Spike with Anya...it..."  
  
Tara interrupted her gently. "Okay, but...how did it affect you? I mean, did it...hurt? To see them?"  
  
Buffy looked at her for a second. "I...I suppose it did...a little. Look it's just, hard to define. We had a thing, I know. And I guess I do have...feelings for him. But it's not love. I can't love a guy without a soul. I'm still not entirely convinced *he* can love without a soul. I mean I know he thinks he does, but..."  
  
She looked at their expectant faces and sighed. "Look, this Halfrek thing...she's proven she can be dangerous, and maybe she's just hanging out with Spike because they used to know each other and want to catch up. And yes, maybe.....it bothers me to see that. I mean we did have a.....thing...."  
  
"Again with the thing." Willow mumbled to Tara. Buffy shot her a look. "Sorry Buff, but it sounds like you don't really know what you felt or are feeling now or what. But you're certainly acting on those feelings, and our point is just that maybe you should figure them out first before you get all gung ho..."  
  
Buffy sighed and fell back into the couch. "You have a point, I know that. But it's not just me being messy feelings girl here. Halfrek IS a demon and she has proven to be potentially dangerous to us and now she's all over this former enemy-turned spurned lover. I think it's prudent to at least check things out a little."  
  
"Yeah, we can see that." Willow said.  
  
Buffy thought for a moment. "Alright, I guess the mature thing is to find him when he's alone and just ask him if she's up to something I should know about. I guess I owe him that, to just be open and fair with him. Straightforward. Honest."  
  
'Not hidden behind Mrs. Miggins' tombstone.' She thought to herself and rubbed her temples.  
  
"Sure, that's probably a good idea." Tara said. "Just be careful. And, well, I told you before, it's okay if you do have feelings for Spike, Buffy. He doesn't have a soul and while we don't even really know what that means, when you think about it, that sort of makes the good things he's done stand out all the more, you know?"  
  
Buffy looked at Tara and smiled while wishing she had half the capacity to see the truth and the good in people like her friend.  
  
"Alright," Buffy sighed. "Next stop, Spike's crypt. For a mature and open minded Oprah-talk."  
  
** **  
  
Me TBC!  
  
You R&R! 


	13. Fine

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 13: FINE  
  
Later that night when Buffy was on patrol and headed for Spike's crypt, she had mulled it all over inside her head. She had come around again and again that this was the best way. She wanted to know what was the deal here. And she felt that besides *wanting* to know, she had some justified grounds for *needing* to know.  
  
And this was the best way. Just talk. Get it off her chest. And she'd probably find that once she confronted this, that whole uneasy feeling would probably go away. The mind can make mountains of molehills, especially when you tell it not to. Maybe that nagging little voice would shut up. That voice that told her there was wrongness in the world when Spike was looking at other women.  
  
It had been plain that the spider chick from the wedding, what was her name, 'Tarantula' or something, had been a lame attempt and he had admitted as much. But this..there was a past between him and Halfrek. And there was tension. A tensiony past! It bugged her. She wouldn't let her mind call it the 'j' word as Willow and Tara had suggested, but..no, time to put it to rest.  
  
She got delayed twice by raising vampires she had to stake. It didn't take her long but she got distracted a moment when she thought she heard someone else around. Behind her. She couldn't see anything, and the vamp in front of her took advantage of her distraction by jumping her.  
  
As the last vamp was so much dust swirling in the chilly night wind Buffy ran her hand through her hair. Nothing else stirred. No one else was around. No new fledgling vamps crawling up. Alright, that should be the last of it. No more interruptions, no more putting it off.  
  
She walked around the tombstones back to the track she was on. She could already see Spike's crypt in the distance. And she could see the door. And she could see it open and Halfrek walk out!  
  
Quickly Buffy jumped behind a tree and watched her walk by, some 30 feet away from her. You could never tell it was a female demon walking by. She looked like a young woman who was out of place in a graveyard at night with a good manicure and fashion sense. Except her hair, Buffy noticed, was...ruffled. Like it had been down and messy and put up in a hurry. And her blouse not quite buttoned up.  
  
Matter of fact she was buttoning as she walked.  
  
Buffy turned away, all the way behind the tree now, and bit down on a curse. Great! Great, first he does Anya on the table, but oh no, that was a fluke, an accident. Now this? Another accident? Some undying devotion! The first time he really believes her when she says it's over he's all over the place, doing....  
  
No! NO! She told herself. They had nothing, she had told him to move on, to forget her and stop bothering her, and he was doing it. It was fine. Just fine! Just what she wanted! Couldn't have planned it better herself. Finnne!  
  
She stood under the tree, hissing the word 'fine' through gritted teeth for about another 30 seconds. Then she walked around and headed for Spike's crypt.  
  
Fine, they would have a talk!  
  
** **  
  
Spike climbed out of the lower part of his crypt. He was certain he heard something, sounded like the door. Halfrek had left earlier, maybe she left it open. Hm, door was closed. Couldn't be Buffy, all invisible again, wanting to have sex, could it?  
  
Nah, he should be so lucky.  
  
He was just putting some weed in a glass of blood when he heard the door again as it swung open and Buffy actually did walk in. Hastily he put the glass down. "Buffy? To what do I owe the..."  
  
"Shut up!" she snapped. Great, in one of those moods. He could already feel his nose hurt as she was sure to punch it at some point in the very near future.  
  
"Uhm, alri-"  
  
"What are you doing?" she interrupted again.  
  
"Uhm, I was just having a glass of pig's blood, actually. Which I'm sure will gross you out as usual but..."  
  
"Not that! And yes EW, by the way, but no I mean with your little evil demon girl friend!"  
  
Still on that. Spike used all his willpower to suppress a smile! She just reeked of jealousy and it was as sweet as nectar! Of course a smile now would quickly kill the conversation as well as some of the features of his chiseled face.  
  
"What do you mean?" he managed to get out smile-free.  
  
"You know what I mean! What, I break up with you and now you have to find old girl friend demons to....what, have them put revenge spells on me? Is that what you're doing?"  
  
"Old girlfriend?" How did she...? "Hey, wait a minute have you been digging through my past?"  
  
Buffy faltered for a moment. So it was true. Then she got a new wave of resentment and regained the aura of righteous indignation.  
  
"I'll.I'll ask the questions here! What, you liked what she pulled on my birthday? Are you cooking up something worse?"  
  
"What? What are you on about? I would never hurt you! You know that!"  
  
"Sure, like you could never look at another woman. Look how fast THAT went out the window! It's like I said, I can't trust you, you say stuff that sounds so earnest and then pfffff.."  
  
Spike raised his eyebrows. Where did this come from? "Slayer, have you gone completely mad? I love you! I've said it a 100 times and I'll say it again, it's the one constant in my otherwise pathetic life! That with Anya was....stupid, a weak, drunk moment. Now you've told me to sod off, that it's over, and I've tried to.."  
  
"Tried to what? You're still around! Still bugging me and my friends. And now hooking up with vengeance demons planning who knows what!"  
  
Spike's eyes flared. "Ooh but that's it isn't it? You keep saying you don't want me but as soon as another woman comes in my view you get yer knickers all twisted! I'm not supposed to love you but I'm not allowed to even look at anyone else, is that it? I'm only supposed to follow you around like the pathetic bugger I am, so you can get your rocks off by telling me 'no'. But you really DO want me to!"  
  
He folded his arms and looked at her firmly. "Admit it. You're jealous!"  
  
Buffy opened her mouth, and made several sounds that were like the beginnings of major scoffings. Before she could say anything Spike added: "You are jealous because you DO want me as much as I want you!"  
  
"I...I, what I am, is..disappointed! I at was at least starting to believe you that you MEANT all that talk of love and change and devotion! But now I see even on your side it was all crap!"  
  
Spike's jaw clenched with anger. "It! Isn't! Crap! Stop saying that!"  
  
"I saw her!" Buffy yelled! "I saw her here tonight, are you denying it??"  
  
Spike was taken by surprise. "Well..no, I'm not, but that doesn't...wait, you really have been spying on me haven't you? After coming here all set on your high horse accusing me with that whole soddin' camera thing, you were spying on me!"  
  
He approached her, fuelled on by what he was hearing. "Come on, admit it, you want me, you can't deny..."  
  
Fast as lightning her arm flashed and she decked him, full strength, taking him completely by surprise. Her fist landed right in the middle of his face. Spike flew through the air and landed hard on the side of the tomb, his back hitting the edge.  
  
As he rolled over after his landing on the ground and he felt the blood trickle down his nose he heard her voice, still a little unsteady with emotion but the words were cold as ice and sharp as a knife, : "Fine. Fine. You're a demon. I know it. I've always known. You're a demon without heart. My fault for not treating you like one. For believing even for a second you were anything more than an undead thing that crawls in the night. You have no soul, Spike. Fine. So be with your demonic girl, I'm sure you make a fine match, I'm sure she'll love all the evil and the bloodsucking and other....soulless, evil things that you enjoy."  
  
"You were always on about how vampires got me hot. Well Angel didn't get me hot without his soul Spike. I would never have loved him without his soul. And I won't, can't love you. You can't be trusted, you can't be loved and you 're not capable of love yourself. Angel's soul made him a man. I don't care how many pretty speeches you make, you're still a monster."  
  
She drew a breath. "Leave town." She snapped. "Don't come back."  
  
He didn't move as he heard her storm out and slam the door behind her. He just closed his eyes. And clenched his fists and bit back the tears that came rushing. Tears of anger, hurt and frustration.  
  
Harsh reality. It always comes knocking, sooner or later.. And in Buffy's case it always comes knocking far harder and crueler than he ever expects.  
  
** **  
  
TBC!  
  
Okay now, I can hear you all sharpening your knives out there. But you really can't write a Buffy/Spike story set in those days without some angst. Don't worry, I'm not forgetting the funnier side of what I'm doing. Trust me (trustworthy smile( ) 


	14. Wish I May, Wish I Might

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 14: WISH I MAY, WISH I MIGHT..  
  
"Helloooo." it echoed through Spike's crypt. "Are you in pal?" Clem's voice sounded uncertain. "You never showed up at the poker game last night. And I heard the Slayer was around here yesterday. You okay pal?"  
  
He was just about to leave when he heard a sound.  
  
He opened the door wider and came in. "Spike? Is that you?"  
  
"Urgllsmfghlll" it came from below.  
  
'Oh boy' Clem thought to himself. 'Sounds like he went out fighting again. Hope it isn't as bad as last time.' He went to the entrance to Spike's cave and climbed down the stairs. As he stepped off the ladder, his foot hit a bottle.  
  
"Spike?" he asked as he turned around. The bedroom was a mess. There were more than a few empty whisky bottles on the floor and the bed. Some of the furniture was trashed and the sheets were all over the place. But no Spike to be seen yet.  
  
"Spike are you here?" Wait, wasn't that..a foot hanging on the edge of the bed?  
  
"Henn, zzuure, where else izza munster s'pposed t'be? *hic*"  
  
It came from behind the bed on the floor. Clem walked around and saw Spike laying on the floor, his shirt open and torn with another two empty bottles next to him. His one leg was up with his foot dangling on the edge of the bed and he was holding a half-empty bottle in his one hand. His other arm was draped over his own head, the fingers dangling by his ear.  
  
"Oh boy." Clem muttered. No need to ask if the Slayer had been here.  
  
"C'z munsterz are s'pposed t'live in dark holez. Thaz where they doo ther crawlin'..."  
  
He looked up and squinted. Then he smiled. "Heeey, izz Clem!"  
  
"Yeah buddy, it's me, let's get you up now." He bent down to try and pick him up, which wasn't easy. He tried to put his free arm over his neck and as he did Spike started to hug him in a half successful, drunken way.  
  
"I luvya buddy, ya no dat, right!?"  
  
"Ngf! Sure pal sure, come on now, upsee daisee." He managed to hoist Spike up in a sitting position on the bed.  
  
"An'..an' I luv HER....bud...budd she sez I'ma munster.." he started to look extremely sad. Clem tried to take the bottle from his hand but before he could, Spike brought it up to his face and took another gulp.  
  
"No, no, come on now, I think you've had enough. Why don't you give that to Clem."  
  
Spike looked up at him and looked like a sad little boy. "M'm a munzter.." then he looked angry. "Bud not Aaanjuull...*hic*..nnoo, peeeches is jus' bluddy fine...he'z got soul..pffffffffff " He pulled a ridiculing grin. "she shoold see him dance..."  
  
Clem sighed and took the bottle. "Let me guess, you had another one of your little talks?" He shook his head. "I've said it before pal, not the greatest choice in the world. I mean she's a nice girl, and...well, especially friendly to some demons considering she's the Slayer, which really is pretty decent of her I think, but.ahem, as girlfriend material? A liiittle on the neurotic side."  
  
Spike snickered without much humor. "Preddy conziztent with me tho'...*hic* Alwayz endz with rippin' me ta shredz."  
  
"Yeah well, not consistent in a good way and that's what I mean. She's kinda..well, I don't mean to put her down but...let's say she's not LOW maintenance."  
  
At that Spike began to laugh. Loudly. It made him roll over on the bed, where the laughs turned to drunken sobs.  
  
"Ookay." Clem said as he patted him on the shoulder. "Time to put on the coffee..."  
  
He shook his head and turned to walk to the ladder. Before he reached it though he gave a little 'yelp' as he suddenly stared into Halfrek's face.  
  
"Well, hello to you too, Clemmet." She said, her eyebrows slightly raised.  
  
"Ah! Man, I mean, I'm sorry, you startled me. I didn't know you were there." Clem took a breath as he gripped his chest.  
  
"Sorry about that, when you can teleport you rarely use doors anymore." She looked past Clem to the bed where she saw Spike. "Oh my...."  
  
"Oh, yeah, " Clem said. "He's....in a bit of a state. Ahem, he rarely does that...anymore...really, it's just.....I was just going to get coffee."  
  
"Looks like a good idea." Halfrek said as she walked over to the bed. "Extra strong I'd say." She looked at Clem and smiled. "Maybe you should get some from that place down main street. I think he's out of coffee."  
  
Clem nodded uncertainly. "Uh yeah, okay sure, be right back." He turned and went up the stairs. He hoped this wasn't going to turn Halfrek off of Spike. They seemed to hit it off and it was probably a far better shot with her than with the Slayer. It would be nice if his friend had a girl that wasn't either beating him up or making him go nuts with the mind games. He'd hoped Spike would turn his attention to Halfrek. Nothing bad about Buffy, but she was killing him!  
  
As she heard Clem close the door behind him upstairs, Halfrek sat down on the bed. Spike's eyes were closed and she ran her fingers through his hair. My, how he had changed.  
  
"Spike? Can you hear me?"  
  
Spike's eyes opened slightly. "Wuh? Yeh, c'n hear you...."  
  
"Oh dear, what happened now?"  
  
"Huh.." Spike mumbled. "Bffy..."  
  
Halfrek's eyes narrowed a little as he said the name. "Yes. Of course. What else could it be. What'd she do this time?"  
  
"Mmm....munzter...she sez I'm a munzzter. Evil ded thing...." he sighed and his head turned towards her.  
  
"Well that sounds like her. But does it....does it really matter so much what she says?" she said as she caressed his cheek. "I mean she's the Slayer, she's bound to hate you. Hate us. Demons. I mean...it's to be expected. She's...she's not the only woman in the world you know...."  
  
Her mouth pulled tight as she whispered: "You used to know..."  
  
Spike frowned and gave another hiccup. "Why....why won't she luv me??" he mumbled kind of oblivious.  
  
Halfrek stiffened and pulled her hand from his face. She looked to the side for a moment and swallowed. Her hands tensed up and she stared down at them.  
  
"Fine....that's...fine then." She whispered to herself. She turned back to Spike.  
  
"So she was mean to you was she?" she said with a glint in her eyes.  
  
Spike snickered again. Again without much humor. "Whadels iz new."  
  
"Yes, she's always mean to you isn't she? Don't you hate that?" She sounded anxious now. "She's always hurting you, always causing you pain." Spike lay there, his eyes half closed, sort of nodding. "She hurds me.." he mumbled.  
  
"Don't you wish SHE would be in pain sometimes?" Halfrek went on.  
  
"Wish....I wish she'd see... shec'n luv me."  
  
Halfrek tensed up again. "No! No, don't say that. That's not....she's always hurting you, hitting you, using you when it suits her..always calling you monster, doesn't that make you wish you could make her pay? Make HER feel pain?"  
  
"I wish..." Spike interrupted, his eyes closed again.. "I wish I c'd make her..."  
  
"Yes? Yes?" Halfrek said, feeling her power swell, ready to be released into the ether, ready to make the wish come true.  
  
"I wish..I cud make her feel....what's like to be me....."  
  
"Done!" Halfrek hissed with her eyes closed as she felt her power flow and make the change. Then they opened widely.  
  
"WHAT did you say??" she said frantically. What kind of wish was that? What would THAT do?  
  
But Spike was already snoring loudly.  
  
** **  
  
TBC! (Ain't I a stinker?) 


	15. A New Attitude

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 15: A NEW ATTITUDE  
  
Tara walked out into the hall as her sociology class had just ended. She was looking forward to dinner with Willow and Buffy and Dawn. She hadn't moved back in since she felt it a little presumptuous, after everything that happened. It was important to her to stand on her own two feet, ever since she had first tried to break away from her family. She only moved into the Summers house with Willow because Buffy had died and they tried to have Dawn be able to continue living in her house with people she loved. Child services would certainly have placed her with a foster family otherwise.  
  
And the bot had served it's purpose and things had worked out. It had been really nice living there, even though everyone stayed sad for a long time. Then Buffy came back to life, Tara broke up with Willow and moved out, back to campus.  
  
Now it just felt a little too much to just move back into Buffy's house. She knew she was welcome but still. Not that it mattered much since she still spent most of her time there anyway.......  
  
She walked to her car and as she got in it, she remembered she had to go by the store to get some milk. She had noticed the day before they were out. She got out her cell phone and called Willow. Maybe she could pick up some other stuff while she was at the store.  
  
"Hello?" Willow. And she sounded a bit off.  
  
"Hi Will, it's me, on the way to the store now to."  
  
"Tara! I'm glad you called. Forget the store, just drive straight home. Something's...wrong."  
  
Tara gasped a little. In this town that had some really frightening possibilities! "W-what? What's happened, everyone alright?"  
  
Willow hesitated. "Well, no one's hurt or dead or anything and nothing crawling out of the walls to eat us, but..something's definitely up. With..Buffy, I mean, she's....well I can't explain it, just hurry home and see for yourself."  
  
Tara hung up reluctantly. She'd preferred to have heard at least something a little more specific than this. Something wrong with Buffy? Could she have mucked things up with her investigation earlier? Was there some bad after effect of the resurrection spell after all?  
  
She started the car and drove away, never noticing how Willow had used the word 'home' and how normal it had felt.  
  
When she arrived no more than three minutes later (it was rare for her to speed) she hurried to the door where Willow was already waiting with a worried face.  
  
"So, what is it? What's going on?" Tara asked as she walked inside. Willow closed the door and searched for words. "Where's Buffy?" Tara asked, really wishing Willow would say something by now.  
  
"Upstairs...in the bathroom. She'll be right out."  
  
"Okay, so she's...basically okay?" Tara asked as they walked into the living room.  
  
"Well, she's not hurt or anything, and if you ask her she doesn't even seem to see that there's anything different about her! Which makes me more sure she's under some spell. Like I accidentally put on her way back when."  
  
"You mean when everything you said came true? You told me about that. This is like that?"  
  
Willow shrugged, then nodded, then shrugged again. "I don't know. I think so. Right now I just need you to tell me you see it! Because she doesn't and I really begin to wonder if there's maybe a spell on ME!"  
  
"Well....but...what is it then? What's wrong with Buffy?" Tara pressed on. Then she heard footsteps by the door to the living room  
  
Buffy stood there, dressed in black jeans and a black t shirt. Her hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail and her entire pose reminded Tara momentarily of that scene at the end of Grease when Olivia Newton John appears, all dressed up and full of attitude.  
  
Then she saw the cigarette in Buffy's mouth as she moved to light it. After she took her first puff off it, she shook the match to extinguish it. Her nails had pitch black polish on them.  
  
Buffy tossed the match, took the cigarette out of her mouth between the thumb and index finger of her right hand and blew out some smoke.  
  
"Bloody hell, she still at it?" she said. It was Buffy's voice, but the accent was unmistakably cockney. Tara just stared at her with her mouth open.  
  
"Don't know what's up with her. Been tellin' her all day, I'm right as rain. What d'you figure, our little Willow been havin' a taste of the magic weed?" She gave a little snicker followed by a smirk that was only all too familiar. Tara tried to say something but still could only stare. She looked at Willow, who sat there nodding with a very concerned face, then back at Buffy, with her mouth still open. Buffy frowned.  
  
"You okay, luv?" she asked.  
  
** ** Spike woke up with a severe hangover. He almost fell out of bed as he tried to get up. His head was pounding as he started to climb the stairs. "Oooooh, bloody hell. Who beat me up this time.."  
  
"About 7 bottles of scotch, actually." Clem said in reply. Spike looked up over the edge of the hole and saw him in the chair where he was watching TV.  
  
"Clem? What happened?"  
  
"What usually happens. You had a little talk with your beloved Slayer, mean things were said and you got a major case of the blues. Thankfully, this time you only drank yourself unconscious instead of letting somebody beat the tar out of you."  
  
Spike groaned. "Not sure this feels much better."  
  
He walked to his fridge to get some blood. As he opened it he suddenly had a flashback. "Hey, did you....bring me coffee or something? I remember...."  
  
Clem, never taking his eyes off the TV sad: "Hm? Oh yeah, you looked like you needed it. Man, that must have been a record. You were at your 8th bottle!"  
  
Spike pulled up one corner of his mouth. "Yeah that's what they'll put on my stone. Well, thanks mate, seems like you do nothing but clean up after me these days."  
  
Clem laughed. "Oh, think nothing of it. And you know it's funny, just like last time you don't even remember Halfrek helping too."  
  
Spike's head shot up! Halfrek...yes, he remembered something. What did she say? Something about Buffy? Ah, it was so vague. "Ah. Uh, yeah, no I remember. I think."  
  
Clem shook his head. "Tsk, not seeing what's right in front of you do you pal?"  
  
Spike looked at him, not sure he understood....what happened? What did she say again?  
  
"I mean here's this nice, pretty girl, giving you all this attention and you just can't see it, and keep going back to the Slayer, who clearly is just hurting you. I think you just have a thing for women who are mean to you. If a girl is nice, woop! You don't even notice her."  
  
He sighed.  
  
"A lot of guys have that. My uncle Harry for instance, he once fell for a demon who devoured males after mating with them, and he barely survived several dates, but did he wise up? Noo, and in the end she just..."  
  
"Wait, do you...do you remember what we talked about? What she talked about?"  
  
"Uhm, well you weren't exactly very conversational, you know. And I went out to get the coffee at some point. Why?"  
  
Spike scratched his head. "Not sure, mate. I seem to...remember something, I don't know. Something's gnawing at the back of my head."  
  
Clem shrugged. "It's called a hangover, buddy." He chuckled and looked at the TV again.  
  
Spike still scratched his head. He just couldn't remember, but he could feel something was off.  
  
** **  
  
"She was just...off." Willow said.  
  
"So, when did it happen? Did you see the change? Or was it gradual?" Tara still couldn't believe it. Buffy was sitting outside now, smoking on the back yard porch, with her boots up on the railing. At least she had agreed to smoke outside.  
  
"I don't know. When I woke up it was already kind of...well, you know how she can kinda take a long time in the bathroom?"  
  
Tara nodded and smiled lightly.  
  
"Well, now she didn't. And, and when she came out of her bedroom, she..well she's usually all dressed and stuff. Now she was still pulling up her pants, and..well in a flash I saw...well, I wasn't *looking* you know, it just caught my eye."  
  
Tara nodded and patted her hand. "I know, go on."  
  
"Well I'm pretty sure she wasn't wearing any underwear! That's SO not Buffy! Especially wearing jeans! And then she went out and she hadn't said much so I figured her talk with Spike still had her all grouchy you know?"  
  
"Yes, she didn't say much about it last night. Probably didn't go too well."  
  
Willow frowned for a second. "Yeah, I know. But anyway, then she came back and she'd bought cigarettes! Buffy doesn't smoke! She hates smoking! And when I made a joke about it, she gave me that..look, and she talked....."  
  
"And you heard the accent."  
  
"Yeah I thought she was being funny! But she really wasn't. Plus she usually really sucks at doing accents. And I started to think something was wrong. And it just got worse from there. She had scotch for breakfast! And she won't see it! She says I'm crazy and that she's fine. I'm just glad you see it too. Luckily, Dawn had gone to school already and she's sleeping over at a friends tonight, but we can't keep this under wraps forever! We have to find out what's wrong!"  
  
Tara nodded again. "Has to be some spell, we'll have to look into it." She looked at Willow. "I mean *I'll* look into it of course."  
  
Willow looked sad. "She's my friend and I'd do anything to help her but I don't want to...you know, fall off the wagon if there's any chance of there being another way."  
  
Tara bent forward and kissed her. "Don't worry, we'll be fine. I'll go check out some books." She got up to leave the room, then turned. "Uhm, we do agree on this right? I mean it seems pretty obvious."  
  
Willow nodded. "At first she sorta reminded me of Faith, and I was scared there'd been another body-swap or something. But no....she's more like..."  
  
"Spike." Tara finished.  
  
"But she isn't. It's still Buffy. Or she thinks she's Buffy which is sort of the same I guess. Do you...do you think she was right? That Spike did something out of revenge, a spurned-lover thing, as you said?"  
  
Tara looked through the window where Buffy was blowing smoke circles. "I..I think it's too early to say anything. It could be a lot of things. I mean you know how a spell can go wrong. I'm more wondering if maybe he tried a love spell that backfired?"  
  
Willow sighed. "Yes, that crossed my mind too. But whatever it is, there's definitely some connection to Spike."  
  
"Yes." Tara said. "I'm going to the Magic Shop, get some books and maybe Anya can help us out."  
  
** **  
  
TBC! 


	16. Strange Tidings

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 16: STRANGE TIDINGS  
  
Willow looked at the dinner table and took a deep breath.  
  
Take it easy. It's just Buffy. Really.  
  
She'd hoped Tara would stay for dinner before she went to Anya, but she was right, there was no time to lose. So it was now just her and Buffy.  
  
Or rather, the new Buffy. The 'Spike-Buffy'.  
  
What would that make her, 'Bike'? 'Spuffy'? Well, Spuffy was better than Bike, but....oww, okay let's get it over with. It was a good way to keep things normal, keep an eye on Buffy and keep her at home. Just have dinner.  
  
"Uhm, Buffy?" she called out the her. "Yeh?" was the north London answer from the back porch.  
  
Willow swallowed. "Uhm, dinner's ready."  
  
She heard Buffy take a drag. "Oh, right." It sounded a bit like 'roit' and the 't' half-disappeared. It was just freaky. She saw her toss her cigarette into the yard and get up.  
  
She walked in with a slight casual swagger. "So, what're we eating, red? I'm feeling peckish." She sat down on a chair. Way down. Like sitting as much on her back as on her butt.  
  
"Oh nothing special. Some beans, mashed potatoes and pork chops. Nothing great, mostly cans and microwave." Willow forced a normal tone.  
  
Buffy bent forward and picked up her pork chop with her fingers. "Oh, 's alright. Nothing wrong with pork chop." And at that she started munching the meat off the bone.  
  
Willow sat down across from her and tried to focus on her own dinner. But it was hard. 'Maybe if it had been Faith, I wouldn't even have noticed that quickly, apart from the accent.' she thought. But Buffy was more...well, better groomed in life than Faith. Bigger contrast. Although even Faith made better use of napkins than this. No actually Faith was kinda...slutty....and trashy, but not butch or masculine or something. This was different.  
  
Buffy looked at Willow in between bites. "What's the matter, pet? Wires still a bit crossed up there?"  
  
"Oh no, I'm fine, I'm just..just.." Willow tried. Then she frowned. "NO, I don't have the 'wires crossed up there'! YOU do! Buffy come on! You just called me 'pet'! You don't call me 'pet'! You've NEVER called me 'pet'! It's freaky!"  
  
Buffy looked at her, mouthed a slow 'oookay' like Willow just said she thought she was Napoleon or something, and turned back to her pork chop. Willow let her head fall down on the table with a deep sigh.  
  
** **  
  
"So she's what, bleaching her hair white now?" Anya asked.  
  
Tara thought for a moment. "Well, she hasn't yet, but as far as I could tell it could be just around the corner. She's drinking bourbon, smoking like a fiend and, well..uhm, apparently going..uhm, 'commando'."  
  
"Huh." Anya thought for a moment and snickered slightly. Tara gave her a mellow 'ahem' look, yet couldn't help but smile a little herself. "I know, it sounds like something from a sitcom, but it could be serious."  
  
"Oh no, I mean, yeah, sure." Anya said. "I was just picturing it. I mean...." Then she started to giggle. "And she called you 'luv'??"  
  
Tara gave a little sigh and nodded.  
  
"Well now, I was kind of hoping you'd just come for some books and I didn't have to get actively involved because, you know...." she gave a little shrug as she closed up the cash register. "... I don't really want to."  
  
Tara nodded politely. "Yes, well, I'm sure you're busy."  
  
"Oh, not even that. It's just, well, when there's a crisis at Buffy's house, somehow these highly dramatic emotional confrontations always manage to pop up in between the demon fighting." She sighed as she put on her coat. "And I could really do without another one of those."  
  
Tara suppressed a smile and managed to nod in agreement as Anya continued. "And Dawn always gets extra whiny, which can be really annoying. I mean when she starts with the shrieking, pffff. I didn't even think humans could go that high!"  
  
Tara was putting several of the store's old books in her bag, as Anya turned to her and gave a sunny smile. "But *this*, I gotta see!"  
  
"We really appreciate it." Tara said.  
  
After Anya locked the shop, they started to walk down towards Tara's car. "So, do I have all the volumes that could be useful? I mean if Spike did put a love spell on Buffy.."  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
They both stopped in their tracks as Xander stood in front of them. "Spike did what??" For a moment they all just looked at each other.  
  
"Xander, what are you doing here?" Anya asked.  
  
Xander snapped out of his surprise. "I uh, I-I came to talk to you, I mean...how we left things last time...I just...." Anya sighed and looked to the side. "What, you want to give me more speeches about how only *you* are allowed to hurt *me*!?"  
  
"No! No, that's not it, I just...."  
  
"Uhm, guys." Tara said carefully. "I'd hate to interrupt, and if you guys need to have this talk now, then go ahead, but I really have to get back to Buffy and Willow. And frankly, Anya, if you know anything that can help us.."  
  
"What's wrong with Buffy?" Xander asked, remembering what he heard. "What was that about a love spell?? Did Spike put a love spell on her? That sick, twisted.."  
  
"Yeah," Anya muttered. "A love spell on a woman who dumped you that goes wrong. That would NEVER happen to you."  
  
Xander didn't finish his line and relaxed his clenched fist with a slight sigh. "Alright," he said. "Point taken."  
  
He looked at Anya and smiled sadly. "My own fault for telling you about that one huh?"  
  
Anya's anger left her face for a moment but then she avoided his gaze again.  
  
"But you can't have me hear the words 'Spike', 'Buffy' and 'love spell' in one sentence and expect me to NOT freak out. I mean, we saw that happen before with Willow, and, and I did that same stupid thing once and, and... I'm still reeling from the thought that Buffy...had something with that guy right in front of us and I never caught on, and..and I feel even more stupid when I think of every time I told him to shove off because he didn't have a chance with her..."  
  
"Is there a point to this list of your moments of stupidity?" Anya said. "Because as Tara said, we have to go now. And if you're going to list them ALL..."  
  
Xander gave her a look. "My point is, Willow once did it accidentally, and I was being stupid dumped-boy, but Spike's a vampire. And he has no soul. Who knows to what ends a guy like that goes when he feels rejected by the object of his obsession! And from the sound of it, we may be finding that out right about now."  
  
"Well, it's too early to say what's going on but there definitely seems to be a Spike link." Tara said.  
  
Xander frowned "You don't really know what's going on but you know for sure Spike's involved? What do you mean? He did the spell, then put his signature in the lower right corner?"  
  
"Uhm, no..." Tara hesitated, "let's just say that if we hurry, we could still prevent her from buying a duster and start listening to the 'Sex Pistols greatest hits' ."  
  
Before Xander could voice the 'huh' that was already apparent in his face, Anya cut in: "And grow a penis!"  
  
They both looked at her. "What?" she shrugged and looked at Tara. "It's possible. I mean, from what you said.."  
  
Tara thought about that and raised her eyebrows. "Not even...impossible I suppose...I mean, if it's still an ongoing process instead of something already finished..."  
  
Xander looked back and for the between the two girls, and finally found a voice:  
  
"WHAT????"  
  
** **  
  
Willow sat on the couch and looked at Buffy slouched down in her chair, her feet crossed and up on the table while sipping some bourbon from a bottle. She had been zapping along on the TV without finding much worth watching. Willow was just glad it was too late for "Passions".  
  
Then suddenly, Buffy put the bottle down, stretched and got up. "Right. Think I'll go bust some vamp heads." Willow's eyes grew big and got up.  
  
"No! No, I mean, we have to wait for Tara. Wouldn't you rather stay and have some more...uh, hard liquor or something?"  
  
Buffy sighed and gave her a look. "Sorry Red, world doesn't stop for you getting all bent out of shape. I'm the Slayer."  
  
'Oim the Slayuh'. Willow winced.  
  
"Gotta patrol, keep the puppies and the girl scouts safe and all that. Can't be sittin' about."  
  
She went to the hall and put her jacket on. Willow thought frantically.  
  
"You're right!" she suddenly said.  
  
Buffy turned to Willow with her head tilted a bit. "Really now."  
  
"Yeah, something's wrong with me. Someone probably put a spell on me. You can't leave me alone! Who knows what I'll do! I could..."  
  
Buffy shifted her weight, crossed her arms and raised one eyebrow as she looked at Willow less than convinced.  
  
".....I could go all wonky and start magicking around the house! Anything could happen!"  
  
Buffy smirked and pulled out her cigarettes. "Yeah, you could de- alfabetize all the CDs. Sorry luv, not buying. You just sit tight till Tara comes back and exorcises all your 'funniethoughts'. Got work t'do."  
  
"But-but.." Willow stammered. Her only reply was the shutting door. She ran to it and opened it. "Buffy, wait!" She looked around but the street was empty. Damn! Did she jump back over the roof? Run really fast and jump the fence across the street? No way to tell.  
  
She went back inside and crashed on the couch. "Well, that was useful...." Maybe it wouldn't be so bad though. She was still Buffy, and it was doubtful her ability to slay had lessened. If anything, Spike's traits would make her a meaner fighter. And she said she was just going to patrol, so she'd come back like always and hopefully they'd have something figured out by then.  
  
"Yeah, something like that." she mumbled to herself. If nothing happened. If she didn't run into something worse than the usual vamp, something that needed slayer planning and not Spike's jumping-in-head-first-attitude.  
  
And this was Sunnydale. Plenty of Big Bads to run into.  
  
Willow looked up from her own thoughts. 'Running into Big Bad'.....  
  
She felt herself pull a very awkward face.  
  
"Uh oh...."  
  
** ** TBC! Now R&R! 


	17. Revealing Get Togethers

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 17: REVEALING GET-TOGETHERS  
  
"C'mon then, ya wankers!" Spike snarled.  
  
The group of vampires in front of him snarled back. One was down, one was hurt, the other three were gearing up.  
  
It was his third fight of the evening. Not going to the bars, not tonight, but god he needed to fight. He needed to kill something! But hitting the bars would end in drunken brawls and no matter how many fights he won, sooner or later THAT would end with him in a bloody mess without even remembering too clearly how it happened.  
  
So no bars, no boozing. Clem had a point, bad way to go. But he needed to kill something. Her words still echoed in his mind every second he didn't distract it. And nothing distracted so well as a good fight. Busting some heads, breaking some jaws.  
  
Plus he learned a long time ago there was something to be said for sober fights over drunken ones. He won them more easily and enjoyed them more too being able to actually remember them. And since he didn't feel like wandering around too far, he stuck close to home, which meant in the graveyard in search for vampires.  
  
There were lots of little gangs like these strutting around town. Fledgling punks, still had dirt behind their ears, some only having been vamped as little as weeks or even days ago. And as soon as they ganged up a little with other snotnosed brats, oh how tough they thought they were.  
  
It hadn't actually been that hard when he had to switch from killing humans to killing vampires two years ago. The loss of 'live-feeding' had been tough, sure, but as killing goes, humans didn't put up enough of a fight.  
  
Plus there was another bonus. He looked at the vamps in front of him, trying to spread out, to box him in. They thought they were top of the hill, especially the new ones. 'Oh, I'm vampire now, I'm so strong.' They thought they could take on the world. Even when their opponent was also a vampire, and had been at it for far longer than them, had spent a century doing little else but fight! Plus the older vamps got, the stronger. Slowly, but steady.  
  
One of them charged him with a growl. Spike sidestepped and flung a fist into the side of his face. Hard. The vampire flew to the side and crashed into the pedestal of an angel statue. Before he could recover Spike grabbed him by the throat with his right hand and lifted him up against the statue's side.  
  
The vampire made a gurgling sound. He tried to call the others for help as they stood there gawking, but to do that you need to use our lungs, to get the air past the vocal chords. And Spike's grip was like steel. The young vampire grabbed his arm and tried to move it. He found it wasn't unlike being gripped by a marble statue as Spike tensed up his arm to make sure it wouldn't move. It cost more energy than it showed on his face, but they didn't need to know that. And it added to it. That other bonus. There it was: surprise.  
  
The surprise of something that thinks it's a big, bad, monster that prowls the night...that thinks it's the hunter and then encounters something that can eat it for breakfast. That moment when it realizes it is in fact the prey. There it was, in the eyes. And as always followed by dessert: surprise turning into fear.  
  
It was all there in the vamp's face and Spike grinned. No whisky could beat that.  
  
He held the vampire in place as he turned his head and looked back at the two others who were still standing there, unsure what to do. The expressions on their faces were not that different from the one he held up.  
  
"Come on now, laddies. Don't be shy, there's enough to go around." His face vamped out and there was a glow in his eyes as he bared his fangs and laughed.  
  
The vampires hesitated and exchanged looks that did not spell bravery. He may have overdone it. He wanted them to fight not run. He wanted some good kills, and didn't feel like running after them for it!  
  
Then, from the left, the wounded vamp that had been on the ground, suddenly jumped him. Spike dropped the one he was holding as his attacker rammed into his stomach with his shoulder. He immediately seized the vamp's neck with his arm and thrust him around, smashing him into the statue. The vampire crashed into the ground, clawing, trying to get up. Spike stepped up and kicked him upwardly in the ribs just as the young vamp had managed to get on all fours. Then he smashed his fist down into his face, making him crash into the ground again.  
  
He could tell the other vampires were just looking on. 'Not the bravest bunch' he thought. To give them an opening even they might take, he turned his back on the main group completely as he placed his knee on the fallen vampires back, grabbed his head and with a twisting motion, ripped it off completely. His knee sank to the ground as the body he was leaning on turned to dust.  
  
He got up, wiping the dust off his hands. "Well now, anyone care to.." He started, but all he saw was three figures, running away among the gravestones as fast as they could.  
  
"HEY!" He yelled not without some indignation. "Come back here!!" Damn, he overdid it. Should have let that last one land a few punches, it may have gotten their courage up a bit. He cursed silently and started to chase them, jumping over headstones as he ran.  
  
"Get back here and fight, ya soddin' gits!" he yelled to no avail. Was there no pride left in vamps these days? Damn, they were splitting up. He looked quickly at all three and followed the biggest one. Maybe he'd last longer.  
  
Spike ran as fast as he could, and he knew the graveyard well. Soon there would be a bit of a clearing in front of a mausoleum. If he could make a jump from a big tombstone right before that, he'd probably..  
  
Before he could finish that thought something shot out of the dark and tackled the vampire he was chasing with a crushing 'thud'. Distracted by it, he had to dodge the stone he was planning to jump on to prevent from crashing into it.  
  
As he regained his balance, he heard a brief struggle followed by the familiar sound of a body bursting into a dusty cloud. Someone beat him to it. And there was not a long list of possible candidates.  
  
Buffy got up, wiped her sleeve and noticed him looking at her. She smirked. "Getting' slow are we, pet?" she said. "Li' le fledgling vamp to fast for you then?"  
  
Spike opened his mouth to answer, then stopped. What was that? Was she making fun of his accent now? Well, that was new. Not quite what he expected either.  
  
"Uh, not hardly." He answered, not sure what the vibe was here as her usual disdain also seemed absent. Certainly compared to the last time he saw her. "Was just about to jump him when you butted in."  
  
Buffy smirked again. "Sure mate, let's say that's what happened eh?"  
  
Spike frowned. Not bad as imitations go, but the joke was getting old now. Plus there didn't seem to be enough sarcasm to it. And where were the curses? The 'you still here?'s and the 'get out of my face!'s?  
  
"You alright, Slayer?" he asked, looking her up and down a bit. He noticed her black nail polish. Huh, that was new. Not the usual pearly pastels. Didn't look bad though.  
  
Buffy looked at him and rolled her eyes. "Bloody hell, not you too! Spare me the looks and the wiggin'-outs, had my share today, thanks."  
  
It was beginning to bug him now! "Look, I don't know what the soddin' joke is here but it's getting kind of old, alright, Slayer? Maybe this is some new little game you managed to cook up to get your rocks off, 'have another laugh at Spike' or something, but I'm not bleedin' amused!"  
  
Buffy looked at him with genuine surprise. "Don't get yer knickers all in a twist mate, what's with you then?"  
  
Spike drew breath for another angry reply, but then he noticed again the complete absence of sarcasm or mocking tone or, well...any kind of punch line. He stopped and looked at her again. What was going on here?  
  
Buffy shrugged. "Whatever, mate. can't be standing here all day." And with that she wandered off leisurely. She stuck her stake under her arm as she checked out some fresh graves she passed here and there.  
  
Spike was still standing there, frowning, and looking at her intently as if he was trying to find a needle in a walking haystack. Then he started to follow her slowly.  
  
Buffy snickered a little. "Someone is stalking meee." she said. At the tone of a little kid's taunt in a school yard. A British school yard. Spike tried to reply but he couldn't think of anything to say. Something weird was definitely going on here but....  
  
That thought was cut short when he was jumped by two vampires. The same two from before except they had brought some reinforcements. A third jumped him from the other side and several more vamps circled Buffy as well.  
  
"Bloody hell, not NOW!" Spike growled as he bashed one vamps head against the wall of the mausoleum.  
  
** **  
  
"Well, what could I have done? Chain her to the couch?" Willow moaned.  
  
"Don't worry Will, no one says it's your fault. If Buffy wants to leave, she'll leave. There's nothing you could have done." Xander reassured her. Then he thought for a second. "Although that 'chaining' thing is not bad as visuals go."  
  
Everyone was in the living room, with several magic books already spread out on the table and various laps. "Xander's right hon, don't worry about it. And as you said, she's just patrolling and there's no reason to think her abilities are any less than normal. She'll probably show up in a few hours. Let's try and have something worked out by then."  
  
"Yeah so we're looking for love spells, right?" Xander asked as he flipped through an ancient volume on his lap. "As I recall, the one...ahem I had Amy do, wasn't that hard to reverse."  
  
"No, they usually aren't." Tara answered. "But the hard thing is to know what spell was used, in whose name it was invoked, were there catalysts involved, that sorta stuff."  
  
"Catalysts? You mean like I used Cordy's necklace?" Xander remembered.  
  
"Exactly, something personal could be a catalyst. But..."  
  
"Well then let's check if something's missing." Xander interrupted. "Would be helpful if Buffy was here or Dawn, but we can check. I mean it wouldn't be the first time Spike would have stolen something for his Buffy scrapbook."  
  
Tara sighed and lent on her arm. "No, but...well..."  
  
Willow glanced at her girlfriend in between flipping pages. "But you're not so sure it's a love spell ?" Tara looked at her and smiled.  
  
"Me neither." Willow shook her head.  
  
"What do you mean?" Xander said. "Seems an obvious choice. Spike wants her, she...has a fling with him, then she breaks it off...he gets desperate. Remember Will, he had the same idea before. When Dru left him he wanted you to..."  
  
"I know." she said. "I remember, but I also remember he never went through with it. And I'm not saying it's not an option but, this doesn't seem like a love spell. For one thing....where's the love?"  
  
"Exactly." Tara said. "Even love spells gone wrong usually still include some obsession or affection for someone in their results. Like in your case, Xander, it went to...well, everyone. Not who you intended but the effect was still what it should be."  
  
Xander flashed back for a second to multitudes of women screaming his name. He sighed. He could have enjoyed that so much more if he hadn't been running for his life.  
  
"And when my own spell misfired, she and Spike were all over each other, but they were still themselves where everything else was concerned." She thought for a moment. "Here it seems to be the opposite. No sign of sudden love cooties, but..her personality is changed. She never spoke of Spike as her 'love' or anything, she just..."  
  
"Started acting like him. Taking over his personality traits. No, doesn't sound like a love spell." Tara added.  
  
"So..what does that mean, he's changing her? Making her more to his 'liking'? Making his perfect Buffy? That's even worse!" Xander said getting angry again.  
  
"But to him, Buffy already was perfect. I mean we were all around him for the past two years, he worshipped the ground she walked on." Willow countered. "From what I've seen he couldn't even stand to be around the Buffy-bot, not just because it reminded him of her but because of all the ways she was so clearly NOT Buffy. I'm sorry, I could be all wrong here but I'm not sure this is something Spike would particularly go for."  
  
Tara smiled as she looked at Willow who was brooding in earnest now. "I'd sooner see him do a love spell, but....as we said..."  
  
Through all this Anya had just silently sat in her chair listening to them go back and forth. Now though she rubbed her temples and sighed.  
  
"It's not a love spell." she said quietly.  
  
Xander who was just about to say something stopped and looked at his ex, as did Tara and Willow. "What do you mean, how do you know?"  
  
"Because I know. It's the spell of a Vengeance Demon." Anya said tiredly.  
  
Tara's eyes grew big and she and Willow exchanged looks. "You mean you think Buffy was right in her suspicions? Spike had that friend of yours, Halfrek do something to Buffy?"  
  
"Well..." Anya started.  
  
"But how can you be so sure? I mean it's a possibility but.." Willow frowned and looked at Anya intently.  
  
"Wait a minute," Xander cut in. "Halfrek? That friend of Anya's? What does she have to do with it?"  
  
"She's been hanging out with Spike, Buffy was wondering why." Tara explained quickly, "It's possible but..well it doesn't seem like revenge any more than like a love spell."  
  
Willow nodded, thinking about it. "Yeah, I mean, making her smoke and spout British slang? Not really earth shattering in terms of spurned-lover- revenge."  
  
Anya frowned as she rubbed her closed eyes this time. "Enough! I don't know anything about that, but it's a spell by Halfrek, yes. I know because I felt it when it happened."  
  
For a moment the room was silent. Xander just looked at Anya.  
  
"You...felt it?" Willow asked not understanding. "What do you mean? You didn't feel anything on Buffy's birthday when we were under Halfrek's spell. You had no more clue than the rest of us."  
  
"Is it..because you used be a Vengeance Demon?" Tara asked carefully. "But, Willow's right, you..."  
  
"No." Xander said quietly never taking his eyes off Anya. For a moment everyone was silent. Then he calmly added: "It's because she IS a Vengeance Demon."  
  
Anya looked up at him and said nothing. "Aren't you....." Xander said.  
  
Willow and Tara drew in a deep sudden breath as they looked at Anya, who still said nothing. Xander and Anya just looked at each other in silence until he spoke again.  
  
"When...?"  
  
Now she glared at him. "When do you think?!" she snapped.  
  
** **  
  
TBC!  
  
Now R&R! 


	18. Getting a Grip!

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 18: GETTING A GRIP!  
  
Between the two of them the gang of vampires hadn't lasted long. It was exactly the kind of thing Spike had been looking for earlier but as irony will have it, he only found it an annoyance now.  
  
Not that fighting and killing alongside Buffy wasn't high on his list of perfect times to have, (although not at the top!) but something was wrong with her and he couldn't be bothered with a fight right now.  
  
Still, there had been little choice as the vamps jumped them and wordlessly they fell into their regular fighting mode. The last vamp's dust was still in the air as Buffy caught her breath and sat on a stone. "Well, that was a proper scrap, if a bit on the easy side." she said.  
  
Still with the cockney, just like during the fight when he was certain he heard her call an opponent a 'git'. But at least by now he was sure she wasn't mocking him. He wasn't sure WHAT she was doing but she seemed to be unaware of it.  
  
As the moment of post-battle quiet fell over them Spike lent against a wall and Buffy stretched her back. They'd had many of those moments in the past few months, when they patrolled together and they always ended the same. Straight after a battle they'd catch their breaths (or rather, she caught hers and he lit up a smoke) for a moment and soon, she'd be shooting him looks from the corners of her eyes, while pretending not to. Waiting for him to say something. Which he always did. A come on, a naughty remark, a clear invitation to get sweaty and grunty in the other way.  
  
She would then of course reject his advances as always. She'd say something about how disgusting he was and the word 'no' fell at least a dozen times. Sometimes she'd even make a move that looked like she was actually walking away, but as always, less than 2 minutes later they'd be tearing each other's clothes off in his crypt. Or sometimes even before they reached it.  
  
But of course, afterwards she would again walk away, like clock work. And still make sure he felt like something she stepped on. But it didn't stop those times from being the best of his life. Because he was with her, and he knew night would fall again. And he would be with her again.  
  
Of course that appeared to have ended recently. But still after all that time, they slipped back into the unspoken little habits of nightly vampire fighting.  
  
Spike looked at her sitting there on a headstone, stretching her one arm with the other, and he sighed. Like nothing was amiss. But there clearly was. Then, while musing on how to approach this, he absent-mindedly reached into his coat and got his cigarettes. Being occupied with that he never saw her do the same. And neither of them noticed they popped a cigarette in their mouths at the same time and with practically the same motion.  
  
Spike patted his pockets but found he left his lighter at home. "Oh bloody hell...!" he cursed, then suddenly saw the flame in front of his face as Buffy held her lighter up. It was a cheap one gotten at a gas station before she got to the graveyard.  
  
"Oh, thanks..." Spike said and bent forward, putting his cigarette into the flame. Then, as he took a puff, he turned his eyes up and looked at her with the lighter, a cigarette dangling from her mouth.  
  
He pulled back with a jerk and his head almost hit the wall. "What are you doing??" he asked.  
  
Buffy frowned and looked at him like he was crazy. "Giving you a light, mate. Looked like you could use one."  
  
"Yeah, but....you're smoking!" He stammered.  
  
She raised her eyebrows. "Yeahh, keen eye you got there."  
  
"You hate smoking!" What WAS going on with her? She usually complained when he lit one up in his crypt after they'd...... "Buffy, you don't smoke!" he stated firmly.  
  
She raised her eyebrows again and smiled. She took a drag and blew a cloud of smoke in his face. "You don't say." she smirked.  
  
As Spike waved the smoke away she turned and picked up her stake by the foot of the stone she'd sat on. She looked it over and brushed some dirt and dust off it. Spike stood there. He didn't know what to do. He'd seen a lot of weird things, more than a few of them here in Sunnydale but this was just...  
  
She saw him stare again and grinned. "Oh now, don't tell me even this tickles your fancy." He didn't understand what she meant but then he saw her hold the stake by the tip, grip it with her other hand and rub it up and down! She picked a last speck of dirt off it with a scratch of her nails, while giving a little purr.  
  
He was actually taken aback for a second. "Hey, no, I wasn't..." She laughed and put the stake to her mouth, making a little dent in her lower lip while she continued running her nails over it. "Really now. That would be a first then. No dir'y thoughts in Spike's little head. You sure 'bout that?"  
  
She walked up to him with a sexy swagger, her hips wiggling in a rhythm with her shoulders. He tried to say something but she was up in his face before he knew it. "Nah, Spike's not the bloke to have naughty thoughts about Buffy now....That a stake in your pocket or you happy to see me?"  
  
He stood there, pinned to the wall. He searched for words but nothing came out. Usually he'd have been all over her by now, but.....  
  
"I thought....what happened to...what you said.."  
  
For a moment he saw her search her memory. Then she shrugged. "Yeah, well. Not all that important, is it?" He felt her hand feeling him up through his pants and sighed. "Uhm well, no...not to me it wasn't. I mean..."  
  
She kissed him in his neck and nibbled. He moaned. 'Bloody hell, as changes go, I can live with this one!' he thought.  
  
He grabbed her by the neck and kissed her hard, her tongue tickling and teasing in his mouth, her scent filling him. God, he'd feared he would never feel her again, taste her again.. As he went down to her neck to return the nibbling favor, she chuckled and tore his shirt open, then her hands went down to his pants. She didn't even bother with undoing them as she just gave a hearty yank and the button and zipper easily gave way. She grinned as she gripped him tight.  
  
"That's right, pet. There's a good vamp. Always rising to the occasion." she whispered mischievously.  
  
'Pet??'  
  
It suddenly hit him and he pushed her back, holding her by the shoulders. She looked surprised. "What's the matter, luv? Not like you to be all chaste all of a sudden."  
  
'Luv'! It hit him alright. It all clicked. The accent, the smoking...even her come-on hadn't been right. He'd heard her whisper all kinds of nasties and naughties to him over the past months and he'd seen her down and dirty, but this, this wasn't HER down and dirty..it was HIS!  
  
"Bloody hell..!" he mumbled. That was it. She was like him. A bit, anyway. Some weird mixture of both of them. No wonder they were about to do the nasty again. All the reasons she had to end their affair were no problem to HIM now were they? And now they weren't to her anymore either. Which sounded great in theory, but she wasn't herself. This was him talking. Well, partially. Buffy herself did want him, she'd admitted that before even as she broke up with him. Blend that in with his own attitude and....  
  
"Ahem," she said. "Let go of me."  
  
He'd been holding her by her shoulders just staring in her face while realizing it all. He also realized he could have a LOT of sex right now. But now that he saw...well, himself in her eyes, her face, her voice...it was just too weird. He was pretty happy with himself generally, but he wasn't THAT narcissistic. And he didn't want her that way. He wanted the real her...the real her really wanting it!  
  
"Buffy, you, you have to listen to me..." He searched for words. How did this happen? A spell obviously but.....then he had a flashback. The other night! Halfrek! He couldn't remember clearly but he already had had this vague sense of some conversation with her..what was it..she'd sat by him..something about Buffy.  
  
"Oh no.." he muttered. He still couldn't really remember, but it made sense. What had she done....what had she made HIM do???  
  
"Spike. Let go! Now!" Buffy repeated. Her patience had dried up. Makes sense. She wasn't that patient even without his personality traits, let alone now!  
  
He looked at her, still not moving, trying to think of what to do. Then he saw her eyes slowly look down, and involuntarily he did the same. It was then that he noticed that her left hand was still... holding him. Suddenly she gripped him a lot tighter making his tip swell up as it stuck out of the top of her fist. "Ahhh.." he said. Her Slayer strength had had it's uses in the recent past but this hurt a bit.  
  
Then her other hand reached in, the shine of her dark nails dancing in the moonlight as her fingers playfully twinkled. Then she grabbed his 'head' with the tips of her nails.... and gave a good hard squeeze!  
  
Spike's face shot back up, his eyes spread wide and his cheeks puffed like he was about to blow out some candles. Then:  
  
"**AAAAAOOOOOWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**"  
  
He gripped himself with both hands as he shifted his weight from one leg to the other and back again. Buffy turned and strolled away. "Told you to let go-oo." she said with a smile.  
  
Spike's face looked very strained as he moaned "Bllllooooddy....blleeedin'...hellll..!!!" Apparently, his traits made her a lot meaner than usual...He thought for a second. No, actually that could easily have been the Buffy he knew.  
  
'Okay, buck up now, don't let her walk off. Come on, something's wrong with her and it's most likely your fault.' He looked down and opened his hands. Okay, all still there, all still there. No pieces missing. Didn't even draw blood. Close enough to it though. And she sure left a few marks.  
  
"Five to be precise." he muttered with a painful face as he saw the little half-circles.  
  
He looked up and saw her walk a bit further among the tombstones. "Buffy, wait!" he called out to her. Without turning around she raised her hand in a dismissive wave. "Sorry, mate I was up for a nice roll in the hay, but if you're gonna get all funny on me.."  
  
And with that, she walked on.  
  
Spike pulled up his pants to run after her. Then he noticed... The button: gone. The zipper: busted. Must have happened as she'd torn his pants open! They couldn't close! They wouldn't stay up!  
  
He looked at the sky in frustration for a second.  
  
"Oh, bugerrrrrr..!!" He groaned. Then he started running after her, holding his pants up. Things couldn't possibly get any worse than this.  
  
** **  
  
.  
  
TBC!  
  
(Okay, I got a little naughty here. Couldn't resist. But come on we all KNOW they've done a lot of nasty things..) 


	19. Hard Work

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 19: Hard Work  
  
"What do you mean it's not that simple?"  
  
Anya sighed. "It just isn't, it's hard to explain."  
  
"Well," Xander said "Could you try? Because it seems pretty cut and dried to me. If you're so sure Halfrek put a spell on Buffy, it's clear that Spike was cooking himself up a little bucket o' payback."  
  
"Xander, let her explain." Willow chided him. "What do you mean Anya?"  
  
Anya sighed. "Look, when a wish is made, we provide the power, but the wish comes from, well..the wisher."  
  
"Exactly!" Xander cut in.  
  
"Xander!" Willow said sternly. He got up and paced the room with a muttered 'fine'. He could tell Willow was getting her resolved face on and knew better than to cross her.  
  
Anya shot a little annoyed look Xander's way and continued. "They provide the wish, but even then it's not that black and white. It really depends on several circumstances."  
  
"Like what?" Tara asked.  
  
"Well suppose.." she thought for a moment, "SUPPOSE someone got hurt, let's say, left at the altar." She glanced in Xander's direction. "..and wanted revenge." Xander looked at the ceiling and said nothing.  
  
"Like, she wanted his brain to explode, or his guts to boil, or his genitals to....."  
  
Xander raised a hand, cutting her off. "I think....we got the idea, An."  
  
"Please go on, what are you trying to say?" Willow said, trying to get Anya back to the topic at hand.  
  
"Well, suppose a Vengeance Demon came along and got such a girl wishing. Now part of our job is to ..you know, nudge them a little in certain directions. In order to get the most out of the whole thing. And the more clearly defined the wish is the easier the magic. Of course the true expert can still leave options open." It was clear by her rather proud tone who she considered such an expert.  
  
"For instance, if the girl got her heart broken and she wishes someone would break HIS heart, then you can go several ways with that."  
  
Willow noddded "You can have spell that has a girl come by and break his heart emotionally, or..."  
  
"Or conjure a demon to rip open his chest, tear his heart out and break it, you know..more literally. It still fits the wish." Anya said with a smile, obviously pleased Willow got it. In the background, Xander swallowed audibly.  
  
"Okay," Tara said "but that wasn't what the girl meant. Doesn't that matter?"  
  
"Well, you see at the heart of it all, she wanted him hurt, basically, and her phrasing was open to interpretation. So the Vengeance Demon has some room to be creative and steer the nature of the wish, as long as they stay sharp."  
  
Anya smiled again. This was actually nice. It wasn't every day she could explain the intricacies of her work to laymen. Everyone always thought it was such easy work, never appreciating the art of it.  
  
Tara and Willow, noticing this, managed to smile back as they tried to hide their discomfort with the whole subject matter.  
  
Willow nodded. "So, you can steer a wish if you get the right phrasing. But that still doesn't explain...."  
  
"Well I'm not done yet. You see, if the wisher is a little vague, the Vengeance Demon has to stay alert and steer things. But sometimes timing is difficult. If you wait too long with letting your power do it's work, they can add something to their wish that alters the whole deal. Or even retract it." She added with a sigh "These people are usually rambling on a bit."  
  
"So you have to be fast then." Willow said.  
  
"Yes, but you also have to be careful with being too fast. If you're all ready to go and they finally make a wish, sometimes it happens they wind up saying something you weren't expecting. And you've already made it come true before realizing it. That's when you have really no input on it, because you were too hasty. And then you better hope that the wisher is clear in thought and phrasing in that case!"  
  
"Why, what could happen then?" Tara asked.  
  
"Well, as a witch I'm sure you can see that at least *someone* in the equation should be clear in thought about it. Otherwise the spell lacks focus. I had a coworker once, who thought she was SO clever. She'd tried to get a wish out of this guy for weeks. Then she found out he talked in his sleep. So she sat next to his bed a few nights and finally fulfilled, well...something."  
  
"What was the wish?"  
  
"Pfff." Anya raised her hands. "We still don't know! But it was a mess. The guy's feet became 3 times as big, as well as his nose, and it didn't end there!"  
  
"It didn't end?" Willow asked as she began to understand.  
  
"No, that's the whole problem. The wish was unformed, in the mind and words of both the wisher and the Vengeance Demon. She didn't even really know what he was saying and he was asleep! So it kept going because it never reached an end goal. Because there sort of wasn't one."  
  
She nodded with an earnest face. "It is....very frowned upon. Considered very sloppy."  
  
"And you think that's what happened here, with Buffy?" Tara asked, worried now.  
  
"Well, as I said, I could sense it when it happened, and it certainly wasn't a clearly defined wish-granting spell!"  
  
"Could Spike have been asleep too then you think? It would explain how what happened is not really beneficial to Spike either in trying to get her back her or get back at her." Willow said.  
  
Anya shrugged. "It's very possible. I'm telling you it was a mess. Those energies were all over the place. D'Hoffryn is going to give her an earful." She shook her head.  
  
"Yes, well, I'm sure we all feel very sorry for her." Xander cut in. "But could we get back to Buffy? I mean if this is true, then all the book searching just became useless. I remember that from Buffy's birthday."  
  
Anya nodded. "Only a Vengeance Demon can break it's own spell. Halfrek has to lift it."  
  
"Just like last time." Willow added. "Can you find her?"  
  
"Well, I've actually been trying to locate her, but I'm having trouble with it." Anya frowned.  
  
"Do you think she's gone? That she went to that dimension, what's it called, Arash Ma'har?"  
  
Anya gave a little scoff. "Doubt that! If I felt her muck up that spell, you can be sure D'Hoffryn did. I don't think she's going to be facing him any time soon if she can help it."  
  
"Can't he just find her?" Tara asked. "I-I mean if he's this big demon lord.."  
  
"Oh, sure he can, but when we really muck up he sometimes takes his time. Let's us sweat a bit. I mean in the end we're going to have to face him anyway. Besides, he sometimes gives us a chance clean up our messes first." She nodded. "Which is really kind of considerate, for a demonic employer."  
  
"Which brings us to the next question." Willow said. "Why hasn't she done that yet? If this spell, however is such 'bad form' in the eyes of D'Hoffryn, why is it still active? Why hasn't she just canceled it to do some damage control?"  
  
Anya shrugged. "I...don't know. I've been wondering myself. It's certainly not earning her any points, I can tell you that. He'll have her on latrine duty for a year."  
  
Xander raised his eyebrows. "You..have latrine duty in a demon dimension?"  
  
"Oh sure," Anya nodded. "NOT fun, believe me. Especially after one of those big get-together-massacres and everyone's kind of irregular..."  
  
"Forget.... I asked." Xander cut her off, feeling all appetite leave him.  
  
"So what we need is to find Halfrek," Willow looked at the clock. "..and Buffy actually. She really should have been back by now."  
  
"Great!" Xander muttered. "For all we know Spike had something else planned for her!"  
  
"Xander, we don't know..." Willow started.  
  
"Yeah, I know he was probably sleeping the sleep of the innocent." Xander interrupted her. "Fine, but I'm not so convinced of that yet. For all I know this could all be his twisted little plan and she's fallen into his clutches right now and he's carrying her into his little hole in the ground like some bleached count Dracula...."  
  
"*Ahem*".  
  
Everyone looked around at the living room door. There stood Spike, carrying a motionless Buffy in his arms, not entirely unlike in the movies.  
  
"Door wasn't locked." he said. "Hope I'm not interrupting."  
  
For a second, everyone just stared and no one said a thing. Then Anya looked intently at Buffy and frowned.  
  
"So...has she grown a penis yet?" she asked, earnestly.  
  
** ** TBC! 


	20. Homecoming

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 20: Homecoming  
  
"You bastard! What have you done to her!?!" Xander bellowed as he advanced on Spike.  
  
Tara got up and got in front of him. "Xander, no!"  
  
"What do you mean, 'no'?? Don't you see...."  
  
"Xander, stop!" Willow said in a commanding way as she stood up and moved in front of Spike.  
  
"Willow, you can't be serious." Xander said, looking frantic.  
  
"Xander, think for a moment!" Willow said as she turned to Spike briefly. "He brought her here."  
  
Xander's body relaxed a bit. Tara's grip on his shoulders relaxed as well. "Yes," she said confirming Willow's words. "He brought her to us. Doesn't that tell you something?"  
  
Spike sighed. He'd expected a welcome like this, especially from the boy. He'd hoped the lovebirds would be a little more observant as they usually are and fortunately, he was right. Of course he was far from being completely in the clear. It was obvious they had already connected Buffy's problem with him. And they weren't exactly wrong either.  
  
Willow stood in front of him, looking at him with a little frown on her forehead. Then she looked at Buffy who hung in his arms completely limp. "Spike, she....she's not.." just as Willow was about to say 'dead' everyone noticed a rather unladylike snore coming from Buffy's mouth.  
  
"Uh, I guess not." Willow answered her own unfinished question. Spike walked to the couch and gently put her down. Willow knelt down beside her to see if she was alright. And sure enough, irregular snores were very audible. And there was a smell that was even more obvious. Willow looked up to Spike with some surprise on her face.  
  
Spike pulled an uneasy face and nodded softly as he spoke. "Uh, yeah...she's uh, kinda...drunk."  
  
"She went out and got drunk?" Tara said.  
  
"Well, uh.." Spike hesitated. This was not going to score him any brownie points with the Scoobie clan. "I, uh sorta helped with that."  
  
"What??" Xander puffed.  
  
Spike turned and growled: "Look, monkey boy! It was clear something was wrong with her, but as you lot may have noticed, she's not exactly in the know herself! She wouldn't listen to me, wouldn't come back here and could have gone and done who knows what!"  
  
"Like what? Get drunk with a vampire??" Xander countered.  
  
"It was either that or try and knock her out!" Spike snapped. Then added: "Which..may not have worked out, you know? She is the Slayer and all."  
  
He looked at Willow. "It was the only thing I could think of..."  
  
Willow nodded. "I understand." she said. "I uh, guess I sort of tried the same thing when I wanted to stop her from going out at all." She looked at Buffy, smelled the aura of booze around her and winced a little.  
  
"Albeit on a...smaller scale."  
  
Spike cleared his throat. "Yeah, well. She'll be okay."  
  
At least he'd managed to get her here. Hadn't been easy though.  
  
Buffy apparently now had both his and her own stubbornness. He'd tagged along with her, killing the odd vamp, searching for a way to lure her to the lover-wiccas. Nothing had worked. And she'd gotten more and more reckless. And showing no signs of going home. At this rate she'd have gone on all night. And eventually he would have had to hide from the morning sun, and then what? She might have gone home, but then again he couldn't risk that she wouldn't.  
  
So he thought and searched his brain for a way, and then realized that they both were kind of sensitive to challenges. So in her current state, she should be twice as bad as usual. And since fighting wasn't useful, sex not an option to him(for once) he remembered something else. She couldn't hold her liquor!  
  
She had tried before, when she was all bummed out and came to him for support. She'd tried the boozing. It had not been pretty. So with that in mind:  
  
"Well now, you do know you kinda punch like a girl, Slayer." he'd said as she'd dusted a vamp. Which actually was true. Powerful punches. But girly.  
  
"Say what?" she turned. "Really? Care to try a punch out, mate?"  
  
"Just saying....you can take the Slayer out of the cheerleader squad but..."  
  
"Oh now you're just begging for it." she'd said and advanced on him. "How're your parts feeling, by the way?" she added with a look that promised all kinds of naughty hurt.  
  
"Now, don't change the subject, and don't get mad. Not a bad thing to say, I mean you ARE a girl aren't you?"  
  
She looked at him, waiting for the other shoe to drop.  
  
Sensing he got her, he grinned. "Just look at how you drink. What was that sound again? *BLeeuouuuaagGGHH!!* or something?" And he made a decent imitation of her reaction to basically every swallow of hard liquor he'd seen her take.  
  
"Still can drink YOU under the table, 'William'." she countered.  
  
"Really now..."  
  
So that had been easy. They'd gone to Willie's and even though he had worried if her changes were also physical and she suddenly could hold her booze, he was bound to see it through. It was either that or hit her over the head with a tombstone.  
  
Fortunately, she'd been as 'blueeagh'-y as before and it hadn't taken long before she passed out. Was around the second bottle they shared when she'd gotten up, with a giggle, to go sit in his lap but instead had wound up falling over it, face forward.  
  
'Ah well, a position she's been in before' he'd thought with a grin.  
  
'And one I've been in, the other way around.' he added to that thought with something like embarrassed nostalgia. 'And a bit more often.' He cleared his throat and hoped there weren't any mind-reading demons around. He quickly lifted her up and left before word got out the Slayer was unconscious in a demon bar. Next stop, Scoobie central.  
  
He was shaken out of his thoughts by Xander who was starting up again. However, Tara stopped him. She gave him a little push in the opposite direction of Spike. "Come on now this is not helping her." she said softly. Both Spike and Xander glared at each other, then both let it go and turned away.  
  
Spike knelt down with Willow who was still sitting with Buffy. Willow looked at him and said. "Spike, what happened? What caused her to, 'be' this way? I mean, we have most of it figured out, but.."  
  
Spike sighed. "Great, you can fill me in then."  
  
Willow frowned. "I'm serious, Spike. You have to admit, it doesn't look exactly good on you when we have a closer look at Buffy's little problem. Unless you know any other cocky, swaggering, chain-smoking Brits who go around calling people 'pet' and 'luv' and say 'soddin' and 'bleedin' every other word and who just HAPPEN to have both a thing for Buffy and contact with Vengeance Demons?"  
  
Spike was a bit flustered at that. They had worked things out alright. He'd kind of hoped they would be able to magic her back to normal without anyone finding out too much about the cause. But then he had known it was a long shot. The lovebirds were clever, and they probably needed to know that stuff to get the job done. Magic rules and all that. He just didn't really care to see Buffy's reaction to it all when she got better. IF she got better.  
  
He scratched himself behind his head. "I-I...don't really know. That's the truth. Buffy'd come to me and said some...nasty bits the other night. Well, just a little nastier than usual. And I got....well, I had a few drinks after that. Halfrek..I remember she was there, Clem said she was...I don't know, we talked but I was kind of... out of it, really."  
  
Anya shook her head. "Hallie, Hallie....you really should know better than that."  
  
Spike looked at her, not getting it. Anya continued shaking her head and rolling her eyes. "I mean, honestly, she lectures ME on being out of the loop? Only beginners make this kind of mistake. We do call it 'The Drunkard's Wish' for a reason!"  
  
"Hey!" Spike said.  
  
"Even riskier than that girl who tried the guy who talked in his sleep?" Tara wondered.  
  
"Oh yes!" Anya said. "Please, boozehounds are way more erratic and unpredictable."  
  
"Hey!!" Spike said again.  
  
"You're liable to become cursed yourself! It's just the stupidest thing. We also call it 'Lushful Thinking'."  
  
"HEY!" Spike said yet again. "I remember you not minding the booze that much the other night yourself, luv."  
  
Anya cleared her throat and adjusted her hair. "Yes, well...but I didn't do any spells, did I?. We just had impulsive sex on the table." She looked him up and down for a second with a small smile. "Which was basically risk-free and far more gratifying."  
  
"Yes," Xander cut in. "And I could just hear about that all night long. Could we get back to the current crisis? We have Buffy here now. Maybe we should work on finding Halfrek."  
  
"Xander's right." Tara agreed.  
  
"And if *that's* not a sign of impending Armageddon....", Anya muttered. Spike almost snickered, but Tara's look as she folded her arms made him contain it.  
  
"He's right." she continued. "But first let's help Buffy. I'll go put on some coffee. Why don't you give me a hand, Spike?"  
  
"Huh?" Spike said. Then he saw the look in Tara's eye and followed her to the kitchen.  
  
Once there he had to ask though: "What's this about, luv? You worried me and the nerd are going to go at it?"  
  
"That," she admitted, "and...ahem, that." She gave a little sideway nod towards the lower half of Spike's body. He looked down and remembered.  
  
"Oh...that." he looked up at her again, kind of uncertain.  
  
"Yeah, well...there's a perfectly good explanation for that..."  
  
** **  
  
TBC!  
  
Now R&R me up! 


	21. Work Plan

FOOLS FOR LIFE  
  
CHAPTER 21: WORK PLAN  
  
"Yes, I'm.....I'm sure there's an interesting story behind that." Tara said, glancing at Spike's lower regions.  
  
In the place where his pants were supposed to be buttoned, a bendy little twig had been tied in a knot, keeping his pants together, after a fashion.  
  
"I don't really need the details." Tara said, softly clearing her throat as she poured some water in a coffee pot. "But seeing how tensions are already running high, maybe it's not a good idea if Xander picks up on that. Especially considering that the twig may be doing something of a job replacing the button, but that the zipper's position is still...shall we say, vacant." She glanced again. "Especially when you bend forward..ahem."  
  
Spike looked down with a curse. "Ah, uh, yeah...okay. Good point."  
  
"I don't suppose you could get changed or something? Your crypt isn't that far."  
  
Spike flustered. "Ahm...well y'see..this is basically, sort of.."  
  
She looked at him, not understanding.  
  
He sighed. "....the one pair I got."  
  
"I thought you had at least a few?"  
  
"Well....some get torn when you fight, but ehm, most...got torn when Buffy and I...regularly....met. Hadn't gotten around to nicking some new ones."  
  
Tara had to smile. "Ah, okay. Well, I don't think you'd fit into some of Buffy or Willow's pants..."  
  
"Not bloody likely." he grunted.  
  
"..so let me see if I can find you some safety pins."  
  
While she opened a kitchen cabinet Spike scratched his head. Not exactly his idea of a good time: discussing the failure of his pants with a lesbian wicca bird. She was nice enough about it, but still. And she had a point, if monkey boy had noticed he had been hoisting an unconscious Buffy around town with his parts practically hanging out ...no time for that.  
  
She handed him a box of pins. "Thanks" he muttered. She moved to leave the kitchen and give him some privacy, but before she could do so he said. "Hey."  
  
She stopped and turned. "Yes?"  
  
"This thing...with Buffy...I didn't want this." He looked up at her. "That's the truth."  
  
She nodded with a solemn look. "Yeah, we sort of already figured that. But you have to admit it didn't look all that great."  
  
"No I don't imagine it did." he sighed. "Uh, thanks for the pins. When you have to enter a rough demon bar, even a twig looks good when it comes to keeping your pants up, but otherwise..."  
  
She nodded. "Yeah..I can see that. And I can see how you get those 'cramps'." She gave a teasing little giggle. "Must be drafty." And with that, she went back to the living room.  
  
Spike watched her go as her words sank in. Buffy's birthday. "Cramp in my pants....put some ice on it..Huh, so she was in the know even then, prob'ly." He'd wondered about that. And when exactly had she gotten all clever and teasing-like? Oh well, live and learn. Not like he'd had much dignity left by then anyway.  
  
Spike carefully got to work on his pants. VERY carefully. That area had suffered enough for one night!  
  
At least the trusty sidekicks were all over Buffy's.... problem now. Things would probably work out. They always managed. And he'd do whatever it took. What he didn't want to do now however, was imagine how Buffy would look at him after she was better. Maybe he should get a head start already! Or maybe he should just bare his chest and get it over with. Getting your heart torn out on a daily basis was getting kinda old anyway.  
  
"That's the spirit, mate." he muttered to himself. "Now, if you're done whining, let's get back in the game eh?" He checked his pants, made sure the pins weren't all that visible unless you looked really hard, and went back to the living room where the Scoobies were still at it.  
  
"Anya, do you think it's possible Halfrek's still in town? Or could she be halfway around the world by now?" Tara asked.  
  
"No I think she's still in Sunnydale. It's like I can almost sense her, but not quite. She's hiding somehow. And it's ....changing. Like when we drove over here she felt closer at some points than others."  
  
"Could she be hiding from D'Hoffryn with a spell?"  
  
Anya shook her head. "Nothing she herself could do. Anything done with our power, he can sense."  
  
"So she went and got help." Spike said. "Someone in the know. Somebody good."  
  
Willow froze as a thought hit her. "It....moved, you said?"  
  
Anya nodded. "I was wondering if she was driving around but it was more like teleporting. Not quite, but similar. But I'm sure she's not. D'Hoffryn would find her in a heartbeat if she teleported by herself."  
  
Willow sighed. "I think I know where she is."  
  
"What?" Xander asked. "How do you know? Where is she?"  
  
Willow frowned and didn't answer him. "Alright" she said. "This is what we're going to do. Xander, you look for locating spells in case I'm wrong. Tara, you and I will work on something else."  
  
"Willow, I better do that alone.." Tara tried. "No." Willow said. "Buffy needs us. We need everyone doing whatever they can. It will be okay, maybe...maybe you can do most of the ritual, but even if I have to join in, so be it. If we even manage to find anything. But it will take the two of us to work this out. What Anya said, about the spell being unfocused, gave me an idea. Maybe we can try something."  
  
"Nothing will work." Anya said. "Only Halfrek can..."  
  
"If we try to break it, yes. But we're not. Maybe we can bend it a little. If it works, it could be useful. But let's look into it first. Anya, Spike!" She gestured them to follow her as she walked to the front door. They exchanged looks as they both noticed the sense of authority suddenly hanging around the redheaded Wicca. Then they both did as she said.  
  
"Alright" she said as she opened the door. "You're going to find Halfrek. You can sense her Anya, and Spike is still the wisher," Spike looked at his shoes for a second. "so it's probably a good idea he's there as well. Plus, if you run into trouble, Spike can help you out."  
  
Spike grinned. "Have the Big Bad keep an eye out for her? Sure red, but where are we going then? You said you have a clue where she's at?"  
  
Willow sighed and looked uncomfortable. "Yes, I could be wrong, but with everything Anya said, it seems logical. And you know how to find it yourself actually."  
  
Understanding dawned on Spike's face. "Ahh, yeah I see what you're saying... and I see why you're not coming with us, luv. Bad vibes, huh?"  
  
Willow's face hardened a little as she saw he got it. "I would stay here anyway. I have to work on that spell, but....yeah, bad vibes."  
  
"Fair enough." Spike nodded and started walking out the door. "Coming, luv?" he said to Anya, who followed after some hesitation.  
  
As they were walking down the street she elbowed him. "What was that all about? Where are we going?"  
  
Spike lit up a cigarette.  
  
"We're going to visit someone, luv."  
  
"Great," Anya said. "Anya asks a question, she doesn't get it, so let's be MORE cryptic! Who are we going to visit??"  
  
He blew out some smoke as they walked on.  
  
"Fella named Rack." he said.  
  
** **  
  
TBC!  
  
R&R me... 


	22. Finding some answers

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 22:  
  
"So...how DO you know Hallie?"  
  
Spike's jaw tensed up a bit. They'd been walking through alleyways for an half an hour already and found no sign of the invisible entrance to Rack's place. His mood was dropping and this was one conversation he was not exactly dying to have.  
  
"Oh well....you know.." He turned in another alley. "Let's try this one."  
  
Anya raised one eyebrow. "No, I obviously don't know. Which you could tell by my asking about it." Spike turned and gave her a look as she stood in the opening of the alley. She wasn't fazed.  
  
"Come on, I'm curious! What, we can rub organs together, but you can't tell me this??"  
  
"Oh now.!" Spike looked at the sky for a second and still didn't reply, but Anya wouldn't be stopped.  
  
"So tell me already! Was Buffy right? Did you know her before you were a vampire?"  
  
At that Spike looked up. Buffy really had been playing detective alright. "How...how'd she figured that?"  
  
Anya shrugged. "Well you know, you are about the same age, got all demonic around the same time, both English....and I told her Vengeance Demons don't really hang with vamps as a rule."  
  
Spike sighed and dropped his cigarette. As he stepped on it he quietly said: "Yeah, I knew her. Before my Big Bad days. Or hers."  
  
Anya smiled with glee and clapped her hands. "Oooh, tell me! I'd love to have some dirt I can tease her with!"  
  
Spike shrugged. "Don't have much. It was the days of 'ole Queen Vic. Lots of big dresses, waving fans, long gloves, polite chatter and boring parties after the opera."  
  
Anya nodded. "I remember. And I didn't look bad in those dresses myself. Hard to get blood out of them though."  
  
Spike walked out of the alley and they continued on their way. "Yeah, I bet, never really had a reason to try and get blood stains out of them myself." He grinned. "Put a lot ON'em, but.."  
  
"I know what you're doing. You're switching topics. It won't work, living with Xander taught me all about that. Get back to you and Hallie."  
  
He shrugged again, uncomfortably. "Nothing else to tell really, I knew her. Same social circles and whatnot.."  
  
Anya looked at him intently. "You are lying. I can tell because you're clearly uncomfortable."  
  
"Thanks for noticing, luv." He grumbled.  
  
"Were you lovers or something?" she prodded.  
  
"Not really."  
  
"Did you WANT to be..?" she added, sensing something.  
  
Spike stopped walking and turned. "Look! I knew her, and yeah I had a..bit of a thing for her okay?"  
  
Anya gave him a look. "What thing would that be? And how 'bit' was it?"  
  
Spike sighed in frustration. Anya nodded again. "I don't think it was a 'bit' thing at all. I'm thinking it was a bigger thing. Admit it, you had a bigger thing for her!?"  
  
"Alright! Bloody hell, look, I was a different guy back then. And yeah she had me all hot and bothered and I was trying with the wooing. And when she found out, she basically told me to sod off, aright?! Happy now?"  
  
"Hm, yes I am. Very interesting." Anya nodded with a smile.  
  
They walked on in silence for a while, checking alleys. Then Anya broke the silence again.  
  
"You must have been pretty mad. Men don't take that sort of thing well, usually."  
  
Spike half-shrugged. "At the time, yeah, I s'ppose. Didn't have long to dwell on it though. It was right after that I got vamped, and then life just seemed a little different."  
  
He thought for a moment. "Besides, looking back I can't say I blame her completely. Was a bit of a wanker in those days."  
  
"Really?" Anya said.  
  
"Let's say there were poems...." he sighed.  
  
"Poems?? For Hallie? My, my..."  
  
Spike shook out of his thoughts. "Hey, if you even THINK of telling.."  
  
Anya raised her hands. "Geez, take it easy! Fine! I won't tell anyone. Hey, I'm hardly even a Scoobie anymore. Besides I'm more interested in Hallie. She always brags on about how she was this modern independent woman, ahead of her time...."  
  
Spike laughed. "Cecily??"  
  
Anya looked up. "What? Who?"  
  
Oops. Oh well, he shrugged. Doesn't matter now. "Cecily Underwood, that was her name."  
  
"Reaaally." Anya laughed. Spike grinned and continued.  
  
"Yeah, and let me tell you she was one dainty, spoiled, pampered little rich girl!"  
  
"I knew it!!" Anya cried out.  
  
** **  
  
"But..what are we planning to do then?" Tara asked.  
  
"Well, like I said, Anya got me thinking. If the spell's energies are not that focused, they are also not as rigid in their effects being completely...well, etched in stone. We can't lift it, and I think we can safely assume it's also most likely still working."  
  
"Like Anya said, no clear end goal." Tara nodded. Then she thought for a second. "You know I've been thinking about it and if you ask me, Spike probably said something along the lines of wishing that Buffy..well,."  
  
"That she could see what it's like to see life from his side of the fence?" Willow finished.  
  
"Yes." Tara nodded, looking at Buffy on the couch. "So who knows how far that goes if the spell is really still an ongoing process."  
  
"Exactly. Now what I'm thinking is, whatever happens we don't want her to go off again. And she's sleeping soundly now, but when she wakes..." Willow thought for a moment. "..well, she'll have a very bad hangover, so probably not too active yet, but she'll still won't know what's wrong with her."  
  
"And she still won't believe us."  
  
Willow flipped through a book on her lap. "Nope. So, what I want to try is..."  
  
Understanding dawned on Tara's face. "Aahh. I see, if we can't lift the spell itself..."  
  
"Maybe we can make her aware of it at least." Willow finished. "And it should make her cooperative in what we're doing, and heh, well, save us the trouble from having to chain her down after all or something."  
  
"That one still has my vote." Xander said, when he entered the room with fresh coffee. "At least as long as you let me take out my camera.."  
  
Willow smiled and gave him a look. "Down, boy. Gimme my coffee."  
  
"Yes, your ladyshipness." Xander said. "Think it might do Buffy some good?" he nudged his head in the direction of the couch, where Buffy was still sleeping it off.  
  
"No, just let her sleep. We don't actually want her awake right now. Just check if she's doing okay."  
  
Xander walked over to the couch.  
  
"So can we do it? The spell I mean." Tara asked.  
  
"Well I think so, there was something in the writings of Azulu that reminded me of something like this. We'll need three of her hairs....hmmm...."  
  
"Uhm, guys?" Xander said from the couch.  
  
Both Willow and Tara looked up.  
  
"I just ...hope Spike and Anya hurry.." he said, looking kind of pale.  
  
"Why? Is something wrong? Or...more wrong?" Willow corrected herself.  
  
"I think so." Xander hesitated and held up Buffy's hand. "It's just...she's still snoring away and stuff, and her heart still beats, but...her skin. It's....cold."  
  
Willow and Tara got up and hurried over.  
  
"Cold? How cold?" Willow asked, really worried now. "Cold as in 'oh, the airco is right on me and now I'm cold' or..."  
  
"No," Xander said. "More like 'vampire-cold'."  
  
** **  
  
TBC! (But you knew that right?) 


	23. Awareness

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 23:  
  
"So, you feel it too, right?"  
  
"Yes..I mean, I can sense Hallie, in that almost-but-not-quite-sort of way, and I feel something else...warmth....."  
  
"An entrance." Spike finished. They both stood in the middle of what they referred to now as 'dark alley number 23' of the evening.  
  
"Yes," Anya confirmed as she held up her hand in the air and felt the shimmering waves that betrayed the door to Rack's place. "Interesting. So only demons and sorcerers can feel it?"  
  
"Yeah," he thought for a second and looked at her. "Pretty helpful you're a demon again. Gotta tell you, I wondered why you felt so ...sturdy. You know." He added hesitantly. "Earlier..."  
  
She smiled. "Thank you! I *am* pretty sturdy. Makes sex with super-strong demons a lot easier." She nodded happily. "Oh, and you too. I mean, you have a nice, tendon-y firmness to you."  
  
Spike raised an eyebrow. "....thanks."  
  
"And kudos on the performance after all that whiskey, I mean......"  
  
"Yeah, uhm, thanks again." Spike interrupted her. "Let's get on with...." he pointed at the air I front of them.  
  
"Oh, right. Right." Anya said. "So, we just walk into it?"  
  
"That's the idea," Spike answered. "Never actually been here myself. Guy's got quite a rep though. Up there on the power scale."  
  
"So you said. And he's for hire?"  
  
"Yeah, people needing magic stuff, protection, help against enemies. Most of his regulars though are more like...well, needing their magic 'fix'. Like Red when she was......"  
  
"Bad?" Anya said.  
  
"Yeah, something like that. Well, let's go," and he moved forward.  
  
"Wait a minute. What exactly are we going to do? I mean, if this guy is such a powerful sorcerer......It's not like either of us can do much against that. I'm pretty strong now, and I can teleport but that's basically it! And all vampires can do is bite and punch people. And in your case, if he's human, not even that!"  
  
"Don't you vengeance types have your own magic mojo?"  
  
"Yes and I'm sure this 'Rack' person will be nice enough to wait while I go find someone who hates him and is willing to make a wish that's useful to us!"  
  
"Oh...... like that, is it." Spike mused for a moment. "Alright. We go in easy. Play nice. See what the score is first. If she just paid him, I'm sure hasn't got much of a personal stake in this. Besides we may not even need her to leave this place. Just to lift the curse. She can do that from anywhere, right?"  
  
Anya nodded. "But I really don't know why she hasn't already. Maybe something's wrong."  
  
"Too many maybes." Spike frowned. "We need to know. Let's go in, nice and slow."  
  
With that they both stepped forward and disappeared into thin air that waved like water around their shapes.  
  
The next moment they found themselves in a dark and dirty space that obviously was some kind of waiting room. For a moment they absorbed their surroundings. Several people and demons were sitting on scruffy couches and chairs, looking at the two of them with suspicion, complete disinterest or fear. Some of them were shifty and impatient. Some of them rather sad and skinny looking. Some shaking and no less than desperate and pathetic.  
  
A few really stood out. Like a well groomed middle aged man in a very expensive suit. He was sweating and clamping his briefcase. His eyes shifted all around, checking out each person around him. When Spike and Anya walked in, he'd practically jumped.  
  
Spike bent to Anya's ear and said "Corporate type. Probably got greedy and made the wrong deals or pissed off the wrong people" He grinned. "Always fun to watch them on the run once they know playing with fire gets you burned."  
  
"So you think he wants protection from Rack?" Anya whispered.  
  
"Yeah, probably get some amulet or something. Lots of folks go for that stuff." Spike looked around. "Anyway, since we're playing nice, let's wait our turn."  
  
'For now' he thought. If this took too long, while Buffy was lying there slowly turning into...well, him, he was going to start busting heads. Humans, demons, wizards and chips be damned!  
  
They walked forward, finding an empty bit of couch in a dark corner. As Spike stood in front of the couch, he was close enough to see the figure sitting at the end of it.  
  
It was a very large, horned demon. Anya recognized it as a Shybarii.  
  
It looked at Spike and growled. "So, leech...we meet again."  
  
Spike frowned and looked closer. "Wait a minute.....don't I know you, mate? You look familiar."  
  
The demon's nostrils flared...  
  
** **  
  
"Alright. Ready?"  
  
"As much as I can." Willow sighed and visibly shuddered. Tara just wasn't sure if it was fear, worry or..anticipation.  
  
They had managed to set up a ritual that might give Buffy awareness of the changes she had undergone. Unfortunately, Tara alone couldn't do it. It had to be two people at least. Both magically inclined.  
  
Any doubts about Willow's feelings about it went unspoken. Time would tell how this affected her so far successful attempt to kick her magical habit.  
  
They both sat at opposite ends of a large circle, drawn on the floor in a powder trail with some unreadable symbols at four points around it. Several candles were burning around them and a strong and strange kind of incense was in the air. Buffy was lying in the middle of the circle still snoring a bit.  
  
Some symbols had been painted on her forehead and on a crystal around her head were three of her hairs, and blood drops from all three of them.  
  
Both Willow and Tara closed their eyes and began to chant in an unknown language. The air seemed to swirl strangely and the crystal started to glow. Buffy stirred a bit and frowned, but went on sleeping, even as her hair began to get static and raise up.  
  
"Garan'the shibola kawamtu seh barambtoa," the girls chanted in unison. One of the good things about getting a little further in the magic arts was that once you were in the ritual, it was like you didn't even need to rationally remember the words. Once you managed to get through the first lines it was like something else took over. As long as your concentration and mental focus was good, things....flowed.  
  
"Kija, Ramma, Kija Vramma, Kija Culthas.... MONGORTH!!" The last word was said in such force that downstairs, a swallow of soda went down a startled Xander's wind pipe and he got into a coughing fit.  
  
Upstairs, both girls' eyes were completely open now and they both stretched out their arms towards the middle of the circle while continuing their chant. Buffy's body slowly floated into the air, if only a few inches up, her hands and heels still touching the ground.  
  
A glow surrounded her as the girls repeated their last chant. "Kija, Ramma, Kija Vramma, Kija Culthas."  
  
Then the energies floating about all spiraled into a vortex right over Buffy's head, the lower tip of it becoming so thin it wasn't clear where it went. Then it swirled in the opposite direction, faster and faster, higher and higher towards the ceiling, wider and vaguer as it spread until it dissipated with a soft sound.  
  
The glow disappeared, the crystal turned black, Buffy's hairs were gone and her body slumped back on the ground. Both Willow and Tara caught their breath. This had been intense.  
  
They looked at each other and then at Buffy. The moved towards her as she started to stir.  
  
"Buffy? Can you hear me? It's Willow. Are you okay?"  
  
Buffy raised a hand to her head. "Not so loud......" she moaned.  
  
She looked up at them through squinted eyes. "Don't feel so good.....Got a bloody headache....."  
  
Tara looked at Willow. Well, the accent was still there, but then they hadn't really expected it not to be. The real question was if she would notice now.  
  
Buffy rubbed her pained head and opened her eyes again. Then she looked at her hands.  
  
"Why are my nails black??" she asked.  
  
** **  
  
TBC!  
  
R&R! 


	24. Common Ground

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 24: COMMON GROUND  
  
"My honor was severely blemished that night!"  
  
"Oh that's just nonsense." Spike shook his head.  
  
"I should take my revenge out of your skin!"  
  
"Revenge!?" Spike said. "For what? That was a decent bar fight mate. We traded blows fair and square and you know it."  
  
For a second the demon in front of him seemed to swell with anger. Then his expression changed.  
  
"You are correct." He said as realization hit his face.  
  
"There ya go...." Spike nodded. Vraak slumped back into his seat on the dirty couch with a depressed look.  
  
"You defeated me in honest combat." He said quietly. "You were the better warrior. I have no right to grievances. It only adds to my shame!"  
  
"Hey now," Spike said earnestly. "Don't take it too hard. Could have easily gone the other way."  
  
"You're just saying that." The demon pouted.  
  
"No, mate, no!" Spike insisted as he sat down next to him. "That trick with your tail? Pfff, never saw that coming! Really, you almost had me."  
  
"I did almost taste your blood." Vraak admitted.  
  
"I know mate, I know. When you were smashing into my face?" He mimicked it out for a second. "Almost had me there. You just got a little cocky, thought I was out for the count already. Happens to all of us at some point."  
  
The demon half shrugged in compliance. His face was clearing up a little though.  
  
"Smoke?" Spike held up his pack. "Thank you." Vraak said as he took one out. "That was pretty clever." Spike looked up with a questioning look. "That thing with the bottle." Vraak said, referring to their fight again.  
  
Spike smiled. "Thanks, yeah, I used that one before." He held up his lighter.  
  
"Thank you no, I have my own." He breathed out of his nostrils and little flames came out that lit the cigarette.  
  
"Handy...." Spike noted as he put away his lighter. "Say mate, if you don't mind me puttin' my nose where it don't belong.....well, I'm kinda surprised to see you here."  
  
The demon shifted uneasily in his seat. "I...have need of Rack's....services."  
  
"Hm. Well, it's just that you don't seem..." he gestured around the room. "the type, if you know what I mean."  
  
His gesture had inadvertently included Anya who sat in the only other free seat. In between the sweaty business man and a demon with a wide mouth that kind of slobbered and who kept looking at her strangely.  
  
"Just sayin'..... you know what I mean. Not exactly surrounded by upper class, are we?" Spike continued.  
  
"Hey!" Anya said.  
  
"Uh, not you luv." Spike added.  
  
"Your soul-other?" Vraak asked, looking at Anya.  
  
"Her? My...?" Spike shook his head. "Oh no mate, no, no, just...someone I know."  
  
" 'Just som'one oi kno'" Anya mockingly repeated. "They're always so much nicer *before* you have sex with them. Then, it's 'oh, you're so special'....."  
  
"Ahem" Spike cleared his throat. "Not now.....?" She shrugged as he turned back to Vraak. "So, like I said, not a place I expected a bloke like you to hang around."  
  
Vraak nodded somberly "It indeed vexes my warrior's soul to even be in the presence of these vermin."  
  
Anya opened her mouth to protest again but Spike cut her off with a quick gesture. She folded her arms and grumbled.  
  
Vraak sighed. "I would not be here if it was not...necessary."  
  
"You an' me both." Spike said. "Got a prob of my own. Hey, I've done my share of dealings with shady types but this lot is not my bag. So what's your itch then? Nothing against enemies I wager. You Shybarii know how to deal with those right?"  
  
"Of course!" the demon confirmed with a proud glint in his eyes as Spike knew it would. Then he sighed again. He bent over to Spike who leaned in. "It's...well...you met my soul-other, did you not?"  
  
Spike pulled a painful face. "Did I ever. Some parts of me still hurt."  
  
The demon nodded. "Only added to my humiliation. And it was not the first time she had to finish my battle. I fail her in many of my duties."  
  
Spike nodded, trying to think of something comforting to say, then looked up suddenly. "Uh, when you say dutieS.....plural..."  
  
The demon looked away. "Yes, several...duties." He groaned and rubbed his eyes.  
  
Spike remembered the demon's wife. 'Can't blame the bugger' he thought, but wisely didn't say it. "And that's why you're here?? To.....well...." he leant in and whispered. "...to have Rack give you some magic nuggets or something and put the lead back in your pencil?"  
  
The demon groaned and nodded. "It is a great shame...." He looked at Spike. "My soul-other....she is very....dominant. She is stronger than I, as all female Shybariis are. And she has a fiery temper. It is difficult sometimes."  
  
Spike leant back into the couch and took a drag of his cigarette. "TELL me about it." He blew out the smoke with a worn out 'pffffffff'. "Women eh?"  
  
"You too?" Vraak asked.  
  
"I could write a book. If it's not 'oh you're disgusting, you're beneath me', it's 'I'll never touch you again.'. THEN it's 'oh come here I want you' and they do things to you..."  
  
His voice trailed off and Vraak nodded as he finished the line. "That you could never dream of..."  
  
"Yeah....." Spike mused. "And right after that, it's back to 'oh don't touch me, that was perverse, will never do that again, you're beneath me'."  
  
Vraak nodded again. "Until next time! When you are expected to forget the pangs of her earlier words!"  
  
"But do we learn?" Spike asked spreading out his hands.  
  
Vraak shook his head. "We do not."  
  
"Damn straight. We're there for them just like the time before, and...."  
  
"We get the same results....disdain and belittlement." Vraak sighed.  
  
"That's what I'm saying!" Spike pointed his finger in the air as if to underline his words. "And the most you get for your troubles is another punch in the nose. If yer lucky!"  
  
Vraak looked at Spike, with utter empathy and said again. "...you too?"  
  
Spike winced...... "Just tonight mate...pfffff. Let's say I still got marks in places I'd rather didn't. You know?"  
  
Vraak shifted in his seat, uncomfortably. "Indeed."  
  
"They use you for sex, then toss you out." Spike said again. "Women....All the same."  
  
Anya loudly cleared her throat and shot Spike an annihilating look as she folded her arms. He'd forgotten she was there.  
  
"Uh....'cept you of course, luv." He tried.  
  
Anya just glared.  
  
Spike stared at the ceiling, avoiding her look. Good time for this Wizard bloke to show up. Time was a factor here..he wasn't going to play nice and wait in line forever. Of course a waiting room filled with demons and wizard wannabes alone could be problematic...  
  
** **  
  
TBC! 


	25. The doctor is in

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 25: The doctor is in  
  
"HE GOT ME CURSED!!?"  
  
"Well...." Tara hesitated.  
  
"We think it's not his fault," Willow added as they all sat on the couch. "Well...not entirely..."  
  
Buffy shook her head. "He makes a wish that turns me into some chain- smoking, black nailed Spike-Buffy cocktail...."  
  
"Spuffy...." Willow interrupted, then bit her lip.  
  
"What the soddin'...?" Buffy asked, then winced. "I...didn't mean to say 'soddin'...."  
  
"It's okay." Tara tried.  
  
"No it's not! I don't talk that way. I sound like Spike! Or Giles when he was eating that candy! And what was that word you used?"  
  
"Nothing, it's what I started calling it...uh you....you know, kinda works. Buffy-Spike..." Buffy looked at her with some disbelief. " 'Spuffy'? You're making up cute little names for me now?? 'Spuffy'??"  
  
Willow shook her head. "No, no..I mean, well..yeah, sorta.....uh, never mind." She added softly, "It was better than 'Bike'."  
  
"ANYWAY, he does that, and it's not his fault?"  
  
"Well," Tara interceded, "we sort of figured out what happened, with Anya's help. Looks like Halfrek took advantage of him being drunk to get him to make sort of a wish."  
  
Buffy remembered seeing her leave Spike's crypt and grinded her teeth.  
  
"And it didn't quite work out. According to Anya, this was a pretty amateuristic attempt. Apparently drunk wishes are messy wishes, which is what we have to talk about too."  
  
"How did Anya know? Did Halfrek come brag about it to her?" She could see it too. That bitch! Tara and Willow exchanged looks.  
  
"Uhm, no, it appears like Anya.....sort of sensed it all...turns out she....sorta picked up where she left off. Job-wise...."  
  
Buffy thought for a second before that clicked. "She's a ...." Willow and Tara nodded.  
  
"Bloody he-...I mean." She frowned again and calmly asked, "Since when?"  
  
"Well," Willow said, "as Anya would say: 'when do you think?'" Buffy looked at Willow and nodded. "When Xander left her standing at the altar. Literally. What a soddi-..I mean, oh man. Does he know?"  
  
"He knows. He's out now, getting some more supplies from the Magic Shop in case we need them. He took it....well enough I suppose." Tara said.  
  
"And Spike and Anya? They were both here, right?"  
  
"Out trying to find Halfrek. We think there's a chance she's hiding out at....Rack's."  
  
Buffy's eyes widened. "Isn't that the guy who....?"  
  
Willow nodded quickly. "Yeah, if she's there, but it made sense. They're going to try to get her to lift the spell."  
  
"Spike to the rescue." Buffy muttered sarcastically trying to sound American and failing miserably.  
  
"Buffy, he really didn't want this. He brought you here, he was genuinely upset about it."  
  
Buffy fell back into the couch and closed her eyes. "Yeah, I believe you. He never means to mess up things. Like he didn't mean it with the sexbot, or with almost feeding me to Drusila, or with the demon eggs, or to have sex with Anya..." She bit her lip as soon as those last words had come out.  
  
Tara looked at Willow and lightly cleared her throat. "Stop that!" Buffy said, her eyes still closed.  
  
"What? We didn't say anything."  
  
"No but I could hear you thinking it! The 'j' word!"  
  
** **  
  
"So this demon tricked you into cursing her??" Vraak said.  
  
"Yeah looks like." Spike sighed as he tossed a cigarette on the ground and killed it with his heel.  
  
"Foul deed!" the demon grunted.  
  
"If someone had made me do that to my soul-other..." He stopped. "Ahem. Which reminds me....I hope I can ask you to..keep our meeting here...amongst us and...well, should you see me and my..."  
  
Spike interrupted him with a dismissive gesture of his hand. "Ah mate, don't worry about that. Goes without saying. Us blokes gotta stick together, right?"  
  
"...thank you." the demon said, appreciative.  
  
"Oh and before I forget, about your ah..problem" he leaned in ".go see this guy I know in the harbor. Dock 16, fella named Kraycek. He deals in..exotics. He's got these things, made from these big meat-eating plant buggers...should help you out fine. No magic spells or charms needed. Works on Fyerals, should work for you. Tell him I sent you, and he should set you up just fine. I used to hold some 'merchandise' for him every now and then."  
  
Vraak listened intently. "Really? You believe that would...I mean....we Shybarii are infinitely superior to those primitive Fyerals of course."  
  
"Course, course..." Spike nodded. "Still, couldn't hurt to try, eh?"  
  
Vraak nodded, musing it over.  
  
Suddenly, the door at the corner of the room started to open. 'Bout bloody time' Spike thought. He knew kicking down doors was a bad idea in a place like this. You might find yourself falling into an cliff or something, or into a hell pit. Wizards were tricky and he knew he couldn't screw this up. Too important, no second chances.  
  
But it had been hard to wait even though it only had been 20 minutes or so. It had felt more like a day or two. He was actually glad the demon had been there to chat with. Turned out to be a decent bloke too. And nice that they had managed to not start a fight that would have torn up the room and probably have the wizard turn them in to cockroaches or something. The door stayed open for a second or two and then a girl and a boy walked out. Couldn't be older than 17. Both were crackling with energy and their eyes were black as they walked to the door. Kind of uneasy but with big grins on their faces.  
  
Then Rack himself walked out. His face looked young and old at the same time with a large scar under his right eye, his hair and clothes like a modern hippie's and unkempt. His eyes were off in a strange way and though he clearly didn't care for appearances, his power was palpable, emanating from him in waves and sparks caressed his hands.  
  
Everyone in the room looked up at the sight of him. Some started begging to be next, others demanding it. Spike got up and stepped in front of Rack.  
  
Before he could speak Rack frowned. "A vampire....don't get many of those."  
  
"Yeah, well, it's a bit of an emergency mate, you see....."  
  
"NO! The business man next to Anya yelled. "*I* was next! ME! I have no time! No time, don't you see??"  
  
A demon with tentacles behind his ears snarled at him, and made him sit down again, hugging his briefcase. Then it moved on Spike. "No *I* was next! And no lowly vampire will deny me!"  
  
Spike felt his anger flare. "Lowly.?!? Look mate if you want to.." But before he could finish a large clawed hand grabbed the demon in front of him by the head. In fact in basically enveloped it's head from above. Then it lifted him up by it and....squeezed.  
  
The demon's head popped like a grape and you could hear a gasp through the room as some people got splatters on them. Anya saw one hit her pants and frowned. She started rubbing it, while muttering:. "Great, never get that out......"  
  
The hand opened and the remains dropped on the floor.  
  
"Now then," Vraak said as he wiped his hand clean and looked around the room. "I believe we should all agree my esteemed vampire friend was next."  
  
No one said anything. Spike grinned slightly and gave the demon a light nod. Vraak returned it and looked to Rack  
  
"Isn't that correct?"  
  
Rack looked back at Vraak with little interest or emotion. The skull crushing hadn't impressed him much, apparently. He started to speak, but then he noticed Anya....and his eyes widened a little.  
  
"Another one." He said and smiled like a wolf that just saw a little sheep. "Sweet..."  
  
Anya looked around her, not sure if it was her he was referring to. She silently mouthed 'sweet?'.  
  
Rack turned to Spike. "You two came together, huh?" He still smiled. "Yeah sure, you're next. Come in."  
  
** **  
  
TBC!  
  
R&R me...can't get enough 


	26. Dealing with Rack

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 26: Dealing with Rack  
  
Spike and Anya followed Rack into his room. It was larger and lighter than the waiting room, bur not that much cleaner. There was a strange large table in the middle of the room, with a small fire burning in a hole in it's center. There were chairs and couches and pillows, with odd burns and stains on them in many sizes, shapes and...colors.  
  
Spike could only imagine the things that had gone on here since Rack had set up his 'business'. Anya looked around at the dirty torn wall paper and wrinkled her nose a bit at the various smells of the room. Some strange mixtures ranging from pleasant to pungent.  
  
"Now then," Rack said as he turned to them. "What can I do for..." his eyes turned to Anya, "....you?"  
  
Anya opened her mouth to speak, frowning a little again at the look on his face, but before she could say anything Spike stepped in between them. "Yeah, mate, about that....seein' how you're this high'n mighty warlock, I'm sure you can tell she's with the vengeance crowd, just like you sniffed out my bloodsucking ways back there."  
  
Rack frowned a little but grinned too. "Yeah, sure...not that hard to spot."  
  
"Right," Spike continued, "I also noticed you said 'another one' when you saw her, so I don't even need to ask if you happen to've seen a certain dark haired lady, yay high and in the same line of business as my friend here, do I?"  
  
"What's it to you?" Rack asked. "Who wants to know?"  
  
Spike straightened his back and got a little closer to Rack as he said in a lower voice: "I do, that's who. And take it easy, not here to hurt her, just want to have a word, is all."  
  
Rack walked away around the table and sat down, laughing a little. "Sure, sure, I'll buy that. Or you wouldn't have walked in my front door. Besides I have a few spells up for that sort of thing." He rubbed his hands together. "But she paid me to hide out here. Not very client friendly of me to just let everyone in to see her."  
  
'Paid'. Spike frowned a bit and slowly walked around the room. "Yeah......how come I'm thinking you're not talking about dollars and cents, here mate?"  
  
Rack looked down on his hands, still rubbing, and glowing where they touched, and his smile deepened a little. "Hey man, I'm an easy going guy. I can be....flexible when it comes to payment. It's not all about the cash, you know."  
  
He looked at Anya again. "I'd never tasted the energies of a Vengeance Demon before....couldn't pass that up. Now, I have to admit, it's an acquired taste, but once you have it...."  
  
Anya raised her eyebrows a little. "Acquired??" she said, slightly insulted.  
  
Spike growled a little as he slowly advanced on Rack. This guy was getting his goat now. He was blocking Buffy's rescue, treating Anya like she was some street walker and, in spite of what she'd done, even the thought of Cecily in here with him for a day got his blood up. Rack noticed and laughed as he got up.  
  
"Well now, relax man....." he walked around Spike while he looked at him intently "We're just chatting here. We're all friends. What's your story anyway?"  
  
He kept walking slowly and stared at him with eyes that saw more than Spike found comfortable.  
  
"I can tell you're as soulless as they come...still, here you are, all chivalrous...only thing missing is the horse and armor...."  
  
Spike's jaw clenched as he stood there and looked over his shoulder as Rack passed behind him. He tried to remind himself the guy was still human so his chip would kick in, and even if it wouldn't it would probably STILL end badly for him....but he really wanted to hit this guy now.  
  
"Ahhh," Rack said like he spotted something. "There's the two vengeance ladies.....and then there's a different one......a third.....there's the real damsel in distress isn't it?" He had come full circle and was facing Spike now, close up in his face. "No soul, but....damn if you don't have a heart in there, man." He laughed. "Isn't that something else..."  
  
Spike snarled and his face started to vamp out.  
  
"Speaking of client friendly." Anya said, raising her hand with a quick motion to interrupt things before they got out of hand.  
  
"What...?" Rack said, looking at her with a momentary confusion.  
  
"Uh..client friendly. You were talking about that earlier." She smiled like a sales person. "Now I happen to run a store myself and I have to say, you could use some advice here. I mean would it kill you to clean up a little? A price list in the waiting room would probably not be a bad idea either...."  
  
Rack turned from Spike and walked towards her. "Heh, thanks but that's not what I had in mind." He grabbed the ends of a hair lock draped over her shoulder and softly rubbed it between his fingers.  
  
"Like I said, once you've tasted some vengeance on a girl...." He looked in her eyes with that wolfish grin again. Anya stiffened a little at his touch. "You're one too so, I'm sure it's okay for you to see her. I'm not a difficult guy. Of course, you won't mind if there's something in it for me."  
  
"Uhm....." Anya started.  
  
"Your power, your aura.....you smell.....fresher than her. Yet more....seasoned at the same time. I'd love to have a taste."  
  
Anya shrugged and gave a shy, yet flattered little laugh. "Well, .....that's totally understandable." She gave a little 'p*shaw' gesture. "I am told I have a certain....appeal."  
  
"Yeah...." Rack said and his hand reached out to her. "Hey now!" she said, slapping it away. Flattery was nice but there are limits. "I'm not even sure I like Buffy all *that* much!" she said, backing up.  
  
Spike stepped in between them again. "Look mate, let's be reasonable eh? I know you accept money too, so why don't you just name a price."  
  
Rack shook his head. "Got enough. That's not what I want here. Looks like we got a problem."  
  
"Looks like we do," Spike grunted. For a moment he considered jumping the sorcerer, taking his chances, seeing as they were running out of options. Chances were slim though, he could tell the chip was already buzzing slightly at his intentions.  
  
Suddenly his face lit up. He turned to look at Anya and grinned. "What?" she said, not understanding.  
  
Spike looked back at Rack. "Yeah, the girl's got her assets alright. On second thought mate, I'm sure we can work something out here."  
  
Anya's eyes grew wide.  
  
"EXCUSE me??"  
  
** **  
  
"Buffy? Are you okay? You've been in there for a while." Willow asked as she knocked on the bathroom door. She heard some fumbling "Uh, yeah, sure, coming."  
  
She hoped she wasn't still feeling sick from her hangover...or sitting there brooding about her whole situation. It was best to.. 'Is that smoke?' Willow suddenly thought, pulling her nose up. Then the toilet was flushed and the door opened, a wave of way too much toilet freshener greeted her in the face as Buffy emerged with a fake smile. The smell of potpourri doing little to mask the clouds of cigarette smoke that came along with it.  
  
"Uhm Buffy, you don't have to hide." Willow said, waving her hand to disperse the cloud of bad smell-combo.  
  
Buffy's smile faded. "What? I-I mean..."  
  
Willow closed her own nose with two fingers for a moment while raising her eyebrows.  
  
Buffy pouted. "I know! But I don't WANT to smoke! I mean I don't want to WANT to smoke. It's not me! I bloody hate cigarettes. And I bloody well hate saying 'bloody'!!"  
  
She slumped back against the wall and slid down on the ground. Willow sat down next to her, patting her arm.  
  
"There, there. A few won't kill you on the spot. And after we got you back to normal you can pretend it never happened."  
  
Buffy looked up with an even poutier face. "God, my insides must look like an ashtray by now. I hate cigarettes..." Her lip curled like a little girl about to cry.  
  
"But I'm still dying for a smoke!!" She dropped her head into her folded arms.  
  
Willow sighed and went on patting. "I know. Don't worry. I'm sure Spike and Anya will come through."  
  
Buffy lifted her head up a little. "Yyyeaahh.."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nothing, nothing." Buffy dropped down again.  
  
"No really what?" Willow insisted.  
  
"Well," Buffy sighed. "Did you have to team those two up?"  
  
"Well she can track Halfrek at least a little, and Spike was the wisher of the wish that wasn't really a wish and that he wished he hadn't...uhm, you know what I mean."  
  
Buffy shrugged, her face hidden again. "I know.."  
  
Willow frowned. "What, you're thinking they took a break and went to find the nearest table to jump on??"  
  
"No..." Buffy lifted her head up all the way now and rested it on one arm. "I don't know what I'm saying. I'm messed up and I already was messed up before they turned me into ..." she sighed and gave Willow a look. " ...'Spuffy'."  
  
Willow smiled uneasily and shrugged. They sat in silence for a few moments before Willow spoke again: "He said...he said he'd gotten so drunk...you know when she came to do her thing, because you......had said some "nasty bits" as he put it. I take it the Oprah talk was not all that Oprahy?"  
  
Buffy shook her head. "I...I saw Halfrek. She left his crypt..she was all disheveled and unbuttoned...." Willow raised her eyebrows.  
  
"I don't know I just....it just got to me. Pissed me off so much. I know I told him to get away and move on, but......part of me still just wants him to look at ME....like that's how it's supposed to be."  
  
"So when you went in....." Willow started  
  
"It was not so much Oprah. More like Dr. Phil....if he was a Tasmanian devil on crack."  
  
"Ouch." Willow said and thought about it for a moment.  
  
"Did he......what did he say about Halfrek?"  
  
"Not much. He was surprised I knew, didn't deny she'd been there but he seemed to really wonder why I was so mad......must be the that nasty empty spot where a soul should be."  
  
Willow frowned. "Buffy, I don't know what the deal is but what I saw tonight, when he came in with you in his arms....he's as nuts about you as ever. And after the thing with Anya, he was all with the guilty, you said it yourself."  
  
"So...what're you saying?" Buffy looked at her.  
  
"I don't know. I just have a feeling we shouldn't trust anything when it comes to that Vengeance hussy." She gave an angry look and accompanying lip.  
  
Buffy thought about that. "I guess, yeah. Those vengeance demons are a tricky bunch, what?" She frowned at her own slang again. "I mean, 'aren't they'?"  
  
Willow smiled. "Buffy, let it go. You can't help but talk like that. It's just the spell. Relax, it's not that important." She giggled and continued: "I mean when you tried to pull a deliberate American accent in the kitchen earlier...."  
  
Buffy gave her a look. "That was.....a perfectly legitimate Californian, USofA accent I'll have you know."  
  
"Shoor, ma'am!" Willow mocked with a bad John Wayne drawl. "Wadever yoo sayy."  
  
She giggled until even Buffy had to smile and gave her a little elbow in the ribs for her trouble.  
  
Then Willow's face turned more serious. "So, you don't.....*feel* cold?"  
  
Buffy shook her head. "Nope, I'm almost room temperature now, but I feel completely normal."  
  
"I'm sorry," Willow said. "I think that by freeing your head a bit we may have shifted the energies more to other areas. Like now it may be starting to change you physically a lot faster. That's magic, action is reaction. Maybe we should have let well enough alone."  
  
Buffy shook her head. "Nah, I'm pretty sure it's better that I know. May have been better for YOU if had let well enough alone. You shouldn't do magic Will, not even for my sake."  
  
"You needed it." Willow said simply, but firmly. "Wouldn't be much of a friend, now would I?"  
  
Buffy smiled and reached out to her hand. "You're the best friend anyone could have. And are you okay now? Now that you've...."  
  
Willow sighed. "It felt....good. Doing the ritual. But then that's the problem isn't it? I'll be okay.....when there's a crisis it's always easier to block out personal stuff."  
  
Buffy nodded. "So," she added with a slight worry in her voice. "You think I'm going to be 'Buffy the Vampire, period!' soon? Without having to die first?" Buffy asked.  
  
"I really don't know." Willow said apologetically. "There's really no way of knowing."  
  
Buffy laughed a little. "Guess I should be glad I'm the Slayer and not someone else right now. Could be in big trouble if someone like Faith or Kendra was around. Kendra'd probably stake me and take all 'me shirts'!"  
  
They both had to laugh out loud at that thought. Then they sat in silence again, with nothing to do but wait.  
  
Buffy leant her head against the wall and said with a silent weariness: "Bugger, I could use a shot of bourbon...."  
  
** **  
  
TBC! 


	27. What goes around

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 27: What goes around.  
  
"Alright, that settles it." Rack smiled at Spike and Anya. Spike nodded back, obviously very pleased with himself.  
  
"Yeah, so if we can see the lady in question now.." he prodded.  
  
"Yeah man, sure..." Rack said and walked to a door in the room that Spike could have sworn hadn't been there before.  
  
"I...feel....so used!" Anya said, glaring at Spike.  
  
"Oh, come on, pet, 's not so bad as all that." Spike shrugged.  
  
"Easy for you to say!! You're not the one who's going to have to......."  
  
"Here we go...." Rack said before Anya could finish as he opened the door. They walked up to it and looked inside. There was another room, only slightly better looking. Some furniture, a bed and a fridge. And couch where they saw Halfrek, looking a little bored reading a cosmopolitan in front of a cheap TV.  
  
She looked up, saw them and her eyes grew wide. She dropped the cosmo and jumped to her feet. "HEY!" she shouted at Rack. "I thought we had a deal!"  
  
Rack shrugged. "What can I say baby, you hadn't paid rent for today yet. Besides, relax. These are friends of yours, right?"  
  
Halfrek glared at him with her mouth in a tight line. "Great..." she mumbled.  
  
"Come now, luv," Spike said as he walked in the room. "He's right, no one's here to hurt you, but you do have some thing to set straight here don't you?"  
  
Anya followed him in when Rack stopped her. "Hey now, let's.....not forget your end of this deal here. I delivered, now it's your turn."  
  
"Yes! Yes!" Anya growled and pulled her arm loose. "Relax! We're not gone yet."  
  
"Just a reminder...." he smiled.  
  
Anya closed the door in his face as she joined Spike And Halfrek. She walked up to her and folded her arms. "Hallie, what were you thinking?? First you pull a 'Drunkard's Wish'......" Behind her Spike grumbled a little.  
  
"Oh, you shut up!" Anya snapped. "After what you just pulled!" She turned back to Halfrek who had slumped back on the ragged couch. "And then not only do you leave that, that mess of a spell just flying around, you hide out with this 'molester uncle' version of Merlin?? D'Hoffryn is going to be SO pissed! He'll have you cleaning out the larger demons' toilets for a decade!"  
  
"Oh stop it Anyanka!" Halfrek countered. "Don't you think I KNOW all that??"  
  
"Well you tell me! Did you really think you could hide from D'Hoffryn here? If he wants to find you, he'll find you!"  
  
"I wasn't hiding from D'Hoffryn! I was hiding from you!" she looked at Spike for a second. ".....and ....you. I knew you'd be looking for me."  
  
Spike slowly walked forward and put his hand on Anya's shoulder. "Luv, why don't you go handle things off with Rack back there. Now's as good a time as any, and Halfrek and I can have a little chat."  
  
Anya looked at him with a scowl. Then looked back at Halfrek who was avoiding both there gazes, and she threw up her arms. "FINE!" she growled and turned to the door. In passing she pointed a finger in Spike's face. "But SOMEONE is going to pay for this, you hear me?"  
  
"Oh yeah, sure luv, no problem." He nodded trying to look earnestly.  
  
"Yeah, right!" Anya muttered and walked out of the room.  
  
She entered Racks main room again and faced him. He smiled and stood up out of his chair.  
  
"Let's get this over with." she said bitterly.  
  
"By all means." Rack agreed.  
  
Then Anya grabbed a piece of paper from the table, a pen from her pocket and started: "Alright, so that was 3 crystals of Baizon, 12 packs of incense with the strawberry smell and 3 charms from Shararnt with the necklaces included and a second edition of Wolforts Chantings....That's it, right?"  
  
"Don't forget the 3 black crystals from Orgoth." Rack said, and added: "Why didn't you say you had a magic store? And such quality, I have to get this stuff from the black market!"  
  
Anya grumbled as she wrote on the list.  
  
"Oh," Rack remembered. "And Orbs of Cthonn! Do you have those?"  
  
Anya cursed under her breath. "....maybe..."  
  
"Oh great! Those are so rare. I'll take five."  
  
Anya gasped and put her pen hand on her hip. "Okay buster, don't push it! Do you know how expensive those are? I just got them in!! And what did you do? Open a door for us in your own room? Oh, THAT's hard!"  
  
"Hey, I delivered! You needed to find her, and there's no way you would have if I hadn't let you. I'm entitled."  
  
" No way! You're getting one, tops!"  
  
"Four!" Rack countered.  
  
Anya rolled her eyes. "Oh please, I KNOW I don't like Buffy *that* much!!"  
  
Inside the other room, Spike calmly sat down next to Halfrek who was still not looking at him. He took out his cigarettes and offered her. She just shook her head. He took one out and lit up.  
  
"Now then, luv." He said. "What was that all about then? You got some things to set straight, and I don't care what you were planning here, you're going to do just that."  
  
Halfrek shifted in her spot. "Hey, everyone makes mistakes.....I'm a Vengeance Demon you know. Just doing my job."  
  
"Yeah," Spike said, "and me here being pretty much Buffy's little whipped puppy was the perfect candidate for revenge. That what you're saying? It's NOT what I wanted and I got a feeling you bloody well knew that!"  
  
She looked all the way to the side now and swallowed.  
  
"I know she hurts me and kicks me around in every way I can think of, and then invents a few more.....but I'm also pretty sure I've never once had the urge to have revenge on her with curses and whatnot."  
  
"I know....." she said, sounding like a little girl again.  
  
"So here I am, thinking, I meet this lady I was all gaga over about a century ago and who told me to piss off....and now we're both demons. And it's actually nice to have a few chats with her. Kinda removes that old bad taste.....and then she pulls one over me. That the only reason you looked me up then?" He blew out some smoke. "'s Alright luv, you can say it. It's the least what you and your fellow girls have done to me over the years."  
  
"No," she looked him in the eyes now. "It wasn't."  
  
She fell back into the couch with a tired sigh. "I hadn't been doing so well lately with getting the vengeance done. You saw what happened on Buffy's birthday. That was one in a line of goof ups. I was feeling pretty depressed, and the pressure never lets up, you know?"  
  
She took his pack of cigarettes and took one out after all. "And suddenly there you were. From a life I'd almost managed to forget. And it was actually nice. In the beginning I was mainly curious...you looked so different."  
  
Spike chuckled. "I bet..."  
  
"And....you'd become quite the.....dashing vampire killer, really." She avoided his eyes again. "Oh may as well tell all now, D'Hoffryn is probably going to turn me into a maggot anyway....doesn't matter now...."  
  
He started to say something but she gestured him to stay silent.  
  
"Ah, William....it's strange, I really didn't want you even near me back then. But throughout the years, I remembered you."  
  
"And why would that be. The poems get to you after all?" he smirked.  
  
She laughed a little and touched his hand. "In a way," she said softly "because no one had ever, ever loved or wanted me as much as you...And when a girl goes on in her life, demon or not. you tend to find that there are few men who are willing to write how....'effulgent' your beauty is."  
  
Spike's eyebrows went up.....he never would have thought she'd have remembered that one.  
  
"And there you were, suddenly all bold and fearless, a man of action. And like me, a demon." she shrugged. "Which was only fitting in a way. And everything you lacked back then you had in spades now...it just.....got to me....I don't know.....I wanted to feel that again...to know that that famous vampire Warrior had wanted me so much."  
  
"Luv, we were different people back then. It was nice seeing you again, and.....well you've become quite the catch, as demons go. Couple of years ago, I'd have gone all out for you probably. But we don't rightly know each other."  
  
"I know...." she sighed. "But I still....felt that.....I'd had such bad times, and you were....." She hesitated a little. "...pretty charming."  
  
Spike cleared his throat. "There's some people who'd disagree....."  
  
"I know. I saw. I hated her for treating you that way...but I also hated her for being in my way." She frowned. "And when you were drunk I ...well all you cared about was her and it.....hurt me. There, maybe that makes us even after all these years. I was hurt and I desperately needed a vengeance spell to work out so I used that to get back at her. And at you for..." she looked at him, "....well, for not wanting me again."  
  
Spike sighed....."Ah it don't work that way, luv. And as for how she treats me.....didn't look familiar at all to you?" he gave her a look.  
  
Halfrek avoided his gaze again. "I know. Probably another reason. Reminded me of how I used to be. I like myself better as a demon!"  
  
Spike stood up and extinguished his cigarette. Not like Rack would notice on this carpet.  
  
"Yeah luv. So do I."  
  
She got up too. "Really?"  
  
"Yeah, wouldn't go for Cecily today. Halfrek is a far better catch in my book."  
  
She smiled shyly at that.  
  
"But it don't change the fact that I love Buffy. You don't have a choice in those things. I didn't have a choice but to write those soddin' poems for you all those years ago and I don't have a choice now. And I'd be a lot angrier at you right now for making me do this to Buffy if she didn't hate me already!" He rubbed his forehead. "She'll probably stake me for this."  
  
"There's....something else.." Halfrek said as she looked at her shoes.  
  
"What?"  
  
"The reason you got so drunk was because she'd come to you all angry, right?"  
  
"Yeah, she.....well not our first session like that but one of the 'better' ones." Spike sighed sadly.  
  
"Well, I-I....I sort of...that same evening, after I left your crypt, you know when we had watched TV with Clem....."  
  
"Yeah...." Spike said eyeing her suspiciously.  
  
"Well I saw her on her way to your crypt, in the graveyard, and when she was occupied with some vampires, I teleported back inside your door and I walked out again."  
  
"What?" Spike asked remembering hearing his door clank again just before Buffy had stormed in.  
  
"And, I sort of....undid my blouse and stuff...so when she'd see me she'd think we'd....."  
  
"WHAT???" Spike roared. "Oh bloody HELL!" He paced the room, squeezing his own face.  
  
"I'm sorry." Halfrek said, looking smaller and smaller on the couch. "Really!"  
  
"Argh!!" He leant against a wall with his eyes closed for a moment. So that's what Buffy had been referring to. He'd had no idea. Of course he'd confirmed Halfrek had BEEN there...  
  
Then suddenly he opened his eyes as another realization hit him. His face cleared up. A little. He turned to Halfrek who was sitting there with her eyes almost closed as if she was expecting him to hit her.  
  
He sighed. "Alright....right....well, sitting around and talking is just a waste of time now. Don't worry about it. Just....just come with me and lift that damn spell, okay?" He thought of Buffy and wondered how she was doing. He hoped she didn't LOOK like him by now!  
  
"Uh," Halfrek said, "I want to, but...."  
  
"Good!" Spike said, "then do it. Let's go."  
  
Halfrek tried to say more but Spike had already opened the door to Rack's room and heard him and Anya still haggle about his price.  
  
"Okay, when we scratch the Bazoin crystals, you can have 2 Orbs of Cthonn, provided the charms now come without the necklaces included. As for the incense...."  
  
"Oh no!" Rack said "I'm keeping the strawberry incense! And I want at least one Bazoin!"  
  
Anya added up the costs of it all again and frowned. She rubbed her forehead with a painful look. "Look! Wouldn't you rather just.... have your way with me after all? I mean, taste my energies and stuff. ...?"  
  
Rack smiled. "Well....I can be persuaded to drop the Bazoin..."  
  
"Just the Bazoin??" Anya said, agitated. "Please, have you looked at my energies? No way am I THAT cheap!"  
  
"Alright, for a nice.....looong taste I can drop both the charms too."  
  
Anya thought deeply for a second. "Uhm, and that whole 'tasting' thing....how long does that take exactly?"  
  
"Too long!" Spike cut in. "Look, we have to get going."  
  
"What, scared Buffy actually HAS grown a penis?" Anya said. Spike visualized and swallowed.  
  
"This is MY merchandise you so easily sold down the river buster! And somehow I don't see you paying it off in regular installments. Besides, what is the hurry? Halfrek doesn't need to go to Buffy to lift the curse remember?"  
  
Spike's eyes lit up. He cursed himself for being an idiot. He hadn't remembered.  
  
Anya turned back to Rack. "Now then, that 'tasting' of my energies.." she smiled a little "how does that feel for ME? I mean....if it's nice for me too..."  
  
"It has it's moments." Halfrek said, as she joined them. She folded her arms and glared at Rack. "Your magics feel like they need a thorough bath afterwards, but ......"  
  
Rack shrugged and grinned.  
  
Spike looked at Halfrek. "You can lift your curses from anywhere, right? Can you do it? Right now?"  
  
"Sure she can." Anya said. "And you really should have by now, Hallie."  
  
Halfrek sighed. "Well that's what I tried to say.....I can't. I would have done so right away if I could! I just CAN'T!!"  
  
** **  
  
TBC! 


	28. Stuck

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 28: Stuck  
  
"I can't sit here anymore!"  
  
"Buffy, easy, I'm sure they'll.."  
  
"They'll what? Mess me up even worse? Make it so I'll start bleaching my hair and gelling the crap out of it every day?? Start drinking micro waved pig's blood with weed?" She shrunk back into her chair. "......or be able to pee standing up??"  
  
"I don't think that...." Tara tried now, but Buffy had stood up already with a very determined movement.  
  
"No! I'm not going to sit around here while that that accident-prone vampire who got me into this mess in the first place is trying to play Lancelot." She strode to the hallway and got her jacket.  
  
"Buff, maybe they have a point. You shouldn't be running around town in your..condition." Xander said, coming in from the kitchen.  
  
" 'Condition' ??" Buffy said. "What am I, pregnant?"  
  
"Buffy you can't even find Rack's place without Anya or Spike. I mean I could, but I really don't think we should go, and I ....really rather not....."  
  
Buffy looked at her friend. "I know Will, I'm not asking you to go. I can go bust some demon heads at Willie's, or maybe Clem will help me. I'll figure something out."  
  
"But Buffy, what if...."  
  
"No!" she said, and walked out the front door, into the early morning sun. Halfway the garden path however she stopped and looked at her hand. At first it itched, then it hurt a little. Then she saw it turn red.....  
  
"Aow!" she said, rubbing it. It got worse and now her other hand followed suit, as well as her face, particularly her nose. "Aow, aow, AOWW!!" she called out, furiously! "No, no, no, NO! This is not bloody happening to me!!!"  
  
She looked up at the sun and her bangs started to smoke. "Aahhhh!! Noo!" she yelled and turned around, running back to her worried friends in the door. She ran back inside, lost her footing and rolled over the floor.  
  
"Buffy what is it!?" they asked in unison.  
  
She looked up at them with a little girl's pout. "I got sunburn." She said with a sad little voice. Her face and hands looked red and painful, like she had been at the beach all day without any sun block.  
  
"Ouchie." Willow said as she gently touched Buffy's red nose.  
  
"I can't go out into the sun!! I'm turning into a vampire!" she cried out.  
  
"Buffy no, maybe it's just another , you know.....'trait' you've picked up," Tara tried to comfort her. "You're not undead or anything. This spell's just..."  
  
"All wonky" Willow finished. Buffy just groaned.  
  
"Come on let's get some aloe on that," Tara said as they helped her up. They went to the kitchen, and softly Buffy mumbled:  
  
"I am SO going to punch him in the nose....!"  
  
** **  
  
"What do you mean you CAN'T??" Spike asked frantically.  
  
"I can't......I'm.....blocked!" Halfrek said as they stood in the alley where the entrance to Rack's place was located. They had just left it, after Anya signed an I.O.U. that had some magical extras. (If she hadn't given Rack his items before a certain date, she'd be getting some dreams about bunnies. She didn't know how he knew her fear of them and didn't ask. She signed the paper shooting daggers from her eyes at Spike.) All in all, they had left a very content sorcerer behind.  
  
Anya frowned. "Blocked.... you mean......"  
  
"D'Hoffryn." Halfrek sighed. "You remember the wish I granted Buffy's sister on her birthday party right? Well, I had to take that back. Because I got trapped myself."  
  
Anya nodded. "You probably got into trouble for that one already." Then she added for Spike "You see taking a successful spell back for whatever reason is also a big no-no. Almost as bad as to mess up a spell like she did here."  
  
"Yes, thank you Anyanka!" Halfrek said. "And I did get into trouble! D'Hoffryn lectured me on my clumsiness, and decided I needed to be taught a lesson. To be a little more careful about my spells and the consequences and to not make those kinds of mistakes."  
  
She sighed. "So he decided that my first next 5 curses would stay permanent, no matter what! If I'd made that birthday mistake now, we'd all be stuck in that house for eternity!"  
  
"Bloody hell!" Spike cursed. "So....now what!? Watch Buffy turn into me?!"  
  
Anya shrugged. "Well, you always seemed to be pretty pleased with yourself...."  
  
Spike kicked the wall. "Of all the bleedin' stupid bad luck. What's gonna happen to her now?"  
  
Anya watched him trash about. "Hey I'm the one who just lost a whole bunch of perfectly good magical retail merchandise just to get to see Ms. Useless over here!"  
  
Halfrek cleared her throat. "Yes, thank you Anyanka. I'm standing right here, you know! And I didn't ask for you to come look for me."  
  
Spike gained his composure with a clenched jaw. "Alright, maybe...maybe we can figure something out. Or the wiccas. Let's get back to them." He turned and started to walk out of the alley when he was stopped short by the bright light hitting the sidewalk.  
  
"Oh no...the sun's up. Any sewer entrances here??"  
  
"No," Anya shook her head as she looked around. "And I'm not going down in any sewers anyway!" she added.  
  
"Well, you wouldn't have to, would you??" Spike groaned.  
  
"Oh, yeah right."  
  
"Look, can you go over there and let them know what the deal is? Maybe take Halfrek with you....."  
  
"I'm not going to the Slayer's house!" Halfrek protested. "Her, with her witch friends? They're going to kill me! I don't think so. I'm sorry William, I am, but there's nothing I can do anyway."  
  
"She has a point." Anya nodded. "I'll just teleport over there and tell them seeing Halfrek was pointless and Buffy's probably cursed for all eternity."  
  
"NO! Don't put it like that!" Spike said, but Anya was already gone in a puff of black swirling smoke.  
  
"Bugger...." He whispered. Halfrek looked at him. "Well, I'm going to go too. I'm sorry but there's nothing I can do. And D'Hoffryn will probably come for me soon now." she groaned. "Toilet brush here I come."  
  
Spike sighed. He had run out of ideas. "Bloody great...."  
  
She walked up to him. "William? One more thing.....I was impressed with what a feared, powerful vampire you'd become. But what really got to me....in all honesty.."  
  
She touched his face.  
  
"....was that behind all the violence and the adventures, I still saw that sensitive guy that wrote me poems."  
  
He looked at her, not knowing what to say. She kissed him gently and smiled.  
  
"Guess that's irony for you....." she said sadly and she disappeared in a cloud, similar to Anya's, leaving Spike alone in the alley, trapped by sunlight.  
  
He stood there for a moment. Then walked to a wall, fell back against it and slumped down onto the ground.  
  
"Women....." He muttered.  
  
"Indeed" he heard a voice say in the corner of the alley. He looked up and saw Vraak I'Lek walk up and sit down next to him.  
  
"Oh, it's you. Thanks for earlier mate."  
  
"Not at all. You are an honorable warrior......I am glad we shared a great battle."  
  
"Uh yeah, right." Spike said and offered another cigarette.  
  
"Thank you." Vraak said and his nose flames did their work again. " Now.....uhm, I wanted to make sure I got that dock number correctly...that was 16 yes?"  
  
"Hm? Oh yeah right. Yeah 16. Krayceck always has plenty in stock. Just tell him Spike sent you. Should have you 'up' and running in no time."  
  
"Indeed," the demon grinned uncomfortably. "Have you ever......uhm....personally found it to work?"  
  
"Me? Ah no it doesn't work on vampires....." He looked up at his companion. "Not that.....I ever tried...."  
  
For a few moments they smoked in silence.  
  
"I gather your meeting with the wizard did not go as you hoped?" the demon asked politely.  
  
"Ah, it did and it didn't. He let me see her, but turns out she can't lift the curse. Complications. Not sure what to do now." He pointed at the sunlight that the shadow of the surrounded buildings protected him from. "And I'm stuck here for the day."  
  
He gripped his head and groaned. "Ahhh man....Buffy is going to kill me. And then probably have Willow raise me from the dead just so she can kill me again!"  
  
The demon patted him on the shoulder in a comforting way. "Oh, my soul- other has tried to kill me on many occasions." he shrugged and added:  
  
"Really, I would not read too much into that."  
  
"Ain't love grand." Spike mumbled.  
  
** **  
  
TBC! 


	29. Facing the music

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 29:  
  
Spike swallowed deep as he stood in front of the Summers' house. He'd started walking out of the alley when it was still kind of dusky. Uncomfortable, but not damaging and he'd wasted enough time already. On the way he'd come along his crypt and quickly emptied a few blood bags. He really needed to feed, and he needed to be strong and useful. Especially since he'd done some thinking in the time he had sat in the alley, and had a few ideas.  
  
He was scared to find out what had become of Buffy by now. For one thing, Anya's penis remarks had lingered!  
  
He walked up to the door to knock but it already opened. Tara looked at him uncertainly as she let him in. "We saw you walk up," she said.  
  
"Yeah. I take it Anya filled you in?" Spike asked.  
  
"Yeah, we've been talking all day."  
  
"How......how is she?" he asked with a small voice.  
  
"Pissed off, that's how!!" a voice came from the stairs. Buffy's boots heels clicked on the steps as she walked down with a determined pace. He couldn't help but be relieved that at least she still looked like herself.  
  
"Uh, hi Buffy......you doing better, after our.....little drinking spat an' all?" he tried.  
  
"Save it, buster." she folded her arms. "Willow and Tara did a spell. I'm still cursed with .....well, YOU, but at least I know it now!"  
  
Spike swallowed. Oops. That was unexpected. At least she didn't have a stake in her hands. Yet.  
  
"Ah.....uh.....B-buffy, I'm....." he stammered.  
  
"Let me guess: 'sorry'?" she finished. "Seems to be your new hobby lately, being sorry. What were you thinking!? You put a bleedin' curse on me!"  
  
"No SHE cursed you. And I wasn't thinking because I was dead drunk. I don't even remember what I said." He countered.  
  
Before Buffy could answer Willow came from the living room. "Come on guys, yelling is not going to solve anything. The pizza's done, let's eat first, then discuss our options."  
  
Buffy was still looking at Spike like a stern teacher with her arms folded. Then she walked towards the living room after pointing a finger at him. "This talk is not over mister!"  
  
Spike sighed. Willow looked at him. "Uh, I don't know if you want a slice too or something...."  
  
Spike shook his head. "Don't think so Red. I think I better stay clear. I'll just go have a smoke on the porch."  
  
"Uhm...." Willow hesitated.  
  
"What? Not allowed that either?"  
  
"No that's fine, it's just......we could all be together here for a while, we don't know what we're going to do but you'll probably be a part of it, right?"  
  
"Of course," Spike said, slightly insulted. "Whatever it takes to cure Buffy, I'll do it."  
  
"Right, well seeing how that's the case....uhm.....maybe you could...wash up a bit? No offense but you're a little....ripe." She blocked her nose with the back of her fingers.  
  
"Ah....uh, really," Spike said. That was about the last thing he was expecting her to say. Of course, the last time he'd washed was before his drinking binge. And sitting among the trash of that alley hadn't exactly made him any cleaner.  
  
"Right, if you think it's okay....." He said uncertainly.  
  
"Well under different circumstances it would probably be a little too weird for you to use Buffy's shower, but I'm sure everyone would agree they'd prefer you not smelling like a garbage can," Willow said with a little smile.  
  
"Right. Off to the showers then....." Spike shrugged and started to walk up the stairs.  
  
"Oh," Willow called after him. "Oh, the shampoo for dyed hair is on the right side of the cabinet. And if you want the good conditioner, there's one that smells like Kiwi, and one that....."  
  
Spike turned on the steps and gave her a look.  
  
"..okay, fine, just trying to be helpful." Willow held up her hands. As Spike continued to mount the stairs, she added quietly, "Like monsters are too good to condition properly. And the undead could stand to smell a little fruitier you know. "  
  
"I heard that," came his voice from upstairs.  
  
As Spike stood under the shower he let his thoughts go. This wasn't a bad idea. He'd managed to get running water into the crypt with the help of a demon that was handy with metal pipes. But the hot water was not that reliable. This was actually a treat!  
  
"Yeah now my dust will smell fruity when she stakes me," he wryly mumbled. Okay, maybe she wouldn't stake him. She was obviously mad, but she hadn't even hit him in the nose yet. Maybe she really believed it was an accident. Still far from out of trouble, but maybe not doomed to dusty death!  
  
And he had another thing in his mind that had managed to keep him not all that unhappy in the alley today. He wasn't sure if she'd ever believe him if he told her he'd not done any naked tumbling with Halfrek, but.....she'd been jealous.  
  
That much was clear. That's the whole reason she'd walked in there all fuming before she even touched his door. She'd seen Halfrek, and the thought had pissed her off so badly....Through the mess of it all, the thought practically made him giddy. Like no matter what happened now, what ever she'd say, he knew it. He knew it in his heart. Even more clear than after Anya, or just seeing him walk around with Halfrek. This was undeniably jealousy.  
  
He turned off the shower, pulled the curtain aside and grabbed a towel. Just as he was drying off, the door opened and Buffy walked in.  
  
"I told you this talk wasn't over," she said calmly.  
  
Spike stood there, still in the bathtub, dripping, his towel in front of him. "Buffy!" he stammered. "Uhm, I know we got some things to talk about but....."  
  
"But what?" she said looking him over. "Nothing I haven't seen before, and now that I got your personality stuff in my head, it bothers me even less. I should stake you, you know!"  
  
"It was an accident. I didn't even know what was going on."  
  
"You know that just shows you can be dangerous without even meaning to be, doesn't it?" She grinned, sill looking mad but almost playfully now. "Maybe I should definitely stake you!"  
  
Spike sighed. "What you should, is either do it, or stop talking about it. I know it's still my fault. And I'll make it right."  
  
"Really," she said skeptically. "More easily said than done Spike. I'm changing already! When I tried to go out in the sun today, it burned me!"  
  
His eyes grew wide and noticed her sunburn now that she stood under the lights. "What? Oh, bugger.....Buffy, I'm so sor-"  
  
"Yes, yes, I heard you. You didn't mean to and you're sorry. That all you got? That supposed to make me not mad anymore?" She looked at him like he was a little boy that broke a vase.  
  
He just sighed. "No." She made an 'uh huh' sound and looked at him again with her arms still folded. He noticed her nails. A light pearly purple. "Got rid of the black, huh?" he remarked.  
  
She looked at her nails. "Yeah, the 'Morticia' thing? Not for me. Well, it shouldn't be anyway."  
  
"I dunno," Spike grinned a little. "I like this, but still, the black looked kinda sexy too."  
  
Buffy looked angry again. "I know! Because I thought myself! Or part of me did. The part of me that's now YOU! And then there's the smoking!! I was smoking, Spike! In the bathroom! Today! And drinking booze!"  
  
"If it would make you feel better to punch me in the nose....," he said with a weak smile. "That usually seemed to do the trick of cheering you up."  
  
Her face changed and she started to grin mischievously. 'Uh oh' he thought, 'This is going to hurt.' And he braced himself for the blow.  
  
But she just walked up to the edge of the bath he was still standing in. Involuntarily he pulled his towel a little closer to him as he wasn't sure what this meant. Then she said sweetly. "Interesting you should bring that up. Now, you agree this is still at least partially your fault right?"  
  
"Uh, yeah, but......"  
  
"And that I'm entitled to a little payback, right?"  
  
"Uh.....well....I guess, but...."  
  
"And I'm not responsible for my actions since I'm not quite myself, right?"  
  
"Uh....." he just looked at her.  
  
"Good!" she said. Then she yanked his towel away and reached down and grabbed him.  
  
"Hey now!" he yelled, but she put a finger to his lips.  
  
"No, no. You want me to forgive you right?"  
  
He nodded with a worried look.  
  
"Glad to hear it," she said with an evil grin as she looked him over, naked, still dripping and smelling a little like Kiwi. "Then you won't mind holding still!" and he saw her other hand reach out, like the night before. 'Oh bugger' he thought.  
  
It hovered over her other hand that was still holding him tightly and had that anticipating twinkling of the fingers again, except the pearly purple of her nails caught the light a lot better than the black had. "Good thing I just filed them....." she said softly.  
  
** **  
  
Downstairs the Scoobies were done cleaning up, tossing out the paper plates and putting on some fresh coffee.  
  
"So you're sure she's still in town?" Willow asked Anya.  
  
"Oh yes, now that she's out of Rack's place I can sense her clearly. She's probably just waiting for D'Hoffryn to pop up and start with the lecture." She added with a sigh, "And those can be long."  
  
"Alright, well, just in case we need her for something." Willow mused.  
  
"Yes, and speaking of need," Anya said, "I figured, since the dealing with Rack was basically for Buffy's benefit, isn't it fair that she pays me for that? I mean Spike said he would but......you know, like that's gonna happen!"  
  
"An," Xander said. "Maybe this isn't a good time."  
  
"Yeah," she said with a sigh as she fell back into her chair. "How did I know you were going to say THAT."  
  
"We're just worried about Buffy now. If this curse thing goes on......"  
  
"Where is she anyway?" Tara asked.  
  
"She went upstairs to talk to Spike." Willow said. "She said she probably wouldn't kill him."  
  
"Yes," Xander said with a sarcastic smile. "Let's all keep our fingers crossed there."  
  
"I just think I'll go check on them," Willow said, ignoring Xander's remark.  
  
She went up the stairs and even before she reached the top she heard strange sounds from the bathroom. She went close and listened, telling herself that it wasn't eavesdropping if you were worried. She could make out Buffy's voice "....and *this* is for my burnt nose!.........." then some muffled sounds she couldn't quite place. Willow pulled her head back. What was going on in there?  
  
Suddenly the door opened and Willow took a quick jump back.  
  
Buffy emerged with a satisfied smile. "Buffy, what....what was that? Did you do something to Spike?"  
  
"Yep!" Buffy said with a chipper face as she walked past Willow. "I forgave him."  
  
Willow watched her walk down the stairs with one eyebrow raised. "Well......that's good. I guess...." She turned and looked inside the bathroom.  
  
Spike was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, a towel covering his lower half and under it, he had both his hands firmly pressed on himself. His face had an expression like he was severely....constipated.  
  
"Uhm....you okay?" Willow asked uncertainly, trying not to notice him being mainly naked.  
  
"S....sure....." Spike said. "Right as rain. Nothing bothering me. Be right down. Yep."  
  
"Uh, okay." Willow said, not quite sure what had happened. She closed the door and left, still scratching her head.  
  
"Nothing bothering me.." Spike repeated to himself while opening his hands and looking down. "Just some.....half circle marks."  
  
He squinted and moaned. "A LOT of them....."  
  
** **  
  
TBC! 


	30. Having a Smoke

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 30: HAVING A SMOKE  
  
** **  
  
"How about we kill Halfrek? Would that help?"  
  
"Well, if your goal is to make absolutely sure the curse will never be lifted that would be the way to go," Anya said.  
  
"Besides," she added, "she's still my friend and coworker, you know. I don't go around saying 'Hey Xander, let's go kill some of your stupid construction worker friends', do I?".  
  
"Nnooo," Xander countered, "but then they don't go around cursing people!"  
  
"No, just perfectly well organized dinner parties. Honestly, did that 'Jack' guy HAVE to get drunk, start belly dancing and puke on the carpet!?" Anya muttered.  
  
Xander scratched behind his head. "Well, at least it wasn't a curse.....Ahem."  
  
"Tell that to the carpet!"  
  
"Uhm, guys?" Willow interrupted them. "Little more with the focusing now."  
  
They were all sitting in the living room with Buffy, Willow and Tara on the couch, Anya and Xander on chairs, and Spike in the background leaning against a wall. Dawn had come home by now and was up to date. She'd listened to Willow and Tara explain and afterwards, when they were done and Buffy had come in and spoken to her, she just started to giggle. Buffy had been slightly less amused. Now Dawn sat on the ground next to Buffy, looking at her frowningly almost every time she moved or spoke.  
  
"I'm sorry I laughed, it's just so weird," she said. "Even the way you walk, is....just..."  
  
"I know Dawnie, it's just a soddin'..I mean it's a mess." Buffy said, catching herself, still refusing to get used to the accent. Dawn giggled a little again and Buffy gave her a look.  
  
"What? Come on it IS kinda funny. Like when you said to turn off the 'telly'! That's a thing Giles would say!"  
  
"Speaking of Giles," Tara said. "Maybe we should give him a call?"  
  
"No," Buffy said. "I don't want to worry him. The reason he left was because he was afraid we.....I couldn't do without him. And as much as I wish he was here....no, not unless really necessary. Besides, he probably can't do much more than some extra book research, and I don't want him to ask the council for help. He will if he thinks we can't hack it, and I don't want those poncy buggers involved if possible." She frowned and sighed but didn't correct herself.  
  
"Okay what else then?" Xander said. "Couldn't....you fulfill a 'counter- wish' or something, An?"  
  
"Not really. It still has to be a wish somehow grounded in revenge or at least resentment, some need for retribution. A wronged party that feels hurt."  
  
Buffy looked at Spike briefly at those words. Their eyes locked for a full second, with a myriad of emotions exchanged before she looked back down again.  
  
"So if you can find someone that feels wronged by Buffy and gets a nice fulfilled sense of revenge by wishing her normal and healthy again, sure. Bring it on....."  
  
"Could....could I try?" Spike said. Everyone looked at him.  
  
"Way I see it, the first wish came from me, and while we'd had some..... issues, I didn't want to hurt her, and this still happened. Can't we do what you just described? Try it?"  
  
Anya sighed. "Look, I.....don't know what your wish was. Something about her being like you. But I promise you even if it wasn't revenge, it still wasn't rooted in wanting to make her all happy. It was rooted in your hurt. A wish like you're proposing now will be rooted in you feeling guilty and about wanting her to be better! I can't work with that!"  
  
Spike cursed silently and walked out of the room. "I'll be on the porch. Need a smoke," he muttered.  
  
"Aren't there other wish granting beings?" Tara said.  
  
"Yeah," Xander agreed, "Like genies in lamps?"  
  
"Well," Anya said, "there are, but they're more likely to eat you than grant you a wish. Honestly, I don't know where those Disney people get there ideas."  
  
For a moment Xander envisioned a large blue cartoon genie with Robin Williams' voice eating him, and shuddered.  
  
'Never be able to see that movie again,' he thought to himself.  
  
Willow sighed, "And I checked out wish-granting stones and charms. Most of them are either impossible to find, as in 'many have tried throughout the ages' or they're just plain tricky. Like the wishes will always find a way to turn against the wisher. There was a chapter in this book about a guy who wished he was.....ahem..." she glanced at Dawn, "uh....better 'endowed'."  
  
Dawn sighed. "Willow, relax. I know what 'endowed' means, okay? I'm not stupid."  
  
Buffy frowned. "How do you know what 'endowed' means?? You have no business having knowledge of 'endowed' things!"  
  
Dawn rolled her eyes "Geez, spaz much? I *am* a teenager, as I never get tired of pointing out. Anyway, what happened, Willow? Did he get a lot bigger? Was there a picture?" She giggled and tried to see into the book on Willow's lap, but it was quickly closed!  
  
Buffy winced at Dawn saying 'bigger'. Willow winced as well, but because there indeed had been an accompanying drawing in the book. "Yeah, he did. But.....let's just say in terms of daily convenience that it didn't end well."  
  
"Most wishing objects are like that." Anya nodded, "I remember this story about a guy who wished he was the most powerful man in the country. He had the Stone of Argubal I think. His wish transported him to a deserted island. Well, more like a rock sticking out of the water in the middle of the ocean..."  
  
"Let me guess," Xander said. "Because he hadn't said WHAT country?"  
  
"Precisely," Anya said. "Tricky business, wish granting. People should leave it to the professionals." She nodded to Willow. "Especially when they want their genitals enlarged like in your example. I mean, using a wishing stone for that....that's just stupid. Everyone knows that for that for a larger penis you need a potion with some dragon's urine, a hellhound's testicle, a....."  
  
"Okay! Enough with the genitals!" Buffy called out.  
  
"Well yeah, you can say that again if you don't add the bile of a Genga demon, 'cause otherwise drinking that will just make it all shrivel up like a....."  
  
"Enough! Please. I don't care how old Dawn thinks she is. Bloody hell, *I* feel too young for this. We got the picture. Not the way to go."  
  
"Besides, even if we had something that would grant us a wish, and that wouldn't turn on us, there's no guarantee it would be able to overturn a Vengeance Demon's spell," Willow said.  
  
Buffy's face had by now not gotten any happier.  
  
Outside, Spike's sharp hearing was still following it all as he sat on the steps of the porch in Buffy's backyard. It all pretty much confirmed what he was thinking. And reinforced him in his own idea. He was still wondering whether to share it with the sidekicks or......go his own way with it. A lot riskier, and he wasn't quite sure how to pull it off, but he knew that this or any idea coming from him, would result in some protests, then more debating. And the time for that was over as far as he was concerned. Yeah maybe it was time he took matters into his own hands.  
  
He shifted a little, still feeling sore. She sure had done a number on him. But in spite of the pain he had to grin a little...that was still his girl.  
  
Just as he thought that, the back door opened and Buffy walked out. Without a word she sat down next to him on the top of the porch steps and held out her hand.  
  
"Uh...." he didn't quite understand.  
  
"Gimme a cigarette you dope," she said, looking at him from the corner of her eye.  
  
"Ah yeah of course." He got out his pack and she pulled one out. "You've uh, made your peace with that then?" he asked carefully.  
  
She shrugged as she lit up. "More like I can't fight it. Willow says I may as well not try anyway, and she seems to be right. Plus she told me this was better than smoking in the toilet. I hate it but at the same time I need a smoke. And it feels natural too."  
  
She looked at him. "Of course you couldn't be into salads and fat-free yogurt, noooo....."  
  
He laughed and shrugged. Then added, hesitantly, "So.......we're okay? I mean......at least you meant it? You forgive me?"  
  
She started to look angry again but managed to shrug. "Let's say your forgiveness is an ongoing process. But I believe you were duped, that much I can give you. Plus, it doesn't take a genius to figure out what your wish must have been. Maybe something to do with me walking a mile in your shoes?" She looked at him.  
  
"Probably something like that yeah," he said, with some shame in his voice.  
  
"Well, I know I've been...less than nice to you. And I hadn't intended on chewing you out so badly that night..."  
  
"I didn't sleep with her," Spike said quickly, before anything else could be said.  
  
"W-what?" Buffy said.  
  
"Halfrek had watched TV with Clem and me. That evening. That's what I meant. Didn't know until she told me at Rack's that she'd spotted you coming over, 'ported back inside my crypt and walked out so you'd see her."  
  
Buffy just stared at him for a moment. Then she took another drag. "Ahh.....okay. Vengeance Demons are tricky. Which reminds me, I should look her up sometimes to properly....thank her for all this."  
  
Spike sensed she was changing the subject. He wondered if it was better to let her or not. This was maybe not the time or the place. But then again, maybe there wouldn't be any better.  
  
"Buffy......" he started.  
  
"Spike, don't! Not now," she said with her eyes closed.  
  
"It's never 'now' Slayer! But you might wanna wonder why Halfrek would think that seeing her would upset you...." He tossed his cigarette with an angry motion.  
  
"Or why it DID...!"  
  
** **  
  
TBC!  
  
And the usual abbreviation-follow up: R&R! 


	31. Having a what?

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 31: HAVING A ...WHAT?  
  
** **  
  
Buffy sighed. She took another drag from her cigarette and looked at Spike.  
  
"Look, I......do have feelings for you. I do. And I ..... 'want' you. I've already admitted that. But we......just can't be, Spike. And right now, what does it matter what I say anyway? I'm not myself. I'm half you! And speaking of that....I've been having thoughts...points of view, that I can tell are yours. And I understand you a little better now maybe. And yes, it got me mad to see Halfrek walk out of your crypt."  
  
He just looked at her. At least she admitted it. But he could already predict the next part.  
  
"But it doesn't change anything, it doesn't matter what I may or may not feel for you. 'We' are a bad idea Spike. You have no soul and that would split us up sooner or later, even if I said we could start 'going steady' tomorrow!"  
  
Spike just clenched his jaws. He'd heard this song. And she was still wrong. "Fine," he said through gritted teeth. "Keep telling yourself that. Even though every single time something like this happens you react the same. Sooner or later maybe it'll stick."  
  
He sighed and felt like hitting something. But he decided not to push it any further right now. She had admitted it. IT was something. Bit by bit, Rome wasn't built in a day. She looked at him and suddenly there was some kindness in her eyes.  
  
"But feeling what you feel...what you are.....it's hard for me to be too mad......Maybe it's your personality talking here but....I think I do forgive you. I may want to check again if we manage to cure me, but....."  
  
Spike forced a smile. "Well, I guess I'll take that. I'll take it any way I can right now. If you got any angrier, the ongoing process of forgiving me......" He pulled a painful face. "Well, let's just say if it takes too long, I won't have any parts left!"  
  
Buffy chuckled and held up her hand to admire her nails. "Oh, seemed like you had got plenty left for me to work on ...for a while anyway."  
  
"Well, you 'working' on my parts will always have a little bit of a nice ring to it," he said with a teasing smile.  
  
She gave him a look. "Ohh, don't get all cocky again! I said it's an ongoing process that whole forgiving thing, didn't I? I'm still plenty mad! Keep this up and I'll take out my hairbrush and belt...again!"  
  
He grinned as he remembered several nights in the past few months. The nights when he discovered Dru had almost been a squeamish little girl compared to Buffy with a horny mood and her 'mean on'. "Hmm, promises, promises."  
  
Her eyes widened. "Oh, really! Fine! Do keep this up then. And we'll see how long that grin will stay on this time!"  
  
Spike flustered a bit at that. "Hey now, that's not fair. I lasted long enough! As long...as you told me to!"  
  
"As well you should. I had won our little game of the evening, and you had to let me do whatever I wanted! But I do believe the grin was gone soon enough. And you always did have trouble with the concept of 'hold still' didn't you, Mr. Not-So-Tough-After-All?" She was grinning gleefully now.  
  
Spike shifted a little like he could still feel it. "Yeah, well...with your Slayer strength...."  
  
"Oh, I don't know what you were complaining about. That white skin of yours looked quite fetching with a little...color." She gave him a teasing laugh and elbowed him in the side.  
  
"Wouldn't know, never saw it....." he shrugged, a little embarrassed now, but still enjoying how freely she was talking of their 'time' together. And without any trouble about the wilder aspects of it. Had to be a bit of his attitude in her again...And no, he had no complaints. After all it had all ended in rough sex again, as everything in those days seemed to do.  
  
Then he noticed her smile had faded as she looked at the spot of his coat where she'd hit him  
  
"What?" Spike asked, not understanding.  
  
"You've......got something there," she said, still looking at the spot.  
  
"Uh, it's nothing luv." But she kept her eyes on it.  
  
"What? Look, it's just....." he reached in and took out a plastic bag of blood. "I stopped at my crypt on the way here. I kept it in case I needed it. Got hungry or something."  
  
She turned away and hid her face behind her hands, a cigarette still sticking out between the fingers of one of them.  
  
"What? Look, Slayer, a guy's gotta eat!"  
  
"I could smell it when I hit your side."  
  
Spike frowned, checked the bags for leaks but didn't find any. She continued, "It sloshed and I could smell it through the plastic."  
  
"Buffy.....what are you saying?"  
  
She looked up at him with a look that was disgusted and desperate at the same time. "It smelled delicious!!"  
  
"Wuh...?" Spike said. "Bloody hell. You sure about that?"  
  
"YES! I can still smell it. Oh my god, I'm turning into a vampire!!"  
  
"Luv, no! No come on, it's just fake spell stuff. You just feel that way. You're not a vampire. It's no worse than the smoking."  
  
She eyed the bag. "The pizza tasted fine but I could tell it didn't do much for my hunger. Well, now I know why! Buffy the Bloodsucker! Isn't that funny!"  
  
Spike hastily put the bag back in his pocket. "Come on, it's no worse than the cigs or the bourbon! You won't want it once you're cured! I'll......I'll just go toss this out."  
  
"No!" She stopped him from getting up. "No, let me just smell it. NO! I didn't just say that! Or no, yes, you're right, just throw it out. Ah no that's nuts I can deal with this. It's disgusting, it's disgusting...."  
  
Spike looked at her and it tore his heart to see her suffer like this. "Uh....." he said softly and very carefully, "you....you want a taste? Try it, I mean? Maybe..."  
  
She looked at him with wide eyes. "NO! Are you nuts! Never! No way!"  
  
He held up his hands "Okay, okay, just an idea. Just thought maybe it would still the urge a little. Like you said, with the cigarettes. And it won't kill you. The booze and smoking are probably a lot worse for you, now that I think of it."  
  
She sat there shaking her head, rubbing her eyes. "Owww, god I am going to kill Halfrek!"  
  
"Luv, it's not your fault. It's easier when you *do* have a smoke right? So maybe this'll be like that. If you want me to toss it, I'll toss it, but...."  
  
She peeked through her fingers, at the bag and back at him. "....maybe a little drop....just.... out of curiosity.....," she said almost inaudibly and he could hear her licking her lips behind her hands, but he pretended he didn't notice.  
  
He tried not to smile and dipped his finger into the bag, and held it up for her. She stared at it as torn as she could be.  
  
"Oh, this is just our whole bad affair all over again. You tempting me with stuff you shouldn't. And me giving in! I'm so ...."  
  
"Look luv, as I said, it's just a thought. Maybe it will still the urge a bit when you know what it's like to taste it. But if it's a bad idea, that's fine. I'll just...." But before he could move away or finish his sentence, she grabbed his arm with both hands, put his finger in her mouth and gave a hungry suck on it. "Uhmmmmm. Oh man...that's good! Is that that weed stuff you always talk about..hmmmmmmm"  
  
She looked up, and back over her shoulder if no one was watching them. "Again..?" she asked. Spike held his composure, afraid to break the moment. He dipped his finger in the blood again, a little deeper this time. He held it up and she grabbed it again.  
  
Spike swallowed, closed his eyes and tried to think of his poker buddies....or Manchester united....or... 'bloody Angel in a tutu' he hissed to himself, hoping to ignore how incredibly arousing this was! It didn't work. Buffy still sucked his finger and Angel in a tutu became Buffy in a thong in his head. He could feel the effect in his loins, hidden behind the safety pins which he was really glad he had now!  
  
Buffy looked up, releasing his finger from her mouth, but still holding onto his arm. "Oh bloody hell!" she exclaimed, staring at his pants. "I-I could feel that, hear that...the blood moved in you....the rush, the....flow...." Her eyes stayed fixated on the spot....he knew what she felt....the aspect of a vampire where the hunger for blood and the lust for sex blend in one insatiable mix ....  
  
Her voice was as raw and sensual as he'd ever heard her in his crypt in the past few months. She was breathing harder. Spike's throat felt dry....he tried to speak but instead he just felt himself move close to her. She didn't move away as he did this, still holding onto his hand, her mouth a little open, still hovering over his finger with a few light specks of blood on her lips....  
  
"Hey guys," a voice said behind them. They both jumped up, with a slight 'yelp' on her side and a 'Yeah?!' on his. Willow looked at them, Buffy wiping her face, adjusting her hair, and Spike shoving a plastic bag inside his coat, turning his back on both of them, neither of them looking at each other or her.  
  
"Uh, not interrupting anything... am I?" she asked.  
  
"No, of course not!" Buffy said turning around now. "Just...having one of those horrible cigarettes." She forced a smile. "Hopefully not for long."  
  
"Yeah," Spike said. "Wouldn't want you to get into any.....nasty habits again....."  
  
Buffy cleared her throat and walked past him up the steps. "SO, Will any news?"  
  
"Well," she said, still frowning a bit at the obviously weird vibe that hung over them, "not much but we want to try another spell, that maybe will slow things down, or allow us to direct the energies to, say, something innocent, like just your uh, feet or something."  
  
Buffy raised her eyebrows. "A spell that will give me Spike's feet?? *This* is your plan?"  
  
"Well, okay wrong example, just something that will focus it on something harmless or slows it, so we buy some more time and explore other options."  
  
Spike said nothing but he'd heard enough. He was going ahead with his own plan. Without either the Scoobies' knowledge.....or even Buffy's permission, if need be.  
  
And let's face it, she'd never agree to this...  
  
** **  
  
TBC! 


	32. Decisions

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 32: Decisions  
  
Another hour or two had gone by. Things were getting old fast. Spike stayed outside or, when he was inside, in the background at least. He was just biding his time now that he'd made his decision. Cutting the Scoobies out was definitely on. They wouldn't agree. And they were taking too bloody long and weren't looking at was right under their bloody noses.  
  
Harris, of course, was as useless and stupid as usual. Red wasn't quite herself, trying to do magic while not trying to do magic too much. Her little lovebird was constantly worrying about her. And then there was Anya who didn't really care all that much about this whole thing, not like they did, anyway...  
  
There she was now, trying to remind Dawn of her debt for all the trinkets she stole from the Magic Shop, suggesting maybe SHE should pay for the stuff Rack was going to be getting. He had to chuckle a little at that, seeing the Niblet's bewildered expression, as well as Anya's hopeful face and her smiling attempts at niceties while throwing words like 'tax not included' and 'weekly installments' around.  
  
Through it all, he knew he needed to get cracking. Time was a-wasting. Buffy had not quite been the same ever since they'd had their little.....blood scene outside. She was looking into mirrors and windows constantly, to check if she still had a reflection. And she did. But it was clear that the thought that soon maybe she wouldn't, wasn't all that outrageous.  
  
Yes, time was slipping. And he was going to act. But he couldn't quite do it alone unfortunately. He had several options at this point, neither of which was all that convenient.  
  
He saw Harris go to the kitchen. Good, the bloody git got antsy every time Spike got near Anya. He must have been eating himself up while they were at Rack's. The thought made him grin, but in all honesty he couldn't blame him entirely.  
  
Now, he'd been in the background long enough for his presence to fade a little, with no one paying him that much attention anymore, and walked over to Anya and Dawn as smooth and soundless as a cat.  
  
"So, with about 24 Saturday afternoons and 3 after-school shifts per week over the same time period, you should be able to make just enough for..." Anya was still firing away on a gulping little Dawn.  
  
"Hey, luv, go easy on the bit," he said, trying to sound casual. "I told you I'd take care of that didn't I?"  
  
Anya looked up (as did Dawn, with some relief at the interruption) "Yes, and of course I believe you, because you are known for paying for things," she said sarcastically. "What are you going to do, rob Xander again?"  
  
"Maybe I will." Spike grinned. "That not good for ya, luv?"  
  
Anya's eyes changed a little and she gave a little shrug. "Would work......"  
  
Spike winked at Dawn who hid her smile and he sat down on the armrest of the couch, next to her, facing Anya. "By the way, pity we went through all that crap with Rack only to find Halfrek couldn't do anything," he said.  
  
"Yeah, tell me about it," Anya frowned, thinking of her merchandise.  
  
"Still, who knows, maybe she can still help, if the love birds figure something out. You uh.... said she was still in Sunnydale right? You sure about that?"  
  
"Yeah," Anya nodded. "It's very clear, now that she's left that place."  
  
"You really sure now? Wouldn't want to have to go wandering through alleys again like last time." He shrugged a little. "Y'know, when it turns out to be a little vaguer than you thought." He was working hard on his casual tone and he didn't notice Dawn look up at him with slightly suspicious eyes.  
  
"Hey, Rack's place was very well clouded! Of course I'm sure. Her presence is very clear now. I could sense her pop up on the other side of town after she teleported out of that alley. Probably in some motel room, trying to get her courage up to face D'Hoffryn or waiting for him to get tired of waiting and show up himself."  
  
"Oh, right then. Just wondering," Spike shrugged. He got up as he noticed some of the others were about to enter the room again. He had hoped to know a little more specific, but this would have to do. Couldn't ask more without Anya getting suspicious.  
  
He strolled to the kitchen, to sit on the porch again, still never noticing Dawn looking at him with a slight frown on her little eyebrows.  
  
Outside on the porch he could still hear them inside, yapping away. Basically saying what they all knew already: 'Going to try a spell', more book surfing, 'careful', 'will all be fine', 'not to worry', yap, yap, banter, witty remark, stupid joke, 'let's all get some rest too', 'school night for Dawn', Anya ribbing Xander, yap, yap, quip, giggle, babble, another stupid joke, Anya saying something terrifying she meant to be reassuring, yap, yap, Willow trying to soothe. Quip. Yap. Babble. He could have written it all out before they even started.  
  
God he'd really spent way too much time with this lot.  
  
Still, he liked the 'all get some rest part'. He'd hoped Buffy would still go out and slay some vamps, but it didn't look like it. He could suggest it, but it would make them suspicious. The lovebirds in particular had a tendency to see things pretty quickly.  
  
No, this is how it was. Now play the hand you're dealt. Wait for the moment, it'll come. If they're going to sleep soon, it can work just as well, just be a little more careful. He felt the object in his pocket. It was still there, where it had been since he'd been by his crypt this morning. All that waiting in the alley earlier had been good for the thinking. He hadn't been sure if it would be necessary to get it as he walked over here, maybe the Scoobies would have worked something out, making it unnecessary. But it looked like what he thought up needed to be put into action.  
  
He had been worried when Buffy had noticed the blood bag. For a second he thought he'd been caught. But the blood bag had been in his left pocket and that was what she'd felt. This was still secure in his right. Good, because that would have been a lot harder to explain than the blood. Still, he had to bring it along. Without it, this would be really problematic. The last night had shown him that. She wouldn't fall for the booze-challenge trick a second time.....  
  
"I don't know what you're planning," it sounded from behind him, "but I'm on to you."  
  
He turned and saw Dawn joining him on the porch. He raised his eyebrows and looked at her, not sure what to say. This was the last thing he'd expected.  
  
"That whole thing with Anya," she continued, "you were so obviously pumping her for info." She looked at him with folded arms and her round lips trying to look firm, but coming across as a tad pouty.  
  
Spike started to laugh in an 'I-don't-know-what-you're-talking-about' kind of way, but she stopped him. "No! I don't care. I just...." She closed her eyes for a moment. When they opened again to look at him they were equal parts pleading and commanding.  
  
"If you can help her, do it. I don't care if the others like it or not. I don't care what you need to do for it. Just .....help her, Spike."  
  
He looked at her, and said nothing. He couldn't think of anything that wouldn't insult her, get more protests from her, or give himself away completely. Then he just gave her a barely perceptible nod. And a look that seemed to give a solemn promise.  
  
She just nodded back and went back inside the house. Spike watched her go and silently shook his head. The Summers women were something else. Made him wonder once again why that idiot father of theirs split.  
  
Inside everyone was sitting in the living room. Still talking, trying to plan, attempting to bring levity. Buffy just sat on the couch, looking at her reflection in the glass of the window. Now that it was dark outside it was as clear as a mirror. "So, anyone want some more hot cocoa?" Willow asked. Some nods, some shakes. Buffy was still zoning. "Hey Buff, you want a refill?"  
  
"Hmmm?" Buffy said, still absent minded.  
  
Willow sat down next to her. "Look Buffy, your reflection is still there. And if it's going to disappear, looking at it won't help you know?"  
  
At first Buffy didn't respond, apparently still not really listening. Then she said "Man, I have really pretty eyes don't I?"  
  
Willow opened her mouth to say something but couldn't quite think of anything.  
  
"I mean, look at them, they're stunning!" Buffy continued. "And my hair, it's so golden and silky..the way it waves and falls over my shoulders!"  
  
"Uh....yeah I suppose." Willow exchanged a look with Tara that read as "uh oh" as understanding dawned on both of them. Anya's eyes widened and looked at Xander. "And I thought you said it was inappropriate to praise yourself in public too much!"  
  
Before Xander could reply Willow nudged Buffy. "Uh, Buffy, not that you're NOT pretty, I mean you are, but.."  
  
Buffy looked up. "Hm? Well, I mean, look at me, I'm gorgeous!!" Then realization hit her. "Oh my god..."  
  
"That...would be another aspect of the Spike, I assume," Xander said.  
  
"Oh my god!" Buffy repeated as she covered her eyes. "I didn't just say that, did I?" Then she peeked at her reflection again, and frowned. "But man, look at me! Those lips!"  
  
She looked at Willow next to her. "This....this is how he sees me isn't it?"  
  
Willow nodded and patted her hand.  
  
Later that night, everyone went to bed. Spike had disappeared and they assumed he was at his crypt, or killing some demons to vent or simple having a meal. Almost everyone agreed to sleep in the Summers house in case something happened that needed everyone's help or attention.  
  
Tara and Willow were cuddled in bed together already, talking about the day, and what they were thinking of doing. Xander was on the couch downstairs, already snoring loudly. Anya was the only one to leave, having 'a shop to open in the morning you know'. Dawn lay in her bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering what was going to happen.  
  
Buffy's room was still light though. It was very visible from the ground. Had anyone looked outside under the tree in front of the house, they would have noticed Spike hadn't gone that far after all.  
  
He looked up at Buffy's window as he had so often before. He flicked his cigarette away and walked towards the house.  
  
The moment had come.  
  
** **  
  
TBC! (duh) 


	33. Into the night

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 33: INTO THE NIGHT  
  
Spike climbed to Buffy's window as he knew Angel had done a hundred times. 'No, better not think of that right now. Focus,' he thought. He stayed quiet enough not to wake the rest of the house, but he made not too big an attempt to keep Buffy from hearing him. He knew she'd probably spot him anyway and the more he sounded like he was trying to prevent that, the more suspicious she'd be.  
  
To his own surprise though, as he reached the window, he could tell she hadn't heard him at all. She was quite caught up......well, with herself. Her closets were open and a lot of clothes were spread out on the bed. She'd been going through her wardrobe. For what?  
  
The answer became obvious when he saw her looking at herself in the mirror literally admiring herself. She was wearing her tight black sweater, the one with that bit a of a turtle neck, black leather pants and matching high heeled boots that made Spike always wonder if they were really that suitable for nightly demon fighting. And at the same time made him hope she'd never wonder about that herself and just keep right on wearing it! Ah well, those heels sure hurt when she kicked. He knew that first hand.  
  
He was about to tap on the window, but couldn't help himself. To just see her like this, without her knowing it, her guard completely down....She was gorgeous. And she seemed to think so herself. She was striking poses in the mirror, turning her hips far around, checking out her butt as the leather hugged it tight, her fingers running over it, moving slowly back to her hips....  
  
He had to swallow and worked hard on regaining his focus. And resist the temptation to spend the night in other ways. Between the graveyard and her little blood sucking last night, he suspected he could have them sweating and grunting without much effort. 'No!' he chided himself. 'Focus, you know why you're here! She's not herself. She's cursed! And it's your fault. Do what you have to do and don't think with your pecker now!'  
  
He reminded himself that the reason she was suddenly digging her own looks so much was because of another little piece of him in her head. That helped. A bit. He took a deep breath (and one last good look) and gently tapped on the window.  
  
Buffy looked up with alarm in her face. When she saw it was him she relaxed a bit, then got that 'stern-teacher' look in her face. She walked over to the window and opened it. Slightly.  
  
"Spike! What are you doing here! We thought you were at your crypt or something, you just took off without a word!"  
  
"Yeah well," he said, "all the talk was getting on fine without me. And you know me, never cared much for crowds."  
  
"Well, what do you want now?" she said, a little embarrassed look coming over her as she realized he'd seen her 'admire' herself.  
  
"Well, can I come in? It's kinda uncomfortable out here. Just wanted to see if you're alright," and he quickly added before she could say 'fine, go away, "I know you keep up a brave front for the Scoobies and the little bit, but you don't have to do that with me. I know the wires must be really screwed up inside there. And I know the 'how' and 'what' of that, because they're MY wires."  
  
She sighed and looked at him.  
  
"Come on. I won't be long, I promise," he said without lying.  
  
"Alright, just be quick about it. I-I need to go to sleep." And with that she opened the window, walking away as he climbed in.  
  
"Checking if everything still fits?" he said with a light tease in his voice, gesturing to the clothes on the bed.  
  
"I know what it probably looks like, me all ....'into me'," she muttered, still a little embarrassed.  
  
"I know what it feels like," he answered. She looked at him, not understanding.  
  
"...to see you....and feel that. How beautiful you are."  
  
He saw her eyes as she got it, lingering on him before looking away. Like they always did, with a look like she could be about to say "Oh Spike I love you" or "Oh you really do love me" or "Do you HAVE to say that crap". All with equal chance. It drove him mad.  
  
She looked at herself in the mirror. "I just wanted to...enjoy it. While it lasts. Assuming I get cured but...this was a bonus. I've never been so bloody happy with myself."  
  
"Right, cuz, you know, you're so ugly," he scoffed.  
  
"No, Mr. Smartass, I don't think I'm ugly, but......well really, have you ever met a girl in your hundred years plus who was completely happy with herself?" She gestured to the bed. "All these outfits. Carefully picked. By me. And I happen to think I've got good taste. And all picked because I liked how they looked on me. But there's never been a moment when I looked in this mirror with any of those clothes on when I didn't see SOMETHING I hated. How it accented my thighs, how it made my butt look big, how it made my shoulders hang."  
  
She looked at the mirror again. "And when I got stronger, I got more muscles, and then I'd feel I was too butch, and at the same time a little too bony....in...some points. But now, whatever I wear....I look great. I look better than every cover-girl-movie star I ever growled at while standing by the cash register! I just...wanted to enjoy that. Before my reflection is gone or something."  
  
She sighed and put her hands behind her head. "Or...before I start looking differently."  
  
"What do you mean?" Spike said, sensing there was something he'd missed.  
  
"After you left, we were all in the living room....I got talking about Halfrek and what I'd like to do to her right now. And I got a little worked up. And suddenly everyone is looking at me in the freaky way. So I ask why. And they all start to stutter and scratch their heads or stare at the ceiling. Until Tara said...that I'd gotten a little bit..."  
  
"What, luv?" Spike gently probed.  
  
"....bumpy." She groaned, "My forehead had gotten bumpy as I got mad! My eyes even flashed a little yellow apparently! I freaked when they told me even though I didn't see it myself. And every time I look in the mirror to check or try..to get mad, and see what it does I just get side tracked by...."  
  
"How beautiful you are," he smiled.  
  
"So that's what I'll be at the end then......'Beautiful Buffy the Vampire, period'." She pulled a very pouty face.  
  
He walked up to her from behind, slowly. He put his hand on her shoulders. They both looked in the mirror seeing only her. "You do look better than all those bints on the mag racks. I've always told you...now you can see for yourself. With my eyes."  
  
Her face softened at that.....she didn't move as she felt his breath in her neck. "This is....really how you see me, huh?" she said softly.  
  
"Yeah, luv, yeah it is."  
  
As she thought about his words, she never noticed the slight movements he'd made inside his coat. Then he suddenly grabbed her with his left hand reaching around her from behind, pinning her, and shoving a handkerchief in her face with his right.  
  
Her eyes grew wide as her hands grabbed his arm. Another split second and she would have thrown him off, but she didn't have another split second. Her eyes turned upward as her lids closed over them and he felt her go limp. Her muffled cry gone before it could really start. He removed the handkerchief and shoved it back in his pocket while holding her against him with one arm.  
  
Her head fell against his neck and he gently brushed some locks away. "Sorry luv. Couldn't think of any other way."  
  
It was funny really. He'd stumbled on a demon 'doctor' about a week ago. A particularly creepy kind that patched up wounded demons for a price. Demons for instance that managed to get away alive, after fighting Buffy or himself. He had traced a demon when he'd been on the hunt himself. He'd been in a bad mood and really needed to kill.  
  
When he found the little 'office' in an abandoned shack, he'd killed both patient and doctor. Then he'd raided the place and come across some interesting stuff. He'd hoped it would help him. Booze wasn't cutting it anymore, so maybe some of the doc's heavier stuff would. He'd tried all kinds of things to dull himself, to not feel the sting of his broken heart. From very human valium to more exotic demon eyeballs in vinegar. Nothing had really helped.  
  
That's when he'd gone to Anya to see if she had a spell or something.  
  
But he'd remembered the box today when his plan had taken shape in the alley. One thing he hadn't used from his loot back then, because it didn't 'dull' you, all it did was just knock you out, render you practically comatose for a while. (Even though being in love with Buffy made that seem attractive sometimes.)  
  
It was either this or try and knock her unconscious. Which would either result in a big fight and a big mess, or hitting her so hard maybe she'd be hurt. Neither of which an option. No, he knew he'd have time for one movement to catch her by surprise. Even with her being used to having him around and not expecting it, he knew there'd be no more than that. So with that one move it had to be over, leaving her out cold but unharmed.  
  
So he'd shoved the bottle of chloroform in his coat, in case his was the best plan available at the end of the day. Which he believed was now the case.  
  
He gently lowered her on the bed, face down. He knelt down and pulled up his pant legs, revealing several sets of handcuffs around both his ankles Those had been easier to hide.  
  
He placed her arms together, behind her back, and put two sets of cuffs around her wrists. Then he put two more on her ankles. She wouldn't be happy when she woke, and he couldn't have her run off. Good thing he had quite a collection of these things. And they'd both been in them on several other occasions, all of which he preferred to this one.  
  
He carefully lifted her up in his arms. The beauty and the beast. He looked at her peaceful face, her eyes closed, a lock of hair loosely over her forehead, her lipstick shiny in the lamp light. Then he sighed and walked out of the room, quietly.  
  
He made his way downstairs pretty quickly. The Scoobies had neither vampire nor Slayer senses and were dead tired, so it wasn't that much of a task to leave unnoticed. And Harris' snoring was a good cover. He eased the front door open and carried her outside, quickly and quietly, disappearing in the darkness.  
  
'Other side of town,' Anya had said. And she'd nudged to the right, which was east. 'Probably in a motel,' she'd said as well and that was likely. And in the east of town there was an area with several motels. Demons hung out there, or had some business dealings. Generally not too violent though. He'd make his way there and his nose would have to do the rest. He knew Halfrek's scent by now.  
  
He never saw Dawn watching him leave from her window.  
  
** **  
  
TBC!  
  
And now R-) 


	34. The Big Fish in the Little Pond

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 34: THE BIG FISH IN THE LITTLE POND  
  
Buffy dreamed.  
  
She was sitting in her crypt. Putting some burba weed into a cup of blood. She had warmed the blood up a bit first. It's so much better that way. And this wasn't pig's blood. No she had splurged on human blood, bought from Willie who had a few connections at the hospital. Can't do that all the time. Too expensive. But every now and then you need a little quality.....  
  
She was excited. She could almost taste it in the air. He would come tonight. As he did last night. He'd told her the usual crap, how she disgusted him, how this was just a degrading bad habit. How he would never do it again. He had punched her in the nose again. Well, she hated that but it was still a thing between them. Almost nostalgic. And still passionate in its own way.  
  
She looked up as his scent was brought in by the wind, through the windows. He was near, slaying the usual vamps. Now he was slowly approaching her door. She walked up to it and just as he was close she opened the it. Leaned against the door post in a seductive way and grinned.  
  
He looked startled. He looked uncertain, even a little caught. Still not admitting anything. Not saying "Hi, can I come in? I was a little mean last night. I really want to do that thing we did again."  
  
No. Of course not.  
  
Never saying that.  
  
And if she prodded and poked too much for something like it, he'd leave. Throw some insults around and leave in a huff. So she just smiled and looked in his eyes. Then she traced a finger over his chest, got a hold of his collar and pulled him inside.  
  
And as long as he didn't have to say or acknowledge anything, he'd come in. And that's what it's about. If he's in, in her crypt, inside her, she can feel it, feel the passion and the heat and the desire, the desire to be near him, part of him....and she can think he feels it too. That maybe, any day now, he'll say it. Say "I love you"...sometimes it's in his eyes.  
  
But more often the eyes just confuse. Can't read them. Full of emotion but which ones?  
  
The sex is great, as always. It's hot and wild and down and dirty, and kinky and rough. There's nothing they haven't done, nothing they haven't explored, things even she never thought possible. His touch, his taste, his breathing, her moaning, her tearing his skin with her nails.  
  
There is pain for both of them that is every bit as delicious as the pleasure. The crypt gets torn apart as usual.  
  
But then there's the part she hates. When they're done, there's a few moments they're just lying there, trying to get their bearings. And it's all still fine. Then his eyes will go hard again, and cold. And he'll say something about leaving, having stayed too long. And she'll try to keep the seduction alive, grinning, teasing, reminding him of all the stuff they've just done. And he'll get mad again.  
  
Then she'll get desperate, hardly able to stand him leaving again, and again leaving like that. Why can't he see it? How much she loves him, how much she suffered and changed for him. And that's when he'll really want to bolt out the door.  
  
"I don't love you," he says. "I can't love you. Never will."  
  
The words tear into her heart again, as they always do. His blue eyes colder than ever.  
  
"You have no soul."  
  
** **  
  
Spike looked at Buffy as he had her in front of him on the motorcycle. Pressed close, because she was still cuffed and out cold. He drove as careful as he could, scared she'd fall off somehow.  
  
The chloroform had worked like a charm, she was gone from the world. But not completely comatose. She'd stirred. Her eyebrows knitted together in a frown, she'd stirred. He could tell her eyes were rolling under her eyelids. She was dreaming.  
  
"Hunh, wonder about what," he muttered to himself. "Hmm? What is it luv, what's going on inside that little head of yours?" Oh well, nothing he could concern himself with now. He'd gotten back to his crypt to get his bike. Time was of the essence and this would move a lot faster.  
  
Of course he'd have to stop soon. There was no way he'd be able to sniff out an old weak trail of Halfrek's scent at this speed. No, as soon as he'd hit the area he figured had the biggest chance, he'd have to get off the bike and go on foot. That was the tricky part. Not a good area to walk around with an unconscious Slayer in his arms. Not as bad as the cemeteries but still....  
  
Plus, he had no idea how long it would take. Or even IF he'd manage to find her. But there really was no other option.  
  
** **  
  
Her mind was swirling now.  
  
His face had changed.......it was her face now that sad the cruel things. That was above her as her fists hit into her face. 'Disgusting'.... 'evil'..... 'dead thing'.....so much cruelty, so much pain..... Why was she doing this.....she was only trying to help her.....to protect her.....yet even this was taken in love, if this is what she needs to do, let her put it all on me....that's right luv, put it all on me.....  
  
** **  
  
Alright, this was the area. Spike was walking through the backstreets with Buffy in his arms, sniffing the air, going near motels. Every now and then other figures in the night would notice him. He was sure to show his game face and snarl, and above all radiate absolute fearlessness. This wasn't prey they saw walking here. And they would discover that if they got too close.  
  
Then he thought he smelled something. Well, he smelled plenty out here, but this smelled like what he was looking for. Her skin, her hair mixed with her perfume. Halfrek. It was faint. And old. But it was what he'd hoped for.  
  
He started to speed up, Buffy's head on his chest, still dreaming. He hoped she'd be okay. He had no idea how much chloroform to use on a Slayer. Not enough would have been a disaster, but too much even more so.....  
  
But she seemed alright. Her breathing was regular and apparently she was dreaming a lot. Her eyes were rolling and she mumbled every now and then as she stirred.  
  
He walked into a small street with several cheap motels. One of these was a hotspot for the oldest profession in the world.....of the demon and dark magic variety. He'd heard there was also another 'Suck Palace' around here, like the one Captain Cardboard had enjoyed so much. He had to snicker. The look on the hayseed's face had been priceless when he saw Buffy with him. Of course what followed was less in his favor, but......these days he got his laughs in where he could.  
  
Too bad about the eggs though. Keep them cold......he knew there was something he'd forgotten. Fortunately, Kraycek, who asked to hold them for him, hadn't mentioned it, so he was able to blame him instead of the other way around. He should have remembered himself, but Kraycek didn't need to know that.  
  
He was wondering if ole' Vraak had his motor running again with Kraycek's merchandise. He briefly visualized him with that wife of his and shook the thought quickly.  
  
There, at the end of the street. That was a little motel that had a lot of demons crash at, mostly while passing through town. It had some dealings going on there sometimes, in all kinds of weird business, but mostly everyone stuck to themselves. A perfect spot for her to be.....  
  
"Were you going with that treat, pal?" a voice said.  
  
A vampire stood in the middle of the street. Probably one from that Suck Palace that felt this was his turf.  
  
"Never you mind where I'm going, you git!" Spike snarled. "Now bugger off before I rip your face off!"  
  
"Hey now, just saying," the vamp continued as several others slowly emerged from the darkness from several sides of the street. "This is our neck of the woods. Vamps from other sides of town pay toll here." He snickered, obviously finding himself very amusing.  
  
Trouble! He had no fear of taking them on, there were about 5 or 6 of them. He'd faced worse, but he couldn't fight with Buffy in his arms, and if he put her down, some might take off with her wile their buddies kept him occupied.  
  
His eyes searched his surroundings, looking for options. Further down the street he spotted another vampire, leaning against a lamp post. That route was cut off then. Or was it? He looked again, and saw it: That guy wasn't part of this trashy group. Far better dressed, for one thing. The guy was clearly checking things out from a distance to see if it was something he should get involved in.  
  
Or rather, if it was something his BOSS felt he should get involved in. Spike knew that bugger! And he knew who he worked for.  
  
'Well this may be stupid, but....never been known for my wise decisions,' he thought to himself. He suddenly threw Buffy over one shoulder, freeing the opposite arm, and bolted. He ran through two vamps who blocked that part of the street, shoving one aside, and breaking the other's face in the same movement.  
  
He sprinted on as fast as he could, bearing his load. (Which wasn't heavy in any sense of the word really) The vamp under the lamppost had tossed his cigarette and stood up straight, wondering if this was an attack.  
  
Spike heard the annoying buggers behind his back chasing him down the street. He ran until he was in front of the vamp at the lamp post. He saw the building behind him and understood. This was one of his offices, wasn't it?  
  
"Hey you! Bill, or Will or Swill, whatever the hell your name is! Get your boss out here!"  
  
"What?" the vamp stammered. "Who are you?"  
  
"Someone he won't wanna see die, okay?" Spike snarled. "GET HIM!"  
  
The vamp seemed to recognize Spike and went inside the dark and run-down building. The vamps behind him had caught up, but knew apparently whose place this was. They stayed a certain distance, eager to jump him but smart enough to wait and see what the game was first.  
  
"Not total idiots then," he muttered with a grin.  
  
Then the door opened and several more vamps came out, all of the body guard variety. In their midst a shorter figure appeared. His suit was the most expensive by far, and his black eyes or razor sharp teeth were not in line with his polite demeanor. Polite, but always with an underlying tone of threat. He saw Spike and spread out his hands, with fingers that were more like fins.  
  
"Well now....this is a surprise. What are you doing here, disturbing my negotiations, Mr. Spike?"  
  
Spike grinned at the voice. The Shark always reminded him of that one actor whose name he couldn't remember.  
  
"Just bringing something to your attention, Shark," he said.  
  
Shark slowly walked down the steps that led up to the building's entrance. He looked at Spike's face, then at Buffy's leather-clad butt that was right next to Spike's face as she was still slumped over his shoulder.  
  
"And what would that be, that your lady friend there has a nice rump? Hate to insult you, but as tastes go, she could use a few fins in my book."  
  
Spike sighed. "No mate, you know how I still owe you?"  
  
"Of course. It's not a thing a man in my position is all that likely to forget, Mr. Spike."  
  
"Well now you're not going to collect if I'm dead now are you?"  
  
"I'm not so sure I'm going to collect if you're alive either."  
  
"Hey, I paid you two tabbies and a Siamese last week!" Spike said, insulted.  
  
"Yes, that you did. Of course you owe me nothing but Siamese so the quality of your payment wasn't quite up there..." The Shark said as he scratched his chin.  
  
"Hey, now two tabbies are worth one Siamese, you know that as well as I do! Those rates are fixed"  
  
"True, true, and I am not an unreasonable man, or an ungrateful one. I remember telling to you to forget it, when you had me at a ....disadvantage. And were wearing that rather striking suit. But you were a man of honor, Mr. Spike, you chose to fulfill your debt. Of course I'm not entirely convinced that you ever will completely, but yes, at least when you're around, there's a chance of it. Boys!" he snapped his fins and more vampires came out of the house, greater in number and larger in posture than the street gang still eyeing Spike from about 20 feet distance.  
  
"Hey! N-no! We don't want to kill him," the gang leader said as the Shark's bodyguard approached them. "We just want the girl. This is our turf too, we're entitled to something!"  
  
"Sounds fair," the Shark commented. "Do understand Mr. Spike, I have no taste for this unorganized, unkempt street riff-raff......they're not businessmen like you and I if you know what I mean. But we do share.....habitat if you will. Live and let live and all that. Can't start feuds by picking favorites and sides in unrelated quarrels, bad for business. And I AM a businessman. So why don't you just give up your lady friend there and we can all go about our way."  
  
Spike grabbed him by his collar and pulled him close. The Shark's bodyguards reacted but Spike was too fast. His game face was up, although he didn't bite as they feared. He just hissed between fanged teeth. "Have a good look at the lady, Shark. I'm sure you recognize her as the Slayer! And now you think maybe if she's killed, that's not a bad thing for you. But it is."  
  
The Shark signaled his boys to stay in place. "And how is that Mr. Spike?" He whispered back.  
  
"Because Buffy is good for your business. She was tolerant of you and your going-ons, as long as humans were not generally in the mix. But she does thin the herd of many other demons, many competitors of you. Plus she keeps the vamp population down, which means punk gangs like these stay small....instead of growing big...and maybe start moving in on your piece of the pie." And with that, he let him go.  
  
The Shark looked at Buffy....or rather, her butt over Spike's shoulder since that was still all he saw. Then he looked at the gang of street vampires and scratched his chin again. Then he adjusted his tie, and said "Well now....since you put it like that....if I can be of assistance, it would be rude of me to refuse."  
  
"Hey, just keep an eye on her and let no one touch her, is all I ask." Spike said.  
  
"A very reasonable request, Mr. Spike. Boys, look to the lady here, no one touches her and that includes you yourselves!"  
  
Spike put Buffy down gently and brushed some hair out of her face. Then he stood up and looked at the Shark. "Thanks," he said, and his arm smashed to the side, shattering a wooden beam that was part of the railing of the porch they were standing by. He grabbed a sharp chunk of it and turned to the street gang who were uncertain if they should be happy or afraid at this turn of events.  
  
"Well now kiddies," Spike growled with glee. "Who's first then?"  
  
** **  
  
TBC!! 


	35. The Chain of Command

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 35: THE CHAIN OF COMMAND  
  
Clem had waited inside for a while, for the Shark to return. They'd been arguing over a specific set of kittens he had included in his deposit. He wasn't as bad in debt as Spike but then again he was getting deeper and deeper in there. Spike didn't have Clem's problem that he couldn't resist eating his winnings!  
  
Just as he was thinking about having one from the box on the ground as a little snack, he heard voices outside getting louder. And he was sure he knew one of them very well.  
  
He got up from the table and walked outside. The Shark's bodyguards eyed him a bit but they knew he was there already. He looked out in the street and sure enough, there was Spike, duking it out with a bunch of vampires from the nearby Suck Palace.  
  
Clem walked up to the Shark as he stood with folded arms, enjoying the show. "Uhm what's going on here?" he asked.  
  
"Ah, Mr. Clement, it looks like our mutual friend, Mr. Spike over there, had a bit of a problem. We're just keeping an eye on his 'package' here." With that, he nudged to the ground where Buffy was lying, still unconscious. "Buffy??" Clem said, his eyes widening, as much as was possible in his case.  
  
'What is he doing now?' he thought, looking at her still form, shaking his head. Then his attention was drawn to the sound of Spike slamming a vamp's head into a parked car door.  
  
"I've known a lot of vampires but Mr. Spike here seems to be a particularly intense one," the Shark remarked.  
  
"Yeah," Clem nodded. "But it's good he can release his energies like this you know? Like I was telling a friend of his the other day, during one of Spike's bar fights actually, it's better to let it all out, than have it all bottle up inside."  
  
The Shark nodded. "A man should have his hobbies."  
  
Spike dusted another vamp and turned to kick one that was rushing him in the stomach.  
  
"..To release the tensions, you know," the Shark added.  
  
"Hm-hm" Clem agreed.  
  
As Spike dusted his fourth vampire, the rest of them turned tail and ran. "That's right, you bunch of poofs!" Spike grunted. He didn't mind them running. He'd wasted enough time on that lot as it was.  
  
He turned around and saw Clem waving at him. "Hey mate, what are you doing here?"  
  
"Oh just another installment, paying off the old poker debt, you know how it is," Clem shrugged.  
  
"TRYING to pay off your debt, Mr. Clement. I am not accepting those particular kittens, as I said," the Shark interrupted.  
  
"Ah, so you're the 'negotiations' he was talking about," Spike smiled, "Trying to pass off another batch of street cats as a pure-breed are ya?"  
  
"Indeed he is," the Shark muttered brushing some dust off his sleeve.  
  
"I'm telling you...!" Clem started.  
  
"Anyway, hate to break this up, but I have to go." Spike said as he bent down to pick Buffy up.  
  
"Ah yeah, Spike what are you doing?" Clem said, shaking his head. "I know you two were having problems but, kidnapping her in chains? I've seen that sort of thing before and I'm telling you: it never improves a relationship!"  
  
"Nothing like that mate, and I really gotta run." ." He nodded to the mobster-demon, "Shark, thanks for the assist."  
  
The demon nodded back, "Mr. Spike. Always a pleasure watching you work. And my offer of last week still stands, if you ever change your mind about joining my security team...."  
  
"Don't hire him boss! He kills our kind!" one of the bodyguards remarked.  
  
"What are you complaining about, when I tell you to, YOU kill your kind! At the drop of a hat," the Shark replied  
  
The vampire shrugged, "Yeah, but...that's professionally. With him it's for fun!"  
  
"Like I said, man's gotta have a hobby," the Shark waved him away and turned back to Spike. "I pay well, not just in kittens if need be."  
  
"Still no, thanks. Never been one to hold down a job. And your bunch always did look a little poofy to me." He grinned and started to walk down the street with Buffy in his arms, ignoring the snarls from the employed vamps.  
  
Clem followed him in a hasty pace. Spike glanced at him from the corner of his eye. "Uhm, weren't you in the middle of some talks back there?"  
  
"Yeah, yeah I was. But uh, well I thought I'd give you a hand, you now, and......"  
  
"And if you just leave the kittens, you know he'll keep them anyway and you can say he accepted them after all?" Spike said, raising one eyebrow.  
  
Clem shrugged and smiled uneasily. "...something like that. But I was going to see Halfrek myself, so I may as well join you. I mean, I assume that's where you're going....."  
  
Spike looked up at him. "Halfrek? So I'm right, she's around."  
  
"Oh you don't know? Yeah she's in the motel at the end of the street. She dropped by and told me about the whole mess. That curse thing. She needed a friendly ear you know?" He fiddled with his floppy ears. "And I got plenty of that. Poor girl, she reminds me of my niece.....well, with tighter skin of course. She asked me to drop by for some coffee before she's off."  
  
Then he looked at Buffy. "Well, I gotta say, she seems sort of alright though. Figured she'd be looking more like you by now. Or something"  
  
"Yeah well kinda glad she doesn't, but she's gotten some of my trademarks," Spike muttered. 'Before she's off,' he thought to himself, musing over Clem's words. 'Looks like I was cutting it close. If Halfrek had been gone I'm not sure what I'd done.'  
  
"But really Spike, what are you doing? You know Halfrek can't lift the curse, and from the was you chained Buffy up I'd say she's not here because she thinks it's such a great idea...."  
  
"Yeah well, gotta do what you gotta do," Spike shrugged. "And I know Halfrek can't lift the curse. Not the idea here."  
  
They'd come to the motel, dark and kind of skuzzy. Some demons were hanging outside, eyeing them but looking away as soon as Spike looked back. "You know what room she's in?" he asked Clem.  
  
"Yeah, it's number eleven. Let me get some coffee first, I'll be right up."  
  
Spike nodded and walked up the outside stairs to the first floor and past several doors until he hit eleven. He adjusted Buffy in his arms to reach out and knock. The door creaked open. "Clem? Is that you ...William??" Halfrek opened the door wider. She looked at him with surprise which only deepened when she saw the unconscious Buffy in his arms.  
  
"Clem's getting coffee. Can I come in luv? Took me all night to get here, it's almost dawn. And me and the Slayer here are neither of us too tolerant of that."  
  
** **  
  
"WHERE IS SHE!?" Xander yelled out.  
  
It was Willow who'd gotten up earlier, went to check on Buffy and found her bed where she clearly had not slept in. Half her wardrobe was out on it, but no Buffy. She had woken the others and now things were restless with everyone trying to figure what had happened. Especially Xander had a hard time with it.  
  
"We should go find her! Who knows what happened to her! Maybe she changed more during the night? She wouldn't just leave without telling us! One of us should have stayed with her."  
  
Willow put her hands on his shoulders. "Xander relax, I'm sure she's fine."  
  
Xander looked at her gently. "No, Will, you're not sure of that at all."  
  
Willow smiled a smile that could only pass between people who had known each other for as long as they had. "No, I guess I'm not. But I choose to think so. Now calm down so we can start with the figuring out."  
  
"Uhm...." Tara said, walking in the door after she'd driven around the surrounding blocks just to do a quick nearby search, "I don't know....but under the tree there's a whole bunch of fresh cigarette butts. I'm thinking maybe she went patrolling with Spike again?"  
  
At those words, Xander's hair stood on end. "Or maybe she didn't! Maybe he kidnapped her!"  
  
"Xander she's Buffy, not some helpless damsel. There's just too many options, for all we know she did change more and went to sleep in Spike's crypt because she thinks it's her home now," Willow said.  
  
"Which still leaves her with Spike," Xander muttered, "which is still a bad idea."  
  
"Well, we'll have to check it out. And wherever she is, let's hope she's indoors," Tara added. Both Xander and Willow looked at her. "Oh god you're right, she can't stand sunlight anymore!"  
  
"But she knows that. Either Buffy herself, after what happened yesterday, or Spike's personality, if it has gotten more dominant....either way she's most likely pretty aware of it. Right?" Tara added to ease both their fears. They nodded uncertainly.  
  
Then she turned to Dawn who had sat at the kitchen table throughout all this without saying a word. "Don't worry Dawnie, we'll find her."  
  
Dawn didn't answer, just kept her straight face and slightly nodded. Tara was about to turn away when she spotted it. Something in the teenage girl's face. She wasn't worried, not like they were anyway. She knew something. And Tara could think of only one reason why she would want to stay quiet about it. "Dawnie....? Did you... Did Spike come back last night?"  
  
Dawn's eyes blinked and her face tried to straighten even further, the way peoples faces do, especially children, when they try too hard to betray nothing. And wind up betraying everything.  
  
Tara knelt down with her. "Dawn, it's okay, but if you saw anything....we need to know."  
  
Willow and Xander were staring at Dawn as well now. She looked back at all of them and mumbled softly. "At least he's doing SOMETHING..."  
  
** **  
  
Spike looked at Buffy lying on the motel room bed. He'd taken off his duster and gently put it over her. She should be waking soon. And would most likely not be happy. But if all went well.....  
  
"Spike what do you want from me?" Halfrek said, her arms lightly folded while she eyed Buffy with some unease. "I told you...I'm under a decree..I can't help you."  
  
"I know," he answered, never taking his eyes off Buffy. "Which is why I'm here. It's all not that complicated really. The Scoobies will probably start thinking in this direction themselves sooner or later. Except 'later' may not be good enough, and I'm not willing to chance it."  
  
He sighed. "I'm a simple guy, going for the quickest solution. I know you can't do anything, and it's out of your hands, so now I'm moving higher up." He looked at Halfrek whose eyes were widening as she realized what he was saying.  
  
"I'll take it up with your boss D'Hoffryn from here."  
  
Halfrek drew breath to say something as disbelief and fear filled her face, but nothing came out. Spike stayed as he was, calm and casual, seemingly oblivious to her reaction.  
  
"So, if you could just give him a call then......."  
  
** ** TBC! 


	36. Can I talk to Your Supervisor?

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 36: CAN I TALK TO YOUR SUPERVISOR?  
  
** **  
  
"You don't know what you're asking."  
  
"Sure I do," Spike shrugged.  
  
"No! You really don't! Who do you think you'll be dealing with here? Do you think he'll just go 'Oh sure, all curses lifted, glad to be of service'?? This is D'Hoffryn! Master of Arash Ma'har!! Lord of Vengeance!! He doesn't do requests!"  
  
"Just let me talk to him, luv." Spike sat on the bed and remained unmoved by Halfrek's speech. Absent-mindedly his fingers rubbed Buffy's boot right next to him on the edge of the bed. She was still sleeping, but it seemed more peaceful now. And more like actual sleep than drug-induced unconsciousness.  
  
"Do you have any idea how old he is? How powerful? What, have you heard he's well mannered? He is! But that doesn't mean he's a pushover, or stupid! He knows things, has done things that are the stuff of legend, that the most powerful sorcerers can only guess at!"  
  
Clem still stood with the three coffee cups in one of those cardboard holders. "Uh, maybe you should listen to her, Spike. She probably knows what she's talking about. D'Hoffryn, that's big league!"  
  
"Look I don't really need the sales pitch. I know: He's an ancient and powerful Demon Lord and I'm a gnat that puts pig's blood in a microwave before he crashes in front of the telly. Got it. He's up there, I'm down here." He looked at them both. "And I want to talk to him." He stood up and went to Halfrek. "I know you're not dying to see him right now, but look at it this way luv, if you call him now, me being here and having the gall to do this will probably draw his attention away from you a little."  
  
"Spike...William, don't ask this. Don't do this. He can squash you like a bug. And he most likely will. He's not crazy about vampires. Or long eared demons actually."  
  
Clem gulped audibly.  
  
"Well we'll see about that then. And that's my risk nobody else's. Clem, better if you leave. If this bloke is that well-mannered he probably won't kill you for just being here even if he doesn't like the floppy eared ones of the world, but why take chances eh?"  
  
"Spike, buddy, don't do this. So Buffy is getting a little vampish. But maybe she'll adjust! Maybe it's a good thing in the long run. You'll have more in common."  
  
"Yeah a little too much. No, this gotta be done. Come on, pet, I won't piss him off.....at least not intentionally. It's what I want, and it's better for you as well. And you gotta admit, you kinda owe me here. Call him."  
  
She sighed. "Alright...." she said quietly.  
  
"Clem, could you hang around the neighborhood? If something goes wrong, could you check and get Buffy home if I'm not here to do it?"  
  
Clem nodded. "S-sure pal, you can count on me. But....try and stay in one piece ok?"  
  
Spike slapped him on the back as he opened the door for him. "Sure....I'll try. Hey you know me, I always pop back up. Next week we'll be playing poker again."  
  
Clem nodded as he left, looking less than convinced.  
  
Spike closed the door and faced Halfrek. "Well then love, let's get this show on the road."  
  
She nodded and pulled out a large container of salt from a drawer. When she saw his wondering look she shrugged. "From Walmart. It's the easiest thing." And she opened the small lid and poured the salt on the ground. First in a circle, then in a pentagram through the circle. "I can do without, but given the circumstances I'd rather be as official and proper in etiquette as I can be..."  
  
Spike nodded in understanding.  
  
Then she sat down in the symbol, closed her eyes and started the chant. "Blessed be, in the name of D'Hoffryn, let this space now be a gateway..."  
  
** **  
  
"Buffy! Spike! Anyone here?"  
  
Tara and Willow wandered through Spike's crypt. The upstairs part was quickly found to be empty. After they'd been downstairs it was obvious the place was deserted.  
  
"Well so much for that idea," Willow said with a slight pout.  
  
"But the fact that Spike's not here either is kind of meaningful."  
  
"Yeah, do you think they went off together for some reason?"  
  
"I don't know. Maybe he did kidnap her. She could have been out cold from the spell doing something new or just asleep."  
  
Willow nodded. "Maybe. Well, if he did, I'm not worried he'll hurt her. He most likely thought of something to do for her. Something that didn't include us. And for all those possibly good intentions....Pffff, I hope he doesn't do something stupid, or try out one of his harebrained schemes."  
  
"Well, maybe he has some contacts and stuff we don't know about," Tara wondered.  
  
"Yeah, maybe, but Spike is more known for diving into things headfirst than calmly assessing and researching."  
  
"Like we are. Maybe that's what bothered him."  
  
"Or maybe he's going to do something we would never agree with. Like sacrificing a virgin or something. Ah, we have to find them. Let's go, we're not learning anything here."  
  
"No, I get the impression they were never in here last night. I mean it's hard to tell, but..."  
  
"I know..kind of a mess right now. Still I gotta say, for the dark crypt of a scary bloodsucking vampire...."  
  
"Kinda cozy," Tara nodded. "I like what he did with the downstairs bit."  
  
"Oh I know, with the bed and the nightstand! And that lamp. Nice......"  
  
** **  
  
The first thing Spike noticed was that it got dark in the room. Not like the room's lights went off, more like a shadow slowly crept over it. He thought it would disappear completely but it didn't. He could still see the furniture, but the only thing that still looked like it was in normal light was Halfrek.  
  
As she finished the chant one part of the room got even darker, a pitch black hole that slowly appeared to get shape, then dark smoke and energy swirled and out of them seemed to be formed fabric of clothes and skin and bone...until he knew he was looking at the Lord of the Vengeance Demons.  
  
He slowly strode forward, his arms in his large sleeves, his eyes pitch black. "Well now," he said with a grandfatherly voice. "Are you going to introduce me to your friend, Halfrek?"  
  
Halfrek got up, looking a little nervous. "Uhm, yes, this is Spike, also known as William the Bloody. Spike this is D'Hoffryn, Lord of Arash Ma'har...."  
  
Even Spike was a little off his usual swagger, but tried to not let it show. He nodded somewhat casually. "Hello there." He pulled out his pack of cigarettes, took one out and held it up to D'Hoffryn.  
  
The Lord of Vengeance smiled almost imperceptibly and shook his head. "No thank you. Nasty habit." Spike half-shrugged, half nodded.  
  
"Now then, what would this all be about?" D'Hoffryn said. "Is this the point where I tell you to have Halfrek home by eleven?"  
  
"What? Uh, no, nothing like that." Spike said.  
  
"Oh? That surprises me. No such intentions with her then. I believe you once thought otherwise did you not?"  
  
Spike was flustered a bit. For a moment he wondered if Halfrek had told him but even before he looked at her face he knew already that that was not something she would be talking about among demons. The old bugger just knew.  
  
"Yeah, well, long time ago. Was nice to catch up a bit. Quite the demon you made outta her."  
  
"Indeed." D'Hoffryn's eyes twinkled a little. "Although she has been acting up a little lately."  
  
Halfrek cleared her throat gently. "Yes, why don't we talk about me like I'm not here."  
  
"You're right my dear," D'Hoffryn said as he turned to her. "You have been acting up lately, haven't you."  
  
She twiddled with her hair again. "I wouldn't say acting up...."  
  
"Why did I put that spell on you? Because you needed to be more careful with your magics. More aware and focused. And what's the first thing you do?? A Drunkard's Wish!"  
  
Spike rolled his eyes. "I'm really getting tired of that one...."  
  
"And why are you here Mr. William the Bloody? Are you going to tell me to not put Halfrek on a lesser pleasant duty in my halls?"  
  
Halfrek scowled. "Ahhh no, not the toilets!! I'll never get the stink out of my hair!"  
  
D'Hoffryn put his hands on her shoulders. "Well I think a little menial work wouldn't harm you right now. I think you should be taken off the field for a while, for your own good. And you can practice spells a little before you go back out there."  
  
"I'm not a novice! Just having a bit of a rough time."  
  
"I know what's best Halfrek, I have to be stern sometimes."  
  
"Ahem," Spike cleared his throat. "Sorry to interrupt, but I'd like a word or two as well."  
  
D'Hoffryn turned from Halfrek and looked at Spike. "Yes, so it would seem. Quite a rarity this, I am rarely addressed by vampires. Unkempt lot you are, generally. And most often utterly lacking in manners and focus." He thought for a moment "Well except for that Romanian, Vlad, I believe. He is definitely well versed in proper etiquette."  
  
Spike scoffed a bit. "Yeah, right'n proper chap that is. Not here to discuss how Drac likes to sip his tea with his pinky up though."  
  
D'Hoffryn smiled a little. "And what are you here to discuss then?"  
  
"Right. That curse Halfrek did. The "drunkard's thing"....."  
  
"You would be the drunkard."  
  
"Yes," Spike's jaw clenched a little but he let it go. "I mean I did the wish. Didn't want it and I'd like to get it lifted."  
  
D'Hoffryn's eyebrows went up. "Oh would you now? And you thought you'd dial the 'Wish Plumber' for that? 'D'Hoffryn for all your clogged spells'? Perhaps you'd like me to help you with that cockroach problem in your basement while I'm at it?? Or could I do the dishes?"  
  
"Hey now, I just mean...." Spike tried.  
  
"I know what you mean, little vampire," D'Hoffryn said and gestured to his left. Suddenly as though a light shone upon them the motel bed appeared with Buffy still on it. Briefly Spike wondered if they were still in the room, or in D'Hoffryn's dimension. Or maybe somewhere in between.  
  
"You want me to free her of Halfrek's spell. To release her of the curse of having parts of your mind and body merging with her being. Before she turns into a vampire, or simply perhaps turns completely into you. Would that be it?"  
  
Spike shifted. "Uh, yeah that'd cover it....basically."  
  
"And do tell me, little lovesick vampire, who lives and dies by the merest gestures of the Slayer of his kind," D'Hoffryn said with a dark tone to his voice, "why on earth I would do such a thing?"  
  
** **  
  
TBC!  
  
Now R&R 


	37. Business Meeting

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 37: BUSINESS MEETING  
  
** **  
  
"No," Spike said.  
  
"What?" D'Hoffryn asked, not expecting that to be Spike's next word.  
  
"No' as in: 'why on earth would you do that' is not a question you ask me. That's the question I ask you."  
  
"You dare much vampire, but please start making some sense soon, so I can know if I'm being insulted or not."  
  
Spike lit up a cigarette. "Yeah, I know, you're this high'n mighty big shot. And you obviously know all you need or want to know about this whole thing. Fine. But I'm not stupid, I figure lifting vengeance spells is not exactly a thing you like to do, right?"  
  
"Very observant. You think it's good for my reputation? The Lord of Vengeance going around undoing vengeance spells?"  
  
Spike shook his head. "No. I knew that before I had her call you. But then there's more going on here. Because this spell is a bleedin' mess isn't it? And not only that, it affects the Slayer, which makes it a bit of a high profile bleedin' mess. A lot of people in the demon world are going to know. Kind of embarrassing to the Vengeance crowd isn't it?"  
  
He smirked a little now. "And right now all it does is give her some of my lovable traits which, if anything, is going to make her meaner! And maybe that's all it will do, maybe she'll stay like that. I doubt anyone will be happy with that, and they'll know to blame you guys...and the fact it was just a goof-up won't make them an less pissed, but will make you look like a joke! Let's face it, this spell is not exactly going to make it into the 'Vengeance Hall of Fame' is it?"  
  
"Interesting you should say that, we actually have one. And no, this particular one won't....*quite* make it in there."  
  
He shot a glance at Halfrek who mumbled, "Yes, and everyone can quit pointing out Halfrek's shortcomings any time now."  
  
Ignoring her, Spike continued. "I imagine you'd like it better if this gets swept under the rug. So, I'm thinking you want this spell gone as much as I do. And in spite of what you said about hating to lift spells, you probably would have lifted it already."  
  
"Really."  
  
"Yeah. But then there's also that little spell you put on Halfrek, and there's the real problem. You'd have to go against your own decision. And that's why you haven't done it yet, because you probably don't want your commands to, well.. 'devaluate' by just taking them back so easily."  
  
D'Hoffryn shifted a little. Sensing he hit a nerve, Spike went on.  
  
"Like: 'I declare your next five spells will be permanent. No matter what! Oh, but not this one, just let me fix that'. I'd wager that's the real reason you're letting this spell go on. Can't have word get out that the boss' decrees are not all that rock solid. Hey, just stop me if I'm wrong here."  
  
D'Hoffryn cleared his throat. ".....I'm listening."  
  
"Right! So you have a problem. You'd really prefer the spell gone too, but don't want to 'just' do it. So I say, name your price. What would make you lift the spell? Strike a deal with me here. And I'll do it. I'll find it. Or I'll kill it. Whatever you want. I'm sure you can put me to use somehow. And that would sound better to the work force, wouldn't it? 'Lowly vamp came pleading to great Lord', and you used me to your own advantage, maybe that had been your 'plan' with this spell all along! You'll look just peachy."  
  
"I see....and you believe I would have use for you?" D'Hoffryn said, stroking his beard.  
  
"Well, everyone's got something. An itch they can't scratch. Maybe you got a few people you want dead but rather not have folks know YOU did it. Maybe some ancient truces with other Demon Lords you can't break or something? Hey, anything like that, I'll take out whoever you want, the they can think I was just a lone vampire nut, your own folk see you as this strategic genius AND this embarrassing little spell gets lifted!"  
  
"If we struck such a deal, you could make enemies. That does not worry you?"  
  
Spike looked at Buffy. He saw her face as she lay sleeping on the bed, surrounded by the darkness of the Vengeance Lord. He saw her breathe gently, her pretty eyes closes, her hair draped over the sheets.  
  
It made everything easy. He shrugged and said, "Whatever. Never been popular anyway."  
  
D'Hoffryn smiled. "Interesting. You've put a lot of thought into this, haven't you?"  
  
"From six in the morning till six in the evening, sitting in garbage," Spike nodded.  
  
** **  
  
Willow opened the door for Xander. "And? Any luck?"  
  
He shook his head. "I looked everywhere I could think of. Either where Buffy would go or where Spike likes to hang out. And let me tell you Willie's bar is easier to enter when the Slayer is with you!"  
  
"Did anyone..?"  
  
"Well I had a few invitations that had the word 'dinner' in them, but somehow I got the idea I wouldn't be so much a 'guest' as.."  
  
"The main course?" Willow said worriedly, as she closed the door.  
  
"Sadly no. More like an appetizer, which was a bit insulting. I managed to get out in one piece. But no Spike. Or Buffy. And no one had seen them since the night before."  
  
Willow sighed. "Same with us. Not a trace. Did you go by the Magic Shop?"  
  
He nodded. "Yes, but no dice. I asked Anya if she could get a bead on where Halfrek was, but when she tried she said she couldn't sense her anymore. Maybe D'Hoffryn came by already."  
  
"Damn!" Willow cursed. "Another door shut! For all we know they're now buying a duster for her!"  
  
"Any ideas left?" Xander asked.  
  
She sighed. "Tara and I will have to look into a locator spell. Which will be hard because Buffy's essence is a little mixed up now. Maybe we'll have to do one that searches for her and Spike at the same time. And working that out will take most of the day."  
  
"Mind if I keep driving around? I have to do something. I don't just wanna sit here while you do your stuff."  
  
"Probably a good idea. Maybe you'll get lucky."  
  
"Well I'm not even going to Anya's, and even if I did I don't think she'd...."  
  
He stopped as Willow looked at him. He grinned awkwardly.  
  
"Right. You mean..lucky...finding Buffy. I knew that."  
  
Willow raised an eyebrow and smiled. "Uh huh."  
  
** **  
  
"Alright then." D'Hoffryn gestured and suddenly the bed with Buffy on it disappeared.  
  
"HEY!!" Spike yelled.  
  
"Oh relax, I am simply taking us three all the way to Arash Ma'har instead of mid-way as we were, and Ms. Summers will be quite alright in her motel room."  
  
"Yeah but she's there alone! And there's plenty of demons around there! Clem would check on her but that will be a lot later probably! Who knows what might happen before that! She's helpless!"  
  
D'Hoffryn sighed. "Oh, very well." He closed his eyes for a moment. "There, a spell protects the room. No can enter or leave it but you and those you choose. Will that suffice?"  
  
"Uh, yeah. I guess it will. Thanks."  
  
D'Hoffryn sighed. "Honestly, relations between vampires and Slayers are not what they used to be."  
  
"What about me?" Halfrek asked as they stood in the darkness.  
  
"You are going to think things over while you start with some clean up duty! Matter of fact, why don't you go dust off the awards in the Hall of Fame. Gives you some nice examples of what a vengeance spell is supposed to look like."  
  
She sighed. "Fine, fine. I guess I could really use a break from work by now....Just don't put me on latrine duty. Please."  
  
"We'll see. Go now Halfrek, we'll talk later."  
  
Halfrek turned to Spike. "Alright. I'm sorry William. This whole mess.."  
  
"Well, can't say I'm happy with it, but... I've done plenty of stupid stuff myself. I'm the last one to point the finger. And through it all it was still ....good to see you again. Don't think of the past much, but.."  
  
"I know.." She took his hand and for a moment, Spike remembered how she was, and how a movement of her eyes could make or break him. Funny how things go.  
  
"Well," she said, "if you ever want some real revenge on someone, let me know."  
  
"Well there is this bloke whose hair gel I'd like a curse on. You'll be the first to hear it," he grinned.  
  
"Yes" D'Hoffryn cut in. "And I most likely the last. Go now Halfrek." He gestured and she was gone. She didn't disappear in a cloud or a glow. She was just gone. To some other part of Arash Ma'har, leaving Spike alone with the Lord of this realm.  
  
"Come," D'Hoffryn said. They were still surrounded by darkness, but now as they walked a throne had appeared. And to the sides, Spike saw torches hanging from walls he couldn't quite make out. He was aware there were demons too. Dark shapes hidden in the darkness. Well can't go the halls of a ruler and not have some security watching you.  
  
D'Hoffryn sat down on the throne and tapped his fingers on the arm rest. "You are a curious being, William the Bloody. A soulless vampire, risking life and limb not just for love, but for the love of a Slayer....and so far, a bit of an unrequited love at that as I understand. You hope to change this by helping her?"  
  
"Not really, no," Spike answered, staying polite but really not in the mood to discuss his motivations. "What do you want me to do anyway? Do I have to take somebody out?"  
  
"Perhaps but that's not the core of what I had in mind. You see, here at Arash Ma'har we are into the revenge business. That is our goal and mission. But wish granting is our tool for that. It is a very powerful form of magic. It took eons to develop. It can not be countered by most other spells."  
  
Spike recalled when Buffy had told him how Anya had created a whole alternate universe with little more than saying the word 'done'. Yeah, it was powerful alright.  
  
He pulled out another cigarette. "I feel a 'but' coming on."  
  
"Well, the only thing that can counter our spells is another form of wish granting magic. Not all of course. There are many that are far weaker than the power of a Vengeance Demon. But there are some that are indeed more potent. Some beings, some stones, some charms."  
  
"And you're not too crazy about them, am I right?"  
  
D'Hoffryn shrugged. "No one likes competition. I have, over the centuries acquired more than a few objects and artifacts. One, to prevent them from being used to counter our spells, and secondly....well it has become a bit of a collection. Now there was a lot of truth in your words. I would prefer not to lift the spell, but I also don't want it continued. I think I have a way we can meet both our goals."  
  
"I'm all ears, mate," Spike said.  
  
"Indeed. Well, there is a particularly powerful wishing stone. It's a ruby named the Eye of Azazu. It's powers can grant any wish, overturn any magic. I have been trying to get it for a while."  
  
"And you want me to get it, no problem."  
  
"There's more to that. Yes, I want you to get the jewel. But also, with it, you can overturn Halfrek's spell on the Slayer yourself. That way I don't have to dirty my hands with that at all. You will then bring the stone to me."  
  
"Uh, okay..just wondering, but..."  
  
"Why would I trust you to actually hand such a powerful stone over to me after you've got it? Simple. A being of your, no offense, lower order can only make one wish with it. And I have the impression that no other wish than to bring your lady back to her normal self will take precedence for you. Also, if you have cured her and you don't bring the stone to me I will have you, her and everyone you know, killed."  
  
Spike nodded, in complete understanding. "I can see that."  
  
D'Hoffryn shrugged again. "Banal, but it works."  
  
"Alright, so I nick this stone, wish Buffy back to normal and bring it to you. Then we're squared right? No funny business of hidden clauses with prolonged servitude or anything."  
  
"Please," D'Hoffryn waved his hand. "What am I, some Rumpelstiltskin that tricks people out of their infants? Do I have fiddle contests with humans to get their souls? This is a deal of convenience for both of us, as you said."  
  
"Fair enough, so why haven't you gotten the thing yourself yet? Not that it matters, but I'm just wondering. If it's just a political thing, fine but if it's a problem even you can't handle, I'm not sure what I could do."  
  
"Whoever seeks the stone, and wishes to enter the place it is kept in, must have a genuine need for a wish in his mind and heart, and it has to be selfless. Those are rules of magic set on the stone's resting place that apply to gods as much as ants. The stone is older than your world. As a Higher Lord of Demonic Order, I am beyond that kind of wishing. As for selfless...well..," he shrugged a third time, "not really a quality we Dark Lords excel at either. But in your unique case....."  
  
"Yeah, I hear ya. Selfless Spike. That's me." He chuckled a little at that. "So where is it then? And if it's far....don't suppose you could give me a ride."  
  
"It's in another dimension , actually and no I cannot transport you there. All part of the rules I'm afraid. But fear not, but there are several entrances to your world. One in Nepal, one in Scotland, one in Moscow...and one in a Californian desert about 2 hours driving from the Hellmouth..."  
  
"Ahhh," Spike grinned. "Good old Hellmouth. Demons, magic, interdimensional gateways..you name it, it's there. Almost like Walmart."  
  
"Actually in most Walmarts there are gateways to other dimensions, but not to this one though."  
  
"Ok, I'll..keep that in mind. Anything else I need to know? Is it being guarded? Do I have to fight?"  
  
D'Hoffryn cleared his throat. "There MAY be a protector or two....Perhaps, if she's able, Ms Summers can join you? It is for her own benefit after all."  
  
"Ah....well..I........could ask," Spike stammered, remembering drugging and chaining and kidnapping Buffy. He gulped.  
  
"Yeah, I can ask....."  
  
** **  
  
TBC! 


	38. Dreamzone

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 38: DREAMZONE  
  
He knew he had only just returned to the motel room. He remembered it clearly. D'Hoffryn had given him all the info he needed to get the stone and did his 'gesture' thing and he was back in the motel room.  
  
He also recalled seeing that Buffy was no longer on the bed. His duster, which he had put over her was still spread out over the sheets, but Buffy was gone. His first impulse was a slight panic. And he wondered if D'Hoffryn had lied about the protection spell around the room. Maybe someone had taken her.  
  
Then he heard a sound behind him. Where the entrance to the bathroom was.  
  
And then he had been hit on the head. And pretty hard too. Hard enough to knock him out cold. It wasn't a fist that hit him. More like an object. Maybe the TV. That's what it felt like.  
  
As he slowly regained consciousness, and the spots in front of his eyes started to dissipate a little, he noticed two things.  
  
The first was that he was sitting on the ground with his back up to a corner of the bed, handcuffed to the frame, with his hands behind his back.  
  
The second was that he was naked.  
  
The room was dark. Night had come again. Had he been with D'Hoffryn that long? Or had he been out cold that long? He shook his head trying to clear it. He couldn't, not completely. He smelled and felt some blood on his head. Not much, nothing to worry about. Obviously from the hit he'd taken.  
  
He strained and looked around the room. It was dark and while that usually wasn't a problem for him he was still dizzy. Then he heard a whisper. "What did you do to me?"  
  
"Buffy....? Is that....?" he said, and looked to where the voice came from. There on his right, in the corner next to the nightstand. She was still dressed as she was, all in black, hard to see. Some light from a lamp outside shone in through the curtains. The leather of her pants and boots was shiny and reflected some of it. He could tell her legs were scrunched up. Then she spoke again and he saw some light hit her eye as her head moved.  
  
"What did you DO to me?"  
  
"Buffy, luv, listen, I know you've got t'be pissed, but I did it to help you and I can now. Let me explain, I..."  
  
"I'm not soulless!" she suddenly said.  
  
"What..?"  
  
"How can you say that, why can't you see I really love you.....I mean.....me.....you.....really love me. Why didn't I see that I did? I mean...you did...no...."  
  
'Bloody hell' he thought. "Buffy listen to me. You're Buffy, I'm Spike. We're in a room. Snap out of it luv, we really need to...."  
  
"I know we're in a room!" she snapped, suddenly lucid. "I woke up on the bed, chained like some ....some...."  
  
"I'm sorry, I had to do it. I had a plan...."  
  
"You left the keys to the cuffs in your duster......sloppy." Spike silently cursed himself. Bloody brilliant. Why did he always goof up in the little things when it counted? She sat up straighter and he could see her face in the light now.  
  
"You drugged me! And kidnapped me! And I woke here, alone and tied up!"  
  
"I know luv, I'm sorry but I it worked out, what I had planned."  
  
"What had you planned? I can't leave the room! I can't walk out the door! Like you can't enter a house when you're not invited. What is this? Is this another bloody game to get your rocks off? Drive Buffy 'round the bend? I tell you I love you and you just..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Why won't you believe me.....Sla- Spike...I mean...."  
  
"Buffy snap out of it! It's the spell, you're......well, mixing us up!"  
  
"I...know. But it's so hard......"  
  
Alright, at least D'Hoffryn's spell had worked and no one had entered, nor had she been able to leave. She should be able to leave if she left with him, but that was a question for later. Right now he had to get loose, and get her back to reality. Somehow.  
  
"Buffy, you have to untie me. And.....uh, why am I naked?"  
  
Suddenly she started to grin. "Oohhh I thought you liked it that way." With that she started to advance on him crawling like a panther. 'Great. Worse mood swings than usual,' he thought.  
  
Then he saw the bottle of chloroform. It was on the ground. Still closed but it made him suddenly wonder: had that made her worse? Had it helped to make her lose her grip on reality altogether? Then another thought hit him. He'd never tested the stuff. And it had come from a demon. What if there was OTHER stuff in there as well? He remembered Buffy dreaming earlier....  
  
His thoughts were interrupted when she reached him. She crawled up on his lap as he sat with his back to the bed. She straddled him, planting her knees on the ground on both sides of his lap, almost face to face except hers was a little higher. She grabbed his head and ran her fingers through his hair.  
  
"Isn't this what you want? Isn't this what I did to you? Isn't this what Dru used to do?"  
  
"Look Buffy, listen. You have to...."  
  
She turned his head up to her with her hand spread out over his left cheek. Then her other hand went back and slapped him hard on his right. The surprise and the pain broke his train of thoughts. She looked at him, still holding his face with her left hand. She didn't look angry or even teasing anymore. More curious. Like she was observing something interesting. She held his face up and slapped him again. And again.  
  
"Aow!!! Buffy, what are you doing!"  
  
"You like that? Isn't that what you want? You like it when women hurt you. The more we hurt you, the more it turns you on. The more you love us. The more you love me. Why is that...?" and she slapped him again, still looking mainly curious.  
  
"Stop it!!" he yelled.  
  
"Why? You don't want me to stop. I feel it so clearly. Your thoughts, your memories. Even me punching you in the nose was something you looked forward to. It hurt when it happened, and you cursed and growled. But my being there and touching you was the highlight of your day. Even when that was all I did."  
  
"Stop it......"  
  
"Dru did it too. She hurt you. Sometimes she was like a little girl that needed a daddy, to take care of her. Sometimes she needed you to be a warrior and a strong lover that swept her off her feet.....But there were other times when she liked the feel of a whip of oiled leather held firmly in her hand, and you, all naked and chained like this, and......"  
  
"STOP IT!!" he snarled. "We don't have TIME for this! I can help you now, but not by sitting here on my nekkid....."  
  
She slapped him again. Hard. And again, and again. Then she gripped his head with both her hands and kissed him just as hard. Her tongue like a whirlwind in his mouth. She broke the kiss but still held him by his head, resting her forehead against his.  
  
"How can you like the hurt? I don't want to feel it anymore. I don't want to see my own face in my head anymore, so cruel and cold and yet still beautiful. I can feel it. I can feel my own fists hitting my face.....how could you just let me do that? I feel the love and concern you had for me, not wanting me to go to the police....I'm....I'm sorry Spike. I didn't know! I just didn't know! I thought I knew......"  
  
Tears rolled down her cheeks now, and he felt her breath on his face, he tried to speak but found he couldn't.  
  
"Inside my head I always told myself you couldn't be that hurt, you have no soul, you couldn't be that upset or broken hearted....and you would always come to me again, always. You just showed up on my birthday like nothing was wrong. Like you didn't mind what I had done, and deep down I felt that.... that confirmed it....and it confirmed none of it could go that deep....but now I feel it and I can't stand it..."  
  
"Buffy....listen. Please. It doesn't matter. None of it does. All that matters is that we cure you. If you remember all this, we can...talk then. Maybe really talk. But now we have to leave...."  
  
He saw her eyes roll in her head a bit and knew he was losing her again. "NO! Listen to me, focus on my voice, stay with me!"  
  
Suddenly she grinned again, all seduction and tease. "Oh, but we've just begun!" She ran her nails over his chest all the way down, not quite breaking the skin. Spike shuddered. "Does widdle Spikey wanna come out and pway?" she purred with a mean laugh as she looked down. "Ooww I think he doeees."  
  
"Buffy, really..," he stammered. "There's nothing I'd like more than to just stay in this room with you like this for the next century or so. And let you do everything you want to me. But not now! Really, really a bad time."  
  
His talking was as much to convince her as it was to distract himself from her hands working down there. It wasn't very successful. He saw her grin as she admired the fruits of her labors. "Ohh, widdle Spikey is always up for a game..."  
  
Then she faltered a bit. He saw her look and understood. She noticed she could sense the blood rush again, and her breath accelerated. Then she saw his head. The dark patch of blood on it. It was dry now but she could still smell it.  
  
Her hands released their grip on him down below and went back to his head again. She grabbed it and bend him forward. She sniffed the dried blood and tried to lick it. He heard her snarl a little when she found it unsatisfactory. Then her eyes went to his neck.  
  
"Buffy! NO! Don't! listen...."  
  
She looked at him for a second, her face impossible to read. Did she even hear him? She was still breathing hard and her mouth hung open a little. And in the weak light he saw it. Fangs.  
  
The rest of her face wasn't changed. Except for a possible glow of yellow in her eyes but it was so faint it could have been his imagination. The only vampire he'd ever seen that was able to keep a human face while having his fangs out was Drac. And he did it with his magic, mainly out of vanity. Buffy was......now something never seen before. Her face was the same as ever, her heart was still beating but she smelled his blood and longed for it. And her fangs were as long and sharp as any vampire's.  
  
She bent forward and sniffed his neck and he knew just what she was feeling. The first time a vampire experiences all this is disorienting and filled with a primal need that won't be denied.  
  
"Buffy..." he tried again, without much hope. He tried to ignore the part of him that wanted this to happen. To vampires this was as intimate and erotic as sex. He used to have fantasies about Buffy as a vampire....before he felt more and more he didn't want her to be one. But some things remain in the back of one's head.  
  
She licked his neck, sensing the blood, trying to pinpoint a vein. Then for a moment she pulled back and looked at him and he wondered if she was more aware than he thought. He felt her legs tense up, pinning the lower half of his body so he couldn't move. Her left hand grabbed his shoulder tight while her right gripped the back of his neck.  
  
Then she bent forward again and opened her mouth. She briefly licked his neck again as if to pick a spot, and she sank her fangs deep into his flesh. His body tensed at the pain and he tried to voice more protests, but she gripped him even tighter and he couldn't move. The only sounds that escaped his lips were a few gurgles.  
  
It took a few bites and a bit of prodding and poking with her teeth before she found the right vein. Then she drank. Greedily with big gulps and slurps. The blood ran down her chin and his chest. Her breath was now as if in ecstasy, and her arm went around his neck as if in a lover's embrace.  
  
Spike shivered torn between pain and pleasure, between alarm and the sense of a dream come true. The part of his brain that was still rational enough to be aware of the situation screamed that as inexperienced and out of control as she was, she could drain him to the point of him being completely incapacitated. He had to stop her. He had to go steal a car and get to the desert....he had to cure her.  
  
Minutes passed as the only sound was that of Buffy's sucking and swallowing, while giving the occasional moan that a dying traveler in the desert makes when he finally drinks the water of an oasis.  
  
Spike felt the strength leave his limbs. He got weaker and weaker but her grip never lessened. Her nails had drawn blood where she held him.  
  
After more time had passed, his head just hung. She stopped for a moment and looked at him. In the cold blue light from outside, her face looked cool and perfect, her lips full and wet, the blood running down her mouth. Her eyes glowed softly and she licked her fangs. She looked magnificent.  
  
"...t'ld you.." he mumbled softly with a smile he almost lacked the energy to form. "...always....hurt..th'one u..lov..."  
  
She caressed his face, bent forward and kissed him. Then she went down to his neck again and licked the wound.  
  
"...I know" she whispered.  
  
** **  
  
TBC.... 


	39. Anything for my Girl

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 39: ANYTHING FOR MY GIRL  
  
He had slipped in and out of consciousness for a while now.  
  
She had drained him and then held him, still sitting on his lap, pressing his head against her neck, stroking his hair. Every now and then he was aware she was licking his wounded neck again. 'Sorry luv, done too thorough a job there,' part of his mind had thought. 'Dry as toast now.'  
  
Then he'd heard voices. When he realized one of them was Buffy he'd become aware that she was no longer on top of him, but at the door. And the other voice. Was that Clem? Could he help? No wait, probably couldn't enter the room...the spell was still active.  
  
"I know. No I can't open the door...you can't come in anyway..."  
  
"MumblemumblmutterSpike?" Clem's voice said.  
  
"He's fine. He's here. But he needs blood. Could you go to his crypt and get some more? He must have a stash, or maybe you could buy some more. As much as you could find. Could you..do that? Please?"  
  
"Mumble murmur suremurmur"  
  
"That's okay. We'll...be here."  
  
He tried to muster the strength to call out Clem's name, but the effort just made him pass out again.  
  
Draining a vampire won't kill him, but it does render him basically immobile and helpless. Her watcher, Giles had wondered about it when Spike had just been chipped, and tied to the chair. "Living skeletons, mate," he had said. It was true, he had seen vampires that for some reason had not been able to feed and the results were gruesome. He knew it had been too short a time for that so far, but she had kept him where he was, on the ground, tied to the bed and in his few lucid moments he realized he had no idea what to do.  
  
He was aware of her walking around sometimes. He heard her boot heels on the floor around him. At one point he thought he saw her just stare in a mirror. Not in adoration of herself this time, more like she was in a trance. Sometimes she sat next to him, looking at him in the same way. And sometimes she was on his lap again, cradling his head or licking his neck.  
  
She hadn't spoken since she had said it. 'Always hurt the one you love,' he'd mumbled.  
  
'I know,' she had said.  
  
He didn't know what it meant. By this time he just didn't know anything anymore. Nevertheless those last words kept echoing in his head.  
  
He was hungry.....so hungry....  
  
When he came to later, he heard her talk again. The room was a little lighter. The door was open again. Clem's voice. Still not that audible. 'Man I'm out of it'. He laughed to himself and felt his head roll. So much for sharp vampire hearing.....well that mostly goes for healthy vampires.  
  
"Thanks, Clem." Her voice again.  
  
"Mummrmrmmmumblemrr??"  
  
"No really. Go. We'll be fine. Thank you."  
  
She walked back in the room after closing the door. He heard her put down two or three bags. Sounded heavy. He heard a zipper open and fumbling and rustling with creaking plastic.  
  
She walked up to him. At first, all he saw was her boots standing right by him, the heels sunk a little into the motel carpet. It took him a moment to realize it was because his head was hanging down that he saw nothing else. He tried to look up. And slowly he managed, barely. She still just stood there, watching him trying to look up at her.  
  
She was holding two clear plastic blood bags. She stepped over his legs with one foot and knelt down on his lap again. She took his head and held it back. Then she let go and tore one of the bags. His head was falling again, but she grabbed it once again and held it up. "Drink." She simply said and started to pour the blood into his mouth.  
  
The sensation was indescribable. He had been through rough spots in his life with feeding, (the time about two years ago as he just got the chip came to mind) but never had he been this utterly deprived of blood. He could only imagine how pale and weak he looked.  
  
Her left hand held him tightly by his jaw as she poured the blood in. When the bag was empty she tossed it aside and got another out. Apparently Clem had come through, and there were several sport bags filled with blood packages.  
  
This continued for a while and he slowly felt strength return to his limbs. His senses started to work again as he gulped and gasped desperately to fill his body with the liquid he needed so badly. Buffy looked at him without a word. Sometimes she turned his face to one side and back again as if checking for something. He realized his game face was on, but he couldn't hold that back now.  
  
After a few more packages he found his voice again, his mind was sharp and the clouds had lifted. He gasped for air in order to speak. "Bu-BUFFY! Listen..*gulp*..."  
  
She frowned a little, then smiled as she gave him that studying look again. "I knew you'd be all better again. All full again....." and she smiled like a little girl and licked her lips.  
  
He caught it. He saw her fangs had never gone away. He saw her eyes and realized: she wasn't saving him at all. She wasn't all clear again, bringing him back to hear him out and learn what he had to say and how to leave the room.  
  
She was walking and talking, but her mind was still all messed up. She had sucked every drop out of him, and now she was 're-filling' him to do it again! She made no effort to try drinking from the bags. None at all. She wanted to bite, to taste his flesh as she tore open his veins again and drain him like before! Like a child with a new toy that wants it to work again!  
  
"Buffy! NO! You can't!"  
  
Her smile faded and she frowned as if she didn't understand. "Yes I can. I want to. I should. It's what I want now, and it's how you wanted me to be. A 'creature of darkness', that's what you called me. And it's what you want. I know it. You wished it. For me to be this way, and it hurts you and loves you at the same time......it's what you want."  
  
"No! Listen to me!" and he bit down on his own words. Somehow when people are crazy, and they need to listen, the one line that always seems to make sure that they will not hear a word you have to say, is 'listen to me'.  
  
She frowned and pouted. "I want to! And you can't stop me! You shouldn't! You love me, you want to die for me and give me whatever I want even though it hurts you! And I accept that now! I never did before but I get it now....Which is good of me..Isn't it?? And......and I need it......t-the taste......your smell, your body....,..the blood.....no one ever said it was sweet.....literally sweet....It used to taste coppery but now....."  
  
Her eyes turned cold. "I want it." She opened her mouth and went for his throat again. He thrashed wildly with everything he had, but he was still weak. Her leg muscles were stronger than his and clamped down over his lap again, her one hand slamming him with his back against the bed, and her other grabbing his hair as she reached behind his neck and pulled his head backwards over the edge of the mattress.  
  
"ACK!! NO!" he screamed as he realized that with enough blood bags, she could keep up this little cycle for a long while. He wasn't so sure HE could though! Then he felt her teeth sink in again, straight for the right spot, which she had learned by now, and he felt her sigh of pleasure as she started drinking again.  
  
He didn't stop fighting it though. "ARGH!! BLOODY HELL WOMAN!" He tried to move but he was no match for her now, she held him tightly in place and continued to feed. "This will kill BOTH of us! Me first most likely, leaving you to either die in this room, or go through life as a demon!! You've never let anything get to you before! Don't START NOW!"  
  
Her only answer was a soft 'hmmmmmm' as she swallowed and swallowed.  
  
Spike stared at the ceiling....nothing worked. Nothing reached her. Physically there was no escape....what was left?  
  
"Dammit," he hissed. "Yes you can have whatever you want...if this would help you, cure you, you could take it all. And refill me and drain me over and over again until the bloody sun pops out of the sky!"  
  
The only change in her was her grip lessening. Her hand was now firmly but sweetly caressing his hair as she drank. He laughed a sad laugh.  
  
"Or until you lose interest....which is the usual state of things with you and the rest of the world's women where Spike is concerned anyway. You believe me now....you say you've felt my love for you and my pain......believe me then that this will hurt *you*.....and I don't want that. I can help you now, I worked it out......but like this I can't.....and this will hurt you...."  
  
She stopped....her mouth hovered over his neck. Then she slowly raised her head up to look at him. "Why...?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Why can't you see me hurt? Why not after all that's happened, after all I've done....?" Her face started to change as if she would cry. "I've felt it....I felt how it hurt you....I was a monster but I do have a soul...and I wasn't 'wrong'.....it was all just.....me. What do you love? Why do you love me...?"  
  
"Like I said earlier to someone. There is no why. There is no choice you just do! Some people just fit. Maybe I don't fit you, but you sure as hell fit me. From your beauty and strength to your lust and your fire....selfless, heroic, self-centered, arrogant, caring, cruel, messed up......pure...you're all of it. And all of it makes me want you.....I may be too pathetic to be a monster anymore, and too soulless to be a man, but it doesn't matter. Whatever I am. I know what you are. I don't idolize you, I see you exactly for what you are.....no one knows better than me...the heights and the depths of your whole being.....and I love you.......I can't help it, Buffy."  
  
She started to cry and backed away. She lost her balance and fell to the floor. She continued to cry and looked at him, her chest heaving irregularly with the kind of sobs that can't be controled over.  
  
He sat there, watching her cry it all out, and saw clarity slowly return to her face. And it wasn't like she had woken up from a dream and had no idea what was going on. She didn't awake from a trance...her wits returned, but she knew what she had done. She knew and remembered because she could still feel it. She had been a part of it and it had been a part of her.  
  
The knowledge both set her free and tore her up.  
  
After a minute she started to calm down. Spike softly said, "Luv, unchain me. I got some things to say you need to hear."  
  
She nodded, wiping her face. "Y-yes.....the curse....you, you needed.....to say something. I k-know...." She fumbled in her pockets for the keys to the cuffs. She crawled up to him to uncuff him, her hands reaching around. But then her eyes saw his neck, all bloody and hurt and for a second she was surprised, then she started to cry again. She fell against his chest and cradled up to him like a little girl. He whispered to her, her head under his chin, trying to reassure and comfort her, his hands still tied behind his back. "That's okay luv....not your fault. You're back....you're back.....we'll get things fixed now....."  
  
They sat like that for while.  
  
Then she stopped crying and just laid still against his chest for a few minutes. Still lying like that, her hand moved behind him, finding his wrists, trying to get the key she was still holding into the locks. As she slowly fumbled with that, her cheek soft against his chest, she whispered, straining to find a tone of levity:  
  
"G-guess today I added a whole new dimension to.....being a high maintenance girl....."  
  
** **  
  
TBC! 


	40. Facing it all

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 40: FACING IT ALL  
  
They stayed in the room for the rest of the night and the following day. Which was mostly necessity. Spike needed to feed and rest to regain his strength, and neither of them could go out into the sun.  
  
He told her everything he'd done. Why he kidnapped her, his deal with D'Hoffryn, what they had to do. She listened quietly with a nod here and there and when he was done she said, "Alright. I...understand what you did and why you did it. You wanted to help. And maybe you really have. But you should have told me, Spike. That wasn't just your decision to make."  
  
"I wanted to make it right. And you were not all that clear headed. And the Scoobs would have dragged things on with talking and protesting. I...didn't want to chance it."  
  
She nodded again her mouth a little tight. "Well, next time, you tell me." Her voice was gentle but commanding. He sighed and nodded back.  
  
"Well, the situation is what it is. So we find Anya's boss that stone. If, of course, he doesn't intend on ruling the world with it or something," she said.  
  
Spike shook his head. He hadn't actually considered that, but he wasn't going to let her know that. It was nothing he had cared about. "He's powerful enough as it is, and he's got plenty of other doohickeys. He may not even be able to use it like he wants to. He can't even enter the place. I really think he just wants to make sure no one else can use it against him."  
  
He wanted to make sure there was nothing that would keep her from getting on with the plan. If she felt this was the 'wrong' thing to do she wouldn't. And then what? He'd have to drug her again? Better not. To his relief she agreed.  
  
"Yeah, I can see that. And I guess if he tucks it away in his collection, at least no one else can grab it...."  
  
He wondered if she meant it or if part of her wanted to go with that because it meant her salvation...if so, it was probably another example of HIS thinking in her head. Well, so be it.  
  
He drank all the blood he needed and felt himself get stronger again. By next sunset he would be okay, he knew that. Blood was the key to everything with vampires. No matter what happened, if they were in one piece and had blood, they got better pretty quickly.  
  
Buffy tried to act normal around him, but it was hard. Nothing was normal. They still smoked together, she still loved the smell of blood and every time she saw his neck, the wound slowly healing, she would quickly stare at her shoes. He wasn't sure if she felt guilt or desire, and decided sine she was still under the spell it was most likely both.  
  
By the time the sun came up they both were lying on the bed, looking at traffic news and morning shows. Pretty grating, Spike thought, but anything would do to distract them from the strange vibe that hung around them.  
  
As a woman in a chopper yapped on about a garbage truck that fell over on the highway, delaying traffic, Buffy suddenly said: "I.....I hope I do remember."  
  
"What?" he said, uncertain what she meant.  
  
"You said before when I was....I was....."  
  
"You can say it luv, you fed off me. It's no big thing to me other than that you took a little too much and it was a bad time for it.....no need to get all bent out of shape...."  
  
"Oh no, sure...," she said "I just sucked every last drop of blood from your body, and I loved every second of it. That's nothing to get bent out of shape over when you're the frikkin' SLAYER!"  
  
"Just sayin'...."  
  
"I know. A spell, not my fault. But it was still me. I know that. The changes weren't my fault, but....I'm not going to do what I did last time I acted.....like a monster."  
  
"Luv.."  
  
"NO!" she snapped. "Last time I thought it wasn't my fault. I'd come back 'wrong'. You said it yourself. And that meant I could do whatever I wanted. Every little dark and perverse fantasy I could act out, every whim of anger and cruelty and self indulgence......but it was all me Spike! Tara told me that. And it broke me! I'm not going to do that again. This WAS a spell but I'm not going to hide behind it."  
  
"Alright...what does that mean?"  
  
"That I acknowledge my part in it..." she said trying to sound resolved but with a shaky voice.  
  
"I'm not good at seeing my darker side, Spike. That's what the last few months have taught me. When people would hint at it I would draw away and deny it. Me, my character or my being the Slayer.... Dracula said it was rooted in darkness, and he was right. I have darkness. I hunt and I kill and I like it. Even when the things I kill are monsters I still like the act of it! I enjoy the fighting and the rush of winning."  
  
She sat up straight and closed her eyes. "And I wonder about death. And I've wondered what it was like to drink blood and what it feels like to actually like it. Just every now and then, and thinking too deeply about it would just gross me out, but you can't help it cross your mind. Dracula knew that too. He offered me his blood to taste, and I took it. And it was of my own free will."  
  
Spike clenched his jaws at the mention of Dracula getting to her so much on so many levels, but he stayed silent, knowing this was not the time for male 'ego-isms'.  
  
"He asked me if after all that time fighting vampires I never wondered what it was like, the blood. And of course I had. And now this curse...me taking on your aspects...it also gave me freedom. Freedom to do things I wondered about....and maybe it's good in the long run. A good hard look in the dark mirror. Maybe even good in terms of Slaying ....to see things from their side.....to know what it's like."  
  
"Hey, it doesn't mean.."  
  
"I should see things all differently? That Slaying is wrong? No, they feed on humans.....I am a human and I protect......."  
  
"Your tribe..?" Spike said.  
  
"Something like that. But....it has taught me a lot." She looked at him. "Also about you. I'm sorry Spike. I told you that before, but it didn't.....I dreamed when I was unconscious....I saw things....that we went through, from your eyes..it was all garbled and confusing but...I didn't know. I saw myself how no one can see themselves. And I'm sorry for how I treated you....."  
  
Spike swallowed. He wasn't sure what the right response was to all this.  
  
"And you said, when I was..drinking, that if I remembered later maybe we could talk. I hope when I'm cured I do remember. I'm not saying....anything, but....I should remember. All of this. How your vampire traits locked onto my own thoughts, the ones I didn't admit I had. How I treated you....and how it feels to....want those things...."  
  
"Now what 'things' would those be? Blood or blond Slayers in leather?" he said teasingly.  
  
She grinned. "Both."  
  
"So, at dusk we go to fetch the stone?"  
  
"Yeah.....This whole little walk in Darky Park was interesting but, god, I want to be normal again. I may not be bumpy but I have the fangs constantly....can't even make them disappear. And....I'd like to walk in the sun again at some point in my life."  
  
He nodded. "It's where you belong. Well, partially. Part of you is in the dark. I was right about that. But I was wrong when I thought all of you was." He reached out and stroked her hair. "You belong in the sun too. Seeing you as dark as myself.....made me realize that. You need to be in the light too." He smiled and added: "And literally as well. I wish I could see the sunlight bounce off your hair."  
  
She smiled and, to his surprise laid back down and cuddled up to him. "Well you did once, when you had that ring...."  
  
"Ah, yeah.....the gem of Amara." He thought back and wondered how such a short time ago could feel like a lifetime already.  
  
"Of course, you were too busy trying to kill me and screwing Harmony to notice how lovely my hair looked in the sun....."  
  
"Yeah, new topic." He cleared his throat.  
  
"What WAS that anyway? I mean, *her* of all people. Maybe I'm NOT so flattered you like me. I mean, if that puts me in her category...."  
  
"Hey, she's nowhere near your league! I was just...."  
  
"Dumped, angry and in need of a regular shag that would also improve your hurt male ego??"  
  
"........that would cover it."  
  
She giggled and it was so contagious he laughed too. They laid in silence for a while, apart from the sounds of annoying commercials on TV. Then she yawned and rolled off his chest and onto her back, although she stayed close to him. She rubbed her head as if she had a migraine and sighed a little.  
  
Spike never took his eyes off the TV when he said, "You're hungry aren't you?"  
  
She flustered a little. "Yeah."  
  
"Feeling a bit weak and all that?"  
  
"I..."  
  
"Thought so. You need more blood."  
  
"NO! And how do you know! I mean what.....even if I do need it, I had plenty last night! Maybe I need real food."  
  
He shook his head. "No, you're like a fledgling vamp. In the first 2 days or so, we have a hunger that's nearly insatiable. Like a newborn needing to be fed every couple of hours. And you have to, because you have to be all strong and healthy. Who knows what opposition we'll meet when we get the stone."  
  
She sighed. "So I have to....."  
  
"Yes, and you know part of you still wants it too."  
  
"Which is the point of not doing it. You want me all nutso again?"  
  
He sat up straight and looked at her. "Look pet, remember that little speech you just gave me about facing your darker side? Well this would be a good way to do that. You need to feed. You want to feed. It's not your fault you both need and want. So do it."  
  
She sighed. "I don't want to want to. I'm tired of feeling like a monster."  
  
"Yeah, so you keep saying. Well you have a cigarette now when the urge hits, so see this like that. And you're not hurting anyone. Unless you feel for plastic bags getting all torn."  
  
"No, I......"  
  
"God woman, you eat cows! And pigs! And chickens! If chickens had Slayers it would be killing humans to protect her 'people'! Everyone eats something that lives! Even veggies! Maybe there should be a Slayer-Plant for them eh?"  
  
She frowned. "Slayer-Plant?"  
  
"Never mind that! The point is you always eat the flesh of something that once lived in your normal life and you think it's just peachy! There's blood in gravy! Which is just groovy! Right? Well now you can and need to drink blood. And you like it just as much if not more. So do it."  
  
She looked at the bags. She slowly got up and picked one up. She shot him a glance: "Giles would so say you're a bad influence."  
  
"No, after all this, watcher boy would try to kill me. And if he saw you needed to empty a blood bag to survive, he'd force feed it to you."  
  
She thought for a moment and tore the bag. Then she put her mouth on the tear and squeezed the bag, squirting the contents in her mouth. She drank but he instantly saw her face change. She tried to swallow again but her face turned into a scowl.  
  
"It....won't...I can't. What's wrong? It tastes...I don't know, not really different....it's blah! Why is it blah!? Don't tell me I need it but my taste for it is going?! Why can't it ALL be gone then?"  
  
Spike sighed. "Yeah...also like a fledgling. Must drink it from a body."  
  
"What? I tasted it from a bag before. On the porch." She stared down. "And it was.....fine."  
  
"Yeah, maybe that was fresher. But more likely you'd only gotten the bare basics of bloodlust. Now you're really like a newborn vamp. And baby doesn't want the bottle. Alright, looks like you're gonna have another taste of my deliciousness then."  
  
She stared at his chest. "What, now it's breast feeding??"  
  
Spike stiffened and cleared his throat. "Alright, forget that metaphor. Just come here and feed."  
  
"NO! I almost killed you last time! I'm not......And you need to be strong too! You're the wisher, with the wish in his heart and all that!"  
  
He walked up to her and held her by the shoulders. "Yeah, and that's why you're now gonna put your money where your mouth is."  
  
She looked uncertain. "Now, I put money on your neck?"  
  
"NO! You're going to live up to your little speech. You bite me, feed off me. Some! And then you stop! You control it. And I feed off the bags. And after a little waiting, you feed off me again if you need it. And we do that until we both are as well fed as can be! And you do the sucking, and give in to it all. Enjoy the hell out of me. Don't worry about hurting me I'll enjoy it in my own way, believe me. And you control it! You stop when it's time. When you're cured you'll think it's all disgusting again, so don't worry about what you feel now."  
  
She looked at him, with doubt in her eyes and slightly shaking her head 'no'.  
  
"Face the dark side pet, give in to it, tame it, enjoy it, and then put it back in it's cage! 'Squeamish', 'weird' and 'wrong' are all on the bus to Albuquerque! Do what you gotta do!"  
  
She swallowed, then nodded. Then frowned. "When did you get all...Mr. Firm- but-Right, anyway?"  
  
"Probably when you turned into 'Spuffy'," he grinned. She opened her mouth in agitation but he interrupted her before she could begin. "Heard Willow mumble that one a couple of times. Vampire hearing, luv."  
  
"Great."  
  
"Now, get to it. Bar's open."  
  
She nodded again. He sat down in the bed and tilted his head. She moved to sit down beside him....then changed her mind and sat on his lap. He looked at her, pleasantly surprised. "Yeah well," she muttered, "Don't let it go to your head."  
  
He tilted his head again and he could tell she felt the desire come back. She put her one arm around his shoulder and her other hand on the back of his neck. She opened her mouth and he felt her breath and the tips of her fangs, ready to tear open the barely-healed wound again. At least this time he would be able to partially enjoy it....  
  
Then before she bit, her head snapped back up. He looked at her and she was frowning. "Why are they on the bus to Albuquerque??" she asked.  
  
"I don't bloody know!" he said, exasperated.  
  
She smiled and gave a little shrug. Then she bent down again and gently but firmly bit deep, again finding the vein effortlessly. Spike shivered with the pain and the sensation.  
  
As the sound of her swallowing reached his ears again, he put his arm around her. The pain dulled into the sweet intimate feeling of the feeding and he had to bite his tongue several times not to say it out loud:  
  
"God, I love you...."  
  
** **  
  
TBC 


	41. Into the Desert

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 41: INTO THE DESERT  
  
The desert landscape flashed by them. The single road cutting through it was almost as desolate as the surroundings. They had passed 2 trucks, one camper and a very old Volkswagen bus in about an hour's time.  
  
'Well, now....' Spike thought to himself. 'Driving through the desert in a stolen car with her sitting next to me. This is a situation I hadn't imagined myself to be in a few days ago.' He glanced to the seat next to him where Buffy looked out the window, leaning on her arm. She didn't look particularly worried or anxious, more kind of distracted. Not angry, not frustrated, or even sad as he'd half expected.  
  
She had fed on him, and he had fed on the bags, a cycle they'd repeated until two of the sports bags were empty. They'd brought the third along just in case. For Spike it had been no less than the stuff of dreams, to share that with her such intimacy, and on his level.  
  
She had accepted it quickly enough. Eagerly biting down on him as soon as he gave the okay. Next to the curse working, maybe it was his mind's influence her head. Maybe it was the kind of self indulgence all people have when they know they have an excuse and no witnesses. Wasn't that what they're whole affair had been like?  
  
He wondered where they were now. She had broken up with him after the hayseed had been back. Probably because he reminded her of good little Buffy she used to be. And then the thing with Anya....her jealousy showed there was something there. That had been clear, but she had told him off. Came to his crypt and told him it was over, and it was her complete absence of the usual disgust and malice that had hit him the hardest. Because now he could believe it.  
  
He also still believed part of her loved him. Or at least could. And now? Now she'd had a few trips through his life, his mind and his feelings. And it had changed her. He knew it had. 'I hope I still remember' she had said.  
  
SHE hoped?? Stars above, he would give his right arm for her to remember. It wouldn't mean she would love him now...would LET herself love him now, but at least....maybe, just maybe he'd have a shot....  
  
But now was not the time to discuss it. Although he was a bit nervous that her remembering or not could depend on how he phrased or visualized his wish to cure her. If he did it wrong, maybe it would be so it had never happened. He'd seen that before. Or maybe it would be that she was exactly as she was before the curse, with her memory of the past few days gone. Her friends would have to tell her about what happened....He grinded his teeth at that thought. Maybe there wouldn't be anything different if she remembered, but the past few days...he'd be damned if they were going to be erased! For good or bad, things had happened that had mattered! And he'd try his best to preserve them....  
  
He'd wondered if she'd want to bring her friends along just in case. But she hadn't suggested it and he wasn't about to do it for her. They'd only muck things up. Well she usually wanted everyone out of her way too unless really necessary. And maybe after their time in the motel room she wasn't really in Scoobie mode.  
  
Also not unlike their affair had been like. The parts of her that he appealed to....the side of her that was dark, and passion and fire, that liked to hunt and fight, that could devour him like a panther, that could give him that grin, that grin he could die for.....they were all sides of her that had no place among her friends. That she didn't want them to see.  
  
She had enjoyed the feeding. And not just the curse that made her vampiric- of-sorts. It had been some tiny curious parts of her own mind, as she'd said, that had latched on to the aspects of the vampire. She was right. And it made sense. A Slayer was as much a hunter as he was. Maybe she now felt how much more of a pay-off a vampire can have at the end of it's hunt. Maybe that was why she would sometimes stay so antsy after patrolling. Like there had been no...well, climax.  
  
"Funny," she suddenly said. "Last time I was in these areas, I followed a big cat to a Neanderthal Slayer who said death was my gift."  
  
"Say what ?"  
  
"Was a bit further back. Some spirit guide ritual. Death was my gift. Got me kinda blah. Thought it meant I was just a killer. Then with the whole Glory and Dawn thing it struck me maybe it had meant something else."  
  
Spike swallowed. No matter how much time past, he could never think back to that night without feeling that little crack in his heart. "I'm sorry..." He said.  
  
She looked at him. "Oh get over that. It wasn't your fault. You tried your best. And you didn't have to. You chose to help. I always appreciated that. So, you zigged when you shoulda zagged. It's alright"  
  
"Yeah. The 'Big Bad'. The Bloody Little Limp Noodle when it mattered. It just still pisses me off."  
  
"I know," she said with a slight smile. "I remember it. I mean I remember as you remember it."  
  
"Great. Spike's moments of embarrassment now running through your head as a "Best of" feature in your brain then?"  
  
She laughed. "No, but.....now that I'm a little less chaotic, it's interesting to .. 'see' I guess. I just focus on a little and things you remember about your life pop in my head."  
  
"Oh bloody.....look just....take a nap or something will you? By the time I wake you we'll either be killed or you'll be cured, either way my memories should not be an issue anymore."  
  
"Ohhh no this is too good to pass up." She stared ahead of her, not seeing the road or the desert, or the night sky. "Where shall I dig...oh yeah I was kinda curious. Dawn said you were into me way before I caught on. Later I started to think back a little and..."  
  
Her eyes widened. "OH my god! I can't believe..Riley never told me he caught you sniffing my sweater!! In my BEDROOM. I can't believe you did that! Well, I knew later you'd swiped some of my stuff, but..."  
  
Spike silently cursed to himself. Buffy started to giggle. "Ohhh sorry but....that's funny. AND kinda scary. Stalking me indeed."  
  
"Yeah, I'm just loving this topic...." he snarled.  
  
"Okay, okay, I'll let up. Hm....interesting memory. And I do smell nice."  
  
"Yeah you do," he said and gave her a little look before turning his attention back to the road.  
  
"Okay I'll be nice," she giggled.  
  
"Really. Why do I doubt that."  
  
"No I mean it. How's this for nice. You are way, way more attractive than a Chaos Demon." She looked at him from the corners of her eyes.  
  
".....yeah thanks. But I sorta knew that."  
  
She smiled, but then suddenly looked disgusted. "Man, where does the slime come from? The antlers??"  
  
"Not a clue. Better than the mucus the Fyeral demons shoot through their noses though."  
  
"Pfff there are a lot of demons on this planet. And most of them kind of icky. At least some of you can look normal. Like you vampires, or vengeance demons."  
  
"And even with our demon faces on I'd say us vamps still beat out the 'flayed face' look that those vengeance types have."  
  
"I know, I remember Anya......"  
  
She stopped talking and Spike looked at her. Her eyes widened as if she saw something. Just as he was about to ask her what it was, he realized she'd said Anya's name.. 'Oh no', he thought.  
  
"AHHHH! GROSSS!" she yelled as she put her hands in front of her eyes. Inside her head, the images of a memory flashed through her thoughts. She was lying on a table, and as she looked down she saw Anya's face, moaning and panting. She felt her tongue as they kissed, and she felt herself inside...  
  
"AAGHHH!!! ACKK!! NOOHHH ..." She let her head fall forward on the dashboard and banged it on there a couple of times. "Ohhhh, someone please rinse out my brain!!"  
  
"Easy luv, you're damaging the car. I mean I don't care, I've nicked cars before but you're the one who wrote the bloody note...." Spike said quickly trying to distract her from a memory he didn't really feel like discussing.  
  
"Yes! I left a note. And we are going to return the car when we're done!"  
  
"Pfff so far the 'Spike's thoughts are in my head'- thing." he said as he pointed at her head. " 'Oh so sorry, we bloody well took your car but we're going to bring it back. No really. Really really. We're HONEST car thieves. Cross our heart and hope to die.'"  
  
"Not quite what I wrote, thankyouverymuch."  
  
He shrugged and snickered a little. She fell back into her seat and for a while they drove in silence.  
  
"I can't believe you made a deal with D'Hoffryn. Don't know if you're brave or stupid."  
  
"Probably a little o'both," he said not without pride. "I can't believe Willow didn't think of it. Really nothing else to it."  
  
"I agree. That's why we're doing this." She looked at him and a solemn look came over her eyes. "You are trying to make it right. I know that. Don't think I don't...appreciate it."  
  
He didn't answer that with anything other than a slight movement of his eyebrow. To him doing anything for her she needed was a given. And she really should know that by now.  
  
They drove another mile or so when he slowed down and drove off the asphalt into the desert. Not far, just until they were near a tock formation surrounded by Joshua trees.  
  
"Well here it is then," he said as he killed the engine. "Should be that big rock up ahead. I say the right words and we can walk right into..well wherever it is." They both got out of the car and looked around.  
  
"Yeah, there." Spike said pointing to a corner in the rocks which he remembered D'Hoffryn describing to him. "Any speeches luv? I know you like to give them before battle."  
  
"No. Just....well, whatever happens now, I do..officially forgive you."  
  
"Really? And that doesn't mean you wanna go back to the car first and work me over with your nails for an hour or so before we go in??"  
  
"Keep up the sarcasm and it might."  
  
He grinned. "Yeah just joking. Good to know anyway." Then in order to bring some levity, he added: "Hey and it means I can get on your nerves again without feeling guilty."  
  
She eyed him and suddenly smiled. "Oh, Spike it's okay. You won't get on my nerves so much anymore. I understand you soo much better now that I've had some of your..aspects, and especially memories."  
  
"Well, that's good," he said, not sure what she was referring to. She started to walk towards the formation with a smile on her face and said:  
  
"Oh yeah, it really is. Who knew you used to be so...poetic??"  
  
"Po..." Spike stammered. Then closed his eyes and mumbled a desperate 'bollocks!'.  
  
"Oh yeah," Buffy said as she still walked on. "And if you must know I'm a teensy bit insulted. I mean...for HER you wrote volumes of poems, and what did I get? Secret sweater-sniffing!"  
  
She stopped and looked back at him standing with his mouth a bit open and pretty much devoid of any chance of a nice come-back. She laughed and gave him one of her teasing grins.  
  
"Come on, William the Bloody, a lark has spake twixt it's wee beak that we should get a bloody move on!"  
  
** **  
  
TBC! 


	42. In a White Room

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 42: WHITE ROOM  
  
They had been fighting almost the entire night.  
  
There had been bad news and good news. The bad news was that the jewel was pretty well guarded. Guard after guard, protector after protector. Warriors with swords, alien looking beings with claws, demons with horns that spat acid....none that they hadn't been able to handle but it was getting tiring now.  
  
The good news had been that they came practically one at a time. Every time they defeated one, it's body instantly disappeared. And a door at the other end of one room would lead to a another identical looking room. And he new chamber had a new defender.  
  
"What is this, a bloody computer game? We gotten any bonus points yet?" he had said.  
  
"Does make you wonder if the nerd trio were hired to make this," Buffy had joked.  
  
And they had opened the next door. And a new guard had attacked them. And they had defeated it. Their months of patrolling together had honed them as a team and they worked quite well together now. Many moves and strategies came without planning or words. And they won fight after fight. But the rooms just went on and on. And each guard was more powerful than the last.  
  
Just after winning the last fight, Spike fell against the wall, while the defender's body disappeared like the others had. "This is not working...."  
  
Buffy was panting, bent forward, leaning on her knees with her hands. "Like this could go one forever? You too having the feeling it probably will?"  
  
He nodded. "Some magic thing. Even if we win every fight I'll lay you odds every single door leads to another room with more of the same."  
  
"Except a stronger opponent every time....." she said with a grim look. "Sooner or later, we lose."  
  
"Bollocks! There has to be an answer!" He kicked the wall in anger.  
  
"Yeah," Buffy said sarcastically. "Maybe we can call Willow and Giles if they wanna do some researching on a rock with a million rooms in them."  
  
Spike cursed and paced through the room, glancing at the door they could open. Which would have the next fight start as soon as they went in. He looked around. It was all white, all marble. Some pillars, some steps. The pillars in the corners had statues carved out of them, of armed creatures that resembled some of their former opponents.  
  
"Ah, I hate that kind of magic. Makes no sense. I know we're not 'in' the rock, but in another dimension, but still. Someone made a couple of million rooms to guard a stone??" Buffy complained.  
  
As she said that, Spike's eye caught something. Her words hit the right mark, and he noticed what he otherwise may have missed.  
  
"No....I don't think so...."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Well....ever seen 'The Avengers" love?"  
  
"Uma and Ralph? Sean Connery dressed as a teddy bear??" She pulled up her nose.  
  
"No! Not that crap!" he growled with a touch of indignation. "No, the original. Diana Riggs and Patrick MacNee. They were the real Steed and Peel!"  
  
He saw her raised eyebrows and stammered, "Hey, you know I watch a lot of TV. When I just got the chip in it was the pretty much the only thing that kept me sane in those early days. And now, well especially since Clem's been coming over to hang.....and you know, good old british show, that....."  
  
She folded her arms and smiled. "Okay, I got it. Before you turn completely into one of the nerd trio, get to some point that could be useful to us."  
  
"Right!" he said, growling a little at the comparison. "Well there's one episode where Mrs. Peel is in a room and every time she walks out of it she walks into a another room just like it. And she wonders if she's not...looping somehow."  
  
"Looping? You mean....walking in circles? Only a few rooms?"  
  
Spike shook his head as they both looked around. "Only ONE room...."  
  
"Every time we enter it again...."  
  
"Whole thing gets activated and spits out another guardian."  
  
He pointed to a crack in one of the statues. "Could be wrong, but I could swear that same crack was on the same stature earlier. We're constantly entering the same room somehow."  
  
Buffy looked at the crack. "Are you sure about that?"  
  
He shrugged. "Got a close look when that big horned fella bashed my head against it."  
  
Buffy nodded. "Okay, sounds plausible. In that wonky magic way. So now what? The door is not the way to go then."  
  
Spike shook his head. "No...I don't know. Do wish we'd caught on a little earlier. Not that I mind a scrap or two, but it wore us out pretty good. And we're not here to play."  
  
" 'Do wish'...yeah, wasn't there something about your wishing? Having real wish?"  
  
"Yeah, something about me having a real need for a wish, and it can't be selfish."  
  
Her eyes lingered on his or a second at those words. "Well....anything we can do with that then?"  
  
"Maybe there's a different door that only I can find or something like that."  
  
And with that they checked around the room, touching, feeling, probing, looking for hidden levers, Spike trying to focus on his real and genuine wish to cure Buffy, to see if that made him suddenly aware of something he couldn't see otherwise...but nothing was found.  
  
"Maybe I have to think about my wish really hard, and how I want you to be better, and THEN open the door. Maybe then we'll get to a different room."  
  
She looked at the door suspiciously. "And maybe there's a 15 ft demon behind it."  
  
"Yeah, there is that..."  
  
They stood in silence and stared at the door. "Okay," she said. "We try that once. If it's another guardian, and we beat it, we DON'T try it again. Sound good?"  
  
Spike shrugged. "Well, not that great, but I can't think of anything else. Maybe it is this simple. It often is with big magical puzzles."  
  
"Okay, let's go. Try it." She stepped back and braced herself.  
  
Spike closed his eyes, and thought of her. Thought of his love for her, and focused on the guilt he felt for his part in the curse, and how much he wanted her to be cured. And with that he opened the door.  
  
Another room. Empty like the others. The Guardians had always appeared only after they had entered the new room. But the disappointment was already there in that the room looked exactly the same again.  
  
"Well....what do we do?"  
  
She thought for a moment. "Maybe I can stay here and you go in there? See what that does?"  
  
He shook his head. "No I'm the one with the selfless wish. And I know how a little of how this magic stuff goes. Don't want to risk you getting stuck in this empty room for all eternity. Maybe somehow I won't see you again, even though it's supposed to be he same room. And given the fighting we may have to do, let's not get separated."  
  
She imagined being in this room alone forever, and swallowed. "Alright, what now then?" She started pacing a little and suddenly froze when she had her back to Spike.  
  
"Spike......."  
  
"What? Another guardian??"  
  
"No..." She pointed her finger to the back of the room they were in.  
  
Spike held on to the door, not taking any chances, and had to strain to look around a pillar and see the door on the other end where they had entered earlier. It was open. And he saw himself holding it open.  
  
It wasn't like a mirror image. Because he saw the back of his head. He realized that was because he was looking back himself now.., looking to the back of that room ....and he saw another Buffy standing behind the 'him' in the other room. She looked at him and saw him just as the Buffy next to him did the same, looking into the new room.  
  
"You....see...." he whispered. "You see us now in the new room too?" . She nodded. "Yeah in the room in front of us I see..me...and you....you're looking at me.. holding a door open...and I'm looking into the next room over there....as I'm doing here...and behind me in the last room....it's.....they're not doubles...they're us. This is all the same space isn't it? If we could see far enough....or far back enough...."  
  
"We'd see 'us' repeated again and again..until infinity...."  
  
She let out some air, and shivered. "Only one room."  
  
"And we're about to enter it again." He swallowed. "There's even only...one door. And we're standing in it...over there...and over there..."  
  
Buffy swallowed.  
  
".....repeat until insane...." she whispered in a slightly scared voice  
  
** **  
  
TBC! 


	43. How Great is your Need?

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 43: HOW GREAT IS YOUR NEED?  
  
"DAMN!" he cursed and in an angry movement he slammed the door shut. Buffy turned to look at him with alarm on her face. "Spike, no!" she yelled.  
  
"What? We didn't enter the new one......"  
  
"No!" she yelled again. "But there IS no new one, remember! You just shut the same door to the same room, what if that is the whole thing that activates....?"  
  
Before she could finish, a light shone in the middle of the room again. Light that took on a form. Only in outline at first, then in mass and texture, and the new guardian roared. It was at least 7 feet tall, dressed like a gladiator with a face like a lizard. It's teeth were long and many and his skin was like that of a crocodile. It roared, pulled out an axe and charged them.  
  
And they had fought. Again. And it had been harder, but still within their limits. Spike was able to tell pretty early on they would be able to take him in the end. But then suddenly Buffy had cried out in pain, and not because the demon had hit her because she wasn't close enough to it. She had grabbed her belly and doubled over.  
  
Spike had turned to her and only his sharp vampire ears had saved him, hearing the swish of the air as the axe came flying. He barely dodged it and the demon's other hand following suit had been impossible to avoid.  
  
He slammed on the hard marble ground and felt a large booted foot kick him in the ribs so hard he flew through the room, bounced of a pillar and crashed back down again. As the demon advanced, smelling victory, something had snapped.  
  
Things looked more and more desperate, and now he had a thought of Buffy alone and trapped in here after he died. He roared, jumped up and grabbed the demon's arm, biting deep.  
  
It screamed in pain and surprise as that had been an unexpected move. It dropped the axe. Spike reacted immediately and kicked his opponent between it's legs with all of his strength. Now it shrieked more than roared and fell to it's knees.  
  
"Oh, so even demon guardian lizards have family jewels eh?" he yelled and grabbed the demon's axe before it could react. He swung it, spinning a full circle which ended with a clean slice that left the scaled head of the guardian rolling over the floor.  
  
He never saw it's remains disappear, because he had already turned to run to Buffy. He knelt down by her, calling her name. She didn't answer.  
  
He lifted her head up gently. "Buffy, luv, what is it? Say something! Are you hurt?"  
  
She winced in pain. Her voice was weak. "I don't....ah..k-know...it hurts. My insides...ackk...it's like....can't move.."  
  
Her body felt cold, even colder than before. Her stomach felt hard and her face was pale and looked thin. He sensed her heartbeat...  
  
"Oh no...." he whispered.  
  
"What....?" she looked at him but he didn't answer. Then she understood as if she'd read his mind. "Oh...am I .....dying?"  
  
His eyes turned desperate and instantly teared up. "No! You're not! We'll work through this, we'll find a way.."  
  
"No I aahhh..get it...my body...it's dying isn't it? It's....g-going to be really dead. Vampires die before ...t-they become a real vamp...that it?"  
  
He nodded grimly. "I think so."  
  
"Ahh this spell really IS a mess..aoowww...so will I b-be a real undead vamp now? I-instead of a living o-one? O-or....is your ex's stupid....curse..just going to kill me?"  
  
He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He didn't know. He just didn't. "Doesn't matter," he said. "It's all going to be gone soon."  
  
She smiled. "Sure....you don't even know what to do.....l-look Spike, if..I die, get out of here. Don't stay here..t'get your head bitten off by guardian no 234 or s-someth-....Aow..just get out a-and tell..Giles...."  
  
"NO!" he roared. "You can bloody well tell him yourself! When you're better! I don't PLAY this game, Slayer! I don't stand still and be teary while you die! I failed you once! Not this time! Never again!!"  
  
She smiled and reached out to touch his cheek. "Heh....k-knew you'd...say that...'s funny....I never..."  
  
"What luv?" he asked frantically as her voice got weaker. She was slipping.  
  
"Never would've thought.....you usd...t'be such ...a sensitive....guy...William."  
  
She smiled as her eyes slowly closed.  
  
"Shold've...know tho'...Thru it all...you still .. are....."  
  
Her body went limp, and he thought he would lose his mind. He bit down a roar and forced himself to focus and check for breathing and a heartbeat. Both were still here. But faint. Her heart was slowing down.  
  
He looked around the room, trying to find something, anything that would solve this. All he could see was the same door, that would just lead to the same room and another fight. He didn't know what to do. He just didn't. And here she lay at his feet. Dying. The one thing he loved, that he would do anything for, and he was powerless.  
  
"DAMN YOU!!!" he roared to no one in particular.  
  
He lunged at the door, banging on it with his fists, kicking it. "WHAT DO YOU WANT?? I AM HERE! I GOT MY BLEEDIN' WISH! AND IT'S SELFLESS!! WHERE IS THAT STUPID STONE!??"  
  
He fell to his knees....at least he'd prevented himself from touching the handle.....another opened door would lead to another fight.....He fell forward, his head banging the marble..............  
  
Then he heard a click.  
  
He looked up and the door slid open. He jumped to his feet, prepared for another attack. But to his surprise, the door revealed a different room. Far smaller.  
  
And in the middle there was a marble standard with a shiny red stone at the top bathing the room in it's crimson glow.  
  
For a moment he just stood there and gawked, not understanding a bit of this. Was it shouting then? Should he have shouted sooner? He thought he had. Had it not been desperate enough before? Then he saw where he had hit the door.  
  
Blood from some of his wounds had stained the door. And as he watched, it disappeared. As if the door absorbed it.  
  
"The blood," he whispered. "That it? Selfless..willing to bleed, willing to die for her....that it? You satisfied now? You bastards.."  
  
He still wasn't sure who he was talking to but it didn't matter.  
  
"It's always the blood...." he muttered.  
  
He turned around and walked over to Buffy. "Come on luv, let's get this over with."  
  
He gently lifted her up and walked towards the door. He looked at the stone and sighed. Then he took a step forward..  
  
And he bounced soundly off the invisible barrier in the doorway.  
  
** **  
  
TBC ! 


	44. Surprises

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 44: SURPRISES  
  
"NOO!!"  
  
He roared like a man whose final link to sanity had snapped.  
  
He stood in front of the door. He saw the jewel. It was right there.  
  
He couldn't get in.  
  
He had thrown himself against the invisible barrier with everything he had but even before he began he knew it was useless. It was a bit different from a barrier that kept a vampire outside someone's house unless invited, but not by much. If anything it felt stronger, more rigid. Unmovable. He had a bigger chance ramming into Buffy's house when he was uninvited after that thing with Dru.  
  
He had tried to wish to the jewel from the door opening. He had wished, he had asked, he had begged, he a screamed, he had pleaded, and he had threatened. Nothing worked. The stone just lay there.  
  
Looking pretty and shiny.  
  
He had been almost certain that wouldn't work either, even before he tried. Usually not how it goes with this stuff. You had to enter the room and touch the jewel.  
  
By now he thought he was going mad. "WHY?? I DID EVERYTHING NECESSARY!" he roared to the empty rooms. Buffy lay at his feet, still unconscious. Probably yet a little closer to death, while salvation was so close.  
  
He beat the walls and tore at his hair. What? What??? What did he miss, what did he need to do? The door had bloody opened! That meant something right? Right?? Had D'Hoffryn lied?  
  
"That it you bastard??" he yelled out. "You playing a game?? Having a bit of fun??"  
  
He pointed his finger at the ceiling without knowing why, as if the Vengeance Lord was hanging from it.  
  
"Well if that's it, you're DEAD!"  
  
He shivered with anger. "Yeah that's right! I don't care what a big shot you are, if you been playing me, I'm going to RIP.."  
  
'Please. Spare me the threats. And stop shouting if you could. This is giving me a headache.'  
  
"Wuh..."  
  
Spike stopped dead in his tracks. That was D'Hoffryn's voice. Was he really going mad now?  
  
'Yes my hot-tempered vampire friend, this is DHoffryn.'  
  
"Where the bloody hell are you?"  
  
'In my halls at Arash Ma'har. I took the liberty of establishing a link.'  
  
"Great! Couldn't you have done that a little sooner and helped us a little with this whole room-thing??"  
  
'No actually. I wasn't able to establish a link until you opened the door to the stone. I can feel it's power through you...as I said, all wish granting magic is related. And say, what 'room-thing' would that be?"  
  
"Never mind!" Spike snarled. "If you weren't having me on then tell me why I can bloody well NOT ENTER THE SODDIN' ROOM!"  
  
'And again with the shouting. I can hear you perfectly well thank you. So you've hit a snag. Interesting.'  
  
"YES! Just what I was thinking! Now what's the deal! You said I was the guy with the honest wish, and that worked, I opened the door! But now it won't let me in!'  
  
'That is....curious. The fact you opened the door proves your. ..unless. ..'  
  
"What?? I need an invitation? Like in houses? So who can invite me? The bloody stone itself?"  
  
For a moment it was silent.  
  
"Well?"  
  
'I'm thinking, and your shouting isn't helping, vampire! And be advised to keep a civil tongue in your mouth, lest it be torn...oh thank you.'  
  
"For what?"  
  
'Sorry, my servant just brought me my tea.'  
  
"Grrreattttt...."  
  
'My what a tightly wound little demon you are. Cease your growling. Now then, I think I understand. There are many spells protecting the stone, but they seem to be compartmentalized a bit."  
  
What does that mean?"  
  
'You need a true selfless wish in your heart and mind to open the door that leads to the room. This I knew. Also you need to be more powerful than a human to even enter the first chambers. But it would appear the room where the stone is kept has a spell by itself that is indeed similar to the natural resistance of human houses against vampires.'  
  
"So ..I was right? The stone needs to give me an invite? Is it alive can it talk or something?"  
  
'Are you crazy? It's a stone. A ruby! Stones don't talk, even if their pretty! Honestly....what either Halfrek or Anyanka saw in you..."  
  
"Right!" Spike muttered. "We can have demons, rooms that go on forever and musical curses that make you sing and dance, but talking stones are insane. Soddin' stupid of me. What then? Is there someone else? Should I get another guardian and force an invite out of him?"  
  
'No, you're not listening. I said this was similar. Not the exact same.'  
  
For a moment it was silent and Spike forced himself not to start yelling again. But it was hard. He glanced at Buffy and it wasn't easy to keep himself from screaming some more.  
  
'Yes... Now that I can sense the stone, it is simple to see the powers of the temple. The assurance only someone more-than-human with a selfless wish can open the door wasn't enough apparently. They wanted to make sure the stone would be guarded from evil. The room itself can not be entered by you because you are too much 'demon' if you will. Not enough humanity in you.'  
  
"You....what do you..."  
  
'You have no soul vampire. I'm afraid to enter the room and get the stone..you also need a soul.'  
  
** **  
  
TBC!  
  
(BTW, sorry about yesterday, I accidentally loaded chapter 44 in the place of 43. So for those of you wondering why Buffy was 'suddenly' unconscious or why you've read this chapter (44) already...sorry. I mailed a couple of you but I thought this'd be easier. Rest assured my lovely wife has already beaten me severely for it. No, really.) 


	45. Last Call

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 44: LAST CALL  
  
Spike sat on the hood of his car, still parked close to the rock formation.  
  
He watched as the last embers of light had faded over the desert landscape. He had gotten out when the sun had just set behind the horizon. He took out a cigarette and lit it.  
  
He looked over his right shoulder to check the door. Still there. He kept checking it, afraid it might close again. But it was open. Like it was still waiting for him to enter and finish his business there. Inside, the door to the room with the stone had closed, but that was alright, he knew how to open it now.  
  
That door led to the stone, and the door on the other side of the room now led to the outside world again.....out of the rock so to speak. At least the 'eternal room' thing had been broken now. For all the good it did.  
  
Then he looked over his left shoulder into the car. Buffy was lying on the backseat. Still getting worse. Slowly but surely. He thought back for a moment.  
  
They'd hid out in the car during the day. He couldn't stay in the marble room with salvation so close, yet so far away. And he wanted her to be more comfortable, lying on something softer than marble floors. Before sunrise, he had hung his duster over the car, along with a blanket from the trunk, covering the windows that faced the sun.  
  
He had sat in the backseat, Buffy's head on his lap, his hand softly stroking her hair.  
  
Like a few days before, in the alley, he'd had some time to think while waiting for the sun to set. Thinking of a solution.  
  
She had to be cured. And today. By this time tomorrow it'd probably be too late for her. And it had to be someone with an honest and selfless wish, who really wanted her to be well and was willing to spill his blood on the door over it.  
  
And had a soul.  
  
He had found a cell phone in the car they'd stolen. He wanted to call the Scoobies, to get their butts over here.  
  
But D'Hoffryn had said that was also impossible. He could sense the temple's spells and read them like maps. Whoever put the stone here was really picky about who could get it. The Scoobies wouldn't even get into the front door. They were human. Their bodies wouldn't be able to stand the powers in the atmosphere there.  
  
Spike was a vampire, Buffy was a Slayer and now HALF vampire. They hadn't even noticed it. But no human could handle the forces inside, and no demon could enter the room where the stone rested. Looked like the idea was that neither evil powerful demons, nor weak and easily corrupted mortal humans were supposed to have the trinket.  
  
That left a small group. People who were more than human, supernaturally strong and good and selfless at heart.  
  
He was supernaturally strong, and his wish was like his feelings for Buffy: Love. Selfless love. The fact that the door opened had proved that. He wish she could have seen it. Physical evidence of what he'd told her for so long. Of course she had known by now, having his memories.  
  
But then what followed was less reason to be proud. What SHE had told HIM was now also physically evident. He had no soul. On the whole, he still wasn't good......enough. Not to pass this barrier.  
  
Maybe he was even remarkably good for a vampire. A lot of people seemed to comment on his ability to love and willingness to make sacrifices for Buffy, or Dawn... From Rack to D'Hoffryn, from Halfrek to Clem. But it wasn't enough. Most of the rest of the world could go bugger off as far as he was concerned. He knew it. She'd known it. It was one of the main reasons she had broken off with him.  
  
Yes, an exceptional vampire they called him  
  
But still a vampire on a basic level. He couldn't get in. Not without a soul.  
  
So that's when he'd called Willow.  
  
He knew she'd answer the phone at Buffy's house. Or Tara. And he knew she had done this sort of thing once before...restore a soul to a vampire.  
  
He had told her most of what had happened. She was equal parts angry, concerned and anxious, but she was smart enough not to waste time by chewing him out. Buffy was all that mattered, and while she was angry at him cutting them all out of it, she saw the validity of his deal with D'Hoffryn. She had listened to his story, heard him out on the situation and, in the end, she understood what he was asking.  
  
That's when yet another bomb dropped.  
  
There were no Orbs of Thesulah in the Magic Shop. They sold them as paper weights and Anya was fresh out. Ordering new ones could take days. Buffy didn't have days. Buffy wouldn't last the night.  
  
He had felt his jaw clench as he knew there was only one viable option left. Other sources were not viable either. He knew of a few beings who were so powerful they could restore souls. There was a Warlock in Tibet, one in Australia, this legendary demon lord in Africa somewhere...But all too far away. Only one other option. The place needed to be entered by a soulled, supernaturally strong being that has an honest wish to see Buffy well.  
  
He sighed and picked up the cell phone again. This would not have entered his mind all that quickly, exactly....but she was dying.  
  
He dialed the number Willow had given him.  
  
He put the phone to his ear. He heard it ring.  
  
"Angel Investigations, how can I help you?"  
  
"Hello luv , been a while. 's The bloody boss around? Like to have a word with him."  
  
"......Are you who I think you are? Have to be, I don't know anyone else who says 'bloody' or 'luv' every other word. And I can practically smell the smoke. What do YOU want?"  
  
"Like I said, just want a word with the brooder. You know he'll want to know what's up."  
  
".......just a sec."  
  
"Sure."  
  
No music while he was on hold. About 10 seconds passed.  
  
"Spike?"  
  
"Hey peaches, how's it hanging? Still with the superhero bit?"  
  
"What do you want, Spike? Are you around?"  
  
"In LA? Nah, although I'm closer than I would be in Sunnydale, I guess. And can't I give my Grand Sire a call just to say 'hi'?"  
  
"....just get to the point."  
  
"Oh I see, you're still a little sour over the last time I was over there. Come on, since when do a few hot pokers bother the great Angelus?"  
  
"They didn't bother him, they bothered me. And feel free to come over again so I can return the favor. Now what do you want? I'm busy."  
  
"Oohh, that old bit. 'I'm not Angelus, I'm Angel'! Must be easy to just shove it all off you like that."  
  
"I'm not shoving off anything, least of all my responsibility. That was always more your line of expertise wasn't it?"  
  
"Pffff, you know, now that I think about it, maybe you're right. Maybe you and Angelus ARE different people. At least the old bastard wasn't such a bloody poofter. All the whining, all the moping. Squealing like a girl when that vampire I hired worked you over a little. I can't believe I didn't see it back in China in the beginning of the century. So squeamish and weak already. Bloody hell, how did you spend the next couple of decades again? Oh yeah, like a complete and utter waste."  
  
"Yes and I'm sure you and Drusilla made the best of those years. Killing and torturing and...."  
  
"Yes, yes we did. As you would have done had you not become mopey boy. Really is that what a soul does? Is that what you used to be before Darla snacked on you? Such a whiner? So you got your soul back, so what? Why did that turn you into such a sad excuse for a...well anything??"  
  
"Shut your mouth! You don't have a clue! And for the last time, what do you..."  
  
"Maybe not. Maybe I don't want to. But I really think it wouldn't bother me that much. Certainly wouldn't go lie in alleyways feeding off bloody rats for years! God, that was really pathetic. I'm amazed Buffy ever saw anything in you. Did you tell her about the rats??"  
  
"Leave her OUT of it!! Don't even say her NAME, you hear me?"  
  
"Hey just sayin' mate......you wouldn't see me turn into such a waste of space."  
  
"Really? As I recall you weren't exactly Mr. Tough before Dru turned you! From what she told me, you were pretty much a little sap! Used to talk a bit differently too, didn't you? Yeah I'd love to see you go through what I went through when the gypsies cursed me. To see it BREAK your mind as it did mine! I wish you would have your soul back and you could feel what I felt!"  
  
Spike closed his eyes and smiled. He let out a sigh as he softly said: "Thanks, peaches. I knew I could count on you."  
  
"...what?" Angel's voice faltered as he realized something else was going on.  
  
"Spike..what..what do you mean? What are you doing?"  
  
"Can't talk now mate. Gotta run."  
  
"SPIKE! Answer m.." *CLICK*  
  
He put the phone down on the hood of the car and looked up into Anya's face. She had teleported over here about 10 minutes ago, after Spike had called her at the shop and asked her for help.  
  
"Did you hear that, luv? Hating my guts, he wished a soul on me...based on feelings of revenge. Sounds workable to me right?"  
  
She looked at him and nodded. "You could have asked him for help. To come here and get the stone himself."  
  
Spike's face tensed a little. "Would've taken too long. By the time he'd believe I wasn't pulling some scam, she may have already been dead. And then he'd still have to make his way over here...."  
  
"That, and you didn't want him to because you want to be the one to save Buffy. Right?"  
  
He looked at Anya and smiled. He did love her straightforwardness. "Yeah...something like that too."  
  
Have Angel storm in and save the day? He'd just as soon gnaw his own arms off. No, actually he'd do that a lot sooner. But it was true. This was the fastest option as well. And time had run out.  
  
He looked at the horizon for a second while the desert air blew across his face, the land all dark now save for the stars above them. He wondered if he should be scared. In spite of his taunts to Angel, part of him didn't take the notion all that lightly. But he really couldn't imagine what it would be like. He knew that. And it didn't matter.  
  
Only she mattered.  
  
"Come on luv," he said to Anya. "No more time to waste. You heard the man. He made a bonafide vengeance wish."  
  
Anya nodded again, in silence. She looked at him with something in her eyes. Maybe not admiration exactly, but at the very least a solemn acknowledgement of the moment.  
  
He could swear he saw the air around her shimmer a little, as well as a soft glow rising in her pendant as her power built up. He closed his eyes.  
  
"Done!" she whispered.  
  
** **  
  
TBC!  
  
And R&R me. Anyone see that coming? 


	46. Anything for Love

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 46: ANYTHING FOR LOVE  
  
** **  
  
Buffy woke and bolted upright, taking in a deep breath of air like she had been underwater for too long.  
  
"Buffy! Easy! Easy there.."  
  
She looked up and saw Willow sit on the bed. She looked at her, a bit bewildered. Tara and Dawn were there too. "How do you feel? Do you remember what happened?"  
  
Remember..she was trying to remember...when she did her eyes grew wide with alarm. "SPIKE! The room! The guardians! What..what happened? How did I get here?"  
  
"You..you sound normal again," Dawn said with a little relief. Buffy looked at her, for a moment not understanding her.  
  
Then she heard her own words back in her head and sighed. "That's a US of A accent.."  
  
Then her face turned to alarm again and she looked at Willow. "I'm....I'm cured? How? What happened. How long have I been here?"  
  
"About two days. The curse wasn't lifted instantly. You stayed asleep and gradually your heart rate got back up, your body temperature got back to normal and uh...ahem, your teeth too."  
  
Buffy felt her teeth with her tongue. No more fangs. It wasn't until now that she realized how natural part of her had started to find it all. The accent, the smoking...even the teeth had not felt weird after a while.  
  
She flashed back to Spike, tied up on the ground, by her..sinking her teeth into his neck while holding him down. She remembered the ecstasy when his blood had filled her mouth....  
  
"Buff? You okay?" Willow asked, seeing her zone out.  
  
"Yeah, I think so..I....just a lot to take." She rubbed her eyes for a moment.  
  
"Willow, what happened, do you know? How did he do it? Did he tell you?"  
  
"I....he called me before you were cured. And after you went down during your fight with him. He told me what happened, what he'd done, the deal with D'Hoffryn, you two fighting with the endless rooms..or one room. Yeah he solved that one. Sort of by accident. He banged on the door in frustration and got his blood on it. That solved it. Blood spilt in a selfless need, something like that. The door opened and there was a different room that had the stone."  
  
Buffy fell back into her pillow. "Huh, what do you know. I guess that's lucky then. So he did save me in the end. Is he okay now?"  
  
She glanced outside, noting it was dark, and she couldn't help but feel a little pang at his absence. Why wasn't he sitting by her bed like a loving suitor was supposed to? Then she noticed the silence in the room.  
  
Tara and Willow exchanged looks.  
  
"What?" Buffy asked.  
  
Willow touched her hand and said, "Buffy, there's.....more....."  
  
** **  
  
"Look! You can't return a Dalgol egg after you've used it? Are you nuts?"  
  
Anya sternly looked at the young man with the dorky glasses standing in front of her.  
  
"But-but it didn't work. I didn't get any big-...uh, I mean taller."  
  
She leaned on the counter in an unmovable way and stared straight at him. "That's because you don't USE a Dalgol's egg for such spells! That's not my fault! Or the egg's!"  
  
"But...I'm.."  
  
She sighed and her eyes darted to a lower area of his body as she said: "All shriveled up?"  
  
He looked up at her in horror. "How do you...! I mean no! I mean..."  
  
She rolled her eyes. "Go look in the back. I have new Hell hound's testicles in."  
  
The young man flustered at the word. She looked at him. "What? Yes, I said testicle, and unless you want yours to STAY the size of raisins, you better go buy it!"  
  
He cleared his throat and stammered. "Back r-row?"  
  
"To the left, in the corner, next to the bookshelves."  
  
He hurried over there like he was on fire.  
  
Anya sighed and shook her head. It wasn't easy running a shop like this. She got back to the boxes behind the counter that had just come in. She'd have to log all the contents and make sure everything she ordered was there. She opened one box and stopped.  
  
It had several Orbs of Thesulah in it.  
  
She picked one up and looked at it.  
  
Paper weights. Useless now. But it reminded her of a few days ago.  
  
He'd been right, this way had been quicker. She remembered when Spike had called her and asked for her help. He'd asked her not to tell the rest of them until it was over. She wasn't sure why she had done it. Maybe because he had been right, and there was a bit of a bond between them, two demons not quite fitting into the Scoobie clan.  
  
Or maybe because she still remembered that night with him. Even more than the sex, what he said had helped her. She really had needed someone to be sweet to her and he had..  
  
Then the door opened and she heard Willow's voice.  
  
"I just think..."  
  
"I know Will, you've said so several times in the car. For the hundredth time, I'm fine! You said Anya would be able to tell me better than you, so..."  
  
Willow sighed. "Me and my big mouth." Tara gave her shoulder a little squeeze.  
  
Anya looked at them as Buffy walked up to the counter. "Well, looks like you're up and running again."  
  
Buffy nodded, a little uncertainly. "I guess that's also thanks to you."  
  
Anya shrugged a little. "Yeah well, you people usually wouldn't get by without me. Nothing new."  
  
Buffy smiled. "Thanks...."  
  
Anya thought of saying something again but she looked at Buffy without sarcasm and just nodded.  
  
"Can we..talk?" Buffy asked.  
  
** **  
  
A little later the two of them were sitting in the back room where Buffy's training gear was kept. Two cups of coffee steamed the air around their faces.  
  
Buffy searched for the words. No, the words were there, she searched for a way to say them without her voice cracking a little.  
  
She couldn't believe it. In spite of everything she'd seen of him, everything he'd said, and everything she'd felt when part of her WAS him....she still couldn't believe it.  
  
"So...he..he."  
  
"He got a soul. For you," Anya cut her off, wishing she'd get to it already.  
  
"And he got Angel to wish it...?"  
  
Anya nodded. "Wasn't that hard either."  
  
Buffy smiled a sad smile. The only person in the world who would wish a soul on Spike, with feelings rooted in anger. And of course Spike would have known what buttons to push. Those two had known each other way too long.  
  
"And you...."  
  
"Fulfilled it." Anya's face turned a little darker as she thought back. "He..screamed."  
  
Buffy swallowed. "Did it...hurt?"  
  
"I don't know. I'm just the wish granter. But with what you yourself know about Angel, we can guess it's something...we can't imagine. I saw his eyes light up and his body shiver. Then he grabbed his head and screamed..and fell to his knees."  
  
Anya shifted a little. "I can still...hear him. It was a scream that..that..."  
  
"Came from the depths of his soul..?" Buffy said softly.  
  
Anya nodded.  
  
"Probably literally. He crumbled into this little ball in the sand. And shivered more. I didn't really know what to do. Then he looked up, looking terrified, or hurt or....I don't know. And for a moment I thought he didn't know where he was. I wondered if he'd gone mad. He looked around with his body shaking and suddenly after a few seconds of that, you could see..realization hit his face."  
  
"Realization?"  
  
"Who he was, where he was..what had happened...I don't know."  
  
"What he'd done...." Buffy added.  
  
Anya shrugged. "Yeah...who knows...he grabbed his head again and pulled it down into the sand. He stayed there making sounds that may have been sobs, but I couldn't even really tell."  
  
"What did you do?"  
  
"He had asked me to stay and help him focus on what he had to do in case he'd be....disoriented. Well, he certainly looked disoriented to me. So I bent down and shook him. Told him he needed to snap out of it. He looked up at me as if he didn't understand. So I slapped him."  
  
"You....never mind. Okay...you slapped him."  
  
"Yeah, it worked a little. I dragged him to the car where you were sleeping. I asked him if he remembered you and what he had to do. When he saw you lying there his face changed."  
  
Buffy swallowed again. ".....how?"  
  
"He bent over you, still shaking, he mumbled your name. He rested his head on yours for a moment, biting down whatever was going on inside him. I saw..tears stream down his face. Then he kissed you and tore himself away."  
  
"He walked over to the entrance in the rocks. He almost fell again. Then he ran into the room, almost falling with every step. I didn't go inside, but...I looked through the door."  
  
"And he did it."  
  
"He wished you would heal from the curse, something like that."  
  
Buffy smiled a little. She had wished she would remember everything. That's why he didn't wish just for the wish to be 'undone'. He didn't want her to forget either. That's why it took a day or two. She healed. It wasn't wished into oblivion.  
  
"And then?"  
  
Anya sipped her coffee. "I walked back to the car and saw him stagger out a little later. He was clutching the stone to his chest like it was his heart. He fell back to the rock wall and I went to him. He was still shivering, like he was in pain..and he was still crying. I was about to ask him if he was okay, you know, in that redundant way you people do, when he told me to drive you back to Sunnydale, to your house. I asked why he wasn't coming with us, but he just closed his eyes, forcing out more tears and tried to catch a breath to talk again. 'Deal's not...finished. I...have to...' "  
  
"I nodded to let him know I understood. D'Hoffryn would come for the stone now. But I don't think he would have come with us even if that wasn't true. He just looked at the car and gritted his teeth. He clenched his fists and sobbed. Then he said "Tell....tell her..I loved her...I really did....But...also..tell her...she w-was..right."  
  
"What?" Buffy's eyes, had teared up as Anya spoke and now they grew wide. "What did he mean? Right with what?"  
  
Anya shrugged. "I don't know! You tell me! You're the one who should know. Then he just told me to go quickly. And...I did. I didn't know what to do. He wouldn't come with me."  
  
"And...that's the last anyone has seen of him?" Buffy asked already knowing the answer.  
  
"Yes. Willow and Tara have been by his crypt, but..."  
  
They were interrupted by the sound of the bell ringing, meaning some customer had entered the store. "Oh, we're uh, done right? I mean you probably don't need me for emotional support."  
  
Buffy smiled weakly and shook her head. "It's okay. Thanks for telling me and...just thanks, again."  
  
Anya nodded and walked back to the store. Buffy sat alone and thought of Spike. He got his soul back. For her. Never would she have thought....  
  
She wondered what he had went through. She knew Angel had crumbled mentally under the guilt of decades of torturing innocents. And now that she'd had Spike's memories..she knew that William had been a sensitive, nice guy.  
  
What was he like now? He couldn't be that person again completely. But, what Anya had said...what had he gone through for her? And what had happened to him?  
  
She imagined him in the desert, wandering aimlessly, traumatized with the experience, not knowing where he was going, forgetting the sun was coming up over the landscape....  
  
Tears started to drop now.  
  
She thought back of her affair with him. All passion and naughty sex. Kinky pleasures she'd never admitted she wanted so much....using him while all the time she was the love of his life. She knew it now because she had felt it, she could still recall some of the memories she'd had. She thought of the time Glory had tortured him and nearly killed him and he'd refused to talk.  
  
For her.  
  
'Were you that sensitive and nice a guy, William?' she thought to herself. 'So that even without your soul, as a monster you could love..?'  
  
She thought of all the times she had rejected him, pushed him away and kicked him down. Now after the past few days....seeing all of that through his eyes....things had changed.  
  
She remembered feeding on him. Both when she took him by force in a messed up state of mind, and when he'd let her and she'd done it...knowingly.  
  
She knew the very idea of that act would once have made her gag and spit in disgust. Just the notion of it. And she knew if she tasted blood now it would be horrible to her. She had been cursed when she did it, but she was cured now.  
  
And yet the only way she could remember it, even now....was as intimate an act of love as she'd ever experienced.  
  
The door creaked open and Willow walked in. "You okay?" she asked gently.  
  
Buffy looked up, her face teary and wet. She tried to nod a 'yes' since words would obviously not come, but even as she did she felt her mouth pull wider and she started to sob.  
  
Willow sat down with her and held her.  
  
Buffy cried.  
  
She let herself cry now without holding back or concern for appearances. She cried out of guilt, out of worry, out of several days worth of experiences that were too much to take.  
  
She cried for him, for what he went through for her....she who had given him rough sex at best, and utter disdain and hurt at the worst.  
  
She cried because she realized that no matter how much she and Angel had loved each other, she knew that Angelus, his soulless self, would never, ever have done what Spike now had.  
  
She cried when she thought he may be dead in the desert or gone for good.  
  
She cried for a missed opportunity of love. Now possibly lost forever...  
  
** **  
  
TBC!  
  
(And don't think I couldn't have written "The End" there....if I'd wanted to) 


	47. Trying to Live

FOOLS FOR LIFE:  
  
CHAPTER 47: TRYING TO LIVE  
  
** **  
  
The sound vampires make as they turn to dust was by now a familiar one. The sound that was missing in this scene in one of the Sunnydale graveyards was the accompanying funny banter.  
  
Buffy just looked at the dust swirling in the air in silence. She wasn't in a jokey mood. Hadn't been for a while. She'd resumed her daily life in the past few weeks and had gone back to patrolling fairly quickly. Everyone was happy she'd been returned to normal, and most acknowledged Spike's sacrifice. Giles had been informed and although he'd been a little upset and not having been called in he was of course, glad everything was fine by now.  
  
'Well, he left so we could learn how to take care of things without his help,' Buffy thought, still a teensy bit bitter at that. Giles would probably fly over in the next couple of weeks just to help make sure there were no after effects of the spell.  
  
He too had shown surprise at the story of Spike's willingness to do...what he did. But the notion that it had been him who got her in that danger to begin with weighed a lot heavier to the watcher than to herself by now.  
  
She didn't have Spike's memories anymore, but she did have ......well, the memories of having his memories. The sensation of having seen life through his eyes. And it had changed her outlook on things. Even when she dusted a fledgling vamp on a routine patrol, she couldn't watch them crawl out of that grave without remembering Spike doing the same thing.  
  
Of course, she too had done that, but it was different. A new vampire had a drive and a confusion and a hunger and a....she didn't know how to describe it all but it felt different. Also it had surprised her how...well, 'innocent' was of course a wrong word but....how normal they saw themselves.. Shouldn't have surprised her, when you think about it. The vampires, in a way, couldn't help it. They were what they were. They didn't see themselves as she or other humans saw them, but then no one does. Everyone looks different from the inside out.  
  
It didn't stop her from slaying of course. Vampires were a demonic infection. They fed on humans. She protected those humans. It was that simple. But it had still given her a new perspective. And what had Spike said again? 'You feed on cows and chickens everyday!' He'd been right. If chickens had a Slayer, it would go after humans.  
  
Not a hundred percent the same but still...there was some truth to it.  
  
And then there was how she saw Spike, or herself.  
  
That had changed too. One of the hardest things to overcome was the memories of seeing herself and how she treated him through his eyes. And the worst aspect of that was that she didn't only see it through his eyes. She saw it through his eyes but she could still see that from a distance. She saw how cruel, unfair, abusive and cold she'd been, but she could also sense his unwavering love through that, and with her own mind she knew that made it all far worse. She didn't feel that love for herself like he did and without it, being able to see her handiwork from his eyes, she looked far, far worse.  
  
She'd thought before that she'd been so aware of that whole bad phase she went through. But she really hadn't. And of course to top it off, she had been the one with a soul and he'd been the demon..and yet he was the one who acted out of love...  
  
That night in the alley when she just hit and hit him, and he'd just let her....she'd stopped, already horrified at what she'd done. And later she realized it more...but now that she'd experienced that from the other end of things, watching herself on top of herself, smashing into her face...No, she hadn't truly known.  
  
Not something she'd soon forget.  
  
And she'd had no excuse save perhaps the traumatic experience of her resurrection...which really didn't cut it for her. There had been a monster in that relationship, but it had not been the soulless vampire.  
  
And now he did have a soul.  
  
If he was still alive. She'd driven to the desert where they'd been but there was no trace of him. She looked for him during patrolling. She'd asked some demons. Checked out his crypt and the bars. Nothing.  
  
She still couldn't believe it. Her first experience with the contrast between vampires and humans, and the having of a soul or not had been Angel...and Angelus. It had set the whole concept in her mind of how those things were and how they worked. But apparently things could vary between individuals. Angelus was famous and feared even among evil vampires, no less than legendary in his cruelty. And she'd experienced that first hand. As much as Angel was noble and loving, Angelus was evil and diabolical. She tried to picture Angelus bearing torture to save Dawn..or willingly go for his soul.  
  
She couldn't.  
  
As much as part of her still loved Angel, and as good and brave as he was now, she knew his soulless self would never have done those things. And even the way Spike had loved and risked all for Drusila was nothing like how Angelus was.  
  
She remembered Spike as a human, from when she had his memories. Dorky, poetic romantic fool...who kept the ability to love when he was turned. The demonic infection that is vampirism, the absence of a soul..none of it had been able to turn him totally evil.  
  
She'd even remembered something about his mother. It had felt odd and strange like something vague out of a dream and she'd wondered if he remembered that clearly or if it was something he'd tried to forget or repress. But he'd wanted to save his mom from dying, and wanted to keep her with him. But she'd been more like Angelus once she'd been turned. Completely evil....  
  
She knew one of Angelus' first deeds was to kill his entire family.  
  
The funny thing was that in a way, it made her feel sorry for Angel too. And how he probably knew he had even more to atone for than some other vampires. Maybe that's why he lived in that constant state of brooding...the knowledge of how his soulless alter ego was famous for his evil, even among other vampires. He probably didn't know Spike still managed to love his mom as a vamp...and if he did it probably stung even more.  
  
William the Bloody....a romantic fool, before and after death. Liam the Angel..feeling he only succeeded in doing bad things..in his life by being a drunken waste and a disappointment, after his death as utterly evil...... now forever trying to convince himself otherwise trying to find the good within, but always feeling he hasn't found enough.  
  
She thought on and it hit her.....people don't really change in their core all that much. We can discover new things about ourselves along the way, and take new paths, but at the core, a lot of us stays the same.  
  
Xander was still wishing he wasn't what he was and would probably spend his life either trying to come across as more, or hiding under jokes because he felt he wasn't. Never seeing that what he was, was just fine.  
  
On the other end, Anya was still falling for men who hurt her, and still reacting the same way: wanting to hurt back.  
  
And from what Spike told her, Halfrek was still looking approval from father figures, or seeking substitutes for them in suitors.  
  
She sighed and sat on a tombstone.  
  
And what about herself? What about the 'great Buffy'? Always easier to see this stuff in other people than in yourself. If anything, she was probably suffering from a slight sense of superiority along with this sense things should go her way....it came with being the Slayer, being all chosen and special, but she really had had it before. When she was this Cordelia-esque bimbette in school, people looked at her. People thought she was beautiful and great, and looked at her for how things should go. And part of her thought that was fine. How it should be.  
  
And she should have her way, shouldn't she? Now that she was the Slayer, she had that even more strongly. It was right that things go her way. Where that could lead to had been clear in her treatment of Spike. He should be there when she wanted him, and when she wanted to pretend she never did those things, he should go away and leave her alone.  
  
She fiddled with her stake and her face didn't exactly get any sunnier with all the introspection. Still, it was true. In her heart she was always insecure about things, about whether or not she was able to pull things off, but compared to other people she felt everyone should listen to her and let her have her way.  
  
'And so it goes' she thought with a pout. 'Maybe that's it. Maybe we're all just stuck with our own weaknesses.'  
  
She walked on and saw she was near Spike's crypt again. It had been empty every time she went there and for the past few days she'd just walked past it. It had bad memories. Good ones too..because she'd had fun with him there as well. Not just the sex, but..the whole patrolling together, anticipating all the things they'd do...the odd time they'd actually chat a bit...or like earlier when she went over there just to vent and relax in his presence. It had been soothing.  
  
But now even those good memories were tainted by guilt. And worry. She didn't think he was dead, but she wondered. And what would he be like now? Angel differed greatly from Angelus, but then Spike already had managed to retain a lot of his humanity, even when evil. Maybe he'd not be so different. He couldn't have reverted back to William completely, no more than Angel was like Liam. Too much time had passed.  
  
She wondered if he was alive, what state he was in. Angel had been traumatized badly when he'd gotten his soul back.  
  
She missed him. She missed his presence. She had never allowed herself to go with her attraction for him. It wasn't just sexual. It hadn't been love either but...ah all of it had been so badly timed. She had been such a mess after her resurrection, and he, a soulless vampire in love, had not been much better especially after her constant 'come here/go away' attitude.  
  
But she'd felt good with him. And when he came to her birthday it had been..nice. Of course his soulless-vampire reaction to his jealousy of Xander's friend had reminded her again of their differences, but before..sneaking away in the hall to whisper about their secret affair. She's said no a lot, as usual, but..it had been kinda neat really. And his jealousy had been cute. And she'd just naturally been drawn to him in the end, sitting with him alone behind the couch, until things got a little nasty and well..weird and magical as usual.  
  
But every time there had been a moment like that something had either interfered or reminded her that, in the end, he was still a soulless vampire...and that their differences were too great when it all came down to it. Plus, the association with Angelus had always drifted to the surface and ruined all thought of it for her.  
  
And now..if he had a soul.....  
  
Ah, it was insane. She was the one having fantasies now. Wondering what he would be like if he was soulled and good but still the same Spike. What if he could be caring, and good towards other people now, but still with the same attitude and sexy swagger and glint in his eyes.  
  
She shook her head and walked on. See? Still the same Buffy. Already thinking on what it means for HER....how she'd like it. Well, she was human. She couldn't help but have her thoughts drift. And it proved more than ever her feelings were beyond friendship or lust by now. She didn't dare call it love. Not yet. So much had happened between them, both good and bad. And they'd both changed after all this. HE certainly must be different now. But she knew she wanted him in her life. She thought about him all the time now. Wouldn't it be ironic that him getting her cursed would be the thing that finally had her admit she could love him? Given time.....If he was still alive....  
  
Still ends with that thought. The uncertainty was maddening. She had to know what happened. Where he was..the thought of him dying alone in the desert sun choked her up every single time.  
  
She was almost past the crypt when she heard a sound in it. She instantly stopped and turned her head. Someone was definitely in there.  
  
She stopped herself from calling his name instantly. It could just be a couple of vamps, taking over the vacant 'pad'. Well, they wouldn't be staying here!!  
  
She walked to the entrance and stayed next to it, a bit to the back to surprise whoever would come out. She heard footsteps, hoping to see the blond hair, gripping her stake tight in case she didn't.  
  
The door opened and she saw who walked out.  
  
"Clem!" she yelled. She'd been looking for him. Being Spike's friend she'd hoped he would be able to tell her something but he'd been as elusive as Spike.  
  
The loose-skinned demon was startled by her sudden yelling behind him and he gave a scared 'yelp'! as a shock went through his body, making his skin flaps wiggle from head to toe.  
  
He turned around clutching his chest. "Ahh!! Buffy!! Don't DO that."  
  
"Sorry! I'm sorry! I just...I've been looking for you!"  
  
Clem's eyes shifted a little uncomfortably and he just went on about the scare she gave him. "God you nearly gave me a heart attack! I have an uncle how died just like that! When they threw this surprise party...."  
  
"Clem! Really...I'm sorry. But I have to talk to you. Have you seen Spike? Have you heard from him lately?"  
  
Clem cleared his throat. "Uh Spike? No, no..I mean..I was just..watching TV.." He reminded Buffy of a bank robber with a mask and a big bag with a dollar sign on it telling the cop he had NO idea what he was talking about.  
  
She folded her arms and gave him a stern look. "Clement...."  
  
He gulped a little at the use of his name like that. "No really...I mean, oh you mean Spike! Well, I heard he went on vacation.."  
  
Buffy didn't say anything or moved. Just raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Oh alright! Yes, I've seen him! I know all about what happened! No, he's not here, I was just in there to get the TV guide I left the other night. But yes I've seen him. He asked me not to tell you, okay? He didn't tell me you have eyes that can drill holes in my skull!"  
  
She reached out and touched his arm. "Clem...please..how is he, is he alright?"  
  
He nodded and half shrugged. "Bit of a mess. Man...a soul. That's quite a thing for a vamp, you know? I've been helping him out. There's this demon I know who makes potions. It doesn't do anything bad, but it made him lucid, helped make his thoughts a little coherent. It's like an ointment for traumatized minds. It helped. First few days though.."  
  
Buffy swallowed. "How bad was it?"  
  
He sighed. "Can't really explain, you know? He talked about voices in his head, about faces he saw of people he killed. He told me some about that..he remembered families he ate..it's all tearing him up now. I was afraid of that when I got his call.."  
  
"He called you?"  
  
"Yeah I have a cell phone. He had a moment in the desert when he was lucid enough to realize he wanted to live and that if he stayed there, he'd die. He said he doesn't remember too clearly, but he could easily have been out there at sunrise. He was a little incoherent but he told me sort of what happened and I came to get him."  
  
He looked at her firmly. "He wanted to live. He couldn't die without knowing if at least it had all worked and you were okay again."  
  
"A-and he knows?"  
  
Clem nodded. "Yeah, the word is you're patrolling, same as ever. Buzz goes quickly. I told him what I heard. By that time I had him drinking that stuff already. It did help. But he's pretty bummed." He shook his head. "He already was a sensitive guy, having a soul didn't make that any less."  
  
Buffy's eyes teared up a little. "Clem, where is he? Please I have to see him."  
  
Clem looked at her with a sad face. Then he reached into his pocket and took out an envelope. The word 'Buffy' was written on it in an almost elegant hand.  
  
"He asked me to give you this." Clem said.  
  
She took it and opened it up. She took out the letter and folded it open with a slight tremble in her fingers.  
  
'Buffy,' it read.  
  
'By the time you read this, I'll be long gone..'  
  
** **  
  
TBC! 


	48. The Letter

FOOLS FOR LIFE  
  
CHAPTER 48: THE LETTER  
  
** **  
  
After the first line her first reaction was to start running and look for him. A stupid reaction of course since there was nowhere she could think of to run to. However, first reactions aren't always known to come from rational sources.  
  
Besides, it didn't really matter. It wasn't possible.  
  
After reading that first line, the only possibility for any person is to read the next one……  
  
'…after you read this I'll be long gone. I'm writing this quickly luv, since I'm having a lucid moment. Clem's stuff helps, it puts things in a row in my head, he said I shouldn't worry so much since I've been lucid for a while now, but I can still sense it around the corner. That whirlwind where nothing makes sense and everything is a dark void, and all I can understand is the guilt. The potions do help clearing my thoughts. Just not with is the guilt itself, just with the consequences of it to my mind.  
  
Which have seen me in a kind of a mess. Guess overall the return of a soul is more of a shock to the system than I thought. I knew it'd be worse than I let on to Peaches, but you can't really know what it's like until it's happening to you.  
  
I heard you're alright and that's all I needed to know. That's all I ever wanted. Okay, not ALL I ever wanted but the very least of it.  
  
The thing is, I was right. I really love you and I've proven it.   
  
On the other hand, you were right too. I see myself and the past hundred years through a man's eyes now, not a monster's and I can tell you even in your meanest little rants to me, you were giving me too much credit.  
  
I was a monster. A monster that could love, perhaps, but still a monster. I see all my victims faces, all the lives I destroyed. I dream of them every time I sleep and see them every time I close my eyes. All those people I killed with no more thought than eating a mars bar. For a little fun or snack.   
  
Part of me knows it wasn't really my fault since turning into a vamp means turning into an evil killer and I never chose that, not really. But I remember doing those things, and remember enjoying them. I don't know if I can cope. Part of me wants to, just because Peaches managed to and I still don't want to be beaten by him at anything. Shows how pathetic I am, huh?   
  
It's ironic I suppose that the one thing that I did that really proved my love was real, would also be the thing that finally shows me how I completely unworthy I am of you. Part of me wanted to face the sun back in the desert.  
  
But I couldn't. Because of you. I had to know you were okay. As ever, whatever I do these days has the word 'Buffy' in it's reasons.  
  
Never forget luv, you are the most amazing woman on the planet and I'm living proof. You made a soulless vampire love, and do good deeds to prove his love, to do selfless things in spite of what he was.  
  
I'm not blowing my own horn here…..it was you. Just who and what you are made a monster want to be a man. Never forget that.  
  
Live your life, try and be free of monsters. Especially in your love life. You deserve better.  
  
Love, always  
  
Spike.'  
  
Buffy clenched the paper as a tear from her face fell on it. Damn him, not even a clue about what he means by 'gone'! Gone away? Or gone dead?   
  
And not a clue as to where he's been or anything. She traced the letter with her eyes again. Tried to see if there was a mark on the paper so she could trace where it was bought like they do in the detective novels, but she couldn't see anything.  
  
Clem put a hand on her shoulder. She didn't move.  
  
"Just….just tell me where you saw him. Tell me he's not dead," she whispered.  
  
"He's not dead. But I promised him not to tell you anything. Besides he won't be there anymore. I know this has been a tough thing on both of you for a long time. But he's trying to do the right thing now……you know?"  
  
Buffy said nothing, just stared at the letter…….then her eyes drifted upward, thinking of their last moment together before everything turned to fighting monsters again. In the desert, when she teased him with the fact she knew how he used to be…….a sensitive, dorky poet. A bad one at that.  
  
Would that be it?   
  
The last memory.   
  
A moment they were together and she teased him and he almost blushed…..reminiscent of when she'd go to him after her resurrection, just chatting and joking, flirting to tease, to watch his eyes as he lapped up her presence.  
  
Her thoughts drifted to their history…….so much hate and violence, so much passion and fire. So much desperation and mutual dependency.   
  
So much of it wrongly timed…….wrongly seen and felt…….and in the end, such sacrifice and love, such mutual understanding forced by outside forces…..  
  
And now…..was here then what would be the epitaph of what they were? How she would remember the man who wasn't an enemy, not quite a lover, not quite a boyfriend or confidant, yet had been all of those things at one time…..   
  
All that, along with the feeling of what might have been, between her and the monster with a heart, now a reborn man with a past no one could imagine.   
  
Trying to find himself in a world from which he had received and to which he had given so much pain………  
  
For a moment she stared at the letter again, and suddenly her eyes widened. Then she looked at Clem.  
  
"Uhm, Clem?" she asked.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
She held up her hand, sticking up her thumb.   
  
"The ink. It's still wet." She held the thumb closer to his face and he saw the dark blue smudges on it. He gulped.  
  
She gave him a look that suggested he started talking now, but he just gulped again and looked desperate like he was trying to look for words.   
  
Then he just shrugged apologetically.  
  
She nodded and walked past him to the entrance of the crypt. Clem thought for a moment of trying to stop her but knew that would be a futile attempt.  
  
She opened the door to the crypt and walked inside.   
  
There was Spike. Sitting on one of the caskets with his back to the door. He looked tired and sad as he rummaged through some stuff. He turned around when he heard the door and said "Hey pal, you forget somethi-…?"  
  
He stopped as he saw her. She half-folded her arms, holding up the letter in one hand with her eyebrows raised, waving the piece of paper between her thumb and forefinger like it was a dirty tissue.  
  
"And what was this supposed to be?" she asked.  
  
** **  
  
TBC! 


	49. Fools that we are, fools that we may be

FOOLS FOR LIFE  
  
CHAPTER 49: FOOLS THAT WE ARE, FOOLS THAT WE MAY BE  
  
** **  
  
He stood there with his mouth open. "Uh………….that's not how that was supposed to go," he stuttered.  
  
She cleared her throat. "Yeah. So that's what I get. A letter which has you trying to be all melodramatic and noble. You don't come to me, talk to me, maybe ask what *I* think of all this?"  
  
He shrugged and looked weak and vulnerable. "I-I just…..wanted to……."  
  
"Yeah. Whatever," she said as she crumpled the letter into a little ball and tossed it over her shoulder. She walked over until she was face to face with him. Lord, he looked tired and worn out. And not fit enough to swat a fly. He avoided her eyes.  
  
"Just……let me go……" he said softly.  
  
"That's what you want?" she countered.   
  
He still avoided her eyes and when several seconds passed like that, he made a move to walk away. She stopped him and gave him a small but forceful shove that backed him up against a wall. He stood against it for a moment trying to think of what to do and his legs just gave way. It was more his mind giving up any fight left in him than his body. He slid down the wall until he sat on the ground with her standing over him.  
  
She lurched down so she faced him again. He still didn't look her in the eyes. "What do you want, Buffy?" he said. "I did what I promised, I lifted the curse, and now I'm doing what you've been wanting me to do for a while……I'm leaving, getting out of your life. After all this time, you'd think you would be happy I finally agree….."  
  
She caressed his cheek. Her eyes welled up a little again and with a teasing smile she softly said, "You know I've done some thinking lately. I've come to the conclusion we're all just victims of our own nature no matter what we do. You were a romantic idiot who bent over backwards for a woman who treated you like crap……and let's face it, you never stopped being that."  
  
He gave a little laugh. "There's a truth…."  
  
"And Xander, and Anya and all of us…..even Halfrek……..we're in many ways still in the messes we've always been in."  
  
He nodded. "Yeah, I know……Been thinking about that too lately…….I wanted to become this feared monster when I'd just become a vamp……a feared killer and fighter and lover……and yeah Angelus was a role model, or at least a goal…..someone to catch up with and outdo……Look where it got me. Spike was as much a sap for Dru as William was for Cecily……and later for you. Once a fool……."  
  
"Yeah well, we're all of us fools. I figured out my own stuff too. Seeing me through your eyes showed me what I am: I am and always have always been:……"  
  
Spike looked up now, curious what she was going to say. She thought for a beat and continued: "Bossy Buffy, She-who-gets-her-way. Yeah. And I'll probably always be."  
  
"Buffy, no. Don't….."  
  
"Shh, me talking," she said putting a finger on his mouth. "And that's why you're going to do as I want. Because Buffy is the center of my universe since I'm bossy Buffy, She-who-gets-her-way, and Buffy is the center of your universe because you love her."  
  
She paused and looked deep into his eyes. "Don't you?"  
  
His eyes got moist and looked away under her gaze. She grabbed his face by the jaw from underneath and pulled his head back to facing her.  
  
"Don't you? Honestly now, William. If you've changed, if you're basically a whole new guy that I haven't met before, now that you've got your soul back….."   
  
He looked at her with eyes that could break a stone's heart. "…'s the one thing I know for certain through the big mess that used to be my head……."  
  
She nodded. "Good. Then we all can just give in to our faults……..and I get my way. So you see, that makes it easy on you." The smile came back. "It doesn't matter what you think is a good idea, or what you think is noble. Only matters what I want, remember? Both to you and to me. So you're not going anywhere."  
  
Her look was still teasing, as were her words themselves, but the meaning in them started to dawn on him.  
  
"Buffy…."  
  
"No Spike, I don't care what romance-movie letters you write, or how disgusted you feel. I've seen your memories, and I know what vampires do. And I've loved one before that was worse than you.……"  
  
He didn't say anything, but his face had changed a little after the words "loved one before….."  
  
She caught it and bent forward. She kissed him lightly on the lips and rested her forehead against his.  
  
He closed his eyes. "Don't……….want your gratitude…..or your pity……."  
  
She lifted her head up. "You know, in the old days I would've punched you in the nose for a lot less than that! Now that you're all sad broody guy………..," And she gave him a slap on his cheek. Just enough to get his attention.  
  
"That's for even thinking that. And when you're better than this, I probably WILL punch you in the nose. Or better yet, take out the brush again!"  
  
She sighed. "All kidding aside, you know me better. I am grateful for what you did for me, how can I NOT be grateful? I doubt in all of the council's books there is even one record of a vamp who willingly got his soul back. That's one area you definitely outdid Angel. And I do feel sorry for you in the sense that anyone feels bad when they see someone they care for in pain. But that's not what I'm talking about."  
  
She took his face in both her hands. "Look, I….I……you were all I could think about since I got better. The thought of what you did and what may have happened to you nearly broke my heart. I cried for you dammit! Do I have to spell it out?"  
  
"…….would be nice……" he said softly.  
  
"Well, too bad," she said. "I'm not saying the words….. yet. Nor are we picking out curtains right now. Give it time, okay? A lot has happened, and we already had an unbelievably messy history together. And now we both need to deal with all the results of this thing. Give it time, give ME time is what I ask. But I want you here. Stay here. I want you in my life. I want to find out what we could be to each other. Let me help you through this. Let yourself find the good man you were, the one that even the demon part of you couldn't completely wipe out. Let me really get to know you now that you have a soul. Give it a chance, give *us* a chance, and I'll do the same."  
  
With that, still holding his face she bent forward and kissed him, long and deep this time. Then she looked in his eyes up close and said, "You realize there's not really another option for you than to say 'yes,' right?"  
  
He nodded, looking like a little boy.  
  
"Good," she smiled. "But I knew that. Because I'm Bossy Buffy, She-who-gets-her-way."  
  
He smiled. Genuinely smiled. For the first time since she'd come in. "That's better," she whispered. "Come on," she said as she got up and tugged on his arm.  
  
"Where….?" he started.  
  
"With me, on patrol. You've been lying in corners moping for weeks now. I happen to know that Angel perfected that art and I'd prefer you to NOT beat him in that department. He didn't get back together till someone gave him a nice kick in the butt and gave him something to do."  
  
Spike scowled. "You gonna bring him up a lot, are you then?"  
  
"Get over it. He had no one, and when he finally got something to do, something constructive instead of lying around being all Hamlet-y he finally got his act together. Well, you're lucky, because you got me to kick your butt on a daily basis now."  
  
He gulped visibly. She smiled and rested her arms around his neck.   
  
"Ohh my. I can see already my little faithful vamp is suddenly a sensitive puppy. Don't worry, you can just watch me patrol then. Feel free to step in any time you want. But I won't have you lying around anymore. You feel guilty? Take the newer Angel route. Road to redemption lies not in dark sad corners but out there kicking demon butt."  
  
She saw his face and rolled her eyes. "Fine, I'll think of a different name than 'Angel route'. Deal?"  
  
He nodded.   
  
"Good," she said, resting her forehead against his again. "You'll live here, just like before. I'll come by every day. Maybe I'll bring food sometimes, if you still like hotwings. And we'll talk, and patrol, spend time together and see where it takes us. Ok?"  
  
He nodded again. "I may be stupid, but even I'm not stupid enough to say no to all that….."  
  
"Barely….," she teased and got a little smile again. "Oy, you'll need some work I can see. We'll get that attitude back. By the way, if you wanted to avoid me, was this really a smart place to be all of a sudden? I've been here looking for you plenty of times."  
  
He shrugged. "I figured that. Also figured you'd have given up by now. And I just wanted to pick up some stuff before I left."  
  
"Uh huh," she said, lifting her head back a little, giving him a look. "And where were you going?"  
  
He scratched himself behind his head. "Uhm, hadn't really figured that out yet……"  
  
She sighed. "Brilliant. What would you do without me?"  
  
He smiled. "Dunno, obviously. Come to think of it, haven't done much lately that didn't focus on you……."  
  
She nodded. "Yeah, well, you know what? You're gonna be fine. Cuz I figured something else out."  
  
"Yeah? What's that?"  
  
"Maybe we're just stuck with ourselves and with all the cracks in our characters, but maybe seeing them for what they are and accepting that they're with us forever is the best way to deal with them……..and not let them bother us anymore."  
  
"Yeah………I was just thinking something along those lines actually." He smiled again. "And the best way to deal with She-who-gets-her-way………..?"  
  
"What else?" Buffy said with a smile so big it almost reminded him of the Buffybot, "Let her have her way!"  
  
Never too soon to start proper training of your man, she thought to herself……..but he didn't need to hear that one just yet. Maybe soon…….  
  
"I can do that," he said.  
  
"Goood, I can see you'll do just fine." They both laughed. Then she started walking towards the door, taking his hand.   
  
"Oh, and one more thing," she said as she opened the door, leading to the graveyard, ready to patrol, ready to take the first step of a scary, but exhilarating road.  
  
"What's that?" he asked.  
  
"Seeing how well you get the concept of me and getting my way, now that you're all souled again, let's rectify that other great injustice you did. And I know just how you're going to do that."  
  
He looked at her with a frown, not understanding. She laughed and turned around, walking outside, pulling him along behind her with her hand.  
  
"What else? You're writing me a poem of course!" she said. "Halfrek got piles of odes to her beauty and I got secret sweater-sniffing? Oh no, I don't think so!"  
  
The last sound to echo through the crypt before it was left empty was Spike's loud and audible 'gulp'………….  
  
** **  
  
THE END   
  
Alrighty. Phew, that was that then. Sorry this became such a friggin' epic! Really got away from me. I had planned it to be 15-20 chapters tops. Thanks for sticking with me.   
  
And let me know now that it's wrapped up, if as a whole, it was worth reading, hehe.  
  
I'll have a new story up in a day or two, if anyone's curious……… 


End file.
